I Love her so much, I will do anything to make this work again short of being a fool

[Kanejd]

I would appreciate any advice becuase I'm in a bad state of mind right now. I (33 year old attorney) began dating Laura (25 year old retail store director) in the Summer of 2002. We fell in love almost within a week. She lived in Philadelphia and I lived in New York City. After six wonderful months, she moved in with me based on many expectations and promises of happiness on my part. I dropped the ball and let her down (not infidelity). Six months later she moved to Washington, DC. with her sister. She told me that she would consider dating again if I got my act together. However, I kept pushing her for many months until she pulled completely away from me. SHe fell out of love and I am still in love.

 

Two months later we began to talk again. I had landed a job in Washington and she was open to dating again. After I had moved, I proceeded to smother her, not push her, just be with her all the time. I had no friends there, just her and her sister. The sister (33) had just been dumbed by her boyfriend and was quite insane. Throughout this time, I tried to be with Laura as much as possible to regain her trust, but the sister, who has no friends and is extremely self-centered, kept wanting Laura to go out to clubs all the time. Although I had not contested this becuase it is her sister, it was driving me crazy. Laura had told me that she wanted to fall in love with me again but couldn't seem to do it no matter how hard she wanted to. We had a great friendship and never argued, but there was no ramance.

 

We went on vacation for a week to get away from life for a while and see if that would do the trick. It didn't! I pouted when she wouldn't have sex with me and that turned her off big time. We were both frustrated and unhappy. She called me one night and said that we needed to take some time apart. That she needed to miss me becuase I was always with with her; there was no balance. She told me that 75% was there, buit there was no sexual attraction. That I had lost my confidence (I AGREE) and let myself go (gained some wait and shaved my head). She said that she was scared and didn't want to take the chance of loosing me but that we needed to be apart for a while to hopefully make it work again like it was in the beginning. I verified all this becuase she confides in her brother and he called me up after talking with her and told me that she was telling the truth and not trying to just let me off easy or lead me on. The brother is definately trustworthy. She said that we should go on some dates and live our lives until she realizes that I'm the one.

 

In the meantime, I am engaging in a diet and exercise plan, getting something done with my hair, and trying to gain my confidence back. I came this far, I have to see it through. She said she loved me, and wants to see the finished product when I am done with my transformation. Does this all sound like crap to you or am I right by sticking in there and giving it my all. I had alreay bought tickets to a concert in two weeks for her birthday. She and I had already took the day off of work and are still going. I'm not even sure how to act. Please help!

[moimeme]

Sounds like you need to get a grip on your dependency issues. All this bad behaviour towards her is what will kill that relationship. You can't exactly get your head straight in two weeks, but I'd suggest seeing a therapist to work out why you turn into a nut job when you're with her and what you can do to become a reasonable, regular person rather than dependent, grouchy, clingy, or whatever else you become.

[Samson]

Kanejd or, the last of the true romantics,

 

I'm sure that everyone that has fallen "madly" has been advised to see a therapist! (or, worse, that you have some form of OCD that will be cured with some pharmaceutical cure)

 

It sounds like your doing a lot to get yourself under control.

 

Keep it up, but for godsake, find a hobby.