Moving out and divorcing

[MsOptimist]

I never thought I would be in this place. But here I am. I'm not really here to ask too many specific questions (EDIT - I do have a couple at the end of the thread), more for moral support and sharing similar experiences with people.

 

My husband and I had our 9 year anniversary a few months ago, and celebrated with a big trip with friends. These last few years, especially, I thought we were doing pretty well and on the same page. Sure we had little issues here and there, but I thought we were better off than most couples. We only really fought over our football teams, we both have shared and separate hobbies, we're on the same page about no kids, etc. Communication seemed to be the biggest issue when things came up.

 

Not even 1 month ago he sat me down with the "I'm unhappy" speech and is not willing to work things out. I wanted to at least try to see if it was truly our marriage that was making him unhappy, but I had to realize that I can't save it by myself. That's probably what hurts the most, that he can toss aside our life so quickly and easily. I know I have issues to work on too, and I at least wanted to try before throwing it all away.

 

He denies he's cheating but I have some evidence that he's at least trolling online for dates and casual sex partners already - that stung. That has been making it easier for me to detach, because I don't want to be married to someone who 1) doesn't want to be married to me, and 2) can do that sort of thing while still married and I'm still living in the house.

 

So here I am not even a month later and I have already found a place to live, closer to work, and am set to move out in about 2 weeks. Erasing my existence from the house as I begin to pack my things. I know things will be better once I'm moved - weird and different, but it's so awkward at home right now that just having some relief has to be better. We barely say hi and goodbye at home right now.

 

He doesn't appear to be affected by any of this, he has shown zero emotion through all of this. That hurts terribly, too. I am crushed and broken to my core and he's carrying on as usual. Will this ever hit him, the gravity of it all? How much he has hurt me? I have been reflecting on my side of the marriage and finding things I could have done differently, but I still don't believe that I was that awful of a wife to deserve this sort of treatment.

 

Any advice on what I can expect when I move? I have several things that I plan to do when I'm settled in - join the local running club (I'm a runner, and it is helping me get through this), join a cycling club next spring, and find a divorce support group. The approaching holidays are already making me sad, but I'm determined to keep leaning on friends and family and keep myself busy.

[ace5950]

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I was with my ex for 12 years. I knew we were having some troubles the last 4-6 months or so of your relationship but nothing I thought we could not get trough. One day we had a fight and he decided we were done. He wasn't happy, and he didn't want to try. I was crushed. The fact that he didn't even want to try after 12 years killed me. Our break up did not go well. He was horrible to me. I don't know if he cheated but I know he too was trolling for women on line instantly after we split and trying to sleep with women he works with. That too killed me as I thought how can he be ready to move on already... my stuff was still in the house and he was going out with other women.

 

He too showed little emotion on the subject. He got pissed at me when I asked him to be gone from the house so I cold pack, or on my moving day. He also for some reasons thought we were going to stay "friends" through all of this. He was completely clueless the pain he put me through as all he could think of was himself. He became a stranger in the matter of a week and I did not even know who he was anymore.

 

We have been apart for 6 months with LC... I need to go NC as he is still playing with my emotions. 3 weeks ago he sent me an email saying he made a mistake and how he still loved me and that he wanted to get back together. I guess he realized that the grass is not greener on the other side. Well I agreed to meet with him and he did not like what I had to say. I think he expected me to come running back since he broke up with me and I still love him. I hope you can be stronger then me as I am still hurting almost as much as I was 6 months ago. My biggest mistake is still having contact with him and letting him **** with me head. I will tell you this... he will realize what he is doing, it may just take a few months. Right now he is in his happy, new exciting life. Its only a matter of time when he realizes that's not reality. Hopefully at that time you are stronger then I was and realize you deserve better.

 

a few things I have done to help me trough all of this. I am seeing a therapist, I made a list of the reasons he "sucks" and I have emerged myself in my hobby of running. Keeping busy really does help. I also have several friends I email or text when I am feeling the urge to email or text him. They usually respond with a fee crappy things about him and why I deserve better... it helps!

 

Good luck to you. You are on a long road to recovery. Oh and dont be afraid to cry. I have cried more times in the past 6 months then I have in the last 30 years of my life.

[MsOptimist]

Wow, our situations do sound so much alike! Yes, the not even willing to try after 9 yrs married (13 total) crushed me too. I was serious about my commitment and vows and never thought we had issues too big to work through. We didn't fight or scream at each other, I had always been 100% faithful, we supported each other, we did tons of things together (but not everything, I'm a big believer in separate space as well).

 

I'm just so hurt by all of this.

 

I hope I can be strong after I move - although we have a dog that we've raised together for 9 years. It will kill me if I can't see her again. She's staying with the house primarily since my new place doesn't have a yard (I'm renting). He's open to sharing her, but I hope it doesn't set me back in my healing. We have several animals we're splitting up in this process.

 

I keep reminding myself that I do deserve better than someone who's online, still married, looking for sex with strangers. That is revolting to me, and so disrespectful. I do plan on making a list of the many reasons he sucks and doesn't deserve me.

 

My husband, too, think we can remain friends after this - I told him it's highly unlikely and that being friendly in terms of sharing our dog is about all I can handle. He even wanted me to rent a place close to our house so that sharing the animals can be arranged easier - I said no way, that would be extremely painful to run into him in town with girlfriends. It's a very small town, and I run everywhere in town, and I'd be tempted to run past the house. There's just too many memories there, that's why I don't mind moving out. A fresh start will be better for me in the long run.

 

I am seeing a therapist and that's helping a lot. I will continue to do that. I run too and have a running group now that I love and plan to join a new one when I move - I'm moving to a larger city that has a huge running and fitness community, I figured that would be good for me. And it's closer to work so I won't have to commute any longer.

 

Thanks for sharing your story, it helps to know that others have been in a similar situation.

[ace5950]

my view on sharing the animals... its probably will set you back. We had 2 dogs and 4 cats. In the end I ended up with 3 cats and 2 dogs in my one bedroom apartment in the city. I have let him watch the dogs a few times and its not the greatest situation. Its always weird to see him and a little uncomfortable. The only reason I do it is because its easier on the animals and cheaper for me as moving out on my own has put quite the hole in my wallet. If you are anything like me your dog is like a child so I can imagine how hard it would be to loose her.

[MsOptimist]

Yes, my animals are definitely like my kids. We are agreeing to splitting them up since he knows I will happier with some animals around. We have too many for me to have all of them though, especially since I'll be renting. I rented a 2 bedroom apartment and I'll be taking my 3 small birds and 1 cat (we also have 2 other cats in addition to the dog and 2 huge fishtanks).

 

I am worried about the dog visits setting me back. I guess I'll have to try it and see how it goes though. Right now knowing that I can still see my dog is comforting to me.

 

I hate that our little family is being split up.

[ace5950]

That's exactly how I felt. I know we didnt have kids but we still had a family. I originally left two cats behind but he let me take one of them because it was depressed. I love my animals more then anything but its hard taking care of all of them and having 3 cats and two dogs in a one bedroom apartment. I also work really long days so figuring out how to take care of them has been challenging. Is there a reason you moved out of the house instead of him?

[MsOptimist]

I know how hard it is taking care of all the animals by yourself, that's one reason we're splitting them up. Not to mention we both adore animals so it would be hard for either of us to be without any.

 

I'm moving for several reasons. The main ones being financial, location, and just plain emotional.

 

I don't think I can afford the house bills and upkeep on just my income (he makes a little more than me but we both have good jobs). The house has gone way down in value and also needs several major repairs in the next few years. I'm happy to not have to deal with that.

 

I currently commute a long way to work - I'm moving very close to work. No need to commute anymore.

 

I don't want to be there anymore with all of the memories. I think that will be harder for me staying there.

 

We're doing this amicably. I'm moving but am taking anything in the house I need, and that is enough for me.

[MsOptimist]

It's extremely awkward at home right now when we're both here. We basically avoid each other.

 

My husband just told me he's staying at his parent for a few days. I figured I would feel better about that, having relief from the awkwardness. Yet I sat and cried when he left.

 

Part of me thinks he's going on dates or more trolling online.

 

This hurts so damn bad.

[Ami1uwant]

Did you guys even talk about your problems and issues?

 

99 out of 100 times people cheat because there is an underlying problem in the relationship. Cheating didnt end this ---something else is the cause.

 

Did you even ask him why he was unhappy? What did he say?

 

Sometimes this is the case...most common with long married couples after the kids are long gone and those who married really young(under 22) and then grew apart.

