Girlfriend of 3 years, was to fiance, admitted cheating

[Somb]

Ugh damn. I just get a feeling in my gut whenever I think about her. My friends will catch me zoning and they know I'm thinking about her and they're like hey don't think about her man. It's really annoying how my thoughts get drawn to her. It brings me down because I miss her so much. She emailed me this a few moments ago after us not talking for about 10 days.

 

"Hey,

I don't mean to be a bother I just wanted to say thank you. I know things went badly but aside from that I'm very appreciative of all the good times we had and how well you cared for me. Thank you for that. Have a nice night."

 

And just reading that made me get in a low point again. I can have the biggest smile on my face and get reminded by her and it will change my mood so fast.

 

Reading your post, you struck me as a young man wise beyond his years.*

 

Your determination to focus on your future plans, your inner strength despite the pain, your firm conviction to stand on your moral grounds, your ability to think logically despite the emotional cloud..*

 

Is truly admirable...

 

You are doing the right thing. It is best to heal separately. You are showing her that you are a man worthy of respect. You are not allowing her to step on your dignity again. She needs to realize the gravity of her mistakes.

 

I have been in her place before. I broke the heart of somebody i once loved. I thought i could get away with it. Where other men would gladly take me back, this one didn't..and it jolted me! I regret what i did but sadly, i had to pay the price. He increased value in my eyes. He earned my deepest respect. And i will never forget him.

 

Events like these often changes one's perspective forever. Her actions proved she isn't ready for commitment. Let her stumble, fall, learn, grow..it is part of her journey, part of all the life leasons she has to learn.*

 

Only time can tell if the two of you are meant to be. But for the time being, just try to soar high no matter how heavy your wings are..you still have the ability to fly.

 

You saying this really made me realize more about myself. I'm stronger than I think. I can get through this and be just fine. I've always been very in control and very logical with every action, I keep my emotions and my actions separate and the fact that you can notice how I am from a few messages is impressive. Thank you so much for all that you said. It made my day when I read that.

[2sunny]

Before you read, know that we were going to get married and move in soon, within in 3-5 years. We we're each other's first love.

 

After almost 3 years of being together, we we're eachothers firsts everything. Except first kiss (for her). We dated all throughout high school and first year of college is when it all happened.

 

After I accused her of cheating with hard evidence, she finally confessed. Saying she was in a low point in our relationship and it was fueled by a big rumor that was started about me saying I was cheating all the time basically. So many people said it and so many said it so often that she let it get to her and she started to believe it.

 

A year ago, She had sex with a guy, gave him head, kissed two other guys, and sent flirty txts to another guy.

 

She and I have always been adamant about not cheating, we stood on the same level and would never cheat.

 

It broke me to find out everything was true. I really wish I never knew at this point even though I asked for the truth. I broke up with her today after staying up all night thinking about how I can't forgive her. I wouldn't want to kiss her lips, knowing where they have been while we're together and don't want to be intimate after knowing how she cheated when I did nothing of the sort.

 

She said it wasn't for fun. She said she felt like she was getting even and she hates herself for it. She cried while having sex with the one guy. No excuse but I thought I'd mention that. She cried very often because she realized the mistakes she made and I realized that none of the rumors were true.

 

She said she wasn't going to let me propose to her first without telling me, she just didn't want to lose me and couldn't find the right time to tell me something like that.

 

She lied to me and acted fake about so many things when she was cheating behind my back and I defended her everytime someone said something. I stuck with her until the end. But then it was all true. I felt so demolished because I would've never expected this from her. She is the sweetest person you'll ever meet.

 

I broke it off with her saying I don't know if I'll ever forgive her and I just want to be alone. I don't even want to think about relationships.

 

She was sorry, I could tell, I know she'd never do it again, I could also tell, but the thing is, she did it. Regardless if she would never again.

 

How much is too much to forgive? How much is too much to try to go on with?

 

I intend to wait a very long time and see if I can ever forgive her for what she did to me. She is sorry. She regrets it every second. I told her I may never want to get back together. She said even if I needed 10 years before I could forgive her, she'd wait patiently for because I'm not holding her up, there's no one else she'd rather be with. I feel the same for her.

 

What should I do? My heart says continue with her, get married in a few years, life happily ever after. My mind says, even though she's remorseful, she ****ed you over one too many times. Leave her forever.

 

So for now, I choose the middle ground. Its over but there may be a possibility of me forgiving her in the future.

 

Am I doing the right thing?

 

 

On a side note, my step dad and mother broke up the same way. Everyone started talking rumors about my mom cheating although she was in the house everyday and I know she didnt, she never would. A few times through the relationship, I shared this story with my gf, fearing that the same may happen to us and I figured if she read the story, even though it seemed like she didnt believe the rumors, that if she did, the story may knock sense into her. I guess not.

 

You CAN'T possibly believe she wil never do it again... Tell me you're not that naive.

