What does he want?

[Jessiboo]

This is my first post, so I apologise in advance for the length. I try not to over analyze things, but I just can't get this situation out of my head.

 

There's this guy I'll call Jake. I've known him for a few years, friendly acquaintances I'd say. a few months ago, we were thrown together in close circumstances during a trip. Over that time we became very friendly and flirty. More than flirty. He went back home and I stayed on for a few weeks. We exchanged some very sexy emails and texts during that time with a promise that we would get together when I was back in town.

 

Well, we did. We ended up having sex several times, exchanging emails and texts the whole time. He said he was "into me in every possible way". We had a great time and really clicked.

 

Then things cooled off. He was suddenly very busy (this was true) but he cancelled a few meet-ups we had planned and he seemed less and less eager to see me. emails stopped, then texts became less frequent. I chalked it up to him being a flame and fizzle kind of guy, even though I was a bit hurt about it all. He still kept in touch via text, but his interest had definitely waned.

 

Fast forward to the past couple of weeks. I've run into him a few times and he is extremely flirty - intense eye contact, touching my arm, going out of his way to talk to me. He still texts me, mostly mundane things about his day, but it seems like when I'm out of sight I'm not as interesting as when he sees me in person.

 

I don't know if I should be taking his behavior when we see each other as a positive sign, or if I should take his lack of interest in making plans as a sign that he's not interested. I really like him, but I don't want to waste my time.

[Balzac]

Welcome to LS. Thinking about your situation, first reaction is that he's putting forth very little effort for an interested guy.

 

Do you mind sharing ages? It sounds as if you are both professionals in careers.

[Jessiboo]

I am older than he is. He is 23, I'm 27. We both have busy careers that frequently take us out of town.

 

It's really confusing that he seems super interested when I see him in person. Not just friendly like he used to be, but very flirty. For example, he will stand next to me, shoulder to shoulder so that we are touching. He'll make eye contact and hold it, even after we've finished talking. It's really suggestive, and I wish he would just stop acting like that if he isn't interested in pursuing anything.

[Jessiboo]

So after I wrote out my situation I took a good hard look at it and decided that this guy wasn't putting in the effort. He'd been really interested in seeing me before his upcoming trip, but when it came down to it, it turned out he was too busy. Hurtful, but not the end of the world. I already had plans with friends to go see his band play (he does this part-time) and I ended up seeing him there before they went on. I walked up to him to say hello and, once again, he was all smiles and happy to see me.

 

Again with the whole eye contact, smiling, positive, flirty body language. He left his friends to come speak to me, and as we spoke he stood shoulder to shoulder with me, pressed right up against me. The next day I texted him to tell him that I enjoyed the show and to have a good trip (he was going away on business). Nothing. Now that he was gone, this was my chance to put him aside and forget about him.

 

Then three days into his trip he texts me, and he kept up the texting for the duration of his trip, initiating contact, and even bringing up things that he knew would have very "positive" memories. This continued until he got home a couple of weeks ago. Since then he has texted a couple of times, but I've been initiating most of the contact.

 

I ended up having to call him last week, and I'm not very good with calling people at all. He was awake but still in bed when I phoned. We chatted longer than I anticipated, given the climate of our test conversations, and he even kept me on the phone by bringing up new subjects. When we finally said our good-byes I casually mentioned that we should do coffee soon. He said yes, he'd really like that. I joked that he didn't have to bail out, I wouldn't bite, and he laughed and said no, he would really like to get together, and he was glad I called and he enjoyed talking to me.

 

Since then, nothing. I haven't initiated anything because I'm done with that and I was hoping he would take the initiative. I know he has been very busy, but really how long does it take to send one text? I don't know if he's waiting for me, and it has occurred to me that, given some of my responses to his texts that he may think I've lost interest, especially since it has taken me quite a long time to answer some of them.

 

I have to go to his place of work tomorrow, and chances are good that I will see him there. At this point, I don't know if I should just completely cut my losses, or if I should stop overanalyzing and give him the benefit of the doubt.

[tinalooks808]

Welcome to LS! If you can handle seeing him without stressing him for a relationship that he might not want ... then go for it. All I will say is.. when a guy likes you... you know it... if you feel like he doesn't because he's distant... he probably isnt,unless that's just how he is.

[hopelesslyunsure]

Welcome to LS! If you can handle seeing him without stressing him for a relationship that he might not want ... then go for it. All I will say is.. when a guy likes you... you know it... if you feel like he doesn't because he's distant... he probably isnt,unless that's just how he is.

 

So true re:if a guy s interested, you would know, etc....learned this the hard and painful way.

[Jessiboo]

Well, I did see him. He was leaving the building as I was walking in. I was putting my keys and phone into my purse so I didn't see him until he approached me. We stood there for a few minutes chatting about all the things he had going on and then he said he was going on home to get some sleep. Most of our conversations usually end with one of us saying we should get together soon, or it was nice seeing you or something. This time he said "I'd better get going" and I said "OK, see you" and I waved and walked away.

 

I hadn't been in a very good mood because I'd gotten some disappointing news that morning, and I felt like maybe I was a little stand-offish with him. I texted him that afternoon and apologized if I seemed grouchy and explained myself.

 

He didn't reply until the next day. His reply: "Not at all. All good. Sorry I've spooked away recently. I hope you know it's nothing personal when I say I needed to. A personal life is not exactly a luxury I have right now."

 

At first I thought it was an apology as well, but then I read it again, and it really sounds like a break-up text. It's the awkward wording of "I hope you know it's nothing personal when I say I needed to". He's not saying I hope you don't take my absence personally, but rather, I hope you don't take this personally: I needed to get away. I think he's pretty much saying "don't contact me". That really, really hurts, since he could have just let things die away, and he certainly had plenty of opportunities to get rid of me gracefully without telling me in a text that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He could have cut our phone call short, he could have stopped replying to my messages, he could have not approached me that day we ran into each other. As for pressuring him into a relationship, that was never an issue. I did mention a few times about getting together for coffee, but that was something we always did as friends.

 

I'm hurt that he felt the need to cut contact so cleanly, and part of me still hopes it was just an awkward apology. But it's been a week with no word so I guess that's my answer.

[Leigh 87]

Since he is very busy with work, he probably only has time to get to know women who he wants to get very serious with, such as a girl he falls in love with.

 

He sounds like he does like you as a person and is sexually attracted to you, but that does not mean he is into you enough to want to get to know you better.

 

.... Don't take it personally! Just because a guy does not feel something special abou you that compelles him to want to invest time on you, it does not mean he thinks your " not good enough"

 

I think if a guy feels it with a girl, even the most busy guy will be compelled enough to HAVE to make time for you.