when Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I feel crushed. I think my ex-bf is trying to recreate our past with his new gf. I'll spare you the details, but there are some very specific moments we had together, that he's undoubtedly recreating with her, just a new face in the picture now. A lot of these moments have a long history/explanation that would take a lot of time to write, but they are very specific to a certain event in our relationship, and meaningful in how it's tied to something that happened between us. You'll have to trust me on this. I could provide examples, but it would be really long. I think the part that rubs salt in the wound the most are two things: one is when he's doing certain things with her we talked about doing together. A lot of these things might seem not particularly special to others, but it was always specifically linked to something that happened or a certain event/marker in our relationship. The second part is that she's like a mini-me. She reminds me of the girl I was four-five years ago. That part definitely hurts a lot, although I don't understand why. Everything was fine, until I saw that they did certain things we had talked about, and when I saw how similar she is to my younger self (physical looks, personality, favorite things). You literally could have just taken my blog entries/pictures from back then, and put her name on it, and it's her. It's also weird, because a LOT of the things she writes about as something she enjoys or likes, is EXACTLY same as my preferences back then and now. It's not just something vague like "I like chocolate" but very, very specific, "such as pistachio ice cream, one scoop, with gummy bear toppings and a side of two cherries and one kiwi slice". And my -ex definitely encourages her on this, so when she blogs about something specific like that, those are the only things he comments on to encourage her. It's like he's reliving our past? IDK. For years, he tried to reconnect and meet up with me, I just wasn't ready and needed time to heal first (I broke up with him). I was actually starting to warm up to the IDEA of being friends and talking gradually, and now this. What do you guys think about this? I don't understand why it's crushing me so much. Link to post Share on other sites
ashtree-house Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I'm sorry you are hurting so bad. Everything I've read about trying to win an ex back is to "show them the girl/guy they fell in love with", what attracted them to you in the first place. Obviously you were not trying to win them back, but maybe those articles hold some truth. Maybe he is attracted to this girl because she was like you, or the way you used to be. Or perhaps, because you ended things with him, he is trying to recreate her, because it probably wasn't really over with him. I don't know how long these two have been together, but if they are truly happy, you might just have to let go. You can try and think of it as a compliment, as he is trying to recreate a girl and a past you shared, although we all know it will never be exactly like it. You obviously hold a place in his heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Sav Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 For him I think it goes like this : He wanted you ; you didn't want him. He found someone like you that wants him and he realized he is in a better place. Well, there's something I don't understand. You broke up with him in the first place. Plus he tried to get you back for YEARS? I don't wanna sound harsh but you can't expect him to be trying for you after YEARS of rejection despite him trying. At some point of time, he's going to tell himself "Fk this, she's over me and I should move on too" The fact he tried for years is already daunting enough. It's time for him to move on, and hopefully he did. Well, I think why you're feeling this way is because you thought he will always be wanting you. For god's sake, he's been trying for years! Surely he will wait a little longer? Maybe that's what you have been thinking and suddenly BAM he's gone, moved on and you feel the hurt. I'd say, it's been so long, move on. If you didn't want to give him a chance then, there's no point in it now. So take it with a pinch of salt and just move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mike_d Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 why are you still stalking them? if you didn't want him then you need to respect where he is at, since you gave up on it. he can do what he wants when he wants where he wants. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Minka333 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Being replaced by the one you thought who will want you forever hurts the ego. He is prolly trying to duplicate the wonderful things about you that he loved. You already have a piece of you inside him that will stay with him no matter who he is with. He may or may not be aware about it but subconsciously it's there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author when Posted September 27, 2012 Author Share Posted September 27, 2012 Thanks for the comments. A lot of things went down in the end. Yes, I was the one that initiated the break-up - it was because he got drunk one night (after a fight) and made a mistake with someone else, to put nicely. I'd rather not talk about this. I originally just wanted some time and space to forgive. But life happened, we both moved to different, nearby cities, he gave up reaching out to me for a while, and we just reached a comfortable silence of NC. I responded by closing off myself to people, and just moving on in my own way. Out of the blue, he tried to reconnect about a year later. in my head, and heart, it was completely over by that time, but his trying to reconnect and apologize and meet again threw me off. Since then, I've moved on in my head, but in my heart i'm kinda confused. It was on and off - when he wanted to talk I wasn't ready; when I felt ready, I was too scared to in initiate anything. It almost worked out once (last year), but thats another story. I'm mainly left feeling angry at myself and remorseful, for messing up one of the best things that has ever happened in my life - him. Thinking about it, we fought about something so silly (that I was insecure about), we fought, he drank, and then the rest is history. I blame myself a lot. Although ironically he blames himself more. I realize that since so much time has passed, the ball is probably in my court. I get that. But I also see his new relationship thing going on. So then I feel that I need to respect that, and stay out of that mess. In the past, he would date a string of girls for months, and then break up with them and dial me up, and then I'd start feeling confused again, and start warming up to the idea of being back in touch, but by then he had new girl, so I'd feel afraid of getting hurt and back out, and thus is the cycle. We are not FB friends or share any mutual friends. So until now, I've had 0 knowledge of the details of his relationships, just that he tells me when he's in a new one. This time, an anonymous e-mail sent me the link to the new girl's blog. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I feel crushed. I think my ex-bf is trying to recreate our past with his new gf. I'll spare you the details, but there are some very specific moments we had together, that he's undoubtedly recreating with her, just a new face in the picture now. A lot of these moments have a long history/explanation that would take a lot of time to write, but they are very specific to a certain event in our relationship, and meaningful in how it's tied to something that happened between us. You'll have to trust me on this. I could provide examples, but it would be really long. I think the part that rubs salt in the wound the most are two things: one is when he's doing certain things with her we talked about doing together. A lot of these things might seem not particularly special to others, but it was always specifically linked to something that happened or a certain event/marker in our relationship. The second part is that she's like a mini-me. She reminds me of the girl I was four-five years ago. That part definitely hurts a lot, although I don't understand why. Everything was fine, until I saw that they did certain things we had talked about, and when I saw how similar she is to my younger self (physical looks, personality, favorite things). You literally could have just taken my blog entries/pictures from back then, and put her name on it, and it's her. It's also weird, because a LOT of the things she writes about as something she enjoys or likes, is EXACTLY same as my preferences back then and now. It's not just something vague like "I like chocolate" but very, very specific, "such as pistachio ice cream, one scoop, with gummy bear toppings and a side of two cherries and one kiwi slice". And my -ex definitely encourages her on this, so when she blogs about something specific like that, those are the only things he comments on to encourage her. It's like he's reliving our past? IDK. For years, he tried to reconnect and meet up with me, I just wasn't ready and needed time to heal first (I broke up with him). I was actually starting to warm up to the IDEA of being friends and talking gradually, and now this. What do you guys think about this? I don't understand why it's crushing me so much. I feel for you I know the feeling i will share a slice of my dealings with this....apparently my ex and his new partner are going on a boat cruise for xmas......my oldest daughter thought she might be going down to spend time with him at xmas which isnt the case obviously....this is how it relates to your post i have always wanted to go on a boat...not so much a cruise...but a boat i am an ocean girl a water lover to the extreme......i begged my ex on a regular basis to get a houseboat when we were together to take the kids on holiday away from cities and just the gentle lapping of waves.....lol.... sorry im a bit of a poet......anyway.....I used to send away for houseboat holiday pamphlets and sit there with a big goofy smile on my face dreamin....never went of course......got shot down.....so now......i am going on a houseboat holiday one day its a dream at the moment but i know i will...one day....and he wont stop me I will be captain on my ship with no white flag(dido rules) and i hope he enjoys his cruise...i am going to get on a houseboat and prove i can drive something even if it is into a sandbank..... don't feel bad i used to..... do you know what i found out? Feeling bad doesn't make you feel any better......plan on doing something you have always wanted to do that didnt happen.....or you wanted to happen and LIKE NIKE ADVERTISED.....JUST DO IT....girlfriend(i added that part) its a bit daggy but you are a girl so it fits....smilin.....good luck.....plan on something that you can make reality and wish you ex and his new love all the best....because that is what you deserve and even though he is a dick he deserves happiness ....everybody does......deb Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 why are you still stalking them? if you didn't want him then you need to respect where he is at, since you gave up on it. he can do what he wants when he wants where he wants. exactly. why on earth, OP, would you know all these specific details of his life when you aren't part of it? Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 he sent you an anonymous email with a link to her blog ??? jesus..... knowing that it looks like the whole thing is a way of trying to get at you. maybe just to rub it in your face, maybe with hopes you'll want him back. i feel bad for his current girl, it sounds like he's just molding her into the former you so you'll get to see her blog entries and be hurt... Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 exactly. why on earth, OP, would you know all these specific details of his life when you aren't part of it? he "anonymously" sent her a link to his current lady's blog. read before reacting Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 (edited) he "anonymously" sent her a link to his current lady's blog. read before reacting "This time, an anonymous e-mail sent me the link to the new girl's blog." I don't believe she said the ex sent the email. She just received an anonymous email. If the ex sent it, it wouldn't be anonymous, unless we are speculating. Edited September 27, 2012 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Doesn't change my point that she wasn't "stalking" them, she recieved a link in her email. Though I did make the assumption & jump to that conclusion, I still would. Unless there are people unassociated with her boyfriend who would care enough about a relationship that wasn't theirs, years after it ended, to anonymously send her **** about his latest girl. Plus he has a history of "telling her when he's a new" relationship. I suppose it could be the girlfriend herself, but anyone else seems pretty farfetched. Yes, it's speculation, of the "of f*cking course" nature. Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 he "anonymously" sent her a link to his current lady's blog. read before reacting doesn't change the fact that she followed and read it. do you click anonymous links sent to you for blogs? Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Yeah, unless it struck me as random spam, or I judged it to be a potential computer-f*cker. I can tell a purposeful, deliberate email from mass-spammed **** pretty well. And if one contained a tumblr link, I'd be curious. But I'm not the type to hide. Sh*t I enjoy receiving calls from phone numbers I don't know just cause it's something unexpected. Regardless, how would she have known it had anything to do with him if was anonymous ? Very far from "stalking". Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Doesn't change my point that she wasn't "stalking" them, she recieved a link in her email. Though I did make the assumption & jump to that conclusion, I still would. Unless there are people unassociated with her boyfriend who would care enough about a relationship that wasn't theirs, years after it ended, to anonymously send her **** about his latest girl. Plus he has a history of "telling her when he's a new" relationship. I suppose it could be the girlfriend herself, but anyone else seems pretty farfetched. Yes, it's speculation, of the "of f*cking course" nature. "In the past, he would date a string of girls for months, and then break up with them and dial me up, and then I'd start feeling confused again, and start warming up to the idea of being back in touch, but by then he had new girl, so I'd feel afraid of getting hurt and back out, and thus is the cycle." He doesn't inform her of his new relationships. He goes back to her when they are over. There is nothing noting that he informs her everytime he has a new endeavor. It's far fetched that he would be stupid enough to send an anonymous email when OP is going to tie him to the blog. There is then no need for anonymity. You're entitled to your "of f*ucking course" nature. I'm entitled to mine. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I'm not trying to be a douche. But she did straight up say: "I've had 0 knowledge of the details of his relationships, just that he tells me when he's in a new one." Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 It's far fetched that he would be stupid enough to send an anonymous email when OP is going to tie him to the blog. There is then no need for anonymity. Then what person might you suggest would be, if not him ? Some third party who feels like meddling ? I could see it in some romantic thriller involving infidelity and murder but otherwise... Like I said, maaaybe the girlfriend herself, but as I clarified, he tells her when he gets in new relationships... Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 "In the past, he would date a string of girls for months, and then break up with them and dial me up, and then I'd start feeling confused again, and start warming up to the idea of being back in touch, but by then he had new girl, so I'd feel afraid of getting hurt and back out, and thus is the cycle." He doesn't inform her of his new relationships. He goes back to her when they are over. There is nothing noting that he informs her everytime he has a new endeavor. It's far fetched that he would be stupid enough to send an anonymous email when OP is going to tie him to the blog. There is then no need for anonymity. You're entitled to your "of f*ucking course" nature. I'm entitled to mine. sounds like we agree (as usual) about where this "anonymous info" came from. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I'm not trying to be a douche. But she did straight up say: "I've had 0 knowledge of the details of his relationships, just that he tells me when he's in a new one." Hence it's far fetched that while he has always told her about his new relationships, he now needs to hide behind anonymity. Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 flitz, where are you suggesting it came from, lil detective ? he tells her when he gets in new relationships, yet this time you don't think he did because he did it anonymously ? and youre suggesting theres some outside person doing so ?? enlighten me Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 sounds like we agree (as usual) about where this "anonymous info" came from. I'm with you on this one! Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Hence it's far fetched that while he has always told her about his new relationships, he now needs to hide behind anonymity. thats way more likely than some third party meddler i must say. he may have done it anonymously because he knows it's ridiculous. significantly more ridiculous than simply saying "i'm dating someone". i understand stubbornly standing by your opinion, but come on.... who might it have been ? Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 wait who do you both agree it came from ? answer me you question-dodgin' stubborn lil fellers ! Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 Hence it's far fetched that while he has always told her about his new relationships, he now needs to hide behind anonymity. now you jus backtrackin Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted September 27, 2012 Share Posted September 27, 2012 I'm not backtracking. One, it's a stupid thing to do to hide behind anonymity when the OP can tie him to the blog. Two, if he has had a pattern of telling her whenever he's in a new relationship, why hide now? This whole anonymous email sounds a little off. There's much more to this story. Again there is no need for you to prove validity nor do I need to prove validity. We can all conclude on our own. Link to post Share on other sites
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