pedderz Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 After months of seeing different behaviour from my gf and asking her to talk to me about why the changes on various occasions where she never wanted to talk, I forced my gf to tell me if she was seeing someone else last Sunday. The only reason this happened only now is because she took me away for a weekend break. She has two kids and I have two kids who are very good friends. She was discussing us all live together several months back but then it all went silent and she would avoid the subject when brought up. This along with the changes in behaviour got me thinking if she was seeing someone else. I also brought this up with her brother in law (who knows her a lot more) in July and he couldn't believe that she would do that and it must be something else. I know she was having an affair with a married man at work for 2 years before she met me and as far as I know he called it off to be with his wife and 2 kids. She has lied many times, stayed away on several nights without explanation and hidden the fact that this piece of sh*t guy was made her boss back in May which made it all more suspect. After fighting the burning question for a long time, I managed to get confirmation that she was seeing someone and it (supposedly) ended in July. I then forced more out of her where she told me it was her boss but she wouldn't tell me when it started. Apparently he's no longer with his wife (probably another lie) and she begged me not to do anything to him because she'll lose her job which she needs due to the flexible working and huge bills to pay. She also said that she loves me and I'm the one she wants to be with, not to leave her etc etc...which now suggests was all an act. She agreed to tell me all I wanted to know on Sunday night when we got back to her place but then made an excuse that she was tired and didn't want me to go round to hers. I've not heard from her since then. As you can imagine I'm p*ssed about the whole thing, the lies, the cheating, keeping the relationship going this far and with both of them but more so with him as he took advantage of her and promised her love and to take care of her. I have done this all along and she's decided different even though he screwed her up previously. I've done some homework, know where he works, wifes name, telephone number and address. Unfortunately I only have dates of when she was away (most probably with him) and have no hard evidence. I did find some old photos of him on her camera and found a baggage receipt with his name in her passport from a trip 2 years ago. I'm up for phoning his wife as she deserves to know. I've been betrayed and my kids will also be heartbroken. I won't let him get away with it that easy as he knew of the situation and has messed with the wrong person. My kids have been through a lot of pain before and they don't deserve this and neither do I. I wanna do more than just call his wife, I wanna confront the sh*t. If it were just me and her and no kids then I'd be saying different but nobody deserves to be cheated on! P Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 you need to tell omw and then dump GF no deviations allowed 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 ^I concur! Link to post Share on other sites
lukas Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 She sounds like a pretty devious individual. Time to dump her! Link to post Share on other sites
B00ska Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Always remember to never make long term decisions based on momentary emotions. It sounds like many people will be potentially affected by their decisions... and yours in response to the news. I understand you being hurt/mad/betrayed/shocked. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokeninHalf Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 I understand your feeling and the whole "your kids will be hurt"! He has kids too that will be drug into this whole cheating thing and will get hurt as well. It's hard not to want to distroy his life as he has yours and your childrens, but "once a cheater, most always a cheater when it's conveniant"! He will get whats coming to him sooner or later, "that is, if his wife is paying attention"! As for your GF, I would dump her a**. She sounds like she likes to sleep her way to the top and gets turned on by ALL men in control! "shes a LOOSER" She will never stop!! It will always be, another job and another ladder to climb! Not to mention, she might just bring AIDS home to you someday. Then, who's going to play the DAD figure in your kids lives? JS! There are better women in the world that you would be better off with, especially playing a Mother roll in your kids lives! Best of luck in your decision! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedderz Posted September 26, 2012 Author Share Posted September 26, 2012 I understand your feeling and the whole "your kids will be hurt"! He has kids too that will be drug into this whole cheating thing and will get hurt as well. It's hard not to want to distroy his life as he has yours and your childrens, but "once a cheater, most always a cheater when it's conveniant"! He will get whats coming to him sooner or later, "that is, if his wife is paying attention"! I understand your point but he deserves all the hurt he can get like what I'm experiencing. I don't think the wife (if he's still with her) would suspect or is paying attention due to the job he does. He's a sales director and travels around quite often, so I would suspect that she sees that as being normal with him staying away in hotels etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 26, 2012 Share Posted September 26, 2012 Tell the OMW!!!! She has a right to know what's going on in her marriage and what kind of guy she married. After you tell the OMW I bet your GF will want to talk then!!!