jenpanda Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 Hi guys.. I'm wondering if anyone cares to share an opinion about a friendship nearly destroyed by emotion and circumstance. My ex-lover-now-friend, "Pete", and I have been fighting a lot lately, and we're currently not speaking at all. Last year alone, Pete was diagnosed with Hep C, sold his house, broke up with his girl, and has temporarily moved back in with his aging and cranky mother. Any one of these things, much less all of them in quick succession, is enough to cut the boy (man, age 40) some slack, which I believe I have done in spades. He is increasingly hostile, and is cutting himself off from people. I thought I'd be the exception, but that is not the case. He gets angry extremely easily and refuses to talk about anything - I can see he's depressed, and know I couldn't do anything to help even if he would talk about it. We're not speaking because he found out I called a guy he hates (for a reason unrelated to him, which I tried to explain) - he thinks I'm fraternizing with "the enemy." This really ticks me off, because I have put up with his irrational behaviour, with him saying hurtful things to me, with pushing me away, and given him no reason not to trust me. I have told him I'm here for him, written nice letters, tried to make him laugh, but everything is growing dark too quickly. I love him so much (honestly, platonically) and am so afraid for him. How can I show him he can trust me? Any advice on where to go from here? I'd sure appreciate it. Thanks, Jen Link to post Share on other sites
StartingAgain Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 He is most definitely depressed and is dysphoric. He must get into treatment, since a man behaving as he is behaving and in his 40's is at great risk. Do any other friends note the changes in his behavior? Maybe you all need to talk with him and urge him to see a doctor for treatment of his depression. Link to post Share on other sites
dudesomewhere Posted July 25, 2004 Share Posted July 25, 2004 - We're not speaking because he found out I called a guy he hates (for a reason unrelated to him, which I tried to explain) - he thinks I'm fraternizing with "the enemy." - care to tell us why you called the enemy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jenpanda Posted July 26, 2004 Author Share Posted July 26, 2004 ..i called the "enemy" for a simple question about motorcycles because he owns a motorcycle shop.. it was completely spontaneous and if i thought it would put me in a "traitor" position, of course i never would have done it.. ..as for the question of "other friends" getting together to help him - there are none.. only former-friends-now-enemies (i.e., the motorcycle guy), one old girlfriend who seems utterly self-absorbed, one good friend who lives out of town & has kids, a couple of flighty sisters, and me.. his alienation from the people in his life is part of the problem.. + + + I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. -Jack Kerouac Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Give him some time to cool down and miss your friendship. Not cut off contact, but just some time and space. The diagnosis amongst the other problems is hard on him, and those who love him. There comes a time when nasty behaviour needs a wake up call-don't allow him to be abusive towards you verbally, just hang up, or leave. Link to post Share on other sites
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