ComingInHot Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 Coming to LS was the BEST thing I ever did!! It aloud me to put all the pieces together, put on my armour and make a stance. I snuck away to the "Marriage" side of the forum to post a more clear picture of my situation and got some more great information. ( honestly, I was embarrassed posting it here to you guys) As the children & I have just come to the upswing in the cycle of abuse(where things will be good for a while), I calmly explained to my husband where the kids & I are at & what I NEED to have happen in order to really give our marriage a shot. 1. The children join me for counceling 2. Husband & I begin MC 3. One more cycle of abuse leading to his rage, verbal & emotional abuse of either me and/or our children & we are done. Period. End of story. We are out. Before he could answer, I added, if you need "time" to think about it (ie; for me to "calm down"), then that was my answer & I'd begin packing tonight. No more mind games and manipulations. I think I timed it right because he said, yes. I then told him he would have til 5:00p.m. today to call and make the appointment. He called at 8:30a.m. this morning* We start next week Tuesday. All this constant self conflict I've been dealing w/from 13 years of emotional/verbal abuse, being manipulated, his Affair to almost complete isolation vs. Me trying to live by my principles, forgive & look at the bright side has stopped. It occurred to me, that what I have been doing is ALL of the above while gathering solid proof in the forms of Affair information, voice recordings of his rages, financial information just in case I fail(he fails) to change and fix things. I don't ever give ultimatims that I may not kept. Thanks to all of you, I pulled up my pants and took a stand. Guess we will see what happens. I know one thing... thins are going to change!!* 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 All this time he has refused to go to therapy but look at what happens when you take a stand. You set a boundary. You established your expectations. You have more power than you think. Next time you feel paralyzed or helpless, remember how this worked out for you. Take control of this situation. You have done it his way for long enough. Now you are driving the bus. And if he doesn't like it, he can get off. Nice job. Keep going. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted September 28, 2012 Share Posted September 28, 2012 When you 'wake up' and say no more, it means no more. Don't ever make threats, make promises, to yourself and to your children. Very important to give them something firm to grab upon. The abuse stops here, stops now or you're out. Very wise of you to do. Enough is enough and this is how it's gonna be, get on board or get out, our family has some healing to do. Again, stay firm. "It is love which puts hearts to work together in harmonious movement and action." Ahmad al-Alawi 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ComingInHot Posted September 28, 2012 Author Share Posted September 28, 2012 It feels really good!! When I make a decision, I tend to stick w/it, so I am overwhelmed w/peace right now. I know I can't control him but I have made the decision for change* I'm NOT afraid to be alone because I won't be. I have friends & family, I'm decent looking and no matter, I will be at peace.** 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts