KathyM Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 She told you she was too young (meaning she was too young for YOU). There's a huge difference between someone in their late teens or early twenties and someone in his thirties with a career. Miles of difference, and I'm sure she is feeling it. And you do come across as controlling, although you may not realize it. Just in your first post, you say you told her you're coming over, you told her you're coming to her party even though she didn't invite you, and that you should have told her you are coming over after she broke up with you, you call her every morning to wake her up. Sounds too controlling to me. Too pushy. People that age are working on becoming independent and being treated as adults. They don't want a much older guy bossing them around. Just sayin . . . In the relationships I've seen where the guy is much older (8+ years older), there is often a power imbalance where the man starts to dominate or dictate to the younger woman, and I can see that attitude in your posts. Maybe you're not aware of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 I have no dog in this fight - with that said it really comes across that you are defensive about some of the feedback you've gotten to your rant. I don't think anybody is out with an agenda against you, but many times we just continue to repeat the same behav looking for diff results. you seemed to have flung yourself head first into this, and as you've acknol already, you chose to ignore the red flags that came out along the way, even choosing to ignore being dumped by text towards the end. we're all here for help/support/relief, and eventually we get to the spot where we want to learn from our mistakes, better ourselves, so that we can go forth the next time and feel good that we are not repeating mistakes. so maybe consider take a hard look at some of the feedback that isn't sitting well with you, try to read it with an open mind and without feeling attacked, and see what you can learn from and do different the next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 Kathy sorry you're not listening to me. She expected the wake up calls. They were cute. She woke me up on Mondays and Wednesdays. She originally invited me over for the whole weekend. Even planned disneyland. She turned a 180 this weekend. I'm pretty sure her ex was at that party. Mentioned herself she wanted me to come after school and work. Just open yours ears and listen to people. I'm not making these things up. Love does not exist and calibabe, thank you. I don't know why I'm sweating it. Just had a really good connection. She seemed really into me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 21, 2012 Author Share Posted September 21, 2012 I'm not defensive about everything if you go back and read, but there are certain people not listening to what I'm saying and just assuming things. I agree I moved too fast. Ignored certain red flags. But you should have seen us tigether, it was really something. There was nothing forced about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 the old saying: you can be right, or you can be happy... Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted September 21, 2012 Share Posted September 21, 2012 lala, have you never been in this situation with a girl before? she was clearly re bounding. i know she may not have come across that way to you in your mind, you wanted to only see the good. but what it comes down to is her and the ex. nothing you could have done, but whats for sure is, it is done Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 sucks. I really need to start using my head more often. Link to post Share on other sites
love does not exist Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 sucks. I really need to start using my head more often. Just go out and find a sexy hooker if your lonely, instead of trying to invest in a realtionship for now on. Honestly, the values in our culture don't promote good things anymore. We value being whores, adulters, selfish and other unethical things today. Relationships just end up in hurt and pain. Not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 Just go out and find a sexy hooker if your lonely, instead of trying to invest in a realtionship for now on. Honestly, the values in our culture don't promote good things anymore. We value being whores, adulters, selfish and other unethical things today. Relationships just end up in hurt and pain. Not worth it. I agree finding good people is hard, but I also wish people would give others a chance. I know myself I messed up unintentionally. I didn't know what I was doing till it was over. Then with NC, I was able to see what was actually going on with a clear mind. But, by then it's usually to late to fix it with the same person. All you can do is move on to someone new and learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 22, 2012 Author Share Posted September 22, 2012 I just need to start keeping a group of girls. Why I'm so hung up on just one boggles my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I just need to start keeping a group of girls. Why I'm so hung up on just one boggles my mind. maybe because you want to get into something long term and move on... and after this it makes you feel like it's not worth it. I think of it the same way. Spent 3 yrs with someone for a long term commitment only to have it broken and shattered. Now having more than 1 girl seems better, because it feels like having a backup is safe. Don't know if morally its right to do... but it's a safety net. I don't think I'd do it myself, sadly my personality and the person I am inside isn't like that... I just want 1 lady who's going to understand me and change me for the better without hurting me and without me hurting her. And to find someone like that... it's tough, but only happens when 2 people whos traits compliment each other Link to post Share on other sites
