absence makes the heart grow fonder... or resentful?

[juli017]

I suspect he liked you a lot and you were pretty special to him, but not his ideal, and he knew a relationship was not going to go anywhere serious beyond the short term and didn't want to break your heart...or else as someone else pointed out he is emotionally unavailable for whatever reason.

If you really were such an amazing girl he would make it work. He opened up to you and told you how amazing you were and that you would make an awesome girlfriend, hoping that would help you to bond with him, and that you would be accepting that it was his career that was stopping him from becoming a full-time bf, but probably wishing you would still be okay to work around that and become FWB like it used to be.

 

I don't see why you cant be friends still...as long as you can keep your feelings in check, but reading about the crying + anger, I don't think you can, for the time being anyway.

 

I don't see why either of you need to be resentful. I gather you made it clear to him you wanted fulltime GF status, so he would understand why you can't be friends and have feelings. As for him, he put his career first, that's his choice, to sacrifice relationships.

 

I guess the resentment came from the fact that I felt like I was being made a fool of. He led me on by saying all those things. He treated me like a gf right until I found out he knew that I liked him so that made me angry that he knew and still didn't change.

 

Nobody likes to be used for convenience, or as a fall back and that was how I felt. Knowing that someone likes you, yet acting in a way that gives them false hope is despicable.

 

I think the career thing is a BS excuse. There are plenty of men doing what he does and they still have gfs, families and kids. He's emotionally unavailabel because his past relationships still haunt him.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yup veeery simliar indeed. Funny how when that person just comes along, the original intention of "Oh we'll just be friends that's all" gets thrown out the window and that's when the s*** hits the fan lol

 

Lol I have a degree in psychology yet I still made these mistakes too

Having a degree in social science doesn't prevent you from making humans mistakes apparently lol.

 

That's funny. Here's the whole breakdown if you care to read about it. It's long.

 

My goofy story

[LostOne1]

Your friend is smart. I had a similar conversation with a friend last Friday who kind of refocused me. I told him how disappointed I was that she wouldn't talk to me about what she was doing to celebrate her birthday and he told me to bounce. He told me that life was too short to sit around waiting and hoping to hear from someone.

 

Told me to move away from her, settle myself until I was ready to talk to her and not give a **** and then invite her out to a party or something in several months when everything has died down. Then do what I originally wanted to do and have her hook me up with her friends like I originally was planning on doing when I first hung out with her. Either I'd have a pick of several cute girls or she'd get so jealous and possessive that she'd overcome her pride/hurt/confusion and try to get back with me.

 

Now I'm not sure if all of that will happen, but it was inspiration. I can't stand to constantly fight this battle in that manner and I won't win, either with her or with me, doing it that way. So it's time to keep up NC for real, not as a crutch because I knew exactly when I'd see her.

yeah well lets hope we both can keep NC up and going.

 

I did something interesting today maybe will post a pic up later if it works. But it's a way to re-enforce those things daily. I'll see how it goes.

 

I feel good now, but who knows how long I can handle it for. Maybe another week and then the dang relapse day kicks in... FML! im off to bed!

[Simon Phoenix]

Facebook is horrible... for a social media engine that is meant to "connect" people and make them feel like a part of a community, it does a thrashing job at tearing relationships apart, causing misunderstandings, and causing a heck of a lot of hurt, pain and anguish.

 

Pretty much a tool for revenge...

 

I've blocked/deleted my ex and this guy. Does no good to keep em in my profile since I'll be too tempted to "stalk" and see what they're up to which just plain hurts.

 

Avoid people!

 

Nothing hurts more then going to your ex's profile and seeing "X is in a relationship with Y".

 

Yup veeeery devastating!

 

I just took mine off my news feed. I can't block because of possible political ramifications.

[LostOne1]

and the morning hits and the pain starts again.

 

Mornings are the worst for me,. my classes are later in the day and just waking up from a nightmare sucks!

 

Still have that email on my mind, but have to push myself away from it.

 

Still don't get why it hurts so much. I always thought if she left me I wouldn't care. I mean she thought that too probably, that it wouldn't matter for me if she left me. And yet the pain is still there... I don't know why. I try to fill it with anger, but curiosity kills and takes that away.

[juli017]

and the morning hits and the pain starts again.

 

Mornings are the worst for me,. my classes are later in the day and just waking up from a nightmare sucks!

 

Still have that email on my mind, but have to push myself away from it.

 

Still don't get why it hurts so much. I always thought if she left me I wouldn't care. I mean she thought that too probably, that it wouldn't matter for me if she left me. And yet the pain is still there... I don't know why. I try to fill it with anger, but curiosity kills and takes that away.

 

I agree with you. Mornings are the worst. So is going to bed at night. He is the first and last thing I think of during these times of the day/night.

 

The hurt/anger is subsiding for me. I'm becoming more indifferent towards him. Since my first ex fuc*** around with my emotions during those 5x breakups he force me to endure, I'm becoming less tolerant to rejection and learning to let go of people who do that to me in life.

 

Throw away the letter. She doesn't deserve you. From her actions, she doesn't give a damn about what you're feeling/going through (sorry for my harshness there).

 

I think feeling that intense anger at the beginning makes the healing process quicker. It puts all your negative emotions out there and lets them go so you can return to your normal self.

 

Allow yourself to feel the anger and sadness instead of trying to fill it with positive feelings for her.

 

Better to sit back and realize what the person you love is like, then get back with them and endure it all over again.

[Simon Phoenix]

I wish I did have anger toward my ex. Would make this easier. But I don't. I completely understand why she reacted the way she reacted. I've had five significant relationships in my life preceding this one. The first was in high school and she was a lot more into me than I was into her. We'd date, I'd get bored, I'd leave, she'd move on, she'd want to date again, I'd say yes, we'd date, I'd get bored, etc. Stayed friends with her throughout, but looking back, I wasn't that awesome to her. But it was extremely easy to move on.

 

Second one was early in college and ended badly -- I was way too clingy and I smothered her before and after the break (she cheated on me). Her cheating and her angry behavior at how I acted allowed me to get over it though. The third was later in college and the girl was awesome and we had fun, but there weren't hard core feelings. Eventually we became too busy to remain a couple but we did hook up from time to time afterward. I occasionally would get angry if I saw her with another guy, but in general, I got over it just fine. The next was a co-worker in my early 20s (the one who tried to get me in trouble at work and I went NC on for nearly a year, including two months as co-workers). Her betrayal was an instant "I'm done" moment, though we did reconcile and become friends. The last was in my mid-20s where I got into a girl that didn't reciprocate. We had "The Talk" and she said she wasn't into it and I got pissed, but she moved away and 4-5 months of NC allowed me to get past it, though I was past it in less than a month.

 

This one though, sheesh. She did nothing wrong prior to our break. I mean, I guess I could get pissed at the ignoring after the fact, but I'm really not sure if I wouldn't react similarly if the roles had been reversed. That might be the toughest part of this whole thing -- every major break I've had had some mutual parting, or at least mutual nastiness, but not this one. The fact that it's completely self-imposed sucks. I'm sure she's forgiven me, but I turned her off pretty badly.

[juli017]

This one though, sheesh. She did nothing wrong prior to our break. I mean, I guess I could get pissed at the ignoring after the fact, but I'm really not sure if I wouldn't react similarly if the roles had been reversed. That might be the toughest part of this whole thing -- every major break I've had had some mutual parting, or at least mutual nastiness, but not this one. The fact that it's completely self-imposed sucks. I'm sure she's forgiven me, but I turned her off pretty badly.

 

I kinda understand where her anger and all the ignoring is coming from. Personally if it were me, I'd be pretty happy if the guy came forward and told me everything up front. A real explanation not excuses that is.

 

The thing about rejection is, the person who gets rejected feels like a fool. From my POV, you stick your neck out there doing all these things for the other person, you pour all this energy into making yourself come off as desirable but still being yourself, and to get a "nah no thanks" really kills the self esteem.

