absence makes the heart grow fonder... or resentful?

[Simon Phoenix]

You know what you're actually right. My first bf whom I was with for 4 years broke up with me 5x during our relationship. The last time he broke it off, he got himself a new gf right after.

 

Never expected to hear from him again because he was a douche and 1 year later, he's sent me quite a few texts wondering how I've been and it would be nice to talk one day... yea right no way!

 

Can't just play with someone like that and expect them to welcome you with open arms!

 

So did you end up becoming friends with these women? I wonder how that works, guess it's something I need to experience by myself

 

Well moving on with my life, but that little spark of hope is still there. Been reading a lot of forums where the person who rejected the person who liked them ended up developing feelings for them... so it's making me hope but it's counter productive so I should stop

 

One is still a friend of mine on Facebook. I really don't talk to her much, but yeah, time away squashed all the negativity and there was a ton (she got pissed at me, broke up with me, I tried to get back, that didn't go well, she got pissed and tried to get me in trouble at work -- she was a co-worker -- I gave her the silent treatment for three months till she quit). I saw her again like 9 months later and she apologized for her behavior and I accepted it because I just didn't care anymore. I saw her a few months after that and it actually became quite flirty but I didn't pursue it. With as bad as the first one ended I didn't want round two even though I had forgiven her and moved past it.

 

The second one I'm not friends with, but I saw her five months after our break (I wanted more than she did and she gave me the kibosh and I was really bitter). She was a waitress at a restaurant in a town I was visiting for work. The conversation was friendly and I had lost my anger for her completely -- I had moved on and all was good.

 

But yeah, I had no idea about no contact then, it just happened. Now that I know, I'm going to try it with my current situation. I went NC for a month, but it was sort of a cheating NC because I had a specific time where I knew I'd have to see my ex. I saw her and it was mixed -- she was cold/distant/annoyed/jilted day one and friendly and almost normal day two. Tried to parlay the somewhat positive momentum from day two, and some other warmup signals that served as breadcrumbs. When I went for something beyond breadcrumbs I got radio silence. I can't afford to keep doing that, and put up with the emotional bullcrap that comes with it, so I'm falling off the grid for real and seeing what happens. I know I will see her again, but not knowing when this time around will help me actually do it right.

[juli017]

Simon Phoenix since we're both kinda in the same boat, let's just come back here and post our progress then. Helps to have someone to talk to about these things since it's helping me even though I can't even function normally...

 

The current ex... did she break up with you? It's always the person who does the rejecting who has an easier time with things.

 

I guess my current emotional state is bitterness. Even with my 1st ex, even though it's been a year I still resent him with every fiber of my being.

 

For this one now, I think it just made me lose all trust in men.

 

Had everything going right: was myself, didn't try hard to impress, didn't chase, had my own priorities and didn't cling, bonded emotionally, yet it still wasn't good enough to land me a bf.

 

Yes very bitter and resentful and time is going by...

[Simon Phoenix]

Simon Phoenix since we're both kinda in the same boat, let's just come back here and post our progress then. Helps to have someone to talk to about these things since it's helping me even though I can't even function normally...

 

The current ex... did she break up with you? It's always the person who does the rejecting who has an easier time with things.

 

I guess my current emotional state is bitterness. Even with my 1st ex, even though it's been a year I still resent him with every fiber of my being.

 

For this one now, I think it just made me lose all trust in men.

 

Had everything going right: was myself, didn't try hard to impress, didn't chase, had my own priorities and didn't cling, bonded emotionally, yet it still wasn't good enough to land me a bf.

 

Yes very bitter and resentful and time is going by...

 

She did, but honestly, I really don't think she's doing that well with it either. It was a short relationship (only a couple months) that ended because I got cold feet and pulled the eject lever out of fear and insecurity. I got really attached (which I don't do) and that combined with alcohol made me just flip out. She's like me in that she doesn't get attached easily but was getting attached and took it as if I rejected her. I regretted it immediately, but the damage had been done and she withdrew.