love does not exist Posted September 22, 2012 Share Posted September 22, 2012 I just need to start keeping a group of girls. Why I'm so hung up on just one boggles my mind. It's natural. I'm the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 We got into a short text argument last night initiated by me. I sent her a sorry ass apology text saying sorry if I came off as too smothering or if I made her feel guilty for things she shouldn't feel guilty about. She responded amicably saying it's mostly her fault and she just didn't know how to juggle things. About an hour later I texted So basically what you're saying is that you want to go **** your ex. She responded mentioning again the signs and it was weird that he kept coming around. I responded basically by saying he realized she was becoming happy with someone else, that he didn't like it and to enjoy the manipulative loser. She then went back denying she's with him and I basically said bull****. So since she's all superstitious with 'signs', she said it was weird because she didn't listen to aerosmith all week then yesterday she listened to them 3 times before work, then I contacted her. Backstory I took her to aerosmith concert. They are her fav band. You know what the worst part is? I hate my behavior. I just turned 30. How mature am I? Last night I started a fight with a longtime friend who dissed me these past months because her boyfriend doesn't like me. I'm getting sick of my behavior. But I guess I'm only human. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 We got into a short text argument last night initiated by me. I sent her a sorry ass apology text saying sorry if I came off as too smothering or if I made her feel guilty for things she shouldn't feel guilty about. She responded amicably saying it's mostly her fault and she just didn't know how to juggle things. About an hour later I texted So basically what you're saying is that you want to go **** your ex. She responded mentioning again the signs and it was weird that he kept coming around. I responded basically by saying he realized she was becoming happy with someone else, that he didn't like it and to enjoy the manipulative loser. She then went back denying she's with him and I basically said bull****. So since she's all superstitious with 'signs', she said it was weird because she didn't listen to aerosmith all week then yesterday she listened to them 3 times before work, then I contacted her. Backstory I took her to aerosmith concert. They are her fav band. You know what the worst part is? I hate my behavior. I just turned 30. How mature am I? Last night I started a fight with a longtime friend who dissed me these past months because her boyfriend doesn't like me. I'm getting sick of my behavior. But I guess I'm only human. One thing I learned 1 month after my break up and NC. I realized the type of person I was.. and how immature I have been the day of the break up and earlier on. That's why I've slowly tried to change myself. Change those things I really hate like going into an immature defence mode if someone says something rude. Now I would simply smile and be calm and cool. Clear my mind before saying anything and THINK before anything is done. We just follow this quick reaction, but we don't follow our mind, which needs to be clear of emotions and all to make the right decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 Basically. For the mean time. But we're only human so eventually down the line we will somehow become frustrated and might lose our cool because we're not perfect. The song she listened to was 'What It Takes', by Aerosmith, unfortunately a song about letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
Fitnerd Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Basically. For the mean time. But we're only human so eventually down the line we will somehow become frustrated and might lose our cool because we're not perfect. The song she listened to was 'What It Takes', by Aerosmith, unfortunately a song about letting go. Why are you following her every step? You're only punishing yourself! I know what you're going through is hard but you will never move on like this (if moving on is not what you want, disregard what I said then). Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 I'm just frustrated because I actually cared about this one. Why I decided to contact her a week later beats the hell out of me. Yes She's already admitted she's too young so what else more do I ****ing need? She is obviously already way over it so I'm just embarassing myself at this point. I get the whole nice guy thing but you know, we're still people. I'll have my good periods come eventually. I guess for now I'll have to become this authentic man. But I'm sure later down the line I'll be right back where I started. Crappy outlook but I guess I'm just still frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Phoenix Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 your self esteem seems shot, you are right, you are embarrassing yourself now. Women go crazy for guys who display high value, who are confident, who are in control of their emotions. everything you did prior to the breakup, and everything you are doing now is in 100% conflict with where you want to be. Great job on the "nice guy" thing, now lose all that and work on being a man. And to say that "I'm sure later down the line I'll be right back where I started" just reeks of weakness and is absolutely unattractive to both men and women. cmon, you're better than that. Watch Swingers, read the "Train your Girlfriend" book, read the Glover book, spend a bit of time in the PUA world learning how to better interact with women, this isn't rocket science, its just new stuff that you can learn. Now stand up tall, strap your sack back on, leave this girl waaay in the rearview mirror and leave her alone, and start working on bettering yourself as a man. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 Watch Swingers.... A favorite of mine...Mikey is exemplary! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lalalandman Posted September 23, 2012 Author Share Posted September 23, 2012 Thanks. Trust me it's now just starting to hit me what I did last night. I've watched Swingers about 100 times. It's one of my favs. So you'd figure I wouldn't have this issue. Guess I'll need to watch it again. Link to post Share on other sites
ihateslowjams Posted September 23, 2012 Share Posted September 23, 2012 (edited) Once you understand why you are a "Nice" Guy, understand your value, your worth and get in touch with your masculinity... You won't turn into a "Nice" Guy again. It's Life Changing... Trust me, I know! I second this. Im currently in the process and its astonishing to see things with this new perspective. Its like a lot of weight has been lifted off your shoulders since you're only focusing on yourself and what you want. Gibson is on point with everything he's mentioned. Get on it! Edited September 23, 2012 by ihateslowjams correction Link to post Share on other sites
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