losing your closest friend

[klr624]

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. Everyone said give him time before trying to continue a friendship. Even after we ended things we still talked on the phone and remained friends, but suddenly and abruptly he shut me completely out of his life. He was one of the closest people to me and now I have lost him, apparently for no good reason. He is now seeing another woman who is completely wrong for him, but of course he believes I don't like her out of jealousy and now he really dislikes me. Basically I want to know if there's anyway to preserve a friendship between us eventually, or if I should give up hope and be resigned to the fact that he will no longer be in my life. I really hope that time will heal any bad feelings he may have towards me.

[Deejette]

It is very hard to have a friendship after a romantic relationship, especially if one of the partners is already dating and seeing others. He has stopped talking to you because he is finding what he needs in another woman. He has already left you emotionally and physically.

 

It is hard to accept, but you need to move on and be thankful for the nice memories. His new relationship may object to your continuing friendship. He may want to move on and not deal with the past because he is engrossed with his new life. That is why he is not contacting you any more.

 

In this case, you cannot force the issue. Either he calls and wants to continue contact with you, or you have to write him off. Because if you call him, you will be placing yourself in a position to be really hurt by his rejection.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. Everyone said give him time before trying to continue a friendship. Even after we ended things we still talked on the phone and remained friends, but suddenly and abruptly he shut me completely out of his life. He was one of the closest people to me and now I have lost him, apparently for no good reason. He is now seeing another woman who is completely wrong for him, but of course he believes I don't like her out of jealousy and now he really dislikes me. Basically I want to know if there's anyway to preserve a friendship between us eventually, or if I should give up hope and be resigned to the fact that he will no longer be in my life. I really hope that time will heal any bad feelings he may have towards me.

[Tony T]

While you felt a bond of friendship with him that transcended the romantic relationship, he obviously did not. Some people are simply incapable of altruistic friendships.

 

Additionally, it may be very difficult for him to restore a friendship after he stops dating someone. Finally, he may not feel it advantageous to be friends with an ex while he is seeing someone else.

 

You should not be concerned about who he is seeing at any given time or who is good or not good for him. He has to take care of himself.

 

You seem like a pretty sensitive lady and you have to learn that the world, as a whole, is pretty indifferent to anything. Your urge for friendship with any person at any given time may not be able to be accomodated. Show this man the most love you can by moving on and forgetting him.

 

For sure, time heals things and we never know what fate has in store for us. It could be that the two of you could rekindle your friendship in a few years...or when you meet again in the old people's home.

 

In time, you will seldom think of this guy and you will have moved on to new relationships, new friends and a new life...and I suppose that's the way it's supposed to happen.

[Louise]

You are right that only time will tell. He probably stopped communicating with you because it was simply too painful for him and/or he started seeing this new woman. Remember YOU broke up with HIM - it is much more painful for him than it is for you; it is always tougher on the "dumpee". From his point of view YOU got what YOU wanted (the breakup) and caused him great pain, so why should you continue to get what you want (the friendship)?

 

Whether or not the new woman is right for him, that is no longer your concern. Any misgivings you express about her will be seen as jealousy on your part no matter how well-founded they are.

 

Let it go, for now. Time will tell if the new woman is right for him or not, and whether you & he will eventually be friends. These things cannot be forced.

 

L.

[neo]

i doubt if there are any chances for friendship to remain once the romance angle has been taken out of a relationship. the guy obviously still has unresolved issues when it comes to you and the only way he can completly get over you is by going cold turkey. the longer the two of you remain in touch, the longer its going to take him to get over you.

 

in my opinion, what he is doing now is healthy. keeping in touch and trying to remain best friends after breaking up was unhealthy. you need to put some distance between yourselves. maybe after a while, with a fair degree of maturity on both sides you could be friends again. or maybe not. but this is the risk you took when you called it off. in time you will forget as you develop new relationships and meet new people.

 

if you guys are meant to be friends you will remain such. everything happens for the best. do not obsess over it too much.