OWENRICH Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 HELLO AGAIN, I dont know where to begin. If you have seen my other posts then you know I am really confused. my Wife said this week end that she wants a divorce because she is not longer attracted to me and she no longer loves me as a husband and doesnt want to be married to me. If this is true I can live with that but the main issue is we have a 3 year boy that we both love and I havent been away from since he was born and neither has she except for last week end she went away for 2 nights. Our son is the one thing that means to most to me know that my wife is wanting out and i dont want to lose him. My whole life I have been working for what i have now which is a great kid and a wife and nice home and now i am going to lose it all. My wife says that she is going to take our son since she is the mother and no one can take care of him like a mother can and i respond with i am his father and no one can take care of him like i can. she doesnt have a regular job she has been a stay at home mom and i have been working 830 to 6 mon thru fri. but when i get home i am the primary care taker of him until I put him to sleep. I started from day one and the first month i took off work because after birth my wife couldnt even stand up without help so i took care of them both for a month. she still takes care of the house and shopping and cleaning clothes and she even went out and bought me beer before she told me she wanted a divorce that day. then that night she wants me to masage her neck because it hurt. of course i did but with reluctance as i am confused. My main problem is her anger issue which she says she doesnt have. she cuses and yells at our 3 year old more than once a day and i dont agree with it at all. she wont talk to her parents or any one of her friends that are in a good marriage all she talks to are her two friends that just got divorced in the past few months and her ex boyfriend from high school who she says she still has feelings for and lives 1500 miles away. she yells at her mom and dad of which she was really close too and now wont even visit them. her mom went into the hospital and she didnt even go to see her. she is an only child if that matters. she also states that she has mever been happy all the 5 years we have been married and should have never gotten married. but this past feb. she wanted to have another child with me and we started trying. luckily nothing has happened yet. i need advice and help please help. the story is much longer and you can read my other posts but what it comes down to is she keeps doing things to make me think she is confused and isnt sure about her wanting a divorce. we went to a counsler two weeks ago and are supose to go this week but she has said no. i think it is because the counsler told her it looks like she is just looking for an easy way out and still loves me but is scared to try to work at it. my wife says she has done everything to try but she then says there is nothing that can change the way a person feels. it is either there or it isnt. then she says she has never been happy but then says she cant get back what we use to have. i am confused. I do not want our kid to go through a divorce and i do not want to just see him occasionally i want to be there everyday in his life. I love my wife and dont want to throw away everything so easily. I am a true beliver in marriage and trying to work things out. feelings can change and things can almost always be worked out but one has to try. help Link to post Share on other sites
Haunani Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I'm so sorry for your pain that you are experiencing, being on the *other end* really sucks especially when it's only one of the spouses trying to work it out. It's a difficult time for you walking on *eggshells* not knowing whether or not you are going to come home and she will be gone. I'm not in your shoes, I'm in your wifes, except, I still find my husband extremely attractive after 20 years. There are other major issues that affect our relationship. For her to say that she doesn't love you because she's not attracted to you, or that she never was, why did she marry in the first place? She must have found something about you attractive? I'm sorry I probably don't know all the story because I'm a newbie here. All I can say is that you sound like a wonderful dad, I wish my own hubby were there for his kids like that. And you are right in feeling that the family unit is very important, but if she's feeling like this now, do you want to honestly keep her around for the family's sake, and after 20 years like me, have heard/told this same story and despising even more? I think if she's so adamant about not wanting to keep the relationship because of looks, then she's very shallow to begin with, and doesn't see the whole picture, there sounds like something else is behind that. Hang tough buddy. Link to post Share on other sites
Firegirl04 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Sorry to hear that you are struggling so. I can see where it would be confusing. First off, if she wont go to counseling with you... go by yourself. I can understand that you want to be with your son. Sounds like you are a better father than she is a mother. (I don't want to put her down but....) You sound like a terrific man. Sounds like your wife has some major issues. Look for the little signs... has her life style changed any? Does she drink? If so, is it more than normal? Things like that. It may give you insight into what is going on in her life. If she insists on a divorce... give it to her. But fight like hell to keep your son. Go for sole custody. Allow her visitations. Keep us informed. Keep your head up. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts