Arabic middle names

[The_Face]

The ex gf wrote a list of Arabic names for a possible middle name for our unborn child, if it is determined it is a girl. (If its a boy she has already decided on Jeffrey)

 

I told her I am really, really not fond of the idea. I am not the slightest bit Arabic, nor is she. It makes no sense to me.

 

Her response is "Fine, let's just pick some boring American name."

 

Sure, if that's the only alternative. I just can't fathom giving our child an Arabic name.

 

My head hurts.

[whichwayisup]

Jasmine is a popular arabic name, and it's used all over the world.

 

Samira is another nice arabic name. Farah, Jana, Mina. Even Sarah is used for female names.

 

Those are more normal sounding names, not too arabic. Talk to your wife and see what she thinks.

Edited September 23, 2012 by whichwayisup

[The_Face]

That helps a bit. Not as bad as some of the ones she picked. I can't even pronounce half of them. I don't mean to knock her ideas, or even her reasoning for being interested in them, but when she asks my opinion I have a hard time saying I like them.

 

We'll see what happens. Thanks for the input!

[El Brujo]

Just don't let her name the kid Fatima. No American girl wants to be named something that starts with FAT.

[denise_xo]

Those are more normal sounding names, not too arabic. Talk to your wife and see what she thinks.

 

Mona is also very common, as well as Heba.

[taiko]

Mona may be common but the general public doesn't identify it with an outsider group thus it would not have the effect I think the girlfriend wants to elicite.

[SmileFace]

My first name is arabic.. it is weird only because it is a boy name and I am a girl.

[denise_xo]

Mona may be common but the general public doesn't identify it with an outsider group thus it would not have the effect I think the girlfriend wants to elicite.

 

What 'effect' is she looking for exactly? Is this some kind of political statement? 'Fashion' statement? 'Intellectual' statement?

[The_Face]

What 'effect' is she looking for exactly? Is this some kind of political statement? 'Fashion' statement? 'Intellectual' statement?

 

Who knows.. Conversation piece? I don't get it either. But I agree, Mona isn't exotic enough (for lack of a better word) to fit the criteria she has for the name. Ughhhh.

 

And I don't think Arabic names are wierd. But if you're not Arabic, then it is. No offense to anybody, but for my child, I don't like it.

[taiko]

What 'effect' is she looking for exactly? Is this some kind of political statement? 'Fashion' statement? 'Intellectual' statement?

If you have no connection to a group yet are specifically looking for a name from that group then yes that is the point a political or fashion statement. Even when there is a connection that is also the point like with African Americans born since the mid 60s have increasingly been given actual or faux Swahili and Arabic names to disassociate from Europe/White

[whichwayisup]

And I don't think Arabic names are wierd. But if you're not Arabic, then it is. No offense to anybody, but for my child, I don't like it.

 

The mother of your child has compromised in the sense that it's going to be a middle name. At least it's not a first name! (BTW, Jeffrey is not an arabic name. Just sayin'!)

 

Learn how to compromise and talk things out with her. Put yourself in her shoes and hopefully she'll put herself in your shoes. Trust me, this is the first of MANY battles ... So I'm telling you now, learn to pick your battles! Otherwise every single thing will be a fight and come to a "No I'm right, you're wrong" kind of thing.

 

Tell her a few names that I suggested (unless you hate them.) Jasmine is nice. So is Samira.. And can be shortened to "Sam."

 

Think about it and be open minded.. IF you go to her slam the door, say no arab middle names right off the bat, it'll just piss her off and she'll shut you out.

[The_Face]

The mother of your child has compromised in the sense that it's going to be a middle name. At least it's not a first name! (BTW, Jeffrey is not an arabic name. Just sayin'!)

 

Learn how to compromise and talk things out with her. Put yourself in her shoes and hopefully she'll put herself in your shoes. Trust me, this is the first of MANY battles ... So I'm telling you now, learn to pick your battles! Otherwise every single thing will be a fight and come to a "No I'm right, you're wrong" kind of thing.

 

Tell her a few names that I suggested (unless you hate them.) Jasmine is nice. So is Samira.. And can be shortened to "Sam."

 

Think about it and be open minded.. IF you go to her slam the door, say no arab middle names right off the bat, it'll just piss her off and she'll shut you out.

 

She hasn't exactly compromised much. She picked the first name the day we found out and hasn't been willing to even explore other ideas, they are automatically not good enough. I let that one go finally. If it's a boy, the middle name was predetermined, as well. She picked the name of her best friend growing up because they made a pact that when they grew up they would name their first kids after eachother. This, I also realized, is unchangeable.

 

Now the only thing left to decide is if the baby is a girl, and what the middle name will be, as the first name she picked for a boy is also the name she is choosing to use if it's a girl. The fact that any and all American names for the girls middle name are immediately out of the question, is not a compromise to me. It's basically saying "We are doing it my way, no matter what you think of it. Here, have the last name. That's it. We aren't going to even DISCUSS anything else together."

