absence makes the heart grow fonder... or resentful?

[juli017]

You're right, it actually did feel better to put it in writing for some reason. I almost feel like I've talked to her about it now so I don't feel compelled to do anything, which is good. Honestly, my confidence about the whole thing is the main thing that fluctuates, the approach is similar. Yesterday when I wrote the mock letter I felt hopeless and that she doesn't give a s--t, now I feel like she probably does and I'll find out how much in the future. Who knows.

 

I guess the only thing we can all do is live our lives and try not to contact them. I can't see any other way.

 

Yeah it's best to wait awhile after writing a letter. Don't do what I did. I delivered it too soon and realized that I could have made it better. Not to mention I forgot to tell him certain things too.

[LostOne1]

Well I made contact today. I sent a big email... and some pictures and I'm okay with it now. I didn't want her to remember me as a bad person. I took the extra step to show that the hateful way we broke up was not the way it should've gone down.

 

I didn't ask her to get back with me, actually even asked not to reply. I jsut wanted to set things straight and leave with some respect.

 

Yeah part of my mind thinks.. did she even read it or delete the email right away? If I know her well enough her curiosity will make her read part of it at least.

 

it was hard to send it, but once I sent it.. it meant it was time to move on. I can move on now peacefully knowing I got to man up to being harsh during the breakup. Don't know if it was the right or wrong move, I just know I can rest peacefully now. It would've been nice to know if she read the email. But, I realized I don't care now.

 

I was mature enough for once to man up to things I did do well and didn't. I've learned and if this girl doesn't want me. Well then there is someone else who WILL and who I can use my new fond relationship skills with!

 

After the email, I finally started to clean up my act. Got my room and house clean, been working on projects and I know now that life is going to go on and move on. The last part of my heart that was left and in pain.. well it feels like I put it in the email and sent it to her. That burden is off me now.

 

Wether she comes back one day or not... I know I'm already looking at tomorrow. 30+ days of NC have helped me become stronger. The happy memories help me move on and know I DID meet someone amazing, and that our journey may have ended. But the happy moments are going to remind me that life can be fun. And that someday I'll meet someone else to add to my memories.

 

Funny, because in some forms it feels like this was SUPPOSED to happy. What are the chances the movie theatre we went to always for 3 yrs closes down a week after our break up! Or that I have random close friends, who I haven't talked to basically reach out to me randomly at a time of need. So many signs showing me that this was going to happen and I have to move on.

 

The pain is sometimes there once in awhile like an axeity attack. But not always. Now I can wake up tmrw and know that it's all over and done. I had my good share of times and ultimately I benefitted more out of the relationship. I got my loves worth from it and that's all that matters.

 

I'll still keep updates to see what's happening here for others.

[Simon Phoenix]

LostOne, as long as you feel better about it, then that is good. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I feel like going the route you just went. I'm just ready to move on and not deal with this anymore (just don't have a good vibe from what's going on right now), so I'm going to try to call up my ex, set up a meeting and explain to her why I acted the way I acted on the night that caused our break. Like you, I don't really care if she says anything and I plan on fading out as soon as I deliver this message, but I think it's important that she has all the information possible. What she does with it is up to her, but I'm not going to spend another minute wondering about this.

[LostOne1]

LostOne, as long as you feel better about it, then that is good. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I feel like going the route you just went. I'm just ready to move on and not deal with this anymore (just don't have a good vibe from what's going on right now), so I'm going to try to call up my ex, set up a meeting and explain to her why I acted the way I acted on the night that caused our break. Like you, I don't really care if she says anything and I plan on fading out as soon as I deliver this message, but I think it's important that she has all the information possible. What she does with it is up to her, but I'm not going to spend another minute wondering about this.

Go for it man. You'll feel better, because either things will WORK or they won't and you can move on.

 

For you it's a bit better, because you get to do it in person. So you will kinda of get some outlook on how it might go.

