Loving two women at once

[Bailey14]

What I find telling is that you cannot find support for this "loving two women at once" concept even on an anonymous internet forum for people involved in extra marital affairs.

 

The lack of support probably stems from not wanting to be attacked. The man I am involved with loves his wife and he loves me but, I won't even try to discuss it because of the prevailing attitudes.

[BetrayedH]

The lack of support probably stems from not wanting to be attacked. The man I am involved with loves his wife and he loves me but, I won't even try to discuss it because of the prevailing attitudes.

 

I thought there might be at least one and I do applaud your courage to state an opinion. I may not agree but I won't be attacking you.

[TaraMaiden]

The lack of support probably stems from not wanting to be attacked. The man I am involved with loves his wife and he loves me but, I won't even try to discuss it because of the prevailing attitudes.

 

Nobody would attack you, but the man you're involved with is ultimately a liar and a cheat.

Unless of course, he has an open marriage and is completely honest with his wife.

If not, then what he's doing is not right by any standards.

if he can't remain faithful to her, he should quit the marriage.

And I would say that to any woman, too. And indeed, have done.

 

My issue in this thread is the OP's hypocritically-based assertion that everything he does is justified and noble.

 

Cheat if you want - but finding a married man rather than a single one causes me to wonder what the attraction is that you find it impossible to move away from.

[Bailey14]

Nobody would attack you, but the man you're involved with is ultimately a liar and a cheat.

Unless of course, he has an open marriage and is completely honest with his wife.

If not, then what he's doing is not right by any standards.

if he can't remain faithful to her, he should quit the marriage.

And I would say that to any woman, too. And indeed, have done.

 

My issue in this thread is the OP's hypocritically-based assertion that everything he does is justified and noble.

 

Cheat if you want - but finding a married man rather than a single one causes me to wonder what the attraction is that you find it impossible to move away from.

 

I won't even try to explain myself. None of you who judge will even try to

understand the connection we share. We have been friends since we were 12 years old, and now, 49 years later, our friendship has deepened. The heart wants what the heart wants.

[BetrayedH]

Nobody would attack you, but the man you're involved with is ultimately a liar and a cheat.

Unless of course, he has an open marriage and is completely honest with his wife.

If not, then what he's doing is not right by any standards.

if he can't remain faithful to her, he should quit the marriage.

And I would say that to any woman, too. And indeed, have done.

 

My issue in this thread is the OP's hypocritically-based assertion that everything he does is justified and noble.

 

Cheat if you want - but finding a married man rather than a single one causes me to wonder what the attraction is that you find it impossible to move away from.

 

I would also question whether he actually "loves" both women as much as he loves being loved by them. If I were in love with a woman, I would move heaven and Earth to be with her. I wouldn't do anything that would hurt her and I certainly wouldn't be lying so I could sleep with multiple women. Love is more than words; it's actions. And when one of the two "loved" women doesn't care for being lied to, it usually becomes clear which one the MM loves "more." I wouldn't think love would permit it but more than a few OW have ended up in the trash, under the bus, or both (and wondering where the love is now).

[TaraMaiden]

Bailey14, Criticism doesn't always equate with judgement. But I cannot honestly fathom the continued desire to be doing this, truly, I honestly cannot. I wish I could climb into your brain and 'get it' but I can't.

 

if you've been friends for so long, why didn't he marry you, and not her?

And if you're lovers, why doesn't he divorce her?

I'm in a complete fog, really.

I have a very good friend IRL, who is a lover to a married man.

She and I talk about every topic under the sun, bar that one - because she knows I cannot for the life and soul of me, even begin to understand it.

This relationship consumes her - and it's soul-destroying.

 

Just...... what? What?!

[2sunny]

When a persons egois song - that they put themselves in a position to cause harm to those they"claim to love" - by deceiving them (withholding your tru) - I fail to call THAT love.

 

Thinking that much of yourself - isn't loving behavior.

[Bailey14]

Bailey14, Criticism doesn't always equate with judgement. But I cannot honestly fathom the continued desire to be doing this, truly, I honestly cannot. I wish I could climb into your brain and 'get it' but I can't.

 

if you've been friends for so long, why didn't he marry you, and not her?

And if you're lovers, why doesn't he divorce her?

I'm in a complete fog, really.

I have a very good friend IRL, who is a lover to a married man.

She and I talk about every topic under the sun, bar that one - because she knows I cannot for the life and soul of me, even begin to understand it.

This relationship consumes her - and it's soul-destroying.

 

Just...... what? What?!

 

He didn't marry me because our lives diverged.....we went off to college and we both married our college sweethearts. Why doesn't he divorce her? Because he loves her! She is the mother of his 4 children, they have a 40 year history,

she is a wonderful woman. I have no interest in being the reason an entire family is destroyed. The relationship does not consume me and it is not soul-destroying. I am happy to have what I have and I do not want or need anything more. My marriage ended many years ago and every traditional relationship I have had has left me shattered.

[TaraMaiden]

She's a wonderful woman....

Why then, do you not have the respect for her that you claim, within that one-line eulogy, and not screw her husband?

Why not be as good a friend to her, as you purport to be to him, and show some compassion and respect for her marriage in ignorance, and refuse to have anything further to do with him, sexually?

Why is sex with him, more important than his marriage is or should be, to him?

What gives you the right to be that silent threat?

Seriously, defensive as you might feel here, try to honestly answer the questions, because I'd honestly like to know the answers.

The heart is but a pumping organ. Emotions arise in the head.

What, in your head, wants this, and why?

[Bailey14]

She's a wonderful woman....

Why then, do you not have the respect for her that you claim, within that one-line eulogy, and not screw her husband?

Why not be as good a friend to her, as you purport to be to him, and show some compassion and respect for her marriage in ignorance, and refuse to have anything further to do with him, sexually?

Why is sex with him, more important than his marriage is or should be, to him?

What gives you the right to be that silent threat?

Seriously, defensive as you might feel here, try to honestly answer the questions, because I'd honestly like to know the answers.

The heart is but a pumping organ. Emotions arise in the head.

What, in your head, wants this, and why?

 

I have been reprimanded in the past for thread hyjacking and I fear that is what is happening here. Let's start another thread......

[TaraMaiden]

......and every traditional relationship I have had has left me shattered.

 

Is this one any better?

 

And is it better because it's safer?

Safer from the POV that if the schytt hits the fan, ultimately, you can walk away because in reality, it becomes someone else's shattering mess?

 

You see, you use your heart to justify what you are doing...

"The heart wants what the heart wants"....

But such actions are not heart-led, and such matters should not be left to the heart to decide.

It is like fire.

A good servant, but a bad master.

 

(Indeed, in Traditional Chinese Medicine, {TCM} the element representative of the heart's emotional responses, is Fire. Because it needs nourishing, containing, taming and controlling in order to function effectively. leave fire to its own devices, ungarded and uncontrolled, and it wreaks havoc and destruction.... before burning itself out and leaving a desolate, charred wasteland in its wake. Damn clever, the Chinese....)

 

If you were to use your mind to evaluate this situation, your logic fields would reach a far more reasonable conclusion.

 

Oddly enough, 'Brain', in TCM, has the representative element of Water.....

[TaraMaiden]

I have been reprimanded in the past for thread hyjacking and I fear that is what is happening here. Let's start another thread......

Good idea, dearest.

Thank you for that option.

[Sauron]

Sauron, I don't know the answer to your question...but think it was just a conversation starter so...

 

Ive known men like you whom I had and still have no real issue with. Generally, they are the nicest guys, easiest to spend time with. You are sincere in your enjoyment and appreciation of women to the point where you love them.

 

I'm not accusing but asking you to give some thought to this...

The line is not so fine between a sincere appreciation of women and being a womanizer. A womanizer loves the enjoyment of women, including obviously, their company...but does not love women.

 

I don't think I need to go on and with that explanation? Besides, it brings up the more important thought(maybe)...that loving women , in their various varieties , means you cannot have a deep , fulfilling , and spiritual love with one woman.

