Would you 'make do' to avoid being single?

[Scarlett5]

Have any of you ever compromised on a partner and found yourself in a long term relationship just in case you couldn’t/can’t find someone ‘better’? Better, of course, would take on a different meaning for each individual, depending on their needs.

 

For example…..you have had/are in a long term relationship, you have enjoyed the lifestyle of being part of that couple, how it’s enabled you to have great holidays, to study/progress in your career (for example) with the support (emotional/financial) of your other half, to buy a house as there are two of you, kept you from being single when your friends are all coupled up, to have sex pretty much whenever you want it, and to give you the security of possibly getting married and having children in the future. Or maybe you have already married/had children with this person.

 

Maybe you’ve always known but have pushed to the back of your mind that your heart is not 100% in it, or maybe it’s taken a significant event to make you realise, or to bring this reality to the front of your mind.

 

If this is you, what has made you realise? Why have you stayed in this relationship? And if you have left this relationship, why did you do so and what has life been like since?

 

I think this seems to be true of so many of the couples around me and I find it so sad. It seems that the worst case scenario for many people is being single, and so they end up with the wrong person as a result. I also think it’s a reason why some people get married and don’t value their vows enough to stay faithful…or are cheating before they even make it down the aisle.

 

I’d love to hear any related stories you’d like to share

 

P.s. I'm not sure if this is in the right category?

[Weezy1973]

I have indeed been in a long term relationship with someone who, although it wasn't really about "better", I wasn't physically attracted to. She was an amazing person and I loved her a ton, but I felt no attraction and for the last three years of the six year relationship, it was sexless.

 

That being said, I think for some people, the benefits of being in a relationship outweigh the costs of being with someone that isn't a "perfect" fit (if such a thing actually exists). For some people, actually being married and raising a family is together is way more important than finding a "soul mate". But for others, they are willing to be single, and die alone, if they don't find someone that makes their heart skip a beat. Neither option is better or worse.

 

For me, I'm perfectly happy being single. I (at this point at least) don't mind if I die alone. Does part of me crave a relationship with someone I connect with on the deepest of levels? Of course! I suspect, however, that meeting such a person is not inevitable, but instead, is extremely unlikely. I don't really buy into the "there's someone out there for everyone" mentality.

 

Finally, I think there are some people that have no choice but to settle. If you are extremely unattractive, but are only attracted to super models, if you want to be in a relationship, you are going to be settling.

[Eve]

No. I cannot pretend to be happy and so when previous relationships died I ended them moved on and did not miss the person one bit.

 

I would not be able to do this with Hubby so think I made the right decisions previously.

 

I believe in setting the other person free foremostly.

 

Also, I am not materialistic so would not stay in an unsatisfying relationship for reasons of comfort.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[Sanman]

I have indeed been in a long term relationship with someone who, although it wasn't really about "better", I wasn't physically attracted to. She was an amazing person and I loved her a ton, but I felt no attraction and for the last three years of the six year relationship, it was sexless.

 

That being said, I think for some people, the benefits of being in a relationship outweigh the costs of being with someone that isn't a "perfect" fit (if such a thing actually exists). For some people, actually being married and raising a family is together is way more important than finding a "soul mate". But for others, they are willing to be single, and die alone, if they don't find someone that makes their heart skip a beat. Neither option is better or worse.

 

For me, I'm perfectly happy being single. I (at this point at least) don't mind if I die alone. Does part of me crave a relationship with someone I connect with on the deepest of levels? Of course! I suspect, however, that meeting such a person is not inevitable, but instead, is extremely unlikely. I don't really buy into the "there's someone out there for everyone" mentality.

 

Finally, I think there are some people that have no choice but to settle. If you are extremely unattractive, but are only attracted to super models, if you want to be in a relationship, you are going to be settling.

 

I like the above response. I would add to that it depends on what aspect of a person you are settling for and how realistic you are being in your decisions. If you are turning down good people because you think that George Clooney is coming to marry you, then you need to re-evaluate your standards and maybe settling would do you good. If you are settling for a good person with looks that are not up to your standards, you need to do some thinking. To me, looks used to matter more than they do now. Having a partner that shares my values, goals, and attitudes and is willing to work and being a truly equal partner is more important. Everyone has looks that eventually fade, it is just a matter of time. However, if you compromise personality or compatibility, I would walk away. I believe compromising those areas will lead to failure in the long term anyway.

[todreaminblue]

Have any of you ever compromised on a partner and found yourself in a long term relationship just in case you couldn’t/can’t find someone ‘better’? Better, of course, would take on a different meaning for each individual, depending on their needs.

 

For example…..you have had/are in a long term relationship, you have enjoyed the lifestyle of being part of that couple, how it’s enabled you to have great holidays, to study/progress in your career (for example) with the support (emotional/financial) of your other half, to buy a house as there are two of you, kept you from being single when your friends are all coupled up, to have sex pretty much whenever you want it, and to give you the security of possibly getting married and having children in the future. Or maybe you have already married/had children with this person.

 

Maybe you’ve always known but have pushed to the back of your mind that your heart is not 100% in it, or maybe it’s taken a significant event to make you realise, or to bring this reality to the front of your mind.

 

If this is you, what has made you realise? Why have you stayed in this relationship? And if you have left this relationship, why did you do so and what has life been like since?

 

I think this seems to be true of so many of the couples around me and I find it so sad. It seems that the worst case scenario for many people is being single, and so they end up with the wrong person as a result. I also think it’s a reason why some people get married and don’t value their vows enough to stay faithful…or are cheating before they even make it down the aisle.

 

I’d love to hear any related stories you’d like to share

 

P.s. I'm not sure if this is in the right category?

 

No i havent compromised and been in a relationship because i couldnt do better...i dont look at love that way..i would rather be by myself than be in a relationship unless i was committed to making it work, if anyone feels they can do better and think the grass is greener it will always be that greener grass they are hoping for..... and that greener grass is always more attractive than what they have........I always graze where the grass is edible.......lol...im stopping i have written myself as a bovine..............deb

[Leigh 87]

What is so good about being in a relationship with a person your not into?

 

I would MUCH rather be single, travel the world, and go on crazy advantures unattached, than set up a life with another person...so I can have regular sex? pffft. I can get hat when single (if I so wanted)

 

I cannot see eye to eye with those who... put marriage and children with a stable man, before fun and passion with the right mate.

[SpiralOut]

I have compromised before. What a mistake that was. I don't want to do that again.