 

For me it was a bit harder, because I sent something I have no way of knowing if it got to her or if she bothered to read it. But, I do know just knowing I let it all go and out. It feels good, sure part of me will wonder if she read it. But, the way I see it. If she didn't well then she's not worth it or my time anymore. That would just show that she doesn't care and I have NO use to fight for her or even worry about her in my life. And that allows me to move on easily.

 

If she did read it.. well then I can only hope after a week or so, maybe she will digest it over time. But I'm looking at it as she got the email, deleted it right away. I was tempted to text her to ask if she got it or read it. But then I realized that is pushing it too far. The whole purpose for the email was to write it and send it regardless of what happens good or bad.

 

At least now I can say I took the last final step and that's all I can do at this time. Now I have to look at tmrw as a new chapter in my life. If she wants me still she will know I have grown and matured. If not.. I'll be living life concentrating on my career and own life now. It's like my father said today... I'm glad your relationship is over, because now you can work on your life which you were putting on hold for your girlfriend.

 

I guess he means its time to live YOUR life now, and to make something of yourself. Something that you wouldn't have reached if you stayed with your ex. And I agree, with my ex my potential was limited. With her out of the picture, I am free to pass my potential now and get somewhere without having to talk to my ex. Almost like having to travel, but now not worry about my ex and having to take her. It's all about me now.

 

I wish you all the best man, I say you go for it and put it all on the table. I hope yours works out, mines probably won't and I am fine with it now. it's life and well.. not everything goes according to how we want it. I made some mistakes, but I learned from them now. I can;t use those learned lessons on my ex if she doesn't want me too. So some lucky girl out there will get the chance. And, when that day comes I know I'll be happy in a new relationship.

 

For now it's all about me, my family and friends.

 

All the best and keep us posted on what you do and how things go

[juli017]

LostOne1 I'm glad you feel better about this whole ordeal. It sounds like you're in a good spot at the moment and you've come a long way.

 

SimonPhoenix if you do decide to contact her, I wish you all the best with that. Keep us posted on the aftermath!

 

It seems like we've come a long way guys. I've pretty much put it behind me and I'm doing my own thing now. Don't really care if I hear from him anymore or not. Makes me sad from time to time but it's not as bad as it used to be.

 

It's been 2 weeks and 2 days (I know in my previous posts I said 2 weeks but looking at the date it's actually 2 weeks 2 days starting from this post lol)

 

Not a long time I know, but I'm glad I'm not dwelling on it a lot anymore.

[Simon Phoenix]

LostOne1 I'm glad you feel better about this whole ordeal. It sounds like you're in a good spot at the moment and you've come a long way.

 

SimonPhoenix if you do decide to contact her, I wish you all the best with that. Keep us posted on the aftermath!

 

It seems like we've come a long way guys. I've pretty much put it behind me and I'm doing my own thing now. Don't really care if I hear from him anymore or not. Makes me sad from time to time but it's not as bad as it used to be.

 

It's been 2 weeks and 2 days (I know in my previous posts I said 2 weeks but looking at the date it's actually 2 weeks 2 days starting from this post lol)

 

Not a long time I know, but I'm glad I'm not dwelling on it a lot anymore.

 

I'm definitely contacting her. Not sure if it will be this weekend or in a month, but it's going to happen. I have just decided that I really don't care what happens -- if I can't have her, I just want to move on. But she needs to know why I did what I did. Don't really care how she reacts to it.

[Simon Phoenix]

Go for it man. You'll feel better, because either things will WORK or they won't and you can move on.

 

For you it's a bit better, because you get to do it in person. So you will kinda of get some outlook on how it might go.

 

For me it was a bit harder, because I sent something I have no way of knowing if it got to her or if she bothered to read it. But, I do know just knowing I let it all go and out. It feels good, sure part of me will wonder if she read it. But, the way I see it. If she didn't well then she's not worth it or my time anymore. That would just show that she doesn't care and I have NO use to fight for her or even worry about her in my life. And that allows me to move on easily.

 

If she did read it.. well then I can only hope after a week or so, maybe she will digest it over time. But I'm looking at it as she got the email, deleted it right away. I was tempted to text her to ask if she got it or read it. But then I realized that is pushing it too far. The whole purpose for the email was to write it and send it regardless of what happens good or bad.