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedderz Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 I spoke to his wife today and she already knew that he was having an affair with my now ex. She threw him out in the street a year ago but they're still not divorced. They've been seeing eachother since the beginning of April this year. On top of that they have been on holiday together a couple of times this year whereby she told me she went with friends. I'm p*ssed that I can't get him back through his wife as she's now got used to the fact he's never going to return. He's got a good job which pays for the wifes house and all the other expenses. I learnt to know that he's moving to a new place (and support that too) which I believe is to live my ex and her daughter who he's never met. This was meant to be the place I was to move into. I now feel in creating his working life a misery in sending an all out company email to include CEO etc with photos of her and me during our recent holiday and confidential company data which she gave me so both can lose their jobs. There has to be consequences before I put a closure to this whole thing because nobody messes with me in this way! Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 She has two kids and I have two kids who are very good friends. I now feel in creating his working life a misery in sending an all out company email to include CEO etc with photos of her and me during our recent holiday and confidential company data which she gave me so both can lose their jobs. Seriously - she has kids and you want her to lose her job? And, is this a life lesson you would want to teach YOUR children on how to treat others, even if they have wronged you? There has to be consequences before I put a closure to this whole thing because nobody messes with me in this way! I totally get this, but is it your place to exact retribution that could potentially involve so many others (i.e., children?) What would you say to your kids if/when they've learned from their friends that you were instrumental in getting their Mom fired. I dunno - there has to be a better way... Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedderz Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Seriously - she has kids and you want her to lose her job? And, is this a life lesson you would want to teach YOUR children on how to treat others, even if they have wronged you? I totally get this, but is it your place to exact retribution that could potentially involve so many others (i.e., children?) What would you say to your kids if/when they've learned from their friends that you were instrumental in getting their Mom fired. I dunno - there has to be a better way... I haven't disclosed the full story but to justify my anger as to why I should here goes. Her kids have been living with their grandfather for 7 years as she couldn't cope and is selfish because she had them very young. She was now forced to take one of her daughters to live with her and the second daughter will live with her in a years time. She has stated that she didn't want her kids to live with her at all as she's no good being a mother. This didn't go down well but I was prepared to support her in every way with her children. I'm not at all happy that after a 30 minute conversation with the d*cks wife, I found out so much about what was going on behind my back. Her family deserve to know the truth and I know her kids aren't my responsibility but I feel for their welfare. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I don't know. If the kids are being cared for by the grandparents, then blow the whistle. But, if they aren't. Then, I would just leave it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I haven't disclosed the full story but to justify my anger as to why I should here goes. Her kids have been living with their grandfather for 7 years as she couldn't cope and is selfish because she had them very young. She was now forced to take one of her daughters to live with her and the second daughter will live with her in a years time. She has stated that she didn't want her kids to live with her at all as she's no good being a mother. This didn't go down well but I was prepared to support her in every way with her children. I'm not at all happy that after a 30 minute conversation with the d*cks wife, I found out so much about what was going on behind my back. Her family deserve to know the truth and I know her kids aren't my responsibility but I feel for their welfare. Be prepared to find out more ugly truths if you stay with her - it's just a fact of the infidelity rollercoaster. I think that your best option, by far, is to dump her and move on with your life. Your kids deserve better than a father caught up in all of this drama, anger, and sadness. Do it for them. Her children are not your responsibility, but I understand your concern as a compassionate person. The thing to do is make sure the grandparent(s) understand the situation and that trusting them to their daughters care is a bad, bad idea. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I personally think your partner owes you the greater level of devotion, honesty, faithfulness, than the OM stranger at work. I totally get that you are pissed, and want some sort of justice, but I think you should leave it after having confronted his wife. If the OM in question knew you, or had been with you in social get-togethers, then I could relate that there is a greater sense of betrayal with the other guy, than if it was a total stranger (who could be told anything by the female partner about her relationship status). As for ****ing up your gf's (ex gf) job....hmmm I don't know. I understand payback, but it is shame to effect her kids welfare over this....but then just reading how she has dumped responsibility of her children on her grandparents over the years....well then I don't think you need to feel a greater level of duty/care over them than she has as their mother. I don't think you should go the 'blow the whistle' route, but I also believe in revenge, and in your shoes with a hot head could act differently. Think it over and don't act hasty. Link to post Share on other sites
BrokeninHalf Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I understand your point but he deserves all the hurt he can get like what I'm experiencing. I don't think the wife (if he's still with her) would suspect or is paying attention due to the job he does. He's a sales director and travels around quite often, so I would suspect that she sees that as being normal with him staying away in hotels etc. I see your point. I totally missed "he's a sales rep". I agree, he should tell the mans wife. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 I see your point. I totally missed "he's a sales rep". I agree, he should tell the mans wife. He already did. Read the whole thread. Link to post Share on other sites
bob the brave Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I know she was having an affair with a married man at work for 2 years before she met me. P Dude, I feel your pain (I have literally) and sorry this has happened to you. But once a cheater, always a cheater. This girl is no **** good. Period. She will continue to lie, cheat...whatever...because she has no respect for herself or anyone else. And she will be a bad influence on your kids. You sound like a good guy, a smart guy and actions like this must be handled appropirately. Looks like you got a good start. **** right, tell his wife! Once you get rid of her, it would be good to let it get around her job too. This is not for revenge, but so she will be shamed into being a better, more responsible person. Lecturing won't do. She will just act ashamed with bid doe eyes and go out and do it again. She has to learn people just don't act like this. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author pedderz Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 (edited) Thanks for all your posts and advice. I had my kids stay with me over the weekend. The first thing my 6 year old son said to me on Friday when I picked him up was, "are we seeing D and the girls today? are we having a sleepover?" This really got me down and had to say no we're not. He was upset as he adores them and he kept asking why we're not. I can't tell him anything just yet but he will ask again. On the other hand, I had to tell my 13 year old daughter that we're no longer together. She's good friends with my ex two daughters. I needed to tell her in case she found out from them. I did breakdown when I told her and it's moments like these that you cherish your kids when they comfort you. It's very sad indeed. My ex hasn't bothered to contact me so as far as I know it's done, over. From what I found out last week it would be stupid of me to even think we can get back together. As far as letting her family know, they live 50 miles away and so I needed to relay to them what's happened. My now ex, her kids, my kids and me went overseas on holiday to see her family over a month ago. I produced a short video with photos of how great the holiday was with all the kids. At the end of the video I added captions explaining what's now happened. I was in two minds if I should do it and send it to her family and have done so. I didn't curse or show my anger but simply wanted to say that she's betrayed me, her kids, my kids and her family, and I was prepared to look after her and do what it takes to be happy. Today I'm meeting her father as I need to explain to him what's happened as I feel guilty after certain things he said to me and what he thought was a new start for his daughter. I need to get this off my chest for closure but also for him to know the truth as she will probably lie to him and the family about the breakup. She will hate me but I don't care. What she's done is unforgivable. Edited October 1, 2012 by pedderz 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RaeRae961 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Pedderz - I'm very sorry to read about what you've been through with your ex gf. It's awful what she's done. I'm glad you called the dude's wife, but I really hope you don't bring this mess around her job and make her lose her job. I think that is just evil. My ex-husband cheated on me, so I know how bad it feels, I really do. Just remember that karma does have a way of taking care of things. Be a better person if you can, and just concentrate on your kids and making a good life for you and for them.....without her. Link to post Share on other sites
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