still in love w/the x

[joeblow]

hi everyone, not sure where to start, but ill try to keep it simple...i've been seperated for a year- i never wanted , but my ex-wife wanted out and had an affair..we have two great kids and we still get along great when it comes to them...i have dated off and on since the seperation as my ex has too, but have not met anyone particularly special...anyway, a couple of months ago i got involved in a conversation w/ my ex in which i got definate vibes that she might be open to seeing me socially and i got bold and asked her out...we had a great time- very relaxed, great conversation, but no romance. since then we have spent more time together w/the kids, but havent been able to work out a second "date" (we both work and have trouble finding sitters). she still says she wants to go out, but we cant seem to find the time and im getting frustrated and wondering if shes just blowing me off?!? my questions for you are a)is this a good idea in the first place, b)anyone had a similar experience? please share your story c)any advice on how to gauge her true motives-i.e is she just keeping me on the side just in case? c) how much do i let her know about the way i feel about her- i am still totally in love w/her! i need do's and dont's!

[Deejette]

Since you were married to her and have shared many intimacies and even had children, I think it is perfectly OK for you to lay it all on the line. Tell her you want to clarify exactly where you stand with her. Ask her what her motives are for going out with you again. Ask her if you two have a chance to get back together again or is this just to maintain friendly relations for the sake of the children.

 

You can even tell her that you are still in love with her. Now that she has been out dating, she may value your past relationship more. The dating scene is not all that great once people have gotten it out of their systems. This may be a good time to examine what made her stray and have an affair while she was still married to you. You might be able to rebuild a great relationship based on new understanding.

hi everyone, not sure where to start, but ill try to keep it simple...i've been seperated for a year- i never wanted , but my ex-wife wanted out and had an affair..we have two great kids and we still get along great when it comes to them...i have dated off and on since the seperation as my ex has too, but have not met anyone particularly special...anyway, a couple of months ago i got involved in a conversation w/ my ex in which i got definate vibes that she might be open to seeing me socially and i got bold and asked her out...we had a great time- very relaxed, great conversation, but no romance. since then we have spent more time together w/the kids, but havent been able to work out a second "date" (we both work and have trouble finding sitters). she still says she wants to go out, but we cant seem to find the time and im getting frustrated and wondering if shes just blowing me off?!? my questions for you are a)is this a good idea in the first place, b)anyone had a similar experience? please share your story c)any advice on how to gauge her true motives-i.e is she just keeping me on the side just in case? c) how much do i let her know about the way i feel about her- i am still totally in love w/her! i need do's and dont's!

[Louise]

In my opinion she is a bad risk, given what she's done in the past. She cheated on you and wanted out, how do you know she won't do that again? How do you know she's not just passing time with you because there is no one else in the picture for her right now? How do you know this is not just an ego-boost for her? How do you know your fellings for her are not just leftover longing because there is no one else in the picture for YOU right now?

 

She broke your heart once, do you want to go through that again? One good "date" does NOT mean the two of you belong together. Remember why you two broke up in the first place. She had so liitle regard for your feelings that she slept with another man - that is who she is.

 

I understand that you have to have contact with her because of your children but you need to let go of her and recover from this so you can move on and have a healthy relationship with someone else. Do you still want to be longing for her a year from now, or five years from now? You deserve a woman who wants to be with you 100% and it doesn't sound as if your ex can give you that.

 

That's my opinion!

 

L