Why some women ask 'how long since you had sex' when first start dating?

[kaylan]

I dont ask such a question unless I have good reason to. Its an intrusive question if theres no good reason for asking.

 

When I first joined I created a thread about a girl I was casually seeing, and I had asked her this question because we had sex without a condom. And I know I probably wasnt the only guy she had seen in that recent time, so I wanted to know for health reasons.

 

She didnt like that I asked...but given the fact that we had unprotected sex, my question wasnt off base. I asked after we had sex though. I did find out her number before we had sex however =P

 

Anyways...if a girl asked me whens the last time I had sex, right before we did it....Id ask "Isnt that a little personal?" if I didnt know her well and we only had a casual relationship. If a girl who I really liked and wanted to get serious with asked me that question, and we were already past seeing each other casually, Id tell her the truth without caring much about it.

Edited September 27, 2012 by kaylan

[fishtaco]

I yeah, I'm with Kaylan. Sex questions (within reason) are fine after sex. Health related sex questions are fine before sex too, as long as sex is on the agenda.

 

Although a lot of the times it's about tact I guess. If I were to question a woman about that, either before or after sex, I would volunteer that information from my end first before I ask her. I think that makes it a lot more neutral as opposed to giving the wrong perception that I was insinuating anything.

 

I find often that that ladies buy into the double standard thing way more than men. Gotta tread carefully.

 

If sex is not on the agenda, which is perfectly fine, people move at their own pace, and treat sex with different priority and importance -- then don't go there.

 

As for what her motive is for asking, don't care. Dating is not about men passing women's interviews. She has to pass my filter too. I'm not going to roll over just because she has a vagina.

[questionlife]

I still remember the first time I had sex with my BF, things were getting hot and heavy in his bedroom and we realized it was gonna happen...and he had to run into the other room (his office I think!) to get a condom! I was jokingly like, "Um, don't most people keep those in the bedroom?" and he was like "Yeah, they were in the reserves...it's been a while..." I thought that was kinda cute. But I never would have asked him straight up how long since he'd had sex.

 

That happened to me once, and I remembered I had a condom in my first aid kit in my car, so I ran to go get it, and she was so shocked by the fact that I had a condom in my first aid kit that we almost didn't have sex! lol

Edited September 27, 2012 by questionlife
Strange... it quoted two posts

[O'farrell]

I still remember the first time I had sex with my BF, things were getting hot and heavy in his bedroom and we realized it was gonna happen...and he had to run into the other room (his office I think!) to get a condom! I was jokingly like, "Um, don't most people keep those in the bedroom?" and he was like "Yeah, they were in the reserves...it's been a while..." I thought that was kinda cute. But I never would have asked him straight up how long since he'd had sex.

 

how long did he go?

[phineas]

Anytime a woman asks me a personal question like that my first & only response is "you first" with a big-ass smile.

 

And as fishtaco said, if they get pissed then their cray-cray.

[Chicago_Guy]

I had a girl ask me that a few years ago when I was on the third date with her and I replied honestly that it had about a year, which I don't think is that out of the ordinary for a lot of guys. The girl acted surprised and seemed to assume I was totally desperate to have sex with her, which was not true. She also talked on that third date about how she thought I was going to marry her at least partially because in her mind I didn't have that much sex. Her entire attitude in combination with some other things she had said really made me think that she was promiscuous. She later pushed for sex on that third date, but didn't even want to make out first, which I thought was kind of odd.

Edited September 28, 2012 by Chicago_Guy

[MrCastle]

I had a girl ask me that a few years ago when I was on the third date with her and I replied honestly that it had about a year, which I don't think is that out of the ordinary for a lot of guys. The girl acted surprised and seemed to assume I was totally desperate to have sex with her, which was not true. She also talked on that third date about how she thought I was going to marry her at least partially because in her mind I didn't have that much sex. Her entire attitude in combination with some other things she had said really made me think that she was promiscuous. She later pushed for sex on that third date, but didn't even want to make out first, which I thought was kind of odd.

 

I think when people ask these kinds of questions early on--attraction is not there and they are trying to rationalize a way to cut you loose. Had you said "last week" or "last month", she probably would have said "oh this guy is probably a player--next"

 

I can only speak for myself, but when I'm really really into someone, I never ask about stuff I don't want to know the answers to. Their sexual history, their stance on drugs/alcohol, their political leanings; anything that might disqualify them. Ignorance is bliss for me early on. Then again I'm only concerned with surface relationships and not at all interested in having a long term exclusive relationship at this time, so my opinion may differ.

[thatone]

Anytime a woman asks me a personal question like that my first & only response is "you first" with a big-ass smile.

 

And as fishtaco said, if they get pissed then their cray-cray.

 

i agree, in this case you would answer a question with another question, as women do to men . and no matter the response, your reaction to her response should be "really"?