 

And how do you propose I "put myself in her shoes"? I do EVERYTHING to support her, EVERYTHING. Asking to make this more of a collaborative effort in picking names is not asking too much, for crying out loud. She is being super controlling of this whole thing, I'm at the point now where I don't even care anymore. Because she is running the show all by herself.

 

By the way, thank you, I had no idea that Jeffrey wasn't an Arabic name. You didn't read close enough. And don't presume that because I'm asking to work together on this instead of just picking something from "her" list, that I don't compromise Anyway, if she shuts me out because of something like this, then she's pretty messed up in the head, if you ask me.

Edited September 25, 2012 by The_Face

[denise_xo]

Your wife sounds like a piece of work.

[Madman81]

I'm a politically correct liberal of mostly English and Scottish heritage, and I wouldn't give my child an Arabic name. Just like I wouldn't call him or her German names like Heinrich or Waldtraud (unless the child's mother had German heritage). Those names have no connection to the kid's heritage or background. In my opinion, people who do that are trying to show how cool, unique or edgy they are, when all they're really accomplishing is sticking their newborn child with a lifelong conversation starter for a name.

 

Most kids want most of all to fit in and be accepted by their peers. Why would your wife want to make that more of a challenge for your child than it's already going to be?

[spiderowl]

My daughter has an Arabic first name. We were not Arabic, I just liked the name; it's unusual and I liked the meaning behind it. She likes it too and she is the one who has to live with it. It's nice to have a special or unusual name. One unexpected effect of giving her the name is that Arabic-speaking people recognise it immediately and seem delighted about it. We have made some new friends like that. All in all, a very positive decision.

[spiderowl]

She hasn't exactly compromised much. She picked the first name the day we found out and hasn't been willing to even explore other ideas, they are automatically not good enough. I let that one go finally. If it's a boy, the middle name was predetermined, as well. She picked the name of her best friend growing up because they made a pact that when they grew up they would name their first kids after eachother. This, I also realized, is unchangeable.

 

Now the only thing left to decide is if the baby is a girl, and what the middle name will be, as the first name she picked for a boy is also the name she is choosing to use if it's a girl. The fact that any and all American names for the girls middle name are immediately out of the question, is not a compromise to me. It's basically saying "We are doing it my way, no matter what you think of it. Here, have the last name. That's it. We aren't going to even DISCUSS anything else together."

 

And how do you propose I "put myself in her shoes"? I do EVERYTHING to support her, EVERYTHING. Asking to make this more of a collaborative effort in picking names is not asking too much, for crying out loud. She is being super controlling of this whole thing, I'm at the point now where I don't even care anymore. Because she is running the show all by herself.

 

By the way, thank you, I had no idea that Jeffrey wasn't an Arabic name. You didn't read close enough. And don't presume that because I'm asking to work together on this instead of just picking something from "her" list, that I don't compromise Anyway, if she shuts me out because of something like this, then she's pretty messed up in the head, if you ask me.

 

The thing with names is that it is a deep and emotional decision, as you have found. When we choose names for babies, sometimes names just come to mind and become fixed. They seem right (you have found they can also seem wrong). It seems the name feels right to your partner. Why don't you suggest you both explore names that 'feel' right to both of you. Maybe she will understand that. Sometimes when something feels like it fits though, it can be hard to shake.

[Madman81]

My daughter has an Arabic first name. We were not Arabic, I just liked the name; it's unusual and I liked the meaning behind it. She likes it too and she is the one who has to live with it. It's nice to have a special or unusual name. One unexpected effect of giving her the name is that Arabic-speaking people recognise it immediately and seem delighted about it. We have made some new friends like that. All in all, a very positive decision.

There are obviously exceptions; somebody above mentioned "Jasmine" or "Samira", names that sound pleasing to the ears in this part of the world.

 

The thing parents should probably try to avoid when naming their kids is awkward future conversations that involve having to say "well, it was a long time ago, and my parents were into this THING..."

[irin]

she has right to have a say in what her child is named. she is carrying it for 9 months for goodness sake. doesn't matter what the language is. a name is a name.

[Ursa]

she has right to have a say in what her child is named. she is carrying it for 9 months for goodness sake. doesn't matter what the language is. a name is a name.

Perhaps you missed the part where OP states his ex has TOLD him, without asking for his input, that she has already chosen the first name for both boy and girl and the middle name for boy? That's beyond just 'having a say.'

 

OP, try to have a deeper talk with her. IMO, both parents should have a say in the name of their child, unless one of them is going to be an absentee parent. Does she have any doubt about your commitment to the child? Is it possible she is acting out because of the paternity test issue? Is she planning to use your surname, or her own, or a hyphenation?

