johnatellodi Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 Hello everybody, Seen some great advice here, so I decided to join. Wow, I got a mental brick to the face friday night, after receiving a text from my ex-girlfriend... We broke up and I moved out of our house back in January. We are both 23 and the breakup was pretty horrible, especially since we had to live together for a few months after the fact. A week after I moved out, she was already dating another guy, with whom she had hung out with before and even hooked up with, a couple years prior, during a breakup of ours. (wow that looks bad now that I type it). Anyways it was painful to say the least, yet not totally undeserving - I have also had a couple slip-ups. You live, you learn, I suppose. Anyways, We basically hadn't talked since, and I've left her to her new relationship. No texts or calls from me over the last eight months... Friday night I get this "So weird, when driving from *town* to *different town*, I got off in *my old town* and didnt even realize it until I was right in front of your old house. Just thought it was funny. Anyways hope all is well." It may not seem like a huge deal, but when you havent talked or even gotten along remotely in 8 months, it comes as a pretty big surprise. So what do you guys think? Does she likely feel guilty? Is she just being nostaligic? Or does her new relationship now look like a rebound she is trying to escape, to come back to me? Just looking for opinions. Not even sure if her and the dude are still together. Frankly I am too nervous to check. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 It means nothing man. My ex and I hadn't seen/spoken in 3 months. Then I get a text out of nowhere "Hey, just tihnking about our fun times. Hope all is well" and "I don't know why but fall/winter always reminds me of our apartment" A short catching up ensued, and I haven't heard a word from her since...this was 2 weeks ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 Maybe. i replied that night but intentionally kept it short with "haha good ol house, ditto". i probably could have said more, and she might have expected me to. I think its possible she was hoping id reach out a little more...after all, it takes a lot of nerve to drop off a big text like that, after eight months of silence after a four year relationship. she didnt reply to me after that but maybe i didnt leave enough room to, considering all she had said. Part of me wants to test the waters and send her a text, but i am not sure what she really wants. Ideally i would love for her to ask me to hangout so we could discuss the last year and see how we feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 I mean... Am i the only one who thinks it sounds like a stretch that she accidentally drove to my old house? Sounds like a desperate excuse to say hi. how do you accidentally drive to your exs house off the freeway? Unless you are totalllly thinking about them.. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 My ex would come up will all sorts of excuses to say hi. Still does. Football game. Saw my car. Drove past my old place. Updates on renovations in his house. Once every few months. Doesn't mean a thing. Until you hear, "I'm so sorry but I made a mistake and I want us to try again. Please will you give me a chance?"...then best to trivilaize it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 When I read what she said to you, I heard the sound that a fishing reel makes when you whip your line out into the water! Sounds like she's fishing around to see if she gets a bite but let me warn you: People usually do this when they're unsure of their current relationship and want to just check to see if there are options but aren't serious either way. They usually get serious if they keep sending the line out and finally get a bite from a big tasty fish and throw back all the small ones that don't look real appetizing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted September 25, 2012 Author Share Posted September 25, 2012 ^ thats what I was leaning towards. it seems like a big excuse to talk to me, let alone being about the place we used to spend a looot of time. Thanks for the feedback guys, i am still looking for more opinions. I mean yeah she is not comin out and saying " i love you and i am sorry", but i am mostly pondering if this is her first step in that direction. Its definitely a big step in some direction, i think. Do you guys think i did the right thing by giving the short reply of "haha good ol house. Ditto" ? I want to make the moves that make her miss me tbh. Link to post Share on other sites
Fitnerd Posted September 25, 2012 Share Posted September 25, 2012 She texted that after 8 months of NC?! Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 could u even be sure she drive through your house? she could be at home and bored when she texted you this 1st possiblity : Breadcrumbs/ego boost whatever u called it 2nd possibility : she could be testing waters Either way you could not go wrong by playing it cool TD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted September 26, 2012 Author Share Posted September 26, 2012 could u even be sure she drive through your house? she could be at home and bored when she texted you this 1st possiblity : Breadcrumbs/ego boost whatever u called it 2nd possibility : she could be testing waters Either way you could not go wrong by playing it cool TD Thats what I was thinking. She is trying to say that she pulled off on the wrong exit, and turned down several streets only to arrive at my house and go.."oops". Link to post Share on other sites
Liz2012 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 DEFINITELY bread crumbs, I would send stuff like that to an ex (that goes for yours Gulf Delta as well) to see how they react. Link to post Share on other sites