 

She's probably wondering why you rejected her. Or if she's undesirable or something. Cuz these are the feelings that I felt. I know you said you aim to win, and that the timing isn't right.

 

But when will it be right if you delay it? Just curious. What would be the cue for which you would decide to take action and not let this girl slip past you? Sounds "movie-ish" but yea what's your cue for when the time is right?

[LostOne1]

I kinda understand where her anger and all the ignoring is coming from. Personally if it were me, I'd be pretty happy if the guy came forward and told me everything up front. A real explanation not excuses that is.

 

The thing about rejection is, the person who gets rejected feels like a fool. From my POV, you stick your neck out there doing all these things for the other person, you pour all this energy into making yourself come off as desirable but still being yourself, and to get a "nah no thanks" really kills the self esteem.

 

She's probably wondering why you rejected her. Or if she's undesirable or something. Cuz these are the feelings that I felt. I know you said you aim to win, and that the timing isn't right.

 

But when will it be right if you delay it? Just curious. What would be the cue for which you would decide to take action and not let this girl slip past you? Sounds "movie-ish" but yea what's your cue for when the time is right?

he has an advantage though.. he is close with her family. So he has more inside information and all. So I don't think she can slip away that easily.

 

But I do agree.. when is the right time?

 

It was like for me.. writing a small 3 sentance email and wanting to send it... when is the right time. For me.. I have gotten over the email idea for a bit now. I'm sure it will come back and bug me later on.

 

But timing is tough.. I read today that you shouldn't take longer than 1 month and a half. I guess the longer you take the more feelings someone loses, but the shorter you take the more feelings are built up inside of the person and sometimes not good ones.

[Simon Phoenix]

I kinda understand where her anger and all the ignoring is coming from. Personally if it were me, I'd be pretty happy if the guy came forward and told me everything up front. A real explanation not excuses that is.

 

The thing about rejection is, the person who gets rejected feels like a fool. From my POV, you stick your neck out there doing all these things for the other person, you pour all this energy into making yourself come off as desirable but still being yourself, and to get a "nah no thanks" really kills the self esteem.

 

She's probably wondering why you rejected her. Or if she's undesirable or something. Cuz these are the feelings that I felt. I know you said you aim to win, and that the timing isn't right.

 

But when will it be right if you delay it? Just curious. What would be the cue for which you would decide to take action and not let this girl slip past you? Sounds "movie-ish" but yea what's your cue for when the time is right?

 

That's a great question. Ideally, I would have done it right after it happened, though to be honest, it took me a couple of days for me to figure out why I did what I did because it was so out of left field and happened when I was drunk that I was like "Why did this happen?" But yeah, I wanted to explain, but she wouldn't see me and give me the opportunity to tell her why I did what I did. It's not a conversation I was willing to have over text message or email.

 

I tried several times (though not overbearingly) to set up something with her, only to get rebuffed. Figuring she was in no mood to talk to me, I backed off. When I did see her I was around her sister and her brother-in-law and she was goofy as f--k the first day and chill the second day. There wasn't really a time to do it.

 

I have one friend who told me I should talk to her and explain myself. But most say that it's a horrible idea. At this point, I don't think that conversation would have any effect and her indifference/rejection would send me into another spiral of crappiness. I guess there are two things that would cause me to come clean at this point:

 

1. If it eats me up emotionally and I have to get it off my chest. It hasn't been like that at all. The fact that I haven't explained it isn't killing me at all. The fact I'm not with her is what is bothering me and I don't think coming clean will do that. So I'm not.

 

2. I've decided I want to move on and don't care what her response is. Basically it'd be more for her benefit and to set the record straight so she had all the information, but I wouldn't really care how she reacted to it. I wouldn't be sad when I got the inevitable rejection.

 

So yeah, I think I missed the ideal window (if there is such a thing) for that conversation. But yeah, unless I've totally misread this situation and she's was never that into me and is uncomfortable because she wants to be friends and I want to be more (which I don't buy at all, she's a blunt, upfront, bold person and I seriously doubt she'd have a problem telling me "nah dude, I don't see you that way". She has a ton of guy friends and I guarantee she's had that talk before), there's a chance that we have two people that feel rejected -- I being the one who was actually rejected, because she felt I rejected her so she rejected me first. I don't think she was madly in love with me, I think she was getting to like me and this whole thing just freaked her out/angered her/confused her/turned her off.

