Would you say there is nearly always the "third person"?

[Eternal Sunshine]

When asking for a separation or divorce?

 

I am always doubtful of what makes someone leave. Sure, there may be problems, but in my opinion it takes another person to make someone leave the M. It may be an EA or PA - but there is someone "there".

 

Thoughts?

[Mme. Chaucer]

I totally disagree.

 

I am thinking about divorces I know about, including mine, and not many had another person involved.

 

Some did (not mine).

 

I think that some people who are in failing marriages are susceptible to getting into an affair or even having a one night stand but even in those cases, the "other person" is not really a player in the ultimate divorce. More like a distraction from the misery.

[carhill]

Historically, I can't think of any contrary examples, looking at the marriages and divorces I've been exposed to. I think modern society has loosened the adultery mores substantially, seeing married people who are divorcing and have other partners as being acceptable. Hence, ground is broken while M, though overt public actions are not taken nor observed, then, once 'separation' is confirmed, 'I met someone' lubricates the skids of moving on to the next partner. Of the divorces which have happened in the last five years in my social circle, there has invariably been a well-established partner, far more established than mere dating would indicate, appearing on the scene prior to divorce. This applies to both men and women. My sample size is small, seven at this point, and in the 45-60 age group, so fairly limited in age range as well. It crosses nearly all economic, social and religious strata.

 

What I've gathered from personal discussions is that those people move on assertively and really don't care about the process in any specific way, which aligns with general societal viewpoints these days. Care less. None would be found discussing relationship issues on a forum like this. They do, meaning they act in their own self-interest. It works.

[CarrieT]

In the case of my last relationship, there was no Third Person but there was a Third Entity = alcohol. My ExBF's need and love for alcohol was greater than his need and love for me.

 

Two relationships before that, I broke up with a guy (and we are still good friends) because he could never tell me he loved me. After 2 1/2 years, I knew he never would.

 

And my current BF's marriage ended because his Ex was just psychotically controlling; there were no affairs or indiscretions on either of their parts, but he just wanted out of a difficult marriage (and they tried five years of marriage counseling before he called it quits).

 

So all relationships don't necessarily last and it is up to the strong and resolute to end those relationships before pursuing another one.

[Owl]

I don't believe that it's always the case by any means at all.

 

But I will say that it CAN be the case, which is why when people come here that's one of the first questions that come up.

 

ESPECIALLY when there are a number of "red flags" in their stories that lead us to suspect outside involvement.

[riverratt]

It seems to be more common now. We have become a through away society. I have more self respect then to go down that road. Just my feelings about it.

[Gunny376]

I think the question is relative to the individual and the individuals circrumstances. A lot of women don't leave one relationship, but then you have to factor in the social-economic status of that individual. Wheather they have children, can they financially afford to support themselves, etc.

 

Then there are others that doesn't matter whatsoever. Some men and women just want out. No matter what? Some people just are pyschologically capable of being single and alone. And anyone is better than no one and being alone.

 

There are a lot more varibales to the equation than as presented.

[AllieKat]

I disagree 110%! If a marriage was good no 3rd person could break it up!

[riverratt]

I disagree 110%! If a marriage was good no 3rd person could break it up!

 

I agree unless one of the people is person that just doesn't care about any one but themselves and will cheat just because...

[PoopHappens]

I think it is very difficult to have a 100% perfect all the time no matter what marriage. I think that during those times when the marriage is not in a perfect state that the temptation, especially if it presents itself, is too difficult for some people to pass up. There are sticks and there are carrots. Both achieve the same thing.