angelsing29t Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=blue][/color] MY husband has been really angry at me lately and I finally asked him today what I have done to make him so mad. He came out with I expect too much affection from him and when I am out and he is too that I can not leave him alone, Im all over him. I honestly didnt think that that was a bad thing, I love him more than life itself and have been together nearly 20 years ... he is 40 and I am 37.. He said to me to stop acting like a teenager as its annoying him, cause he's an old man now, and want not to be holding hands etc in public.. People know we are a couple, so why do we have to be affectionate, is wat he claims to me.. I am confused.. heartbroken and .. just dont know wat to do...... Im moving over to my mothers for a few weeks as i dont feel very wanted here right now.. Can anyone shed some light on this where I might not be seeing clearly please.. I dont want to be a old housewife and mother, I want to love live and laugh with life right up to i cant possibly anymore..... Life is just too short to be a hermit....and I want good memories when i am old!! Where am I going wrong?????? I think my marriage is going down the drain.. angel Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 HI angel, I am not in your shoes nor have I ever been, and so I won't pretend to have any informed advice for you. All I can give is a response with a thought or two: (hugs) I think it is pretty sweet that you have so much romance left after 20 years of marriage - ESPECIALLY, since you obviously married pretty young etc. - I hope my wife (if I marry) will be half that in love with me after 20 years. (I'm only 3 years younger than you but - hey - I'm a late bloomer) Are you just talking about pg rated public affection - or sexual intimacy too? If it is sexual intimacy too - I know that I have felt smothered by girlfriend being too pushy about it: us guys like to keep "thinking" that it is a chase and that we continue to succeed in "winning" our girlfriends and wives over? I know that when a woman "lovingly" pulls away just a tad - it increases my desire to be romantic and close - as long as she without too much of a fuss responds to my pursuit and makes me feel loved. anyway, perhaps he's going through some temerary mid-life insecurities? perhaps he's bothered by something lately? well, that's all I have for now based on what you explained in your post. And forgive me if have spewed out more commentary than my experience (or lack of) justifies. can you tell us more details? anyway, huge hugs, and I so hope it gets better, 20 years together is so much more significant than this small problem right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author angelsing29t Posted July 24, 2004 Author Share Posted July 24, 2004 thankyou for your response, it is really good to hear other peoples views and advice rather than tryin to think a million thoughts in one head to come to a right conclusion. Its mainly in public, but he doesnt hug me and spend time with me or talk to me for that matter as much as what he used to... Sex is just SEX.. and thats about it..... its really losing its zing..> He wont go away from home for the night and leave the kids.... my goodness they are nearly 18 ,13 and 12... they arent babies anymore.. Last night I propositioned him before we left to come home to go somewhere.....and he just looked at me like a stranger had picked him up... I so can not work it out.....I think he is really losing love for me and that his hear for the kids but heart is somewhere else.. thankyou for the hugs too.. hugs are special.... angel ..oooooo Link to post Share on other sites
Butterfly_Queen Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 Hi, I think its nice that after 20 years of marriage you're still that affectionate. Alot of people aren't like that after all that time. However, if this is a recent thing as far as the way hes acting, I would sit down and talk to him some more and try to get to the root of the problem. Usually, anytime theres a sudden change in someones attitude or behaviour something is up. Be it good or not so good. Maybe hes just struggling with the fact he is gettting older. Another thing you might try is to back off from being so affectionate for awhile and see what happens. If he seems more happy about it, then maybe thats all it was. If not, and still acts angry, there may be another reason. Best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
havNfun Posted July 24, 2004 Share Posted July 24, 2004 well it more and more sounds like a slump or midlife crisis. I wonder, has he been much more affectionate/interested during most of your marriage? Are their things your could do differently to make him feel young and like superman, or to at least spice things up and make them feel a bit more new and dangerous? Link to post Share on other sites
echoparkdude Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I think it's always nice to be reminded of the beginning, of how you guys first met or something else that is really memorable for the both of you just to refresh your feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 these pose good questions - was he affectionate and loving in public before this? Or has this always been his way but you loved him somuch that you never viewed it as a problem before? I'm just curious. I've seen couples be so cute with each other., the gazing, holding hands, feeding one another etc, and that's *their way*, I think it's pretty darn special if you have that. Kinda silly lovestruck teens never growing up. To me too the cuddling, the snuggling, the little sweet love gestures are very important to keeping the relationship healthy. Hast there beenother signs as a part of being distance? Link to post Share on other sites
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