 

Like you, I played it almost perfectly before that moment. And I'd say she is a lot more resentful to me than I am to her. The first time I hung out with after the break (6 or 7 weeks had passed) she was cold/distant/annoyed with everything I was doing/acting like a jilted brat. This was after a week of sporadic text messaging where she seemed to be OK, even invited me to somewhat hang out with her (she is a season-ticket sales person for a pro sports franchise and offered me tickets to one of her team's games). But yeah, she acted like I would act with ex. No. 2 that I went no contact with while I acted pretty normal and chill. She'd break her cold/distant act and occasionally laugh at something I said and smile (especially when I called her by the nickname I gave her), but she'd see me notice that and revert to the act. But it was almost empowering to see her trying so hard to project something, made me realize that she's been going through a similar hell that I have.

 

I hung out with her a couple days later and she was friendly and almost normal, but we didn't flirt. That's what made me think that I might have a chance to slowly build. I've gotten a breadcrumb or two since then, but when I tried to make a bit more of a play I got the withdrawal. And the personal second-guessing and wondering what the hell she is thinking/why isn't she responding thing was driving me nuts again, just like it had right after the break. That's no good.

 

I'm not bitter, just sucks that one mistake (albeit a significant one at a time where she was about to take the plunge) is going to kill probably the best bond I've ever had with a woman in my life. Sure I've dated others for longer, but this one seemed so right. She's the sister-in-law of my best friend, so I know I will see her again, but obviously there wasn't enough time for her to process this whole thing. Then again, I feel that knowing we'd see each other anyway when we did probably delayed it for both of us. The fact that she felt the need to put on an act the first time we saw each other showed me that she had some pent up anger and frustration. I don't know if she's angry or frustrated now, but I think she's still anxious and stressed when it comes to me.

[juli017]

 

I'm not bitter, just sucks that one mistake (albeit a significant one at a time where she was about to take the plunge) is going to kill probably the best bond I've ever had with a woman in my life. Sure I've dated others for longer, but this one seemed so right.

 

If that's how you feel about her, why don't you try fixing that mistake instead of letting it slide? It's really rare to find someone like that.

 

Let her know that you're sorry and that you still care. Explain why you did what you did to her, how you feel and maybe that will soften her heart and forget the resentment.

 

Fight for her if you truly care for her.

 

It's sad but most people these days don't fight for their relationships, that's why there are so many unhappy people and everybody is breaking up like it's the coolest trend...

 

Go after her. You only meet someone like this once in your life.

[Simon Phoenix]

If that's how you feel about her, why don't you try fixing that mistake instead of letting it slide? It's really rare to find someone like that.

 

Let her know that you're sorry and that you still care. Explain why you did what you did to her, how you feel and maybe that will soften her heart and forget the resentment.

 

Fight for her if you truly care for her.

 

It's sad but most people these days don't fight for their relationships, that's why there are so many unhappy people and everybody is breaking up like it's the coolest trend...

 

Go after her. You only meet someone like this once in your life.

 

See, I don't think it's that easy. That romantic comedy stuff doesn't work. I don't want to fight -- I want to win. To win, you have to know when it's time to make your move, and now is not the time. I know that right now any sort of "coming clean" would fall on deaf ears. When her guard has gone down -- if it does -- that's when it time to "fight". But right now the fight would result in a loss. It's not eating at me to the point where I feel the need to come clean, so I'm going to wait until I have the best chance of success.

 

If life worked out like the movies, I'd be in good shape. But it doesn't.

[LostOne1]

If that's how you feel about her, why don't you try fixing that mistake instead of letting it slide? It's really rare to find someone like that.

 

Let her know that you're sorry and that you still care. Explain why you did what you did to her, how you feel and maybe that will soften her heart and forget the resentment.

 

Fight for her if you truly care for her.

 

It's sad but most people these days don't fight for their relationships, that's why there are so many unhappy people and everybody is breaking up like it's the coolest trend...

 

Go after her. You only meet someone like this once in your life.

I dunno man.. I thought the same way.. fight for my girl. All it did was push her further away and in the end it caused a huge fight to end it.

 

I was about to drive 4 hours to see her, but my plan backfired, sent her the most expressed email... it came back to haunt me...

 

It's like what ever I tried crashed and failed, no matter how hard I tried.

 

Almost like fate is telling me I have no choice, but to accept it this way for now.

 

Heck I was about to send an email to m ex after a month of NC. But I am double minded, part of me says fight for her she wants to hear from you. Part of me says what's the point, all your plans backfired on you this one might too.

