'Ugliness' and dating - consolidated discussion

[ThaWholigan]

You were a virgin until 24.

 

How much did you enjoy your dating life for the past 10 years?

 

Till 23.

 

And I was just fine, I wasn't on the internet bitching about how shallow women were, proving ugly men have it hard or generally being a miserable troll. I was getting on with it. I had my music, I have a social life, and I am an optimist - all while dealing with autism.

 

Am I supposed to be bitter?

[ascendotum]

I think anyone who fails to deal with insecurities, lacks confidence, complains a lot, doesn't make the best of their situation or keeps a certain level of perseverance - then they will struggle and have it hard.

 

I totally agree W. The reason I did not 'like; your post, is that this ^, while making it harder for either sex to get a partner, effects men to a much greater degree imo. Guys don't downgrade women, for being insecure or not being confident & social, no where near as much. I've known a number of shy, insecure girls over the years who have said they specifically went for the opposite of them, to help compensate or bring them out of their shell more. Their equivalent when it comes to guys are not able to get vivacious, social butterfly type women, to help them come of their shell.

 

Someone who complains a lot is a bit of a pain in the ass for both sexes.

Someone who is boring, I find its harder for guys. Sex overcomes a lot of things for guys. I've known a number of sonky/insipid/zero initiative girls that could be described as cute, that had no shortage of guys wanting to be their bf. While a woman will have sex or a fling with a good looking guy who is boring, they'll move on fairly fast.

[ShannonMI]

Check out who is dating Charlize Theron. She probably has more money than he has so it certainly isn't that factor so what is it? Maybe she is going blind?

 

Charlize Theron is happy with new man Eric Stonestreet and adopted son in a very Modern Family | Mail Online

 

Eric was just on E! talking with Ryan Seacrest. Tonight the Emmys are airing and and he was interviewed on the red carpet. He said HE IS NOT DATING CHARLIZE THERON. They were photographed together, but they are not an item. He was actually laughing over this ridiculousness. Do we really believe everything we read in the tabloids or on gossip sites? And yes, the Daily Mail is a gossip site. Give me a break.

[oaks]

Internet dating needs to be destroyed.

 

Aww no! Don't do that! I've been on some fun dates lately. (ok, and some less fun, but I don't have to see those women again so it's okay)

[Woggle]

They mean hot to them. What they deem hot, others would label average or below. There are only so many male models to go around and I seriously doubt every LS female is dating one.

 

Most couples are equal in looks or the woman is better looking. Couples where the guy is better looking are incredibly rare.

 

There are some examples though.

 

Hugh Jackman

Pierce Bronson

Denzel Washington

David Beckham.

[carhill]

OK, if we believe everything we hear, and Eric is not dating Charlize, then was he dating his past girlfriend, Katherine Tokarz? Apparently they were purportedly an item since 2009 and split up just recently. If authentic, let's replace Charlize with Katherine, who's no slouch herself, and then apply the 'ugliness and dating' parameters as relevant to the thread.

[Pyro]

Nice try.

 

This is the line that always comes up.

 

"But women can't get the men THEY WANT."

 

So because Eternal Sunshine can't get the men she WANTS but has been on 50+ dates in the past two years, she has it just as bad as AD1980 who has never had a woman attracted to him or express interest.

 

I refuse to buy your magic beans!

 

I see a difference there. To get a date you have to be attractive to the other person and make a decent first impression with them.

 

To get a meaningful relationship you have no not only be attractive to the other person, but also have a great personality.

 

Not saying that AD is unattractive or that ES has a bad personality, but just the fact that they have yet to meet someone who likes them.

 

I think that is the difference between an AD1980 type and an ES type.

 

I also spend many hours doing making music, writing my lesson plan for my new business and doing my freelance sound engineering .

 

Also, you can actually use a laptop or a Blackberry (which I have) and use the internet outside

 

Do you really need to waste your time?

[ThaWholigan]

I totally agree W. The reason I did not 'like; your post, is that this ^, while making it harder for either sex to get a partner, effects men to a much greater degree imo. Guys don't downgrade women, for being insecure or not being confident & social, no where near as much. I've known a number of shy, insecure girls over the years who have said they specifically went for the opposite of them, to help compensate or bring them out of their shell more. Their equivalent when it comes to guys are not able to get vivacious, social butterfly type women, to help them come of their shell.

 

I agree to an extent. Remember I myself had the problem of being shy, or at the very least awkward when it came to people in general, much less women. It took serious perseverance. I never complained because I knew it was in my court, so if I was failing, it was my bad, my fault. Why blame women being shallow or whatever - I thought it was retarded then, I think it's retarded now. I digress....

 

I don't doubt that men lacking confidence have more problems, but it doesn't serve their purpose to complain or blame outside forces - they have to deal with it somehow, like other guys who may have lacked confidence in the past and are now doing fine.

 

Someone who complains a lot is a bit of a pain in the ass for both sexes.

Someone who is boring, I find its harder for guys. Sex overcomes a lot of things for guys. I've known a number of sonky/insipid/zero initiative girls that could be described as cute, that had no shortage of guys wanting to be their bf. While a woman will have sex or a fling with a good looking guy who is boring, they'll move on fairly fast.

 

There's truth in that. Although boring girls get treated a certain way - I've seen boring girls turn into battery girls just because they didn't have anything else going on, so f*cking was all they did.

[oaks]

Nice try.

 

This is the line that always comes up.

 

"But women can't get the men THEY WANT."

 

Yes, exactly. Sounds like dating failure to me. It doesn't sound like dating success, does it?

 

It's perhaps a different kind of dating failure from someone who can't get anybody to be interested in them, and perhaps it's an example of what I said earlier about it being hard to measure because not everyone wants the same thing etc.

Edited September 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ThaWholigan]

Do you really need to waste your time?

 

It's Sunday night - I have a lot of time to waste . Between this and POF.....

[MrCastle]

if I was failing, it was my bad, my fault. Why blame women being shallow or whatever - I thought it was retarded then, I think it's retarded now. I digress....

 

I don't necessarily agree with this. I was actually going to make a thread about this topic. The big idea on this forum seems to be "dating failures? your fault"

 

Almost every person with an issue on here is brushed along with a stereotypical "you need confidence!", "it's something you're doing wrong!"

 

Almost as if everyone else in the dating world is a quality person with a lot going for them, and they're all in this happy dating bubble, and once you fix you own internal problems, you'll join that happy bubble. That has not been my experience. Most of my failures came at the hands of liars, flakes, attention whores, teases, ice queens, shallow bitches.

 

I'm extremely self aware, and when it's my fault, I recognize it and fully admit to it, no problem. But in my experience, more often than not; it's them. Not me.

 

These men didn't start out with these negative attitudes. Someone brought them to that point.

 

Dating failures, to me, are a combo of stuff you're not doing right, as well as stuff other people aren't doing right.

 

I know finger pointing isn't popular here, but when it's on them, then it's on them. Bitches, liars, cheaters, shallow people, etc etc do exist in this world. And relatonships are destroyed because of them, not because of something I'm doing or not doing. Some people just suck.

[ThaWholigan]

I don't necessarily agree with this. I was actually going to make a thread about this topic. The big idea on this forum seems to be "dating failures? your fault"

 

Almost every person with an issue on here is brushed along with a stereotypical "you need confidence!", "it's something you're doing wrong!"

 

Almost as if everyone else in the dating world is a quality person with a lot going for them, and they're all in this happy dating bubble, and once you fix you own internal problems, you'll join that happy bubble. That has not been my experience. Most of my failures came at the hands of liars, flakes, attention whores, teases, ice queens, shallow bitches.

 

I'm extremely self aware, and when it's my fault, I recognize it and fully admit to it, no problem. But in my experience, more often than not; it's them. Not me.

 

These men didn't start out with these negative attitudes. Someone brought them to that point.

 

Dating failures, to me, are a combo of stuff you're not doing right, as well as stuff other people aren't doing right.

 

I know finger pointing isn't popular here, but when it's on them, then it's on them. Bitches, liars, cheaters, shallow people, etc etc do exist in this world. And relatonships are destroyed because of them, not because of something I'm doing or not doing. Some people just suck.

 

Well in my case, it really was my own problems getting in the way .

[ascendotum]

I don't doubt that men lacking confidence have more problems, but it doesn't serve their purpose to complain or blame outside forces - they have to deal with it somehow, like other guys who may have lacked confidence in the past and are now doing fine.

I agree with you. I have known a couple of shy/boring type guys though, that said they were perfectly happy with their equivalent 'shy/boring' type woman. How fussy they were when it came to looks, it was hard to say.

 

There's truth in that. Although boring girls get treated a certain way - I've seen boring girls turn into battery girls just because they didn't have anything else going on, so f*cking was all they did.

Same here, well sort of. I've known a number of nil personality but kind of pretty girls that have clocked up a lot of guys, simply because they were eager to please, and hoped being a submissive/dirty girl would keep the guys they wanted around (but it kind of worked against them).

[iris219]

 

Dating failures, to me, are a combo of stuff you're not doing right, as well as stuff other people aren't doing right.

 

I know finger pointing isn't popular here, but when it's on them, then it's on them. Bitches, liars, cheaters, shallow people, etc etc do exist in this world. And relatonships are destroyed because of them, not because of something I'm doing or not doing. Some people just suck.

 

For some it's neither, and I think it's hardest for these people because they really feel helpless. I'm not doing anything wrong and there's no man doing anything wrong. I'm not rejecting anyone or being rejected. I'm not meeting sucky people or nice people.

 

There's nothing I could change about myself that would help me have better luck with dating, and there's nothing I wish men would do differently either (other than quit being married). At this point, it doesn't matter if I'm pretty or ugly.

[jobaba]

Yes, exactly. Sounds like dating failure to me. It doesn't sound like dating success, does it?

 

It's perhaps a different kind of dating failure from someone who can't get anybody to be interested in them, and perhaps it's an example of what I said earlier about it being hard to measure because not everyone wants the same thing etc.

 

 

 

Oh, I wasn't even thinking of that particular LS member, and I'm not going to discuss specific individuals unless they're participating in the discussion. Sorry, those magic beans aren't for sale.

 

Do you consider these two individuals representative of men and women in general, or even men and women on LS?

 

You know what?

 

The poster who mentioned it before was right. This is a totally idiotic conversation.

 

I don't know how I'm always drawn back into these stupid arguments. I need the computer to work and it's just so easy to flip this window on. LS always manages to strike my bitter chord and remind of the women who have shot me down.

 

Life was so much easier before the days of the internet. I could waste my time watching football and the Simpsons instead!

[thatone]

I don't necessarily agree with this. I was actually going to make a thread about this topic. The big idea on this forum seems to be "dating failures? your fault"

 

Almost every person with an issue on here is brushed along with a stereotypical "you need confidence!", "it's something you're doing wrong!"

 

Almost as if everyone else in the dating world is a quality person with a lot going for them, and they're all in this happy dating bubble, and once you fix you own internal problems, you'll join that happy bubble. That has not been my experience. Most of my failures came at the hands of liars, flakes, attention whores, teases, ice queens, shallow bitches.

 

I'm extremely self aware, and when it's my fault, I recognize it and fully admit to it, no problem. But in my experience, more often than not; it's them. Not me.

 

These men didn't start out with these negative attitudes. Someone brought them to that point.

 

Dating failures, to me, are a combo of stuff you're not doing right, as well as stuff other people aren't doing right.

 

I know finger pointing isn't popular here, but when it's on them, then it's on them. Bitches, liars, cheaters, shallow people, etc etc do exist in this world. And relatonships are destroyed because of them, not because of something I'm doing or not doing. Some people just suck.

 

people are a product of their environment, but in the western non-theocracy world you can choose to change your environment as an adult. so while the products of the divorce generation might be 'off', in that young men think women are supposed to try to please them like their mother did, and young women think that men are supposed to come and go at the woman's choosing (but still pay her bills), people don't have to remain that way as adults. sure some will, but you can avoid those people.

 

the fact that so any deranged people exist should make normal people even more excited to meet each other.

[CptObvious]

Wtf kill it with fire!!!

[Anela]

Probably this, I knew a guy in HS who was.. well he was pretty ugly and none of us could figure out how he got all of these bitches. Until we went to the swimming pool. Let's just say some people wear those knee length shorts to be stylish. He wore them because he'd get thrown out of the pool otherwise.

 

Mystery solved.

 

It could be that he doesn't refer to them as "bitches".

 

This will be put down to an exception, or women in Hollywood trying to prove they aren't shallow, but honestly, not everybody does the same thing. "Ugly" dudes can go out and do alright for themselves, I've seen them do it in real life all the time.