 

Are you sure he agreed to not have kids....maybe he just said yes just to please you but really he wanted kids and a family. a good indicator of this is how he intereacts with friends/siblings kids.

 

Is there something he wants to do that you dont want to do with him?

 

With certain personality (usually thouse who are passive) they hold issues in and instead of talking they go silent and avoid confrontation.

 

II honestly think there was something not working that he wanted from you but you wouldnt do for him. It could have been something you used to doi but stopped long ago , you guys changed after the marriage glow was over...like sex drive went down for one so they always said they werent in tte mood.

 

I am not saying its all your fault...nor am I saying it was all his---I am just saying there was a reason for this and you have to discover why.

[Ami1uwant]

Your story sounds a lot like mine. I was with my ex for 12 years. I knew we were having some troubles the last 4-6 months or so of your relationship but nothing I thought we could not get trough. One day we had a fight and he decided we were done. He wasn't happy, and he didn't want to try. I was crushed. The fact that he didn't even want to try after 12 years killed me.

 

 

What was the fight about that eneded it?

 

This comment also applies to the OP.....if you wonder if they are cheating or quick to go out with women the issue may very well be an issue of dull/boring in the bedroom or say he always has to initiate.

 

Did the sex drop off from how was over the last few years? With both men and women they will equate not sleeping with them to not loving them. Espcially if its the case they always have to initiate or they are always getting rejected....if so they pull away.

[ace5950]

What was the fight about that eneded it?

 

This comment also applies to the OP.....if you wonder if they are cheating or quick to go out with women the issue may very well be an issue of dull/boring in the bedroom or say he always has to initiate.

 

Did the sex drop off from how was over the last few years? With both men and women they will equate not sleeping with them to not loving them. Espcially if its the case they always have to initiate or they are always getting rejected....if so they pull away.

 

 

I came home from work and he was drunk and he had let the dogs poop and pee on the floor... that was my "breaking point" I got mad, cried and he walked out. I am pretty sure he was going through the whole grass is greener phase. I was the only girl he has ever been with and we started dating when he was 17. A lot of our problems can be contributed to his drinking and our lack of communication. I am about 95% sure he didn't cheat, but I think he just wanted to see what else was out there.

[ace5950]

I know how hard it is taking care of all the animals by yourself, that's one reason we're splitting them up. Not to mention we both adore animals so it would be hard for either of us to be without any.

 

I'm moving for several reasons. The main ones being financial, location, and just plain emotional.

 

I don't think I can afford the house bills and upkeep on just my income (he makes a little more than me but we both have good jobs). The house has gone way down in value and also needs several major repairs in the next few years. I'm happy to not have to deal with that.

 

I currently commute a long way to work - I'm moving very close to work. No need to commute anymore.

 

I don't want to be there anymore with all of the memories. I think that will be harder for me staying there.

 

We're doing this amicably. I'm moving but am taking anything in the house I need, and that is enough for me.

 

 

 

The biggest mistake I did with this was not take what I needed. I was trying to be nice, though I am not sure why as he was a complete jerk, and I left him way too much stuff. He makes almost 3 times what I make and I cant afford to go buy new stuff. If I could go back I would have taken everything I needed. He put my in this situation and I totally got screwed in the long run. My ex and I bought a condo together 4 years ago, but just in his name. I helped pay for it, furnish it, take care of it and all of that. I had to leave as I could not afford to stay there but I don't think I could have stayed even if I wanted too. too many memories. Our place also has gone down in value over 50 grand so I don't mind walking away. It just sucks to have your home taken away from you. I still miss it like crazy! It was my first real home. The pets had so much more room and it was cozy. I am not quite settled in my new place so I am hoping it becomes more homey once I do that.

[MsOptimist]

Ami, yes we have tried to talk about issues and reasons. I have been given all kinds of reasons ranging from:

 

Sex - my drive had lowered but we were working on that in the past year. I was on the pill for 11 years (low sex drive can be a side effect) and was having bad migraines from it the previous 2 years. I switched pills and just a few months ago got off it and switched birth control methods - and now no more migraines. He had me read 2 books about sex but he never worked with me. The books said we need to share more, like fantasies, and he seemed to just expect me to change. He never verbally talked about it and I guess I dropped the ball as well. Towards the end he said we didn't have enough sex but it hadn't really dropped much over the years. The month before this happened we were having sex 1-3 times per week. We had sex the night before he dropped this on me.