 

I'm guessing **** for me can't get any worse, we had the worst and biggest fight of our lives. Said things that were horrible and even posted things publicly at one point, even had family members fight. I don't know if that email will do any good now... just to ask to meet up for coffee.

 

The sad part is no one really knows what a right or wrong move is...it's all about how you feel or how you think when ur calm. And sometimes neither works I guess....

[LostOne1]

See, I don't think it's that easy. That romantic comedy stuff doesn't work. I don't want to fight -- I want to win. To win, you have to know when it's time to make your move, and now is not the time. I know that right now any sort of "coming clean" would fall on deaf ears. When her guard has gone down -- if it does -- that's when it time to "fight". But right now the fight would result in a loss. It's not eating at me to the point where I feel the need to come clean, so I'm going to wait until I have the best chance of success.

 

If life worked out like the movies, I'd be in good shape. But it doesn't.

true that i remember i told my ex and she said this isn't a movie... its reality.

 

I like how you think though... I had that mindset of waiting for her guard to be down. So when she least expects to hear thats when she hears out.

 

Because if her guard is up.. there is absolutely no way to get through... Reminds me of my ex on the day we last fought. It was as if anything I said did not reach her or hit her an bounced off and hit me back. She said things that were not true, like "I never did anything for her", which is not true. It was as if she was so pissed off and venting off everything at me.. like I was her worst enemy suddenly.

[juli017]

 

The sad part is no one really knows what a right or wrong move is...it's all about how you feel or how you think when ur calm. And sometimes neither works I guess....

 

I'm sorry to hear that you went through all that

 

I've never had a fight that badly before. Although I do know what you mean by fighting for someone but then they just throw it back in your face.

 

Happened a lot with my 1st bf. I'd always chase after him and he'd always come off cold and leave anyway...

 

I think you guys need time apart. As in NC to clear your head to see if you really want this girl or not. It sounds like you still love her a lot and if you were willing to drive 4 hrs, that says alot.

[juli017]

true that i remember i told my ex and she said this isn't a movie... its reality.

 

I like how you think though... I had that mindset of waiting for her guard to be down. So when she least expects to hear thats when she hears out.

 

Because if her guard is up.. there is absolutely no way to get through... Reminds me of my ex on the day we last fought. It was as if anything I said did not reach her or hit her an bounced off and hit me back. She said things that were not true, like "I never did anything for her", which is not true. It was as if she was so pissed off and venting off everything at me.. like I was her worst enemy suddenly.

 

What caused this massive fight though?

 

I remember when my ex and I argued, most of what he says would fall on deaf ears because I was so infuriated with how he treated me.

 

And when I mean infuriated, I mean to the point where you just want to go apes*** and vent everything out without caring how the other person feels.

 

Of course this was only for very serious fights.

[Simon Phoenix]

true that i remember i told my ex and she said this isn't a movie... its reality.

 

I like how you think though... I had that mindset of waiting for her guard to be down. So when she least expects to hear thats when she hears out.

 

Because if her guard is up.. there is absolutely no way to get through... Reminds me of my ex on the day we last fought. It was as if anything I said did not reach her or hit her an bounced off and hit me back. She said things that were not true, like "I never did anything for her", which is not true. It was as if she was so pissed off and venting off everything at me.. like I was her worst enemy suddenly.

 

Yep, it's like poker in a way. You don't want to go all-in until you have the best hand in the best situation to double up. That's what I'm trying to do, sit out some hands and see what's up.

[LostOne1]

What caused this massive fight though?

 

I remember when my ex and I argued, most of what he says would fall on deaf ears because I was so infuriated with how he treated me.

 

And when I mean infuriated, I mean to the point where you just want to go apes*** and vent everything out without caring how the other person feels.

 

Of course this was only for very serious fights.

well basically I didn't give her more than like 5-6 days of space. I kept trying to text every few days to make sure she didn't forget me or so I thought it would help so she doesn't pick this other guy over me. She was 4 hours away in another city for 2 months.

 

Anyways she gets back home here in our city, and the next day I text her. I was thinking of using NC and waiting for her to reach me. But I felt, I couldn't sit there and rot. And this was before I came on this site or had any knowledge of NC. This is my first real serious relationship long term.