 

But yeah, I don't know what the solution is. Perhaps I should give my explaination. But I know what the answer will be currently and that's going to really suck.

[juli017]

I guess there are two things that would cause me to come clean at this point:

 

1. If it eats me up emotionally and I have to get it off my chest. It hasn't been like that at all. The fact that I haven't explained it isn't killing me at all. The fact I'm not with her is what is bothering me and I don't think coming clean will do that. So I'm not.

 

2. I've decided I want to move on and don't care what her response is. Basically it'd be more for her benefit and to set the record straight so she had all the information, but I wouldn't really care how she reacted to it. I wouldn't be sad when I got the inevitable rejection.

 

You know, I never really believed in the "ideal window" kinda thinking because there are so many different ways of a person responding to something that you never know.

 

There have been times where I was completely taken by surprise at how people take things. For example my "crush" knowing that I liked him and yet he didn't push me away. I thought he would've ran for the hills and never talked to me again. Instead he wanted me to remain friends with him and he always wanted me in his life.

 

That's just an example.

 

It's better to let the other person know than "Man I should have told her when I had the chance". It sucks major balls but better to live with rejection than regret.

 

We only live once so take the opportunity and do it if you are able to. Like I said you could be surprised by her response. Let her know why you need to see her.

 

Too many people have the "move on don't tell him/her" blah blah. If you really care fight for it.

 

Unless there really is nothing you can do, or it's utterly hopeless (in which case let it go), just go for it.

 

Rejection sucks. We're still living with it day by day regardless anyway lol. Might sound insensitive but what is one more rejection gonna do?

[Simon Phoenix]

he has an advantage though.. he is close with her family. So he has more inside information and all. So I don't think she can slip away that easily.

 

But I do agree.. when is the right time?

 

It was like for me.. writing a small 3 sentance email and wanting to send it... when is the right time. For me.. I have gotten over the email idea for a bit now. I'm sure it will come back and bug me later on.

 

But timing is tough.. I read today that you shouldn't take longer than 1 month and a half. I guess the longer you take the more feelings someone loses, but the shorter you take the more feelings are built up inside of the person and sometimes not good ones.

 

It's an advantage and a curse depending on where I am. I've met her parents, her cousins, her 88-year old grandmother, one of her uncles, etc. (though all of that was before we had any interest in each other). But yeah, it was great when it was going well -- her sister has known me for eight years and obviously her brother-in-law is one of my best friends, if not my best friend. Heck, they told her to get in touch with me originally.

 

But now I wouldn't say it's an advantage. I can't delete her from facebook because it could cause political angst, not just for me but for my friend as well. The sister is now not someone I can go to because she'd see it as betraying my ex's trust to talk to me. My ex won't go to my brother-in-law because she knows our friendship. If he tried to sell her on me, his wife would get pissed at him because she's overly protective of her sister. It was already awkward when all four of us hung out the last time -- if I overstepped the right way, then a lot more people could get caught in the crossfire.

 

But yeah, I'm sure I could ask my buddy if my ex was seeing anyone and he could tell me. He doesn't tell me much of what he knows, but he gives little hints of what could be going on from what he's heard.

[Simon Phoenix]

You know, I never really believed in the "ideal window" kinda thinking because there are so many different ways of a person responding to something that you never know.

 

There have been times where I was completely taken by surprise at how people take things. For example my "crush" knowing that I liked him and yet he didn't push me away. I thought he would've ran for the hills and never talked to me again. Instead he wanted me to remain friends with him and he always wanted me in his life.

 

That's just an example.

 

It's better to let the other person know than "Man I should have told her when I had the chance". It sucks major balls but better to live with rejection than regret.

 

We only live once so take the opportunity and do it if you are able to. Like I said you could be surprised by her response. Let her know why you need to see her.