 

At least now I can say I took the last final step and that's all I can do at this time. Now I have to look at tmrw as a new chapter in my life. If she wants me still she will know I have grown and matured. If not.. I'll be living life concentrating on my career and own life now. It's like my father said today... I'm glad your relationship is over, because now you can work on your life which you were putting on hold for your girlfriend.

 

I guess he means its time to live YOUR life now, and to make something of yourself. Something that you wouldn't have reached if you stayed with your ex. And I agree, with my ex my potential was limited. With her out of the picture, I am free to pass my potential now and get somewhere without having to talk to my ex. Almost like having to travel, but now not worry about my ex and having to take her. It's all about me now.

 

I wish you all the best man, I say you go for it and put it all on the table. I hope yours works out, mines probably won't and I am fine with it now. it's life and well.. not everything goes according to how we want it. I made some mistakes, but I learned from them now. I can;t use those learned lessons on my ex if she doesn't want me too. So some lucky girl out there will get the chance. And, when that day comes I know I'll be happy in a new relationship.

 

For now it's all about me, my family and friends.

 

All the best and keep us posted on what you do and how things go

 

I don't know if I'll get to do it in person. I'm sure she'll probably try to avoid it a bit. Would rather not do the email bit -- I just think if possible such conversations should be one-on-one in person. Phone would be ok, but if she avoids it I might have to go through her sister or just send an e-mail. I have a note written out, more just to focus my thoughts.

 

I'm not going to spill my guts and tell her every feeling I have. I'm just going to explain why I did what I did. Give her the necessary info. I don't think it will work at all, at least not in the short term, but I'd rather she have all the info. Maybe after a while she'll get a new perspective. But to be honest, I just don't care if it works. But yeah, I'm going to say what need to be said, then fade to black.

 

As for you, I suggest you do the same. Don't worry if she read it or not. If she did, it'll stick with her in some way even if it made her uncomfortable. If she didn't, she'll likely wonder what it said and that might drive her nuts. Just fade out and move on and if she re-enters your life, take it by ear. But from this point on it's up to her.

Edited September 28, 2012 by Simon Phoenix

[KansasChica]

For my other relationships, NC helped us heal because we realized that we weren't right for other. With my latest ex, NC definitely made us both resentful of the other. There were a lot of emotions at the breakup- pretty messy. He blamed me for a lot of things that I had no idea were issues for him and didn't take responsibility for anything. He wouldn't work on any of the problems that he claimed were wrong with me and the relationship. He led me to believe that it was definitely the end, and therefore I told him I needed some time to let the dust settle. The few times I tried to reach out to him- months after the breakup- he still seemed to be bitter. Like I was the one who had given up on him!

 

Today, if we see each other out, we usually just ignore each other. He hurt me way too much to have a friendly chat with him. I'm so ready to get to that place of apathy where I've lost all feelings for him. I think he's there now, so he just doesn't care if I'm around or not.

 

Sigh.

[juli017]

For my other relationships, NC helped us heal because we realized that we weren't right for other. With my latest ex, NC definitely made us both resentful of the other. There were a lot of emotions at the breakup- pretty messy. He blamed me for a lot of things that I had no idea were issues for him and didn't take responsibility for anything. He wouldn't work on any of the problems that he claimed were wrong with me and the relationship. He led me to believe that it was definitely the end, and therefore I told him I needed some time to let the dust settle. The few times I tried to reach out to him- months after the breakup- he still seemed to be bitter. Like I was the one who had given up on him!

 

Today, if we see each other out, we usually just ignore each other. He hurt me way too much to have a friendly chat with him. I'm so ready to get to that place of apathy where I've lost all feelings for him. I think he's there now, so he just doesn't care if I'm around or not.

 

Sigh.

 

I'm sorry to hear about your situation =(

 

Same thing happened with my first ex. Blamed me for everything and refused to take responsibility. He was very immature mind you.