 

So she got back and I basically called her out she refused to see me.. I made things worse and said I would come over regardless and what not. I just said I wanted to see her and we can end it on a good note. Well from there she told me "Can you handle the truth" and said she was seeing someone else, and how I never did anything for her etc... I lashed out on her I couldn't believe she would cheat on me, because for 3 years if any guy hit on her or anything she got super defensive and bitched the person out. She didnt like that fact that any other guy would look at her besides me.

 

Anyways from there I assumed the guy she was tlaking about was the guy she said was her friend and was there for her when she needed someone and I wasn't. Which was hard for me too, as I had a lot going on though it's still no excuse to not do more for her. Then I told my sister I was hurt and all, and she called her and next thing I know they fight and curse and stop talking. My ex told my sister many times before our break up if she broke up with me, that she'd still be there for my sis. Well.. thats what my sister said too and that started their fight. I guess my sister felt like what my ex said was a lie.

 

From there it lead to me being immature and posting on FB in public that my ex cheated on me. THen my ex deleted me and blocked me off FB. After that we haven't talked and I told her I forgot all the memories and deleted her off my phone. None of which is true, but it was all done and said out of anger. Wish I would have kept my cool or given her space.

 

She did call me that day during the fight and said how she will marry the guy next year, which makes no sense. She meets him for what a month and is willing to marry him? And stuff about banging him and how is family back in another country approve of her and what not. At that time I thought she was seirous, but im starting to believe it was all bull**** to hurt me and it wasn't true. The guy she is tlaking about is new here, he only has a working visa. So for him this is a perfect way to become a permanent resident if he can win her over and marry her.

 

Anyways lastly I just said my family knows some people that can get that guy deported back. And so after that she later said she's not with anyone and only said it all because she wants me to move on. I told her she was lying and she did cheat on me and I'd never talk to her again.

 

The end.... since then no contact, and NC for a month now.

 

I take that back.. there IS contact I was on MSN messenger and she came on a week ago, stayed on for 1-2 mins and left. Not sure what that means... if she was looking for me to msg her or just to put it in my face that shes still around.

[LostOne1]

Yep, it's like poker in a way. You don't want to go all-in until you have the best hand in the best situation to double up. That's what I'm trying to do, sit out some hands and see what's up.

but you are kinda lucky.. because you did see her putting up a front and all.. so you got a bit of a preview. My case I don't know ****. She could be missing me, moved on, banging someone else.. who knows.. no idea at all.

 

If she's still the old her and this trip she took for 2 months hasn't changed her. Then she's hurting right now, and trying to convince herself what she did was right and that only her work and school matters now. I can't see her moving on with another guy. I mean breaking off a 3 year relationship when she invest in the most and breaking it, can't be easy to move on right away no matter what guy enters her life. I wouldn't believe her love if she found someone else in less than a month.

[Simon Phoenix]

but you are kinda lucky.. because you did see her putting up a front and all.. so you got a bit of a preview. My case I don't know ****. She could be missing me, moved on, banging someone else.. who knows.. no idea at all.

 

If she's still the old her and this trip she took for 2 months hasn't changed her. Then she's hurting right now, and trying to convince herself what she did was right and that only her work and school matters now. I can't see her moving on with another guy. I mean breaking off a 3 year relationship when she invest in the most and breaking it, can't be easy to move on right away no matter what guy enters her life. I wouldn't believe her love if she found someone else in less than a month.

 

I guess that's true. I did get a sneak peek, you got a point. Makes it a bit easier to get an idea, but then again, it also made it tough to run into the roadblock that popped up during her birthday. But I see your point. I do also think her knowing that she'd see me delayed her ability to process everything though. Will be interesting to see if not knowing when she'll run into me again will change her perspective. I have no idea.

 

As far as other guys are concerned, I'm almost wondering if it's better if they date around. As painful and pissed as I would be in that situation, it's hard for them to put you in perspective without having other guys to compare you to. She dates a couple douchebags and all of a sudden, you look pretty good again. But then again, if she finds someone she really likes you could be **** out of luck. It's high-risk, high-reward.