 

He's unhappy - says I'm unmotivated. That doesn make sense to me though. I run marathons, I founded a club for something that interests me, I have always held down a good job. None of my friends think I'm unmotivated. He recently got his masters and a new job and seems to think he's better than me.

 

Says we don't do anything together - we run races, bike, hike, mountain climb, have done bowling leagues, soccer leagues, watch movies/sci fi series. I feel like we do a lot together while still having separate hobbies.

 

We're 2 different people - I'm too emotional, he's not emotional at all. I always felt we balanced each other out well.

 

We've grown apart - the stuff I mentioned above that we do has mostly been within the past 4-5 years. I thought those things brought us closer.

 

We've both always been adamant about no kids, neither of us do well with kids. We discussed that issue before marriage and it never waivered.

 

 

Communication is a problem - he bottles everything up and I don't think I did enough to know how he was really feeling. Knowing that he's not one to talk about feelings I usually didn't push. I think we both tried to change ourselves to make the other react how we'd like.

 

I'm not perfect and wanted to work on our problems together now that communication was more open than ever, and he was already done. He's already emotionally detached.

[MsOptimist]

The biggest mistake I did with this was not take what I needed. I was trying to be nice, though I am not sure why as he was a complete jerk, and I left him way too much stuff. He makes almost 3 times what I make and I cant afford to go buy new stuff. If I could go back I would have taken everything I needed. He put my in this situation and I totally got screwed in the long run. My ex and I bought a condo together 4 years ago, but just in his name. I helped pay for it, furnish it, take care of it and all of that. I had to leave as I could not afford to stay there but I don't think I could have stayed even if I wanted too. too many memories. Our place also has gone down in value over 50 grand so I don't mind walking away. It just sucks to have your home taken away from you. I still miss it like crazy! It was my first real home. The pets had so much more room and it was cozy. I am not quite settled in my new place so I am hoping it becomes more homey once I do that.

 

I feel for you. I am trying to take everything I will need and luckily my inlaws are also reinforcing that and giving me things as well. We have a small house and we don't have 2 of everything. I asked about dividing up the pots and pans and he said to take anything I need - so I'm going to take them all. Same with dishes. He makes more than me so he won't have trouble replacing them.

 

This is my first real home too and I know I'll miss it too. That makes me very sad. I have been working on my flower garden and landscaping the front yard for 4 years and my plants are finally established and now I'm leaving.

 

He has been a real jerk to me too many times - very selfish and doesn't meet my emotional needs. I really need to make the list of why he sucks. There are qualities in him that I do not like and I know it. Sometimes I ignore those qualities too much.

Edited September 21, 2012 by MsOptimist

[ace5950]

I feel for you. I am trying to take everything I will need and luckily my inlaws are also reinforcing that and giving me things as well. We have a small house and we don't have 2 of everything. I asks about dividing up the pots and pans and he said to take anything I need - so I'm going to take them all. Same with dishes. He makes more than me so he won't have trouble replacing them.

 

This is my first real home too and I know I'll miss it too. That makes me very sad. I have been working on my flower garden an landscaping the front yard for 4 years and my plants are finally established and now I'm leaving.

 

He has been a real jerk to me too many times - very selfish and doesn't meet my emotional needs. I really need to make the list of why he sucks. There are qualities in him that I do not like and I know it. Sometimes I ignore those qualities too much.

 

 

Just wait.... after a while you will forget the bad stuff! that's why I have my list! Keep posted on here how you are doing! its nice to chat with someone that is in the same situation. I know my friends are sick of me talking about my situation. Although we were not married, this was very much like a divorce to me. On top of all this we share a ton of friends we have had for 13-15 years and one of my best friends is married to his cousin. I was thinking about joining a support group just to get our more and meet people in a similar situation. We moved 2 states away from all our family and friends 7 years ago. Its hard to be here on my own with no family. This summer I have been training for a marathon but after I run it next months I don't know what i will do to keep busy. The though of a lonely winter scares me!

[MsOptimist]

Yeah I can already see how easy it is to forget the bad - I was crying earlier while packing and remembering things.

 

Do you have any running groups in your area? I'm training for a half marathon next month and my running group knows my situation and my long runs are therapy sessions if I want to talk about it. Where I'm moving has a huge running community and I plan to join a new group to meet more people.

 

The lonely dark winter scares me too. I plan to pick a spring race to train for and focus on - whatever race some of my training group friends are also doing. There's a track club some people want me to join too.