 

Too many people have the "move on don't tell him/her" blah blah. If you really care fight for it.

 

Unless there really is nothing you can do, or it's utterly hopeless (in which case let it go), just go for it.

 

Rejection sucks. We're still living with it day by day regardless anyway lol. Might sound insensitive but what is one more rejection gonna do?

 

That's just way too idealistic and doesn't vibe with anything I've seen in the real world. And right now I wouldn't regret it if I never told her. If I did, I would tell her ASAP. Right now there's no upside to me telling her at all. If an upside presents itself (I need to do it to get it off the chest/set the record straight) then I might do it. I've done it before.

 

Right now I still want to rekindle it, as unlikely as that is, or move on. That means more to me than coming clean. And the odds of a full confession/gut-spilling episode working are the same as the odds of me being struck by lightning.

[Simon Phoenix]

And juli, your crush might have been saying that to be nice.

[LostOne1]

You know, I never really believed in the "ideal window" kinda thinking because there are so many different ways of a person responding to something that you never know.

 

There have been times where I was completely taken by surprise at how people take things. For example my "crush" knowing that I liked him and yet he didn't push me away. I thought he would've ran for the hills and never talked to me again. Instead he wanted me to remain friends with him and he always wanted me in his life.

 

That's just an example.

 

It's better to let the other person know than "Man I should have told her when I had the chance". It sucks major balls but better to live with rejection than regret.

 

We only live once so take the opportunity and do it if you are able to. Like I said you could be surprised by her response. Let her know why you need to see her.

 

Too many people have the "move on don't tell him/her" blah blah. If you really care fight for it.

 

Unless there really is nothing you can do, or it's utterly hopeless (in which case let it go), just go for it.

 

Rejection sucks. We're still living with it day by day regardless anyway lol. Might sound insensitive but what is one more rejection gonna do?

I agree with you here.. BUT only if the person is READY for rejection again. That too coming when your stronger. I think for me for today I feel great. I feel happy today and content with it all.

 

I think when you feel fully or close to a healed state. THEn it's okay to go for them again. In that it gives each side to think, but makes each side stronger.

 

I think both sides will have their guard down as well. And if you are rejected where the chances are really high.. then you are ready for it.

 

I was thinking of it that way when I was going to send my email... but now I'm not sure.

 

it all goes down to what Simon Phoenix said... what are the REASONS for going back. Because those reasons need to be similar to the ex's too.

 

For me.. my reasons make 50% sense and the rest don't yet. I have people telling me she is not worth it... I don't see her contacting me lately.. And as of this minute I don't feel anything for her right now. Maybe tommorow when I wake up.. I might. But at least tonight I'll get some good sleep.

 

I pray every night now asking god to bring us back somehow. But tonight it might not fully mean much, because I don't feel it as of this moment. I think she might have felt this at one point or maybe she is feeling it now. That's my concern...

 

That her reply will either be

 

-I've moved on and you need to stop and move on

- I'm with someone else and you need to leave me alone and move on with your life

- I feel content and good with how my life is without you and I like it and I've already moved on...

 

or some good hopefully reply.

 

Basically it's going to come down to her moving on or not. And my guess is she has since she's never contacted me back. But then again, I won't know if she's waiting for me to instigate contact the way our breakup went.

 

I'm in a tough spot because I swore to myself I wouldn't be that EX for her, that broke down or basically contacted her after the breakup. But at the same time I don't want to be the ex that fought with her so badly on our last day and then probably got angry and hates her for life.

 

Honestly, I appreciate and love what she did for me. It's sad she did what she did to me, herself and us. But I can't really hate her, because she did show me a lot of love and what a relationship takes to make it work. I don't like that never got back in town and didn't even give me a chance or to sit down and talk. It was already over in her mind and she already had moved on before she got back here.

 

That's why I don't want to push towards her.. she's already a month moved on compared to me. So if im in pain right now.. she's out of the pain stage and in the life is better without him and all this drama stage.

[juli017]

Quite the predicament we all got ourselves into here huh?

 

I guess we are all in the same boat and need to do the same thing here: do what we can to heal and forget about them in the meantime.