[juli017]

I guess the best thing we can all do is to get on with our lives, hope for the best, expect the worse, and hope that they will come to their senses and see how much we cared/loved these people.

 

You never know what you have until it's gone...

 

I'm hoping my guy, even though we never got official but we never got along better with anyone else, will come to miss me and realize what we had.

 

He's leaving to go on a holiday by himself next month. Going to a friend's wedding too. I tod myself that if he doesn't respond after a lonely trip like that, then he never really cared, realized what he just threw away, and all the stuff he told me was just talk.

 

The waiting period is the hardest part...

[Simon Phoenix]

I guess the best thing we can all do is to get on with our lives, hope for the best, expect the worse, and hope that they will come to their senses and see how much we cared/loved these people.

 

You never know what you have until it's gone...

 

I'm hoping my guy, even though we never got official but we never got along better with anyone else, will come to miss me and realize what we had.

 

He's leaving to go on a holiday by himself next month. Going to a friend's wedding too. I tod myself that if he doesn't respond after a lonely trip like that, then he never really cared, realized what he just threw away, and all the stuff he told me was just talk.

 

The waiting period is the hardest part...

 

Yeah, my girl is going on a vacation in a couple of weeks to where she grew up, I think she might be hitting up a wedding as well, I can't remember. She was doing some tour of going home, going to a wedding, going to her alma mater, etc. She will be reuniting with some of her best friends though, so it'll be fun and games for her. She was thinking of meeting me toward the end of her trip -- I'm heading back to my alma mater for a football game in October -- but obviously that's not happening now.

 

Who knows that will do anything, but at least it will keep me from wanting to contact her because there'd be no point. Even when we were seeing each other we didn't really do the constant text thing -- mostly used it as a tool to set up our next outing or whatever.

[juli017]

Yeah, my girl is going on a vacation in a couple of weeks to where she grew up, I think she might be hitting up a wedding as well, I can't remember. She was doing some tour of going home, going to a wedding, going to her alma mater, etc. She will be reuniting with some of her best friends though, so it'll be fun and games for her. She was thinking of meeting me toward the end of her trip -- I'm heading back to my alma mater for a football game in October -- but obviously that's not happening now.

 

Who knows that will do anything, but at least it will keep me from wanting to contact her because there'd be no point. Even when we were seeing each other we didn't really do the constant text thing -- mostly used it as a tool to set up our next outing or whatever.

 

For me, I'm banking on the fact that he's going on a holiday... alone... and attending a wedding, where couples and love abound... will make him realize what he rejected.

 

Just wishful thinking on my part.

 

I think for your situation, she will remember and think about you. When you go to settings like a wedding you can't help but think about relationships/love/having someone in your life.

[LostOne1]

well my ex and I texted a lot in fact she got mad many times, because I wouldn't have my phone on me all the time and she has no way to reach me. And text was just our main source of tlaking and online as well.

 

As for dating around thats why I always texted her during the break up. It was because she kept saying how good this other guy is... and he takes care of her more and what not. To be honest, it's also because he IS there and I CANT be there. Shes 4 hours away in another city. So I can see why she probably felt the closeness with this other guy, because he could be there for her and I can't.

 

All I can say is if she really is with this guy, I'd never go out with her again. It doesn't make sense for a girl to love me so much only to break up and move on to a new guy during the week of our 3rd anniversary. I admit I was mad and said lots of crap that day, but it was the pain and immature side of me talking. Tough to end it aorund our 3rd anniversary. It makes me wonder if the distance really hurt us and now that she's back... I wonder how it feels to know weekends she won't see me and go to the movies and have a bite to eat.

[LostOne1]

For me, I'm banking on the fact that he's going on a holiday... alone... and attending a wedding, where couples and love abound... will make him realize what he rejected.

 

Just wishful thinking on my part.

 

I think for your situation, she will remember and think about you. When you go to settings like a wedding you can't help but think about relationships/love/having someone in your life.

I agree with you there. But if the person still has hate, it will just make them hate you more. I can picture my ex missing me and then hating me for coming into her life. I wish her anger would settle down, I know when she's mad... she just goes off like a ticking bomb and does something crazy and then realizes what she did was wrong. And I still forgive her because I know that's how she is and well.. her temper is that way. Which is some what good, because im usually the calm one and trying to calm her down with a hug or if im not there in person with words.