 

I want to find a support group when I move, I like talking to others who have been in similar situations too. So yes, you keep posting too - misery loves company, right?

[Ami1uwant]

Ami, yes we have tried to talk about issues and reasons. I have been given all kinds of reasons ranging from:

 

Sex - my drive had lowered but we were working on that in the past year. I was on the pill for 11 years (low sex drive can be a side effect) and was having bad migraines from it the previous 2 years. I switched pills and just a few months ago got off it and switched birth control methods - and now no more migraines. He had me read 2 books about sex but he never worked with me. The books said we need to share more, like fantasies, and he seemed to just expect me to change. He never verbally talked about it and I guess I dropped the ball as well. Towards the end he said we didn't have enough sex but it hadn't really dropped much over the years. The month before this happened we were having sex 1-3 times per week. We had sex the night before he dropped this on me.

 

I went through this with my ex. i ran into Im not in the mood/I have a headache so many times that I gave up initiating. She never wanted to do anything more than missionary. On top of that she viewed sex not as pleasure but as something you make babies with.

 

the migraines was another issue with my ex. With her it followed closely to her cycle

 

Did you initiate sex?

 

Were you open to his suggestions? Were you willing to try? He may have gotten bored by doing the same stuff. By him giving you those books he likely knew the content but didnt see results of the effort which said to him you were being stubborn.

 

The issue here is the need to communicate feelings on things including in the bedroom. If he makes suggestions for things and you react very strongly against it then it will shut him down.

 

It was possible you werent satisfying him sexually.

 

 

He's unhappy - says I'm unmotivated. That doesn make sense to me though. I run marathons, I founded a club for something that interests me, I have always held down a good job. None of my friends think I'm unmotivated. He recently got his masters and a new job and seems to think he's better than me.

 

Says we don't do anything together - we run races, bike, hike, mountain climb, have done bowling leagues, soccer leagues, watch movies/sci fi series. I feel like we do a lot together while still having separate hobbies.

 

This seems strange--I agree. this is a plus if you like to do stuff together. Is it possible he may have wanted to do something by himself or having a guys night out? For example maybe the bowling league was something he wanted as a guys only thing. Its a plus for each to have some "me"time.

 

Maybe he expected more income from your job. He may have thought you werent striving to advance in your career.

 

This leads to financial issues in a relationship..were there any? Did you guys alk 10 years ago of being at some point now and you werent there? This may not necessaily have to do with you personally.

 

We're 2 different people - I'm too emotional, he's not emotional at all. I always felt we balanced each other out well.

 

We've grown apart - the stuff I mentioned above that we do has mostly been within the past 4-5 years. I thought those things brought us closer.

 

We've both always been adamant about no kids, neither of us do well with kids. We discussed that issue before marriage and it never waivered.

 

 

Communication is a problem - he bottles everything up and I don't think I did enough to know how he was really feeling. Knowing that he's not one to talk about feelings I usually didn't push. I think we both tried to change ourselves to make the other react how we'd like.

 

I'm not perfect and wanted to work on our problems together now that communication was more open than ever, and he was already done. He's already emotionally detached.

 

Him being bottled up was an issue...at some point earlier was he more open then something happened that changed him?

 

Maybe he didnt feel like he could open up to you and talk because of your style. With your emotions if he starts talking personal details you cut him by hurting his feelings thus he clams up and doesnt share his thoughts.

[Ami1uwant]

I am curious....your interest in the half marathon stuff....was this recent? Did he do it?

 

I am wondering if he felt threatened by you doing this.

 

Also with the whole sports...were you the driver behind doing these activiries? If so he may have done this so he can keep an eye on you because if he didnt he didnt trust you.

[Cb3657]

Unfortunatly I don't think this will be fixed by looking at her activities and trying to find common ground, really I have felt this way in my marriage before(same as the guy) just generally un happy, undersexed, and that there must be a better match, but the key difference is I stuck around to work on it,never told her to move out etc.

I believe it is very likely your husband will want you back and will want to repair this mess, that is your decision point, right now she has no decision to make, if she sticks around he will treat her as a doormat. This person is showing a lot of self respect and if there is ever any chance for reconciliation it will come because he knows she is not to be fooled with.

