How do I tell him that ive seen the mails??! Should I get out of this??

[Arabellad25]

Office affair gone wrong?!

 

Hey all, I'm here looking for some honest opinions as to wether I need out of this *"relationship"

 

I currently work for a large company & within our department there's a very tight nit *team of 10 who have to work together on a daily basis & are all very close. We pretty much know each other inside out... There are 3 main people in this situation & I'm hoping I don't overcomplicate as it is a bit messy.

 

Myself 25 *( single & *the carefree / quirky one )

Steve 30 ( very successful & secretive.. Had a reputation of being a bit of a cheat on his gfs in the past )

Todd 30 ( loyal & friendly - having issues with his gf at home )

 

So, I moved city & got this job after a really tough break up & kept my head down for 2.5 years just getting to know myself again & recovering.. My office buddy's were my main point of socialising as we all got on so well & regularly went for drinks.. Particularly with Todd, considered him a good friend.*

 

I decided that despite loving my job I wasn't really settled here & that's what I've been craving so handed my notice in @ work. A week before I left Todd confessed to being in love with me & was planning on leaving his girlfriend / just had to tell me. I was shocked & drunk when he told me & we kissed.. The next morning I felt terrible & apologised - tried to carry on as though nothing had happened...I just couldn't imagine feeling responsible for their break up & his feelings were too intense, so that made life a bit awkward.. Although I didn't worry too much as I was leaving,, just a tad disappointed that I'd lost a friend.

 

2 weeks later my Leaving party arrives: I somehow end up sleeping with Steve... Despite the situation with Todd I don't feel too bad as I'm leaving & it was just a bit of fun ( something I felt I deserved after 2.5 years of getting over my ex ) I wasn't overly attached or attracted to him at all so it seemed harmless...*

 

However the day before I was due to leave my boss asked me to stay, so here I am 5 months later & I'm still seeing Steve. Despite everyone in our team knowing we can't really come out as being in a relationship as although the company has no policy on it.. I have no doubt it would b frowned upon.. Todd was distraught and handed his notice in & was then offered a managerial role opening his own office.. So he's still in the company but won't speak to me / actually hates me...

 

But the main problem here is Steve... I totally have my guard up with him because of his past.. He can b very sly about his personal life & although we see each other frequently the fact we can't have a normal relationship takes it's toll. Sometimes I try to look at it as though it's just fun / nothing serious & he will get distant as though he wants more than that.. I'm just so scared to give him my heart as I don't want to get hurt. I really feel like all I want is too settle down & it's so comfortable with him.. I do like him a lot.. But I just worry that I'll end up getting hurt & kick my self for letting him in...

 

I was rediculess today & Checked his mails.... So had a snoop & low & behold I found out that he had a gf when we first got together who he must have split up with - but she mailed him last week sayi g she misses him / wanted to take him out ( low & behold it's an old colleague from his last job - that was obviously why he left ) - he turned Down the invite but said it wasn't because he didn't want to see her. but when she was trying to contact him & he was seeing me he would lie & say he was busy @ gym...

 

Then i see a couple of more recent mails where they are talking dirty & I just can't figure if they have slept together again...

 

What do I do here?! He told me he loved me last week & I do care about him.. I just don't want to be a mug. I'd love to just tell him I've seen the mails but then I'll look like a psycho... How do I approach this????

 

help??!*

[InJest]

Just tell him it won't work because you can't be open about the relationship and it's taking a toll on you.

[NoMoreJerks]

yes, i'd get out of this. i wouldn't even give him the benefit of an explanation, though.

[BetrayedH]

If you want to stay with a lying cheat, stay with the guy who is sexting with an old GF and has a history of cheating.

 

Steve was a rebound. Dump him and move on.

[loveunlimited]

i cannot think of a more appropriate example of why passion and profession don't mix.

be completely open with steve and tell him that you have your reasons, and you would strongly advise him to not ask what they are but that it is over between you,

you have to keep working together that sucks but what you should do is retain a professional attitude at work and only be prepared to talk business and nothing more, and make it known that you and he are no longer together. Forget todd, don't worry about him or his attitude, he's big enough and old enough to deal with that himself. deal with your job rise above it and keep your head down if that doesn't sound too contradicting.

people will talk and you will be the main topic of discussion but as my mum says when they're talking about you they're just giving someone else a break. let it all blow over because it will, and let steve date some other poor mug. if other women want to be drawn in by his player attitude that's their problem, you don't have to get drawn into this any further. .

[bob the brave]

Take if from a guy, if you are looking for a long term relationship, stay away from this one. No matter how sweet he is or what he says or even what he, himself may believe, HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU.

 

There is an old fable. A little girl is walking through a forrest on a crip fall day and happens upon a snake resting on a rock. He had fallen alseep in the sun and since the sun is now gone and the snake cold blooded he lacked the strength to crawl to the ground. He spoke to the girl saying,

 

"Little one could you please save me. I have fallen asleep in the sun and now the rock is cold and I can no longer move,"

 

"You're crazy.", said the girl, "You will bite me and I will die."

 

"Yes, I do have that reputation. But I won't hurt you. I need you to save my life. If you die, I die. Please, just pick me up, place me in your bossom and carry me to a warm place. I promise I will not bite."

 

So, the girl, feeling sorry for the snake picked him up and placed him inside her jacket where he would be warm and continued her hike. Suddenly her jacket rose and she felt a sharp pain in her chest. As she fell to the ground the snake slithered out onto the ground. As she lay dieing, she cried to the snake,

 

"Why did you do that. Now we will both die."

 

"Did you not know what I was when you picked me up." replied the snake.

 

 

If you date someone who has cheated on someone else they will likely cheat on you. Stop checking email, and worrying about questioning, just be smart, respect yourself and move on.

[TaraMaiden]

what exactly is going on here....?