 

But maybe you don't think that exists, or that it isn't important, or that you are happier with what you have instead.

 

Just thoughts.

 

Good afternoon. Not a womanizer, just love women. I have 1 mature meaningful realtionship with the wife and very deep, fullfilling and meaniful relationships with my OW. I would say that between the 2 I have the perfect reationship as they are so different. Thank you for for not using a judgemental, condescending tone.

[Sauron]

What I find telling is that you cannot find support for this "loving two women at once" concept even on an anonymous internet forum for people involved in extra marital affairs.

 

It's the same old group.

[Sauron]

Again, I I I I I. It's all about you. What about them?

 

Lets see, oh yeah wife is happy as she has been in years. Since I started posting here she did start IC ( i hope that is the right acronym) to see if she can get over her frigid sexuality, only took 30 plus years. But she is happy according to her. OW is happy, talking about buying a condo for her and we are going to Europe this Fall. OOW is happy since I spent 3 days with her last week. Them ALL seem happy right now, no one is bitching or complaining or demanding.

[Sauron]

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

ah, once again, we have found a new religion...someone else bows to the altar of moral relativism...

 

(BTW...for what it's worth, I am agnostic, and religion plays little to no role in my life. What plays a role is the idea that I treat others the way I would want to be treated myself...with honesty)

 

since I am not religious, I guess I'll have to thank something else for your existence...without you, where would all the lonely women find comfort and intimacy...

 

all joking and sarcasm aside...you just don't seem to get it...it's not the having multiple women in your life that gets under people's skin, it's the dishonesty with the one person to whom you made a tacit agreement to be honest...you can dismiss other people's opinions that don't agree with yours all you like ( and I really have to wonder why you even asked the question, seeing as you seem to feel you already know the answer) but I think you'd be hard pressed to find any cultural norm where dishonesty like this

is espoused as an acceptable means to an end...

( and BTW, in spite of your faith in your organizational prowess, you seem to have missed out on the fact that you can't organize nor control people...all it will take is one other woman whom is a wee bit unstable, who invests a bit more emotion into the situation than you realize, and your whole house of cards will fall...I feel very bad for your wife should that ever happen)

 

My OW is not crazy. My wife maybe but not as in go crazy on you. I understand your point. I won't tell her becauase, oh wait, check the marriage section it is all about money, well not all, but mostly. She will have to stop being lazy and work at it to surface my activities. Probablities are about .01% chance that wll happen.

[Sauron]

Ahhh but that is just good/great sex, and as you pointed out, it's just a chemical reaction. That particular chemical reaction you describe is not love.

 

I respectfully disagree. I feel complete everytime it happens. It is a wonderful feeling better than any rec drg I have ever done. It is a bond that forms and is very durable and it only increases each and everytime.

[Sauron]

I won't even try to explain myself. None of you who judge will even try to

understand the connection we share. We have been friends since we were 12 years old, and now, 49 years later, our friendship has deepened. The heart wants what the heart wants.

 

Yes it does, the heart transcends all. If it didn't this place wouldn't exist.

[Sauron]

I would also question whether he actually "loves" both women as much as he loves being loved by them. If I were in love with a woman, I would move heaven and Earth to be with her. I wouldn't do anything that would hurt her and I certainly wouldn't be lying so I could sleep with multiple women. Love is more than words; it's actions. And when one of the two "loved" women doesn't care for being lied to, it usually becomes clear which one the MM loves "more." I wouldn't think love would permit it but more than a few OW have ended up in the trash, under the bus, or both (and wondering where the love is now).

 

You would be surprised what I do for them both.

[Sauron]

Bailey14, Criticism doesn't always equate with judgement. But I cannot honestly fathom the continued desire to be doing this, truly, I honestly cannot. I wish I could climb into your brain and 'get it' but I can't.

 

if you've been friends for so long, why didn't he marry you, and not her?

And if you're lovers, why doesn't he divorce her?