 

The role has reversed in that now I resent him even though it's been a year and he's been reaching out to me wanting to be friends T_T

 

He has a gf and I find it inappropriate he's talking to me like everything is fine. He always did have a tendency to try and convince EVERYONE that he's a nice guy.

 

Him reaching out to me is his way of assuaging his "guilt" of leaving me. I've heard this from a few people which made the resentment grow even more. Very selfish intentions indeed.

[juli017]

I think NC is essential in that it gives everyone time to think about all the things that has happened, and whether the other person really does mean a lot to us or not.

 

Painful for both parties no doubt, but the person who dumped the other one, or the rejecter, has an easier time obviously.

 

I like to think absence makes the heart grow fonder if the parting wasn't bad.

 

If it was, then I think resentment takes over at first, but over time the feelings of missing someone will come.

[LostOne1]

I don't know if I'll get to do it in person. I'm sure she'll probably try to avoid it a bit. Would rather not do the email bit -- I just think if possible such conversations should be one-on-one in person. Phone would be ok, but if she avoids it I might have to go through her sister or just send an e-mail. I have a note written out, more just to focus my thoughts.

 

I'm not going to spill my guts and tell her every feeling I have. I'm just going to explain why I did what I did. Give her the necessary info. I don't think it will work at all, at least not in the short term, but I'd rather she have all the info. Maybe after a while she'll get a new perspective. But to be honest, I just don't care if it works. But yeah, I'm going to say what need to be said, then fade to black.

 

As for you, I suggest you do the same. Don't worry if she read it or not. If she did, it'll stick with her in some way even if it made her uncomfortable. If she didn't, she'll likely wonder what it said and that might drive her nuts. Just fade out and move on and if she re-enters your life, take it by ear. But from this point on it's up to her.

Well you do have a better chance to do it in person. For me.. there was no way I could do it in person unless I randomly crashed into her. Which is pretty much 99% unlikely to happen. And even then I don't know if she would even want to talk or look at me.

 

One of the reasons I also sent the email was because of what she told me in an email the day I confessed my feelings for her 3+ years ago. I didn't know if it was right to tell her and she told me that you should always GO for it, because that way either you will know or the person will hate you. But at least that way you'll know how they feel. She was glad I came into her life, she always said I was her angel, who came into her life outta no where so unexpected and changed her life. I guess this angel has to move on to help someone else I suppose and make someone else happy.

 

I will say waking up today I did think about the email. Did she get it? did she read it?.. Should I text her and ask?

 

Then I thought to myself... there is no point in texting. It will show desperation and might annoy her. I can just imagine her telling me in a text back "that she's moved on, or shes with someone else, or something negative". Which is why I refuse to text her to ask.

 

Like you said it's better to just go in the dark now. Move on... and well if she still has any remote feelings left. And, I can't imagine how she can't have even some little feeling left, or if her general curiosity doesn't get her to read it. Then I hope over time she thinks about it and with the weekend coming up, I think it will give her more time to think.

 

If she doesn't read it or deletes it right away. Then I know she's not worth it and that it's gone past the point of anything.

 

I guess in some sense, I've left it up to fate now.

 

The scariest thing that happen late last night was a case of dejavu. Almost like I know what was going to happen and what happens later. I could've sworn I saw myself emailing her, then the worrying got me to text her and then she said some things that would have opened old wounds. Then it made me look at the future and not be sure where it leads.

 

The toughest part is my life right now. With her I always had some secuirty to know she had my back. Now she doesn't have my back.. and well if I fall now she isn't there to catch me. As for her, I'm sure shes to stubborn, that she probably things if she falls she doesn't need anyone to catch her. She's strong enough on herself.

[LostOne1]

I think NC is essential in that it gives everyone time to think about all the things that has happened, and whether the other person really does mean a lot to us or not.

 

Painful for both parties no doubt, but the person who dumped the other one, or the rejecter, has an easier time obviously.

 

I like to think absence makes the heart grow fonder if the parting wasn't bad.

 

If it was, then I think resentment takes over at first, but over time the feelings of missing someone will come.

I agree. At first I was all after her and just had that gut instinct to chase after her. Then with NC, I realized it just allowed me to think it all over again.

