I Pushed Her Away, How Do I Get Her Back?

[GoBomb36]

I truly appreciate gust detailed, thoughtful insight. You are exactly right, I do ponder about the would have/could have/should have aspect of it all. I made the same mistakes on this relationship as I have in the past, which is really self-degrading and frustrating that I am the cause of my own torment. Just a few different actions and I would be happy. I was merely a week late, and the thought of that really does not settle well. I am going to my family doctor on a few hours because I am having trouble eating, sleeping, and concentrating while at practice.

 

Baseball has been my getaway my entire life, and since I've graduated college, coaching has kept that avenue open for me. I notice a difference when I am out there now, and am just completely consumed by the entire situation. When this happens, it really concerns me. I feel like my getaway isn't there anymore. I'm also a personal trainer, and my training of others and working out is taking a big blow, which had been another avenue of escape in the past.

 

I haven't much time for anything else, and the thought of another lady disgusts me at the moment. If things aren't rekindled with her, I foresee myself shutting my emotions off to others for a while. Having to go through this 2 years in a row, in 2 different scenarios is extremely difficult, and some thoughts I have are just merely unpleasant and scary. I really hope to pull myself to being a better person after this, but I just want another shot with her. For happiness, and to prove I have changed.

[mgce]

I've gone through this before as well, so I know how draining it feels to be thinking "not again!" and to feel deeply, fundamentally tired by it all.

 

I threw a lot at you in my last message, and I know you're not at the point to be receptive to much of it. I know I made everything seem so final, and you're not there right now. That's fine. Don't worry about other girls, etc.

 

So I'll just say two other things:

 

- Just focus on making it through the next few weeks without her. Just the next few weeks. That's not such a long time. You can reevaluate your situation then. In April, my ex and I had one of our big falling outs when she started dating again. That was a real low point for me, especially when she ignored my last message to her (and I could still see her FB updates). After 100% silence for six weeks, she reached out to me, and in a serious way. Her new guy hadn't worked out after all. So, out of the blue, I heard from her again, just when I was starting to think I never ever would. And we got to talk about things again...

 

So give it six weeks and see where you're at then.

 

- In the meantime, open up as much as you can with close friends and family (if you have any that you trust). It will help enormously with the coping and confusion and waiting. This really is a "day by day" situation you're in right now.

[GoBomb36]

I've gone through this before as well, so I know how draining it feels to be thinking "not again!" and to feel deeply, fundamentally tired by it all.

 

I threw a lot at you in my last message, and I know you're not at the point to be receptive to much of it. I know I made everything seem so final, and you're not there right now. That's fine. Don't worry about other girls, etc.

 

So I'll just say two other things:

 

- Just focus on making it through the next few weeks without her. Just the next few weeks. That's not such a long time. You can reevaluate your situation then. In April, my ex and I had one of our big falling outs when she started dating again. That was a real low point for me, especially when she ignored my last message to her (and I could still see her FB updates). After 100% silence for six weeks, she reached out to me, and in a serious way. Her new guy hadn't worked out after all. So, out of the blue, I heard from her again, just when I was starting to think I never ever would. And we got to talk about things again...

 

So give it six weeks and see where you're at then.

 

- In the meantime, open up as much as you can with close friends and family (if you have any that you trust). It will help enormously with the coping and confusion and waiting. This really is a "day by day" situation you're in right now.

 

Thanks alot! I truly appreciate your advice, and I will do the best I can. I'm currently seeing my family physician to see about something that can help me.cope, even though I know nothing will fully help.

 

Did things turn out well with you and your ex? How did you go about it?

[GoBomb36]

And to male it sticky, she texted me this.morning asking what I was doing...and I haven't replied. I'm just so lost and want to to do the right things to get her back

[Calico]

I drank until 4 this morning and I had a client at 7:45 this morning.

 

Stay out of the bottle. Alcohol is a depressant, which is really the last thing you need. You trade a few hours of "nothing matters" for a day of amplified depression and sadness. It also causes your emotions bounce around even more than they do without alcohol. It's self-destructive behaviour.

[mgce]

Did things turn out well with you and your ex? How did you go about it?

 

Honestly? No.

 

After she reached out, I did everything I could to handle the situation with class, respectfully, honestly, openly, carefully, etc. etc. I really did give it my best and I'm proud of how I conducted myself. But it didn't matter. After what I thought was a nice and healthy and productive conversation over coffee, she unfriended me on FB and asked me never to contact her again. That was 4 months ago.

 

I agonized forever over what I did wrong, before I realized I did *nothing* wrong. I really hadn't. All the volatility was coming from her. You mention "doing the right things to get her back", but at some point you have to realize it's not just about what you do or think. It's about how she responds as well.

 

She was still hurt by me, meaning I could make the most innocent statement and she still might still get upset about it.

 

Your situation is emotionally fragile and you have no way of knowing what impact anything you say or do will have. Don't try and reason it out; it's not a logical thing. She reacts emotionally however she does, and you absolutely cannot control for or predict that.

 

It is harder that she's still texting you. But NC until cooler heads prevail on both sides sounds like the only reasonable option to prevent anything like the above.