Dealing with controlling parents at 25yrs of age

[turnera]

I got pretty much the same answer too. Felt like a waste of money.

What other answer would you want?

 

You CAN'T change them. They have lived at least twice as long as you have, and you think it's your place to make them change?

 

The only way YOU can find peace is to realize that, and make changes that benefit YOU, no matter what or how or who they are. You're the only person you ever had any control over, after all.

 

Realizing that is part of the process of growing up.

[turnera]

I don't know why it's so hard for them to let go. But honestly this level made me absolutely resent them. Also for the media taking the piss, when no one has fixed the economy. That would've helped. Now I know why people become strippers,one of the few things that recession proof.

If you look at any culture throughout the ages, there's a standard - the rite of passage. The time at which the young persons physically and mentally distance themselves from their parents. It's not going to be the parents who let go. It's the young persons who NEED to move on, and do so.

 

A great example is Christmas (if you celebrate it). You grow up doing Christmas with your folks. As a young adult, even a young married couple, you still go home and do Christmas at the folks' house; all the kids come home. But there comes a point where YOU start having your OWN kids. Now, some people go through great angst over this, not wanting to upset the folks but wanting to start their own traditions at their own home. In a healthy family, the kid will say 'mom, dad, it's time we started celebrating at home for our kids. We'll come see you on Christmas Eve or the night of Christmas day. Which do you prefer?' and the folks will understand and oblige.

 

In an unhealthy family, the folks (usually the mom) will guilt the kids incessantly to make them NOT stop coming to see her, keep it all about her. In that case, it's the kid's job to 'grow up' and say 'Mom, dad, I know you want us there on Christmas morning, but I just can't do it any more. We'll see you later that day' and move on.

 

It's a rare parent who pushes the kids to do this, so it's usually up to the kids to spread their wings, a rite of passage.

 

Just as you have to do in your life.

[pink_sugar]

IDK, I worked crap jobs for 15 years while I got a degree at night. Are things hard? Of course.

 

But you can sit on a couch and gripe about how you're getting shafted, or you can up your activity and find ways to get out from under your parents. And going to college is almost NEVER going to be a waste of time. Taking even one class a semester at a junior college is a hell of a lot smarter than just doing your part time job and spending the rest of your time sitting at home being miserable.

 

I agree, even though times are hard right now...ultimately a college degree versus no degree or skills will pay off. Statistics still say those with college degrees make almost double. Unless you have a degree in Liberal Arts or Philosophy or basically something nearly useless and EVEN THEN, you are still better off, because bottom line is that a lot of employers just want you to have a college degree, period. No matter what the field. It seems daunting right now, but I am motivated to work hard and make my degree pay off, which is why it was very important I get a practical degree, like business.

[turnera]

My husband is one of the most knowledgeable and skilled people in his industry, but no degree. We've sent out probably more than 1000 resumes over the last 5 or 6 years and got ONE bite. When I asked an HR specialist about it, she said if he doesn't have a degree, the electronic filter will never put his resume on the HR person's desk. She said (and this was before the recession) that for every single job in a mainstream company, HR usually gets about 500-2000 resumes.

 

So we either find a job through other people, or we lie and say he has a degree.

[pink_sugar]

My husband is one of the most knowledgeable and skilled people in his industry, but no degree. We've sent out probably more than 1000 resumes over the last 5 or 6 years and got ONE bite. When I asked an HR specialist about it, she said if he doesn't have a degree, the electronic filter will never put his resume on the HR person's desk. She said (and this was before the recession) that for every single job in a mainstream company, HR usually gets about 500-2000 resumes.

 

So we either find a job through other people, or we lie and say he has a degree.

 

I know someone who was out of work for several years for this very reason. Made 80-100k a year before the recession...lost her job...took a minimum wage job and 6 years later finally found a job that paid slightly more than 60k that didn't require a degree. That was the issue. She had all kind of experience, but it was nothing without the degree.

[TwinkletOes26]

Things are tough with or without a degree for everyone. I never said it was ok to just gripe about it but a little understanding would help. I find no one understands this kind of an issue if they have not been through it themselves. Most parents I know ENCOURAGE their kids to spread their wings it is the damaged dysfunctional ones that do not.

 

Things are hard enough on most with their parents help but its ever so much harder without.This person doesnt sound liket they are sitting around doing nothing they said they had a job....just sounds like they are going theough a tough time and I feel a little encouragement is much more helpful than judgement. Yes there are people who do sit and do nothing but there are also those who ahve done everythign and still cant get ahead....JMO:bunny:

[Sugarkane]

No I realize that they won't change now. But it males ZERO SENSE to me for a parent to act this way.Makes me want to move interstate/ to another country.

What other answer would you want?

 

You CAN'T change them. They have lived at least twice as long as you have, and you think it's your place to make them change?

 

The only way YOU can find peace is to realize that, and make changes that benefit YOU, no matter what or how or who they are. You're the only person you ever had any control over, after all.

 

Realizing that is part of the process of growing up.

[Sugarkane]

No I realize that they won't change now. But it males ZERO SENSE to me for a parent to act this way.Makes me want to move interstate/ to another country.They say they understand but obviously not. I don't know why it's so difficult for a parent that a grown adult would want their independence.

What other answer would you want?

 

You CAN'T change them. They have lived at least twice as long as you have, and you think it's your place to make them change?

 

The only way YOU can find peace is to realize that, and make changes that benefit YOU, no matter what or how or who they are. You're the only person you ever had any control over, after all.

 

Realizing that is part of the process of growing up.

[Sugarkane]

No I realize that they won't change now. But it males ZERO SENSE to me for a parent to act this way.Makes me want to move interstate/ to another country.They say they understand but obviously not. I don't know why it's so difficult for a parent that a grown adult would want their independence. Especially when everyone seems to be getting married/ having kids at their age. I loathe how they put their own fears onto us. Obviously they don't understand. As I've been rejected and laughed at in the past.

What other answer would you want?

 

You CAN'T change them. They have lived at least twice as long as you have, and you think it's your place to make them change?

 

The only way YOU can find peace is to realize that, and make changes that benefit YOU, no matter what or how or who they are. You're the only person you ever had any control over, after all.

 

Realizing that is part of the process of growing up.

[Sugarkane]

I don't think this is normal, no one else I know has had this problem. Not my relatives or younger co workers got treated like this.