 

The only problem with NC is that well.. if one side wants to work it out, the other might not.

 

For me it did wonders to see, who I was and how I was acting. Made me realize I could've done things so much better, but I didn't and just can learn from them.

 

It's almost like a quiet period to get to know yourself again and everything around you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well you do have a better chance to do it in person. For me.. there was no way I could do it in person unless I randomly crashed into her. Which is pretty much 99% unlikely to happen. And even then I don't know if she would even want to talk or look at me.

 

One of the reasons I also sent the email was because of what she told me in an email the day I confessed my feelings for her 3+ years ago. I didn't know if it was right to tell her and she told me that you should always GO for it, because that way either you will know or the person will hate you. But at least that way you'll know how they feel. She was glad I came into her life, she always said I was her angel, who came into her life outta no where so unexpected and changed her life. I guess this angel has to move on to help someone else I suppose and make someone else happy.

 

I will say waking up today I did think about the email. Did she get it? did she read it?.. Should I text her and ask?

 

Then I thought to myself... there is no point in texting. It will show desperation and might annoy her. I can just imagine her telling me in a text back "that she's moved on, or shes with someone else, or something negative". Which is why I refuse to text her to ask.

 

Like you said it's better to just go in the dark now. Move on... and well if she still has any remote feelings left. And, I can't imagine how she can't have even some little feeling left, or if her general curiosity doesn't get her to read it. Then I hope over time she thinks about it and with the weekend coming up, I think it will give her more time to think.

 

If she doesn't read it or deletes it right away. Then I know she's not worth it and that it's gone past the point of anything.

 

I guess in some sense, I've left it up to fate now.

 

The scariest thing that happen late last night was a case of dejavu. Almost like I know what was going to happen and what happens later. I could've sworn I saw myself emailing her, then the worrying got me to text her and then she said some things that would have opened old wounds. Then it made me look at the future and not be sure where it leads.

 

The toughest part is my life right now. With her I always had some secuirty to know she had my back. Now she doesn't have my back.. and well if I fall now she isn't there to catch me. As for her, I'm sure shes to stubborn, that she probably things if she falls she doesn't need anyone to catch her. She's strong enough on herself.

 

yeah, don't wonder if she got it or not. And even if she did delete it, she might step back eventually and wonder "I wonder what he sent me?". And honestly, I would not be shocked if she got in contact with you several months down the road. But by then, you'll have completely moved on and will be cool and the gang.

[LostOne1]

yeah, don't wonder if she got it or not. And even if she did delete it, she might step back eventually and wonder "I wonder what he sent me?". And honestly, I would not be shocked if she got in contact with you several months down the road. But by then, you'll have completely moved on and will be cool and the gang.

yeah.. that's what I tell myself. Is that I made my last stand, and there is NO use to worry about if she read my email or not. I got what I wanted in the sense of what I needed to say.

 

From now on.. it's all about moving forward.

 

I've got a lot of things to think about generally. I honestly felt like when she left, everything else fell too. I still haven't figured out what I want to do in life. I've been in school and all, but I've struggled since I met her. And worst of all is when your going to school and it's the same uni she went too with me LOL.

 

Maybe tmrw I'll go to the beach and sit down and do some soul searching. Figure out what I want from life now. I mean now without her as a limitation, I have the power to do anything. The question is what... and where do I want to go in life. I hope some sign comes to me or some path opens up to lead me there.

 

I always felt like this break up was going to happen like a sign of our movie theatre closing a week after our breakup. and many other things happening.

[esstea]

Do you think there are other circumstances upon which the individual will realize that they've missed? I know my guy has dated other girls (we weren't official so I had no right to say anything. I went on a few dates myself).

 

From what he's told me about his dates, they're boring, awkward and aren't that much fun for him. I could say the same for mine. The guys weren't as good as the one I want now.

 

My guy works crazy hours. Sometimes he comes home at 1-4 depending on how good the stock market is. And he usually calls me (I'm a late sleeper) and we talk for hours.