 

She didn't even blame herself - she claimed = revenge (or some lame excuse).

 

She needs counseling to get HONEST about why she did it - and HOW she's never has the need to do it again!

 

I doubt she sorry - seems she's just sorry you found the "hard evidence".

 

I also don't believe she was planning to tell you! She would have told you IF that was her plan!

 

Seems she lies - a lot!

 

I'm proud of you for thinking enough of yourself to break it off.

 

I'm coming into the thread late - only read the first post...hope the updates find you being strong and wise with your future.

[Somb]

TODAY - Marks two weeks since I've last talked to her. She emailed me a few days ago saying that even though things didn't end well, she appreciates all the times that I've taken care of her and cared for her.

 

I didn't reply to the email.

 

So as for life, its gotten a lot better. I've been relatively happy and the only thing is that I kick myself because I think of things she said in the relationship and its like it makes sense why she said those things now, because she was projecting. She was throwing how she feels about herself at me. The reason she was so curious if I was cheating was because she was actually the one cheating. And there are just things that happened around that time where it's something that puts a puzzle together.

 

I'm happier not being with her after knowing what happened. I feel more free to do as I please and not care what anyone thinks about it. I don't have to answer to anyone now, and that feels great.

 

I've been more into my passion of filming and music production since I've dumped her. It helped me in a way.

 

I don't think of the past almost 3 years of my life as a waste anymore but as a great run. It was fun while it lasted and honestly the best 3 years of my life. But its over now and I'm prepared to move on to a new chapter in my life. With someone different.

 

A lot of things are more clear now. I don't believe anything from her because of how much she lied. She wasn't going to tell me before I proposed because if she told me or if had I found out after we were already married and living together, she would've had a better chance of me getting over it and that was her plan. I think she was just going to forgive herself eventually and feel what I don't know can't hurt me and never tell me.

 

She made me a fool, there are instances where I wish I could rewind and break the kid's face in that she cheated on me with.

 

She is clearly not ready for a serious commitment and has a lot of growing to do. We won't ever get back together. That's a fact. She did me wrong so many times in so many ways and I'm not going to be her doormat anymore.

 

I'm glad I didn't let my emotions take control and let her back into my life. I would've regretted it every day. The relationship was already getting difficult with her going to college states away so its better I'm not tied down and don't have to change my plans to accommodate her anymore. I don't give a f*ck what she does or what she thinks about me.

 

I've gotten cynical here and there but I get brought back up thanks to my friends and family. They are really the supportive ones. I've gotten closer to my mother when I shared this with her because she had empathy, since she's been there. And that says a lot because me and my mother don't socialize as much as we should. Not a perfect connection there but its much better than a bad one.

 

I thank all of you for influencing me positively and further stopping me from making a stupid decision to forgive her. Life moves on, and so will I. This is a time I will spend just being single and being independent once again. I don't need some girl to be happy, it's nice, but I won't die if I'm not with one.

 

I don't plan to start dating for some time. Just to clear my head and get back on my focus with life. I don't need anyone but my friends and family. They will always be there for me.

 

I really hope that I one day find a connection like I had with her. She really did mean the world to me and I'm crushed but I'll repair. I know I will, everyone does. I'm sure there are plenty of other people out there, there are always more fish in the sea.

[Fitnerd]

Man, what happened to you is awful, and I'm sorry but... just consider yourself lucky that you found out now instead of, for example, after you got married!

 

You did what should have been done, she not only cheated but just lied to your face for a whole year about it!

 

Good luck with your recovery!

[seibert253]

Right now, I'm standing and applauding.

 

Great job mate. Keep moving forward, never in reverse.

[ja123]

The I thought you were cheating/I was told you were cheating first led me to cheat is standard WW lies.

 

Time to do dectective work.

 

Tell your GF that she must tell you who all the people where that said you were cheating on her. If she asks why just say that you need to know who your real friends are.

 

Then without letting GF know you quietly confront them to see if their story matches GF's story.

 

No, don't do detective work. It's going to get you focused on the wrong things and rile you up even more.

 

I think she just said there was a rumour of your having cheated to use an an excuse to explain her behaviour and deflect blame from her onto you.

 

Read Susan Forward's "Emotional Blackmail".

 

IMO, you should dump her, go no contact, grieve your loss, and move on.

[Onionator]

Damn man, this is really a tough situation. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years now and I know that if I found something like this out it would leave me in a ditch for weeks if not months. With that being said however, no matter how much you love her and how much she says she loves you it has to end.

 

You can try and just push through it and try to make it work but these incidents will always linger in the back of your head and it'll make you feel like crap alot of the times. In this situation I would end it, put my life into "auto pilot" giving me time to think and relax and eventually move on. It will be HARD and it will seem impossible at times where you just wish you were with her but you will find someone just as good or even better in the future who would never even THINK about any act that could hurt you. That's the type of person you want and need in your life.