What to do about nagging mother?

[Sheila]

I am a young adult woman living at home under my parent's roof for a while because I just came back two months ago from living abroad for several years.

 

I have a husband back in Europe, but for the past year or so things haven't been working out the greatest between us,so I am back here.

 

My mother constantly criticizes me for supposedly not caring for my husband. She says I don't act like a married woman and shouldn't even consider going out with other guys.

 

Yesterday she told me that if my husband decided to divorce me that I would go crazy, but that she would say to him,"Good for you Paul,".

 

I told her that she doesn't know what goes on between us on the phone and in our emails, and that it really isn't her role or business to make moral statements or judgements. She agreed with me, but told me that she can't help it because she is a mother, and mothers only want the best for their childern.

 

I am getting to the point where I can't stand talking to her or being around her because she continually harps about me, and nags me. She makes statements about what she perceives as my successes or failures in life while we are in the car, and it just drives me crazy. She seems to have way too much power over me at the age I am at, even though I deny her power. I know it exists and I can't escape it because I am under her roof.

 

What would you suggest I do to work things out with her besides move out? This is getting to the point where I will avoid coming home when she is there, and will go out if she is at home.

[Deejette]

Since you are under her roof, you don't really have much say in how she behaves. She does have a point about your going out with guys while you are still married. She probably doesn't understand why you have come home instead of working things out with your husband.

 

Try to see things from her point of view. Here you come home to live in her house after you are grown and married. What's so great about that for her? Now she has to worry about you. Mothers feel the right and priviledge to say what is on their minds to their kids.

 

Moving out and getting a place on your own is better than resenting your mother for telling it like it is while she is footing the bill for your shelter.

I am a young adult woman living at home under my parent's roof for a while because I just came back two months ago from living abroad for several years. I have a husband back in Europe, but for the past year or so things haven't been working out the greatest between us,so I am back here.

 

My mother constantly criticizes me for supposedly not caring for my husband. She says I don't act like a married woman and shouldn't even consider going out with other guys. Yesterday she told me that if my husband decided to divorce me that I would go crazy, but that she would say to him,"Good for you Paul,".

 

I told her that she doesn't know what goes on between us on the phone and in our emails, and that it really isn't her role or business to make moral statements or judgements. She agreed with me, but told me that she can't help it because she is a mother, and mothers only want the best for their childern. I am getting to the point where I can't stand talking to her or being around her because she continually harps about me, and nags me. She makes statements about what she perceives as my successes or failures in life while we are in the car, and it just drives me crazy. She seems to have way too much power over me at the age I am at, even though I deny her power. I know it exists and I can't escape it because I am under her roof.

 

What would you suggest I do to work things out with her besides move out? This is getting to the point where I will avoid coming home when she is there, and will go out if she is at home.

 

[Joe]

I can relate to the whole nagging mother thing but she does have some good points. What are you doing back home? Your marriage is not going so well so you came home to get away and sort things out, right? But instead you are talking about seeing other guys, etc. No wonder she is on your case that's not right. You should be thinking about your husband and what is causing your unhappiness with the relationship and what needs to be done to possibly work it out or end it. Going out with guys will only give you temporary happiness and make things worse. Take this time to really think about what changes need to be made in your marriage and tell your husband. You are really not in a good position to see other guys, first off your still married! Second you've been unhappy for about a year and any guy that puts a smile on your face you can become attached to very easily. Really think this through, you owe it to each other to not make any hasty decisions and talk. If you make a quick decision you'll regret it because it will always be in the back of your mind, "what if".

 

Joe

[Charlie]

Sheila,

 

I myself have such mother. Sadly I must say that moving out IS the best solution. This will in time both improve your relations with you mother and give you a little peace of mind which you seem to need. Maybe you also are reluctant to make up with your husband because you feel pushed to this by your mother. Moving out, as difficult financially as it may be, may help you take the right decision for the right reasons also.

I am a young adult woman living at home under my parent's roof for a while because I just came back two months ago from living abroad for several years. I have a husband back in Europe, but for the past year or so things haven't been working out the greatest between us,so I am back here.

 

My mother constantly criticizes me for supposedly not caring for my husband. She says I don't act like a married woman and shouldn't even consider going out with other guys. Yesterday she told me that if my husband decided to divorce me that I would go crazy, but that she would say to him,"Good for you Paul,".

 

I told her that she doesn't know what goes on between us on the phone and in our emails, and that it really isn't her role or business to make moral statements or judgements. She agreed with me, but told me that she can't help it because she is a mother, and mothers only want the best for their childern. I am getting to the point where I can't stand talking to her or being around her because she continually harps about me, and nags me. She makes statements about what she perceives as my successes or failures in life while we are in the car, and it just drives me crazy. She seems to have way too much power over me at the age I am at, even though I deny her power. I know it exists and I can't escape it because I am under her roof.

 

What would you suggest I do to work things out with her besides move out? This is getting to the point where I will avoid coming home when she is there, and will go out if she is at home.

 

[Sheila]

I can relate to the whole nagging mother thing but she does have some good points. What are you doing back home? Your marriage is not going so well so you came home to get away and sort things out, right? But instead you are talking about seeing other guys, etc. No wonder she is on your case that's not right.

But that is nobody else's business. I don't tell her about seein other guys. She snoops herself and it only makes me act more secretive. She has absolutely no business interfering with these matters.

 

Going out with

guys will only give you temporary happiness and make things worse.

 

Hey, I'm young and want to have fun. I think I deserve it after all I went through with being married too soon.

 

You are really not in a

good position to see other guys, first off your still married!

 

I know I'm not in the best position, but I am a human being too and need other human contact. I can't deny myself those things. It's not as if my husband is a saint.

[Sheila]

I myself have such mother. Sadly I must say that moving out IS the best solution.

Thanks for the support, Charlie.

 

Maybe you also are reluctant to

make up with your husband because you feel pushed to this by your mother

 

YOu are absolutely right about this. It almost seems as

 

if she is in a league with him on his side, and I don't

 

matter because she says I'm selfish and only think about

 

myself. Could she possibly be jealous of me because I am

 

so comfortable with my sexuality?