 

Says talking to me makes him feel better since his work is so stressful, that I provide insight into what he's doing and he likes it that I understand and support what he's doing.

 

From my POV, I'm hoping that those lonely drives home with no1 to talk to will make him miss me and realize how much having me in his life meant to him.

 

Nah. Why would someone go back with anyone if they broke up with them? A relationship is broken for a reason and I'm pretty sure anyone who is in the right state of mind is in the business of finding someone better and perfect for them.

 

I feel like this breakup between you and your guy is making you realize what you both had. If you both have gone on dates and still talk to eachother, then he is definitely thinking about you. With that being said however, I don't think you should necessarily take it to heart because maybe he's just talking to you because he wants an ego stroke. Has he said anything about wanting to get back together?

 

If not, i'd advise staying away. Don't play with your emotions like that. You deserve only the best!

[LostOne1]

yeah, don't wonder if she got it or not. And even if she did delete it, she might step back eventually and wonder "I wonder what he sent me?". And honestly, I would not be shocked if she got in contact with you several months down the road. But by then, you'll have completely moved on and will be cool and the gang.

also to add, I DID send her email to 2 email addresses. One her main one (she sometimes used for me) and one that she used for only me.

 

Either way, I don't know what to say anymore. I felt kinda down today. The feeling like something is missing. School work today helped take my mind off it for a bit. But bus rides make it tough not to sit there, stare out the window and think of it all.

 

Honestly, I just have this imagine of her hating my guts. Or that she's with another guy now and that's why she's so cold to me. The odd part is I think I've been the closest to her ever. The 1st guy she introduced to her family, because she was THAT sure she wanted to be with me. I think I'm the first guy she's taken a vacation with a few times.

 

It's just one of those things where I can't comprehend how she was able to break up and make that decision. I've seen us fight before, but never has she ever though about us breaking apart. Makes me wonder what this 4 hours distance for 2 months did to her. I guess I'll never know what really happened to her there. But what ever it was... it pushed her to a point where she was able to let me go. And if so, then it must have been something big.

 

I had vision today in the bus seeing the days go by and it's 3-4 months into the break up and she finally deletes me from everything else she has me added too. She's gotten over me and found someone else and moved on. I see myself then not fully moved on and realizing shes finally moved on and done.

 

I wonder if when our movie comes out in nov after watching every single other part... if she will remember that she watched the whole series with me except this last one.

 

I know S.P you think she might want to read the email or come back. But shes so stubborn. Literally no one in her own home, parents, siblings, etc.. cannot ever change her decision and mind. I was the ONLY person, who was able to convince her to change any decision she made. Especially if I felt it wasn't right, I'd tell her and many times she'd go with my idea. And my idea's never had any bad intentions, I just looked at the best situation for her and told her straight up.

[Simon Phoenix]

also to add, I DID send her email to 2 email addresses. One her main one (she sometimes used for me) and one that she used for only me.

 

Either way, I don't know what to say anymore. I felt kinda down today. The feeling like something is missing. School work today helped take my mind off it for a bit. But bus rides make it tough not to sit there, stare out the window and think of it all.

 

Honestly, I just have this imagine of her hating my guts. Or that she's with another guy now and that's why she's so cold to me. The odd part is I think I've been the closest to her ever. The 1st guy she introduced to her family, because she was THAT sure she wanted to be with me. I think I'm the first guy she's taken a vacation with a few times.

 

It's just one of those things where I can't comprehend how she was able to break up and make that decision. I've seen us fight before, but never has she ever though about us breaking apart. Makes me wonder what this 4 hours distance for 2 months did to her. I guess I'll never know what really happened to her there. But what ever it was... it pushed her to a point where she was able to let me go. And if so, then it must have been something big.

 

I had vision today in the bus seeing the days go by and it's 3-4 months into the break up and she finally deletes me from everything else she has me added too. She's gotten over me and found someone else and moved on. I see myself then not fully moved on and realizing shes finally moved on and done.

 

I wonder if when our movie comes out in nov after watching every single other part... if she will remember that she watched the whole series with me except this last one.