 

Yea I've always been an idealist. Maybe that's why I keep getting screwed around lol. People like me might not exist anymore.

 

I've come to the point of not caring and indifference. Doesn't bother me one way or the other so I think I'm healed in a way.

 

If I hear from him, I'll have my guard up to see what his intentions are. I have no intention of letting him hurt me/reject me again. If not, I really don't care. His fault for being blind to a good thing that came his way. If working long hours and being depressed about work is what he wants, let him. Not my problem.

 

I'm surprised it took my 2 wks to heal and come to this point. I thought I would have been more depressed for longer since I didnt' take the demise of my first official relationship so well (1 year of moping around and being miserable).

 

I think both of you guys are doing well in regards to healing. From what I'm hearing you are taking the time to think things through and not just going out guns blazing lol.

[juli017]

And juli, your crush might have been saying that to be nice.

 

And yes the "Don't have time because of my work" excuse was his way of trying to be nice. He wasn't a douche at all I was just more annoyed at the fact that he treated me the way he did and fooled me into thinking he wanted something more.

 

To be honest, I don't think I would ever want to hear/see from him again after getting played like that.

[Simon Phoenix]

Quite the predicament we all got ourselves into here huh?

 

I guess we are all in the same boat and need to do the same thing here: do what we can to heal and forget about them in the meantime.

 

Yea I've always been an idealist. Maybe that's why I keep getting screwed around lol. People like me might not exist anymore.

 

I've come to the point of not caring and indifference. Doesn't bother me one way or the other so I think I'm healed in a way.

 

If I hear from him, I'll have my guard up to see what his intentions are. I have no intention of letting him hurt me/reject me again. If not, I really don't care. His fault for being blind to a good thing that came his way. If working long hours and being depressed about work is what he wants, let him. Not my problem.

 

I'm surprised it took my 2 wks to heal and come to this point. I thought I would have been more depressed for longer since I didnt' take the demise of my first official relationship so well (1 year of moping around and being miserable).

 

I think both of you guys are doing well in regards to healing. From what I'm hearing you are taking the time to think things through and not just going out guns blazing lol.

 

We'll see. Part of me feels like I should go down guns blazing but my brain tells me no f--ing way. I actually wrote a mock letter just to see how it would turn out. I think I actually succeeded in not making it stupidly over the top but there is no way I want to ever send this thing

[juli017]

We'll see. Part of me feels like I should go down guns blazing but my brain tells me no f--ing way. I actually wrote a mock letter just to see how it would turn out. I think I actually succeeded in not making it stupidly over the top but there is no way I want to ever send this thing

 

It must've felt really good after writing that letter though. I know I felt heaps better getting all that off my chest even if it was through writing.

 

The hard part about this whole ordeal is dealing with the fluctuating emotions and mindsets.

 

One second I'm fine and know that I'll get through this, the next I feel lonely and sad that we're not a part of each others lives anymore.

 

I think I should stop searching for these types of forums and looking up "will he regret his decision" on Google lol. Because they keep reviving the hope and bringing me back down.

 

Now I'm back to "I really want to talk to him"... so frigging stupid...

[escafeld]

Everyone is breaking up/divorcing the real thing doesn't happen in the age of GIGS and "so many fish in the sea why stick with one" mentality.

 

I'm not sure the 'real thing doesn't happen' but I broadly agree with your post. I think the paths to market have changed, the internet has been great for dating, but awful for long term relationships for the reasons you describe.

 

It seems everyone has 'options' and the temptation to exit can be overwhelming for fairly superficial reasons. I know this is the focus of your OP, but I do think in the age before the internet/mobile phones/texting/social media etc people were more motivated to be happy in each others company.

 

In my life I've found that although the end of a relationship is painful, it's all too easy to find a distraction by leaping back into the internet dating world-there you start with a clean sheet, and can almost reinvent yourself.

 

Finding somebody locally in the 'real world' is perhaps harder but there's a lot to recommend it-it starts off three dimensionally, with shared friends, more chance of shared history and more hope for something more than a weekend type relationship.