 

More people are using two middle names, or hyphenated surnames, these days. Perhaps she'd be open to letting you choose a second middle name if she chooses the first, or to letting you choose the first name or middle name if she hyphenates the surnames, something like that. If she is using your surname, is it possible she feels that entitles her to make all the other naming decisions? Maybe at the very least you can get a clearer sense on where she's coming from in this matter.

[The_Face]

If she is using your surname, is it possible she feels that entitles her to make all the other naming decisions? Maybe at the very least you can get a clearer sense on where she's coming from in this matter.

 

Yes. She is giving the baby my last name. I appreciate that, of course, but you're right. She is making all the other decisions, pretty much. I have tried coming at the topic in different ways. She either gets sad, angry, or just plain quiet. All I can do is hope the whole middle-name thing (if it's a girl) turns out alright, at least something I can pronounce. We find out in a few days what the sex is, so... With that being said, the name will either be Hendrix Jeffrey (boy) or Hendrix "unknown middle name" (girl).

 

At least I tried.

 

And Madman81, you're right. She's edgy. And cultured!

[The_Face]

Does she have any doubt about your commitment to the child? Is it possible she is acting out because of the paternity test issue?

 

She shouldn't be doubting a thing about my commitment. I've been there since day one. Considering the drama surrounding this pregnancy and our breakup, I think I've been pretty damn understanding and caring to her. Most guys, in this situation, wouldn't have a thing to do with the girl until he knew for sure it wasn't the other guy's kid. I'm already putting my neck out on the line for her. She knows I'll always be there.

 

As for the paternity thing, maybe. She was really upset that I've been wishy-washy about it in the past. But still, wishy-washy or no, I think if I come to her and say I definitely need it done for full peace of mind, she should just go with it and not need to remind me how bad she feels about it. I wasn't the one that created this doubt about paternity, it was her. When she admitted to sleeping with another guy within the same week we are thought to have conceived, she created this issue. I still don't get why I always take the heat for her actions.

 

This whole experience has been a real trip. Use protection, everybody.

[FitChick]

So you'd rather pay up to $250,000 over the next eighteen years for what might be some other guy's kid? What does that make you?

 

And where are the grandparents to talk sense into both of you? They might wind up raising this kid.

[The_Face]

So you'd rather pay up to $250,000 over the next eighteen years for what might be some other guy's kid? What does that make you?

 

And where are the grandparents to talk sense into both of you? They might wind up raising this kid.

 

Heh? We're getting a paternity test, as soon as the baby is born. My parents both want us to get one. I don't know about her parents. For all I know, they don't even know a thing about why I want one done.

[Pompom]

I agree people should never pick names they cannot pronounce correctly. It was always a pet peeve of mine when Dutch-speaking owners of Japanese dogs give their dogs Japanese names and then pronounce them all wrong, or make up "Japanese-sounding" ones using letters unknown to Japanese language. Like Si, Ti, anything with an L... Idiotic and embarassing.

 

However, "American" names can be quite cruel, too. Why does a child need to have the same name as a thing? Charity, Liberty, Justice, Ash Trey, Deshangeliquaniqua, Preggersatsixteenique, Le-a (pronounced Ledasha), Summer, Winter, Autumn, Spring.

 

Some parents seem to think that a "unique" name makes their child unique, too. I didn't know a child needed a weird name to be considered unique by their loved ones... I have a friend who got a really weird name and all he gets out of it, is mockery. It didn't save him from MS, it didn't help him find true love, and he had to study just as hard or harder for his degree, as all the other students with less interesting names.

 

Special names are BS and the only special treatment that a victim of such a name gets, is bullying and mockery and having to spell and repeat at every introduction.

[Radagast]

My daughter has an Arabic first name. We were not Arabic, I just liked the name; it's unusual and I liked the meaning behind it. She likes it too and she is the one who has to live with it. It's nice to have a special or unusual name. One unexpected effect of giving her the name is that Arabic-speaking people recognise it immediately and seem delighted about it. We have made some new friends like that. All in all, a very positive decision.

 

My stepson has an African name that is also (pronounced slightly differently) an Arabic name. Neither of his parents are Arabic nor are either of them from the African culture his name is from. They liked the name, its meaning and its sound, and although different culturally from his surname it is a good match. He is he only person with that name that he knows, and has always loved it being so unusual. His sister, who also has an unusual name, hated hers and spent her childhood with an assumed second name that she preferred, only returning to her birth name when she was older.

 

My son on the other hand has a very common English name. In fact he was one of three boys by that name in his class at school. He has always shortened it and spelled the contraction distinctively to try to make it a little less like all the others.

 

How a child feels about their name will in large part be determined by how it is received and valued by others around them. If they all find it a pretty name, they are more likely to have positive associations with it, while if they double take and ask for it to be repeated each time, it is more likely they will feel awkward about it. And if it is simply one of many others exactly the same, they may struggle to "make their mark" in terms of distinctiveness. It's a fine line to tread.