 

I know S.P you think she might want to read the email or come back. But shes so stubborn. Literally no one in her own home, parents, siblings, etc.. cannot ever change her decision and mind. I was the ONLY person, who was able to convince her to change any decision she made. Especially if I felt it wasn't right, I'd tell her and many times she'd go with my idea. And my idea's never had any bad intentions, I just looked at the best situation for her and told her straight up.

 

I didn't say she'd come back. I said that she might wonder what that email said if she deleted before reading. And that maybe in a few months she'll appreciate it and miss you. That being said, you can't worry about any of that right now. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can't wonder about what she's thinking and honestly, it doesn't matter. What's done is done. Don't look back, look forward.

[LostOne1]

I didn't say she'd come back. I said that she might wonder what that email said if she deleted before reading. And that maybe in a few months she'll appreciate it and miss you. That being said, you can't worry about any of that right now. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You can't wonder about what she's thinking and honestly, it doesn't matter. What's done is done. Don't look back, look forward.

Sorry, yeah I didn't mean come back either. I was trying to say about the contact.

 

Personally, I don't think she will contact me at all. She is super stubborn, and if no one can convince her with decision besides, me and my words are no longer working. Then I think it's safe to say she won't come back.

 

If she has anger left, then she will not come back and hope I am hurting so she can feel good about her self and her decision.

 

Personally, I am starting to resent her now. I just picture her forcing me and my siblings to see my grandma for the last time. To make such a hassle to see her and then my ex goes on a work trip and pulls this crap only 1 month after my grandma dies. You think she would have the sense to know I am already hurting. That maybe I can;t give time, ebcause there is a lot going on with me.

 

But she didn't see that, she just looked at her own feelings. I guess the distance gave her a chance to finally move away from me. Or someone else came into her life and it gave her an option. Either way... I just regret her in some ways now.

 

I'm the one who entered her life unexpectedly. I coulda avoided it all too. But I took that risk with her and in the end it hurt me.. it backfired on me.

[juli017]

Nah. Why would someone go back with anyone if they broke up with them? A relationship is broken for a reason and I'm pretty sure anyone who is in the right state of mind is in the business of finding someone better and perfect for them.

 

I feel like this breakup between you and your guy is making you realize what you both had. If you both have gone on dates and still talk to eachother, then he is definitely thinking about you. With that being said however, I don't think you should necessarily take it to heart because maybe he's just talking to you because he wants an ego stroke. Has he said anything about wanting to get back together?

 

If not, i'd advise staying away. Don't play with your emotions like that. You deserve only the best!

 

I wouldn't use the word "break up" since we were never official to begin with. We started out as FWB, I ended the FWB relationship and from there we both started seeing and talking to each other a lot more and focused on connecting emotionally and getting to know each other.

 

I decided to stop being his friend and cut him from my life because I wanted something more and he said he was too busy for me.

 

Pretty much this made me feel led on, idiotic, and stupid hence the reason why I started this thread: to see if he would realize that he missed out on an opportunity at love and happiness.

 

I've realized what we had all along. He's the one that doesn't.

 

I know him well enough now to know that it's not an ego stroke. He spends time with me and talks to me because I'm the only person who understands him and is able to be himself around.

 

I've stayed away from him. NC on this end.

[juli017]

 

Personally, I am starting to resent her now. I just picture her forcing me and my siblings to see my grandma for the last time. To make such a hassle to see her and then my ex goes on a work trip and pulls this crap only 1 month after my grandma dies. You think she would have the sense to know I am already hurting. That maybe I can;t give time, ebcause there is a lot going on with me.

 

I'm the one who entered her life unexpectedly. I coulda avoided it all too. But I took that risk with her and in the end it hurt me.. it backfired on me.

 

Best to let all the anger out instead of keeping it inside.

 

As for wondering whether she got the letter or not, I went through that phase too. Although it only lasted a few days.

 

Eventually, you will just come to a point where you don't care whether she read it or not.

 

For me, I got tired of wondering, worrying and caring about someone who didn't want me.