[juli017]

I'm not sure the 'real thing doesn't happen' but I broadly agree with your post. I think the paths to market have changed, the internet has been great for dating, but awful for long term relationships for the reasons you describe.

 

It seems everyone has 'options' and the temptation to exit can be overwhelming for fairly superficial reasons. I know this is the focus of your OP, but I do think in the age before the internet/mobile phones/texting/social media etc people were more motivated to be happy in each others company.

 

In my life I've found that although the end of a relationship is painful, it's all too easy to find a distraction by leaping back into the internet dating world-there you start with a clean sheet, and can almost reinvent yourself.

 

Finding somebody locally in the 'real world' is perhaps harder but there's a lot to recommend it-it starts off three dimensionally, with shared friends, more chance of shared history and more hope for something more than a weekend type relationship.

 

I'm glad someone agrees with me on this. It's quite sad.

 

I think people are more selfish/cowardly nowadays too. Like it's so easy to "get with someone else" that they have learned to stop fighting for what matters because it's too much trouble.

 

We live in the age of convenience, so the convenience factor is spreading to everything: communication, travel, but sadly when it comes to relationship building.

[escafeld]

I'm glad someone agrees with me on this. It's quite sad.

 

I think people are more selfish/cowardly nowadays too. Like it's so easy to "get with someone else" that they have learned to stop fighting for what matters because it's too much trouble.

 

We live in the age of convenience, so the convenience factor is spreading to everything: communication, travel, but sadly when it comes to relationship building.

 

Very true juli. I was in a relationship (through the internet) with a woman who appeared to be wonderful. She pretty much was, but the demands on her life from her children, work and just keeping things together became overwhelming.

 

Over the course of weeks I could see the wheels starting to fall off quite badly, she was tearful, sometimes angry and often hysterical for fairly trivial reasons.

 

The relationship ended as quickly as it started with her forming a very positive self reflection that she was in no way, shape or form ready for a relationship.

 

Lo & behold the very next day she was back on the dating site proclaiming herself to be fun to be around, happy and ready for a long term relationship...I could have taken it personally! lol

[juli017]

Lo & behold the very next day she was back on the dating site proclaiming herself to be fun to be around, happy and ready for a long term relationship...I could have taken it personally! lol

 

Hmm... I will never understand people like that. She broke it off in a very cowardly way in that she felt the need to lie.

 

Again, people always taking the easy way out nowadays.

 

Urgh forgive my bitter tone. Just not feeling that great at the moment since the stresses of life compounded with what I've been forced to feel with my guy is making me very unhappy/angry at the moment.

[escafeld]

Hmm... I will never understand people like that. She broke it off in a very cowardly way in that she felt the need to lie.

To be honest juli it wasnt a lie, judging by her behaviour she certainly wasn't ready for a relationship, it's the poor men who are attracted to her dating profile who were being misled.

 

Urgh forgive my bitter tone. Just not feeling that great at the moment since the stresses of life compounded with what I've been forced to feel with my guy is making me very unhappy/angry at the moment.

 

Some really sage advice offered by other users juli, the pain will eventually dissolve, keep your chin up

[Simon Phoenix]

It must've felt really good after writing that letter though. I know I felt heaps better getting all that off my chest even if it was through writing.

 

The hard part about this whole ordeal is dealing with the fluctuating emotions and mindsets.

 

One second I'm fine and know that I'll get through this, the next I feel lonely and sad that we're not a part of each others lives anymore.

 

I think I should stop searching for these types of forums and looking up "will he regret his decision" on Google lol. Because they keep reviving the hope and bringing me back down.

 

Now I'm back to "I really want to talk to him"... so frigging stupid...

 

You're right, it actually did feel better to put it in writing for some reason. I almost feel like I've talked to her about it now so I don't feel compelled to do anything, which is good. Honestly, my confidence about the whole thing is the main thing that fluctuates, the approach is similar. Yesterday when I wrote the mock letter I felt hopeless and that she doesn't give a s--t, now I feel like she probably does and I'll find out how much in the future. Who knows.