[MsOptimist]

Ami, I'll try to answer all your questions:

 

Me initiating sex was an issue, and I was trying to work on that. Especially the month before this happened I was initiating it a lot and the more I initiated it the more disengaged he seemed to become. I thought it was his way of giving me a taste of the rejection, and it worked.

 

There were a couple things he wanted me to do that made me uncomfortable and didn't feel good/attractive. I tried to come up with compromises on those things but I don't think that went well, I think he still saw it as me ignoring his wants.

 

The sports:

Soccer league began with him and he convinced me to join - I was so nervous having never played soccer before. I was terrible but it was fun and we enjoyed doing that together.

 

Bowling league we joined because 2 friends of ours needed partners and it was fun so we did for several years. It was a couples thing, not a guy thing.

 

I began running initially and eventually he started running too. We never run together, we're very competitive. We rib each other to no end when we're running the same race about who will beat who. It was competitive but in a fun way.

 

He was supposed to run next month's half marathon with me and he never signed up when I did just a few weeks ago. We've run many halves and smaller race together and were already planning another out of town half next fall.

 

He got into triathlons this year and we both started biking more. He has back problems and had to quit soccer and bowling because of that (we both quit). Cycling is good on his back, as is the swimming. My goal is to do tris as well but I'm a terrie swimmer. I've had a lesson and have been trying to learn how to properly swim this summer but am still very bad at it. I did a duathlon instead and he was always giving me a hard time about not just doing a tri - said that I was making excuses for not swimming enough and not having enough confidence with it. I can't even do 1 pool lap becaus I still have trouble breathing - I'm not comfortable doing a tri until I can breathe better while free styling. He really hammered me about that and I hated that.

 

I am the only one who had run a full marathon. I was training by myself until last year when I joined a group. I asked him to join too but he wasn't interested. He's not the jealous type, doesn't seem like he cares what I do.

 

He has plenty of guy time. He rides motorcycles, dirt bikes, plays video game - we never tell the other what they can or can't do.

 

Cb, I agree that things will not turn around, I'm accepting that. If he does regret this I will not take him back. He has done irreparable damage. His emotional and communication issues would need serious work. I am continuing with therapy on my own to work on my issues.

[riverratt]

Great, keep working on yourself. You know you have your life

to live whether he is in it or not.

 

Let him take care of himself.

[MsOptimist]

Thanks, riverrat. I know I have to keep going and taking care of myself.

 

I'm starting to realize that I didn't voice my own needs enough in the marriage too (more communication issues). He was very non affectionate outside the bedroom - never kissed me or wanted to hug. I think part of our sex issues on my end were feeling like I had no non-sexual physical contact and then was expected to jump straight to sex.

 

I want someone who is more emotionally available and I think I tried for so long to accept his closed up ways. I'm seeing that there's probably a better match out there for me eventually (dating is the LAST thing on my mind though - I need to work through all this first).

[Cb3657]

Sorry may have come across like I was pushing a reconciliation, I am not, I am just saying you are doing the right thing whether you ever would want that or not.

A parsing of blame or examination of which activities you share is only helpfully in the context of making your next relationship better as in " what part did i play in this? " but you are doing the exactly the right things for your current situation in my opinion.

[revitup]

Wow,sounds a little familiar to me as well.I have just posted my own story-wife left.

 

I just want to say, that as a man,the sex thing, 1-3 times a week, would have been awesome in my case.

 

I guess it's all relative,but I think you might be giving him too much credit and accepting too much of the blame at this point.

 

I probably shouldn't even comment (after all, my wife left me) but it appears that you have more going for you, than you are now able to recognize.

 

Good women are harder to find than you might think.He will wake up,you might just wake up first and be gone when he does!

[MsOptimist]

Cb, since you said to have felt similar in your previous marriage as my husband may (unhappy, undersized, etc), can I ask if you have found someone who meets your needs better?

 

Revitup, I'll go and read your story - sorry to hear your wife left. I am struggling with how much I am to blame. Everyone is telling me it's not my fault but then I read so much on reflecting on what my part in this was. He has blamed me a lot and I go back and forth with myself on what is true. My friends tell me I'm one of the most inspirational and motivated people they know and he tells me I'm unmotivated.

 

He claims the marriage was sexless (because he wanted it more than what we were having) but I never felt it was that awful. I do think he was bored but I wanted to try to make it better. I was committed.

 

I know I'm a good person (with faults like everyone else) but I was willing to try to make things better.