I'm in a complete fog, really.

I have a very good friend IRL, who is a lover to a married man.

She and I talk about every topic under the sun, bar that one - because she knows I cannot for the life and soul of me, even begin to understand it.

This relationship consumes her - and it's soul-destroying.

 

Just...... what? What?!

 

I agree that you are in a complete fog, perhaps it will clear for you some day and you can see that some of us can love without limits that you and the group have bought into. That it isn't ALL or nothing.

[TaraMaiden]

Lets see, oh yeah wife is happy as she has been in years. Since I started posting here she did start IC ( i hope that is the right acronym) to see if she can get over her frigid sexuality, only took 30 plus years. But she is happy according to her. ..... no one is bitching or complaining or demanding.

 

.... My wife maybe but not as in go crazy on you. I understand your point. I won't tell her becauase, oh wait, check the marriage section it is all about money, well not all, but mostly. She will have to stop being lazy and work at it to surface my activities. Probablities are about .01% chance that wll happen.

 

N-o-o-o-w we're getting to it.....

 

How can you claim to love someone you obviously have zero respect for?

I'm not implying her actions or attitudes are justified, but if you have such little respect for her, then it's not love. It's tolerance and putting up with something because you're afraid your wallet will get hit.

Your motives for staying with her are not based on Love, therefore.

They're based on self-preservation and fear.

Good going.

No wonder you screw around.

You're scared she'll emasculate you financially.

[frozensprouts]

My OW is not crazy. My wife maybe but not as in go crazy on you. I understand your point. I won't tell her becauase, oh wait, check the marriage section it is all about money, well not all, but mostly. She will have to stop being lazy and work at it to surface my activities. Probablities are about .01% chance that wll happen.

 

I'm getting confused...you say you love your wife, yet you go behind her back, engage in behavior that has the potential to be very hurtful towards her ( and let's be honest...it's more than just this one other woman...you've said so yourself) and is at best disrespectful towards her, and say the only reason you stay married to her is because of money?

 

Now please explain to me how any of that equates with love?

[frozensprouts]

My OW is not crazy. My wife maybe but not as in go crazy on you. I understand your point. I won't tell her becauase, oh wait, check the marriage section it is all about money, well not all, but mostly. She will have to stop being lazy and work at it to surface my activities. Probablities are about .01% chance that wll happen.

 

that's just the thing though...you never rally know what's going on in someone else's mind...

your other woman may be fine with your arrangement, but what if that changes? what if she decides she wants more than what you want to give? what if she starts to insert herself into your "other life" ?

 

you expose yourself, and by extension, your wife, to that possibility.

[Sauron]

N-o-o-o-w we're getting to it.....

 

How can you claim to love someone you obviously have zero respect for?

I'm not implying her actions or attitudes are justified, but if you have such little respect for her, then it's not love. It's tolerance and putting up with something because you're afraid your wallet will get hit.

Your motives for staying with her are not based on Love, therefore.

They're based on self-preservation and fear.

Good going.

No wonder you screw around.

You're scared she'll emasculate you financially.

 

Well she had zero to do with building anything, but she is my kids mother, she has been with me for 30 years and there is some much material comfort we have acheived. She would only get half of what she would be able to find, but it is substantial. Just because I am critical doesn't mean I don't love her. Have you ever been in a realtionship Tara? If you have you must have very thin skin if you have never gotten any inputs for improvement or don't expect any criticism. I live in the real world sweetheart.

[frozensprouts]

Well she had zero to do with building anything, but she is my kids mother, she has been with me for 30 years and there is some much material comfort we have acheived. She would only get half of what she would be able to find, but it is substantial. Just because I am critical doesn't mean I don't love her. Have you ever been in a realtionship Tara? If you have you must have very thin skin if you have never gotten any inputs for improvement or don't expect any criticism. I live in the real world sweetheart.

 

so while you were working away, what was she doing? was she a stay at home mom? did she work too? did she keep your house in a decent state?

 

I really wonder, if she were asked, what she would have to say about you...would she view you the way you view her?