[juli017]

well my ex and I texted a lot in fact she got mad many times, because I wouldn't have my phone on me all the time and she has no way to reach me. And text was just our main source of tlaking and online as well.

 

As for dating around thats why I always texted her during the break up. It was because she kept saying how good this other guy is... and he takes care of her more and what not. To be honest, it's also because he IS there and I CANT be there. Shes 4 hours away in another city. So I can see why she probably felt the closeness with this other guy, because he could be there for her and I can't.

 

All I can say is if she really is with this guy, I'd never go out with her again. It doesn't make sense for a girl to love me so much only to break up and move on to a new guy during the week of our 3rd anniversary. I admit I was mad and said lots of crap that day, but it was the pain and immature side of me talking. Tough to end it aorund our 3rd anniversary. It makes me wonder if the distance really hurt us and now that she's back... I wonder how it feels to know weekends she won't see me and go to the movies and have a bite to eat.

 

It seems like both of you have hurt each other a lot.

 

Just leave her for now. Stop talking to her. It's because you guys keep talking to each other that you don't have enough time to miss or reflect on everything that's happened.

 

It is pretty immature of her to tell you about how things are with the new guy. She's trying to hurt you intentional here.

 

Go NC, try to keep your chin up I know it's hard I'm struggling with it as well.

 

I posted this thread because I wanted to see the effect of being absent from someone's life. Give it a go. Be absent. Disappear. Don't offer her any support or try to talk to her.

[LostOne1]

It seems like both of you have hurt each other a lot.

 

Just leave her for now. Stop talking to her. It's because you guys keep talking to each other that you don't have enough time to miss or reflect on everything that's happened.

 

It is pretty immature of her to tell you about how things are with the new guy. She's trying to hurt you intentional here.

 

Go NC, try to keep your chin up I know it's hard I'm struggling with it as well.

 

I posted this thread because I wanted to see the effect of being absent from someone's life. Give it a go. Be absent. Disappear. Don't offer her any support or try to talk to her.

thanks.

 

yeah I haven't talked to her in a month now. The time we talked was for 2 weeks when she broke up with me. I just constantly wanted to stay in touch while she wanted space. I felt if I gave space she would give the time to this other guy, and well... if there is an option then there is a chance of losing I guess.

 

Something makes me feel like she was mad at me, because this guy took care of her in this new city and I didn't contact her as much as I shoulv'e so it pissed her off. Almost like she started to compare us two.

 

After our huge fight I haven't talked, but like I said I think she pruposly came on MSN messenger when I was online. I didn't block or delete her and she came on for a min or two and left. Not sure if she was trying to put it in my face or hope for a reaction by me messaging her? or maybe she missed me and wanted me to make the 1st move... no idea.

 

But so far 1 month of space has gone by... I wanted to email her this week, but so far I haven't and don't know if I will just yet. I haven't seen her on msn again as of late since the last time.

[juli017]

 

But so far 1 month of space has gone by... I wanted to email her this week, but so far I haven't and don't know if I will just yet. I haven't seen her on msn again as of late since the last time.

 

As tempting as it is to email her... don't.

 

I'll tell you what happened with my 1st (and only lol) bf.

 

He left me a year ago. The final thing I did was write him a farewell letter (gosh what's with me and writing letters lol) and that was that.

 

He got a new gf, I was devastated. Made me feel angry, replaced, hurt etc etc so I just told myself "I'm going to stop talking to him and hope that time apart and this new girl ain't right for him".

 

As time went on, I started to grow more resentful and eventually it came to the point where I want nothing to do with him.

 

During that year, he's contacting me a LOT of times. Via text msg only.

 

He's asked how I'm going, hoping things are well, he's there if I want to talk, and that he hopes we can talk one day. I didn't reply to any of them and nor do I plan on seeing/talking to him ever again.

 

This is why absence and space is so important. My ex blamed everything on my. The break up was all my fault, he was doing everything, I'm a bad gf etc etc

 

So give yourself space from this girl. You need it. She needs.

[juli017]

I do miss my unofficial crush. I've wanted to text/call him so many times. Heck I even spend some days reading forums to make myself feel better!