lemonlime Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I know I'm in the minority when I say this, but I just don't know how realistic it is to expect someone that you havent spoken to to start randomly begging you for forgiveness. I think it depends a lot on why you guys broke up. For example, say they broke up with you, and I'm sure they made mistakes at the end, everyone does, but say that you did something that was probably worth breaking up over. Then is the dumper supposed to come running back for forgiveness? People are people, and most arent willing to take an emotional risk like that, especially if they got hurt during the break up also. When my bf and I broke up after about 1.5 years, we went three months nc, with a little email thing right at the 5 week point. I felt like I was close to actually trying to move on, so I decided I was going to email him and ask him if he wanted to meet up. I needed to know it was over for good. Even if all we ended up doing was having a proper goodbye where no one was crying, I felt like I owed it to what we had to try to reach out. Would you rather be pissed that you reached out once and got closure that it was for sure over or be upset that you just never said anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 Please click one of the Quick Reply icons in the posts above to activate Quick Reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 ^ thats what I was leaning towards. it seems like a big excuse to talk to me, let alone being about the place we used to spend a looot of time. Thanks for the feedback guys, i am still looking for more opinions. I mean yeah she is not comin out and saying " i love you and i am sorry", but i am mostly pondering if this is her first step in that direction. Its definitely a big step in some direction, i think. Do you guys think i did the right thing by giving the short reply of "haha good ol house. Ditto" ? I want to make the moves that make her miss me tbh. You should have ignored her. She is testing the waters to see if you are ok with the breakup, and is kind of curious as to how you are doing - Thats it. But she isnt thinking of you in THAT way, she was probably just texting you in passing, not a real thought. Maybe she is looking to see if you can be a friend to her without being clingy and wanting to try again. if thats the case, (Which is the worst case scenario) it will hurt you the most. Let her earn your attention, dont answer her anymore until she shows something substantial. When you ignore her, she will be more curious because it shows you dont need her. No more Haha texts, that shows her you are still easily entertained by her, which gives her the power.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 Eddie, maybe i should have not replied, yet i thought i was playing it cool by laughing off her story. she basically tells me "wow i just drove to your old house, and didnt even mean to. crazy"...and i say "haha cool house." kinda cuttin it short, but maybe next time I wont reply. So do these breadcrumbs lead to reconcilliation? In a thread a few notches down, a lot of people are mentioning how they were thrown quite a few crumbs before the dumper dived in deep and admitted how they felt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
leoc1973 Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Its hit or miss. My ex threw me breadcrumbs and we ended up back together. We broke up again 3 years later and she has thrown me breadcrumbs, slices of bread whole loafs of bread and every time I bite that fishing line she backs off and disappears for 2 or 3 months again. I guess best thing like a previous poster said is to play it cool till you know what she wants. But don't bite that fishing line till you do. She may just wanna know she could have you back and not really want you. So she can sleep better at night with her new boyfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
salem mark Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 bread crumbs!!, its not enven that, ignore her women dont like to be ignored, you got the short end of the stick, get your power back man! of course you should check out my deal/post, what do i know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted October 6, 2012 Author Share Posted October 6, 2012 Do you guys and gals thnk it's likely that I will hear from her again? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 6, 2012 Share Posted October 6, 2012 You'd better hope not. It will still mean absolutely nothing, but it will put you through all the questions again. Why haven't you blocked/deleted her number? You need to eliminate all and every possibility of her yanking your chain again. it's just ego. It's designed to make her feel better about herself, not to make you feel better about yourself. you really want to be the one who strokes her ego, every time?: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tiera D Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Question to OP WHY WONT YOU MOVE ON? what do you hope to achieve by contact? 8 months is more than enough to move on,we cannot help you unless you listen to us TD Link to post Share on other sites
Author johnatellodi Posted October 8, 2012 Author Share Posted October 8, 2012 Well I am seeing a lot of "dont stroke her ego again!", but I am not sure I ever did. When someone contacts you after eight months with a two-page text saying they "accidentally" drove to your old house and you reply with three words, I am not sure that would be an ego-feed.... But hey, you guys seem to be the experts. I do appreciate all the feedback, and maybe its not what I want to hear, but it does seem to be judged pretty fast. I mean, how else would an ex reach out for contact? In my past experiences...even with this very girl, breadcrumbs have always been the first sign of them wanting to get back together. This combined with her leaving me for what I perceived a super quick jump into a relationship....honestly has me questioning if she wants me back. I am sure some of you have reconciled after being fed crumbs, er whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 The only time to reconcile is when they ask to reconcile (it's in the NC Guide). All other communication is "hey let's be buddies it's ok now, enough water's gone under the bridge, huh?!?" It is not the dumper's place to decide enough water has gone under the bridge and that it's ok to be pally-pally. It's the dumped person who calls the shots. Anything else is just tuggin' at the heartstrings.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts