I am falling hard for my Brother In Law, Help me get over this!

[prissy459]

I dont even know what to do anymore. I just need help, advice, on what you think I should do. I really want help to try to get over him and stop anything major from happening. But in the back of my mind i want it to happen. I am so confused. Here is my story:

 

I have known my brother in law (my husbands sister's husband) for a number of years. He has always kind of flirted with me in a public way around family but I never ever thought anything of it. Awhile ago he contacted me on the phone while I was working and was just joking around asking me when would I give him a chance. I laughed it off and it eventually lead into me texting him.

 

I couldnt help myself bc i've always found him attractive. We talked daily through text talking dirty and talking about meeting up. He and I aren't too happy in our marriage but hanging in there for our kids. I did end up kissing him one night at his house and feeling on him outside his pants and vice versa. It's just been small stuff that we have done, no sex yet but I know it could get there.

 

I get so jealous when he posts things on his wife's facebook about "loving her" when he tells me they arent doing good. So i stop talking to him for a few days then can't help myself but to talk right back to him again. I want to really try to get over him before anything serious happens sexual. How do I do this??? I feel like I'm falling in love with him or it may be lust but I cant stop thinking of him. Should I just go through with the sex get it out of my system or stop it before it happens.

 

I need advice what should I do! & how do i get him out of my head? Oh & he has told me he feels like he is falling in love with me...I think its bull but i really dont know! I know men say things just to get what they want!

Edited October 1, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and redaction of personal information

[veryhappy]

NO!

 

Say no, and avoid him at any costs until your itch goes away. When returning, come back here.

[prissy459]

How do I make these feelings go away? please help me give me advice how to ignore him when he text or calls, its so hard!

[veryhappy]

Distract yourself. Reject the calls, don't reply the texts. Walk away. Can you ask your phone provider to block his number?

 

It will get easier, but you have to start doing it and be consistent.

 

What's your relationship with your sister? Isn't there enough to stop you in your tracks?

[wanting more]

Should I just go through with the sex get it out of my system or stop it before it happens.

 

 

Stop!!!!! I really don't see ANYTHING good coming out of this except a whole lot of pain for any and everyone involved.

[prissy459]

Distract yourself. Reject the calls, don't reply the texts. Walk away. Can you ask your phone provider to block his number?

 

It will get easier, but you have to start doing it and be consistent.

 

What's your relationship with your sister? Isn't there enough to stop you in your tracks?

 

 

She isnt my sister, its actually my sister in law (my husbands sister) we arent that close.

[prissy459]

I am already hearing what I need to from you all, thank you thank you! thats what i needed to hear, someone telling me to stop! bc i have no one to tell this too to get any advice from.

[TigerCub]

I'm not trying to tell you how you feel, but it seems to me like:

- you're both in "boring" marriages that are filled with the stresses, work, bills, kids, etc. and you're both offering this escapist fantasy to one another because that's pretty much all you got going for yourselves.

 

Again...not trying to tell you what he feels - BUT, if he says he loves her (even in FB messages), he probably does, or why else would he write it for everyone to see?

 

Lastly - no one is where they don't want to be!

 

remember that! He's with her because he wants to be with her, and he's pushing his limits with you because he wants that excitement that doesn't come from paying bills and taking out the trash and doing laundry.

 

You're asking if you should just go for it and have sex - honestly, why not? You already are cheating - BUT, rest assured that due to the affair fog you're in, doing so will pop him up on a pedestal and you'll think that there is no one like him - even though when you're out of the A you might think otherwise.

 

If you sleep with him, you'll only complicate things and hurt the people closest to you even more. Sleeping with him will not make you get over him, and it will certainly not make him leave her for you.

 

Think of those same kids you 2 are supposedly sacrificing so much for.

[eleanorrigby]

This will not end well.

 

I don't even know what to say to you. Just thinking about the horror your husbands sister and your husband have waiting for them if neither one of you comes to your senses makes my stomach hurt.

 

You and MM have really stepped into it.

[veryhappy]

She isnt my sister, its actually my sister in law (my husbands sister) we arent that close.

 

Think of it as hurting your husband, as it would hurt him to see his sister affected by it.

 

Just keep your clothes on, and stay away from him. Enough with the texting, and dreaming and all that.

[ThatJustHappened]

Think of it as hurting your husband, as it would hurt him to see his sister affected by it.

 

Just keep your clothes on, and stay away from him. Enough with the texting, and dreaming and all that.

 

I think the part that would hurt her husband the most would be the fact that his wife was having an affair..not that his sister's husband was having an affair..

[ComingInHot]

I get that rush you feel.

Maybe look at it this way... would you be cool w/your husband hookin up w/your sister or bestie? Would it cause a problem w/in your marriage if he was "just sextin" & stuff?

Sometimes it helps me to take a moment away from how I AM FEELING & try to view it from another's position. Maybe it'll help you in making a decision on how you ultimately want things to end up**

It's just a thought.

[eleanorrigby]

I think the part that would hurt her husband the most would be the fact that his wife was having an affair..not that his sister's husband was having an affair..

 

It would be a double play betrayal. Can you imagine her husband trying to deal with his own grief and wanting to help his sister deal with hers?

[ThatJustHappened]

It would be a double play betrayal. Can you imagine her husband trying to deal with his own grief and wanting to help his sister deal with hers?

 

I don't want to imagine it..I just ate...

 

OP, please get yourself out of this situation. Just ignore him.

[sad puppy]

This is a giant, painful disaster just waiting to blow up in your face. Sounds like a Lifetime movie. You will regret the day you have sex with him, bigtime!

 

Nightmare, don't even think about it.

[trinity1]

He and I aren't too happy in our marriage but hanging in there for our kids.

 

This is what happens when you stay in a marriage for the wrong reasons. You both need something you are not getting in your marriages.

[Ladydrib]

You're headed for a LOT of pain and going to cause a lot of pain. If you are truly unhappy in your marriage you should get out asap. That's a separate issue from whatever is going on with the brother in law. As for the brother in law it sounds as though he is either confused (which will never change) or he's just looking for an affair. If he's still saying he loves his wife... Well you know, it doesn't matter what his issue is anyway. Don't try to figure it out. Just forget about him. Now, if you decide to continue, realize you are signing yourself for the most emotionally destructive thing you've even been through. Honestly, no man, no feeling, no love is worth that toxicity. Some of us have to learn the hard way. I hope for your sake you don't.

Edited October 1, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Ladydrib]

How do I make these feelings go away? please help me give me advice how to ignore him when he text or calls, its so hard!

 

Tell your husband before it becomes something you have to hide? This could stop it.

 

Trust me, I know how hard it is to ignore it. But you have to unless you want to ruin your life and destroy your sanity.

[AnotherRound]

I'm not even going to try to figure out why he is telling his wife that he loves her and telling you that he is falling in love with you. I heard someone say that men will say anything to have sex - so I assume that they are saying he's lying to you about falling in love with you, but then they think he is being honest with her when he tells her he loves her? I don't understand that, my guess is, he is having feelings for both of you. I have no idea what those feelings are, and in reality, ONLY he knows that.

 

But anyway, this is going to be a train wreck. And there are kids involved that WILL be affected - they can't not be with it being their parents and a set of an aunt and uncle. You and your BIL are obviously in marriages that are lacking something. Address that first! If you want to stay in your marriage, then address that and do the work. If you don't want to stay in your marriage, then focus on that and handle that. Not divorcing bc of the kids is NOT doing them any favors, imo. They deserve their parents to be happy and fulfilled people - not two people who are miserable in some false noble attempt at protecting them, imo.

 

But whatever you do, this is NOT going to end well. It's too intermingled, too connected, too close. This is NOT going to be someone that you and your husband can just write off if you have an affair - you will HAVE to continuously be around them at events, family things - and I'm afraid that there would NEVER be healing in that case.

[Trimmer]

prissy - how old are your kids?

[prissy459]

He called again & after speaking to you all and reading your replies, those feelings of wanting him so bad were not there anymore. When I talked to him it just felt like a casual conversation(it was a normal convo, just hey how are you, have a good day, etc). This IS a start to getting over him and not letting it go any farther I PROMISE! I came here to this website to spit out everything finally and to get help & I truly thank you all for that! I know this is a disaster Keep telling me what I need to hear! Thank you!

 

-His Wife had done me and my husband very very dirty a few years back, she did something very bad to us and it took us a while to get over it and forgive her. So i guess that being done, i have never had a good relationship with her and it didnt cross my mind of how she would feel if she found out bc honestly i didnt care after what she had done to us. But I do care about what my husand would feel, so I am stopping this! I do love my husband, just the spark isnt there anymore and I felt that spark with my BIL. but I know it needs to stop & I am going to work on my marriage I just wish I could get that spark back with my husband, I"m tired of feeling like "roomates"..

Edited October 1, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

She isnt my sister, its actually my sister in law (my husbands sister) we arent that close.

 

Excuse me but sister in laws are your sisters through marriage. You have got to be kidding me that you would even consider doing such a thing to your husband and his sister. How would you feel if your husband wanted to f--- your brothers wife? I can't believe you would actually do such a thing.:sick:

[stillafool]

He called again this morning, & after speaking to you all and reading your replies, those feelings of wanting him so bad were not there anymore. When I talked to him it just felt like a casual conversation(it was a normal convo, just hey how are you, have a good day, etc). This IS a start to getting over him and not letting it go any farther I PROMISE! I came here to this website to spit out everything finally and to get help & I truly thank you all for that! I know this is a disaster Keep telling me what I need to hear! Thank you!

 

-His Wife had done me and my husband very very dirty a few years back, she did something very bad to us and it took us a while to get over it and forgive her. So i guess that being done, i have never had a good relationship with her and it didnt cross my mind of how she would feel if she found out bc honestly i didnt care after what she had done to us. But I do care about what my husand would feel, so I am stopping this! I do love my husband, just the spark isnt there anymore and I felt that spark with my BIL. but I know it needs to stop & I am going to work on my marriage I just wish I could get that spark back with my husband, I"m tired of feeling like "roomates"..

 

 

First of all stop the phone calls to each other. Why do you two need to talk everyday and without your spouses? So what if the "Spark" is gone. Welcome to marriage. It isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies always. Marriage has seasons. They come and go because marriage is work and well worth it if you stay true. I've got news for you, your husband probably isn't feeling the "spark" with you anymore either. Don't you think there are other women that he finds attractive as well? Why don't you take the energy you are using to seduce your BIL and transfer to your husband and maybe you and your husband will start to "spark" again.

[prissy459]

First of all stop the phone calls to each other. Why do you two need to talk everyday and without your spouses? So what if the "Spark" is gone. Welcome to marriage. It isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies always. Marriage has seasons. They come and go because marriage is work and well worth it if you stay true. I've got news for you, your husband probably isn't feeling the "spark" with you anymore either. Don't you think there are other women that he finds attractive as well? Why don't you take the energy you are using to seduce your BIL and transfer to your husband and maybe you and your husband will start to "spark" again.

 

 

We dont talk everyday, I didnt speak to him at all yesterday, and before that went about 4 days without talking because I have been trying to get past this. I just needed a push from you all to give it up for good. And for you being so harsh, i see you almost had an affair as well by reading your old post? So you have to know some what of how I feel (Minus the family part).

[prissy459]

I'm not even going to try to figure out why he is telling his wife that he loves her and telling you that he is falling in love with you. I heard someone say that men will say anything to have sex - so I assume that they are saying he's lying to you about falling in love with you, but then they think he is being honest with her when he tells her he loves her? I don't understand that, my guess is, he is having feelings for both of you. I have no idea what those feelings are, and in reality, ONLY he knows that.

 

But anyway, this is going to be a train wreck. And there are kids involved that WILL be affected - they can't not be with it being their parents and a set of an aunt and uncle. You and your BIL are obviously in marriages that are lacking something. Address that first! If you want to stay in your marriage, then address that and do the work. If you don't want to stay in your marriage, then focus on that and handle that. Not divorcing bc of the kids is NOT doing them any favors, imo. They deserve their parents to be happy and fulfilled people - not two people who are miserable in some false noble attempt at protecting them, imo.

 

But whatever you do, this is NOT going to end well. It's too intermingled, too connected, too close. This is NOT going to be someone that you and your husband can just write off if you have an affair - you will HAVE to continuously be around them at events, family things - and I'm afraid that there would NEVER be healing in that case.

 

Thank you for this response! Helped very much