 

Or that he's rich and well-known, so he's acceptable. I know; I was trying to think up the excuses before I read them.

[Anela]

 

I recall recently posting a photo of Charlize with a buzz cut and no makeup when she was in Namibia and, outside of 'glamour' mode, she came across as a regular gal. Some people have the gift of being able to glamorize for the camera and she's one of them. Her boyfriend, not so much, but who knows (amongst us) how he is in real life. For them, currently, the dating process is working. Who knows what next week/month/year will bring?

 

I was amazed when I saw what Jennifer Lopez goes through before an awards show - all of then people attending to her clothing, her skin, makeup and hair. If I had all that, I'd be on a par with these women, too.

[Anela]

Is that right?

 

Your fellow LS females would disagree.

 

They're always chirping about how they are dating or have dated super hot, gorgeous guys, to the point where they are sometimes self conscious about it.

 

I don't remember saying anything of the sort. I don't remember reading it, either. Other than one woman, who I'll bet is telling the truth. Although, her version of "hot" could be my version of "meh".

[Anela]

Count me among the people in their 20s who wouldn't allow it .

 

Me, too, when I was in my twenties. I didn't want that as a teenager. Ew.

 

 

You were a virgin until 24.

 

How much did you enjoy your dating life for the past 10 years?

 

So what? I'm sure he'll go on to have a healthy personal life, whereas some of the guys who refuse to listen to him, and continue to make remarks like that to him, will still be whining in ten years, that women are so awful, they won't lower their standards and give the "good guys" a chance.

[Anela]

I don't necessarily agree with this. I was actually going to make a thread about this topic. The big idea on this forum seems to be "dating failures? your fault"

 

Almost every person with an issue on here is brushed along with a stereotypical "you need confidence!", "it's something you're doing wrong!"

 

Almost as if everyone else in the dating world is a quality person with a lot going for them, and they're all in this happy dating bubble, and once you fix you own internal problems, you'll join that happy bubble. That has not been my experience. Most of my failures came at the hands of liars, flakes, attention whores, teases, ice queens, shallow bitches.

 

I'm extremely self aware, and when it's my fault, I recognize it and fully admit to it, no problem. But in my experience, more often than not; it's them. Not me.

 

These men didn't start out with these negative attitudes. Someone brought them to that point.

 

Dating failures, to me, are a combo of stuff you're not doing right, as well as stuff other people aren't doing right.

 

I know finger pointing isn't popular here, but when it's on them, then it's on them. Bitches, liars, cheaters, shallow people, etc etc do exist in this world. And relatonships are destroyed because of them, not because of something I'm doing or not doing. Some people just suck.

 

And I would be able to say the same thing about myself, but I've mainly been told that I can't possibly understand the above, because I'm a woman, so I have no trouble dating or trying to attract anyone. If someone was ****ty to me, then it's automatically my fault for going for the wrong guy - even though, when I met him, he didn't seem to be that way at all. It's my fault for not paying attention to my "market value" and going out there and finding someone when it was at its highest. It's my fault for not dating just anyone now, even those I'm not attracted to. (but, god forbid I say the same thing to some of these guys!)

 

This is annoying me. Ugh.

[Negative Nancy]

Hahaha this can't be life!!

 

Jason Sudekis is also dating Olivia Wilde. Not that he's ugly, but--I mean it's Olivia Wilde. Come on.

 

 

She looks like a f'n mouse, total gopher face.

[joystickd]

Till 23.

 

And I was just fine, I wasn't on the internet bitching about how shallow women were, proving ugly men have it hard or generally being a miserable troll. I was getting on with it. I had my music, I have a social life, and I am an optimist - all while dealing with autism.

 

Am I supposed to be bitter?

 

I was until 24. Now I sometimes want a relationshop but decide against it because I feel like I need to make up for lost time

[ThaWholigan]

I was until 24. Now I sometimes want a relationshop but decide against it because I feel like I need to make up for lost time

I don't feel like that to be honest. I think I could be in a proper LTR - emotionally speaking. I don't really feel like I'm missing out. I recognize things about myself that would prove to be obstacles (i.e. I like a headstrong girl - if it's even remotely a challenge to get her, I want her more).