 

But all I can do is hope the absence will make him realize that relationship/love brings true happiness in this world not a fuc*** career or money.

 

He did tell me I would make one awesome girlfriend, I'm different from all the girls he's met, I'm fun to be around, he cares for me and he would always want me in his life...

 

Urgh hurts remembering all those things...

 

It's been 2 weeks and still nothing... I do feel like giving up hope. It comes and goes I just have to endure it.

[LostOne1]

As tempting as it is to email her... don't.

 

I'll tell you what happened with my 1st (and only lol) bf.

 

He left me a year ago. The final thing I did was write him a farewell letter (gosh what's with me and writing letters lol) and that was that.

 

He got a new gf, I was devastated. Made me feel angry, replaced, hurt etc etc so I just told myself "I'm going to stop talking to him and hope that time apart and this new girl ain't right for him".

 

As time went on, I started to grow more resentful and eventually it came to the point where I want nothing to do with him.

 

During that year, he's contacting me a LOT of times. Via text msg only.

 

He's asked how I'm going, hoping things are well, he's there if I want to talk, and that he hopes we can talk one day. I didn't reply to any of them and nor do I plan on seeing/talking to him ever again.

 

This is why absence and space is so important. My ex blamed everything on my. The break up was all my fault, he was doing everything, I'm a bad gf etc etc

 

So give yourself space from this girl. You need it. She needs.

true.. she did the same.. blaming me for everyhing and not being there. Which is un true I was there, maybe not for everything, but I WAS there for many things. Her graduation, when her grandfather died and more..

 

THe thing that hurt me the most, was 2 months ago my grandmother passed away. She bugged me to take her tp see my grandmother.. I didn't know how to and didn't want to stress out my family, parents, uncles, aunts all at the hospital and to bring in a girl. So she bugged my sister and my sister finally agreed to take her as a friend. She met my grandmother held her hand. She wanted to see her before she passed away.

 

And then now she pulls this crap and breaks up only 1-2 months after my grandma passes away... It bugged me a lot and during the fight I asked her about it many times, she never said anything about it as a reply. I never understood what kind of women does that, basically wants to be part of your family and all and then just breaks up when shes away from everyone for 2 months.

[LostOne1]

I do miss my unofficial crush. I've wanted to text/call him so many times. Heck I even spend some days reading forums to make myself feel better!

 

But all I can do is hope the absence will make him realize that relationship/love brings true happiness in this world not a fuc*** career or money.

 

He did tell me I would make one awesome girlfriend, I'm different from all the girls he's met, I'm fun to be around, he cares for me and he would always want me in his life...

 

Urgh hurts remembering all those things...

 

It's been 2 weeks and still nothing... I do feel like giving up hope. It comes and goes I just have to endure it.

that's how me and my ex were like... if we ever fought and it mostly happened online or via text we met in person later that week and resolved it. Meeting up we had the best times, when we were stressed we would meet up and I don't know how.. but by the end of the night we were so happy and it was like the worst thing could happen that day, but after we met and hung out and ended the night... we were happy like no stress was ever there.

 

Even while our break up I talked to her she'd laugh a lot at first. it was only when started to talk about our relationship did it make her mad and jsut change her mood. Boy was I stupid to even talk about the relationship. Had I come here first, I woulda never brought it up.

 

I asked her to see me when she got back.. but I think maybe she knew if we met shed end up happy and want me back. Or her anger was so bad that she couldn't stand seeing me.. OR she really is seeing the other guy.

 

But just like you, our relationship when we were together was so much fun. That's why we always hung out and sure at times I got lazy and didn't want to and she had to drag me out. It was a mistake on my part for not putting in the effort like I did the 1st year. So I can see how you liked and enjoy the time you had with ur bf and that it felt so awesome and right.

[juli017]

 

And then now she pulls this crap and breaks up only 1-2 months after my grandma passes away... It bugged me a lot and during the fight I asked her about it many times, she never said anything about it as a reply. I never understood what kind of women does that, basically wants to be part of your family and all and then just breaks up when shes away from everyone for 2 months.

 

Can I be honest with you? She doesn't sound worth it. Seriously she is treating you like crap. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior at all.

 

How old are the both of you?

 

She sounds very self centered.