 

Forget about her and whether she got the letter or not. I'd say the resentment is good in the sense that it helps you move along a lot faster.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry, yeah I didn't mean come back either. I was trying to say about the contact.

 

Personally, I don't think she will contact me at all. She is super stubborn, and if no one can convince her with decision besides, me and my words are no longer working. Then I think it's safe to say she won't come back.

 

If she has anger left, then she will not come back and hope I am hurting so she can feel good about her self and her decision.

 

Personally, I am starting to resent her now. I just picture her forcing me and my siblings to see my grandma for the last time. To make such a hassle to see her and then my ex goes on a work trip and pulls this crap only 1 month after my grandma dies. You think she would have the sense to know I am already hurting. That maybe I can;t give time, ebcause there is a lot going on with me.

 

But she didn't see that, she just looked at her own feelings. I guess the distance gave her a chance to finally move away from me. Or someone else came into her life and it gave her an option. Either way... I just regret her in some ways now.

 

I'm the one who entered her life unexpectedly. I coulda avoided it all too. But I took that risk with her and in the end it hurt me.. it backfired on me.

 

Dude, none of that matters anymore. You made your last play, now it's time to move forward. Learn from this and use it for good. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why, or trying to figure out when it went south. It's irrelevant and you won't improve as a person if you keep looking back. I know seeing a big part of the last three years of your life sucks, but it happened. No need to continue to overthink.

[LostOne1]

Dude, none of that matters anymore. You made your last play, now it's time to move forward. Learn from this and use it for good. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why, or trying to figure out when it went south. It's irrelevant and you won't improve as a person if you keep looking back. I know seeing a big part of the last three years of your life sucks, but it happened. No need to continue to overthink.

well hopefully in the next week I'm going to be too busy with school to worry. I'm sure during the bus rides I'll think a little about it, though I'll be super exhausted by the end of the day.

 

Since the break up till now, I haven't been busy and had a lot of free time. So it really gets you thinking a lot like crazy. But now with more work on the line, I'll slowly drift into that mode and not care anymore. I know shes doing the same keeping herself busy with work and it probably works for her. So it's time for me to work on something to get me feeling like my life is moving on too.

[LostOne1]

Best to let all the anger out instead of keeping it inside.

 

As for wondering whether she got the letter or not, I went through that phase too. Although it only lasted a few days.

 

Eventually, you will just come to a point where you don't care whether she read it or not.

 

For me, I got tired of wondering, worrying and caring about someone who didn't want me.

 

Forget about her and whether she got the letter or not. I'd say the resentment is good in the sense that it helps you move along a lot faster.

yeah I'm sure ill get there soon. It will last a week, and then I'm sure i'll just not care anymore.

 

I agree with you though.. why waste my time when my ex isn't wondering or caring about me. It's stupid to even think about her, because she simply has made it clear shes done. Funny how sometimes we can't accept things sometimes LOL.

[Simon Phoenix]

well hopefully in the next week I'm going to be too busy with school to worry. I'm sure during the bus rides I'll think a little about it, though I'll be super exhausted by the end of the day.

 

Since the break up till now, I haven't been busy and had a lot of free time. So it really gets you thinking a lot like crazy. But now with more work on the line, I'll slowly drift into that mode and not care anymore. I know shes doing the same keeping herself busy with work and it probably works for her. So it's time for me to work on something to get me feeling like my life is moving on too.

 

I think your goal should be to stop thinking about what she could possibly be thinking. There's no way you can possibly know that information, so don't waste time with that. If you have to think about it, think about your feelings, not hers. You have no idea what she is thinking and it's a waste of time to speculate.

[juli017]

Funny how sometimes we can't accept things sometimes LOL.

 

I think when it comes to accepting things as they are, it all comes down to how much experience you have, and how many times you got hurt.

 

Even though I've only ever had one bf, the hurt that I felt with him, and the hurt I felt when I got rejected by "my crush" has made me become detached to people in general.

 

With my first bf, I was quite clingy and the idea of him disappearing from my life killed me for a long time.

 

Now I've become the exact opposite. I never thought I would let go of people and get on with my life this fast.

 

Is she your first gf btw?