Can a 27 year old compete with a 21 year old girl?

[Els]

I agree, Els, we are blessed with higher reasoning, and it is more complicated that our pure biology.

 

That is why people will choose a mate they love over a younger, more beautiful choice, or a wealthier choice. That is why a 27 year old woman--or a 67 year old woman--has nothing to worry about, unless she is trying to compete in a beauty contest, or chooses a very shallow man who is incapable of that sort of higher reasoning and attraction.

 

Still, the biology exists, and it isn't "wrong". It just "is".

 

I agree completely. My only beef is with people who declare one type of 'biological imperative' (the one that suits them, of course) as a good excuse for any sort of deplorable behaviour, while denouncing another type of 'biological imperative'. Some of the people who happily jump on the 'men are biologically wired to seek young fertile women/sleep around/etc' are the first to denounce the 'women are biologically wired to seek the best provider she can find for herself and her offspring' imperative. The women are swiftly pronounced gold-diggers, whores, parasites, etc... but the men are just 'being normal products of biology'. This, I cannot accept.

 

Thankfully it appears to be yet another of those 'only-in-LS' phenomenons, so all's good.

[Mme. Chaucer]

It's time for a lecture from an old crone.

 

I can speak for a LOT of different perspectives on this because of my age (over 50), my life experiences, AND the fact that I am intelligent and intuitive.

 

I was quite an attractive young woman. I was horribly insecure. I compared myself to "perfect" and came up short.

 

Now I am an attractive old lady. And, not ashamed to say that "I look good for my age." Yes, FOR MY AGE. I do NOT look as good as I did when I was 22. And I am sure that all my friends and my husband are aware that I looked better when I was 22. And that other 22 year olds are prettier than me. So is Angelina Jolie. And millions of other women.

 

You know what? I barely care. Yes, I do care a little bit, and this is not because "men are pigs" or because of any crap the media has forced upon us. It's because youth is beautiful and fleeting, and mine is passed. And I am vain. Looking in the mirror at what time has wrought is not that fun.

 

Sniff.

 

Physical attraction draws people together. Then other things take root and grow, if a lasting bond and relationship are going to develop.

 

For some people, this cannot happen because there is little to them beyond the superficial.

 

Those who are obsessive about youth and beauty are shooting themselves in the foot. This is true for the men who overvalue these qualities in women, and for the women who do the same OR who buy into the idea that all men do that.

 

If you are a woman who insists that a man is "bad" because he actually recognizes that young women are more beautiful than 50+ year old women - or a man who thinks that women have an "expiration date" - welcome to eternal lonliness. On a deep level.

 

And that's probably fine, because pairing off is not really suitable for everyone. You men and women who are stuck on this stuff are unlikely to be good partnership material, frankly. I wouldn't want to go there ...

 

You know - I have only known my husband for 3 1/2 years. We were very attracted to each other when we met. Very. In full realization and happy acceptance that there was sagging, some paunch, bigger waist, wrinkles, less hair, graying, etc. Neither one of us was thinking about how we wished we could have a younger person but since that wasn't happening, we'd each settle for an old fart / fartress.

 

I OFTEN have these moments when I look at him and suddenly I see the young man that is inside of him. Sometimes I even see the 3, 9, or 15 year old boy. Those things are ALL still a part of him, just like a man's young wife is still a part of her when she is old. It's not "wrong" when a spouse can see and love that. It is beautiful.

[threebyfate]

Yes, but as we are humans living in civilization and not cave people or animals, it is reasonable to accept some degree of balance and control. Otherwise we are mere animals.

 

Let's flip the coin around a little. Let us say we have a young female student, A, who has a blanket rule that she will only date men who make above 200k a year. Not only that, but she constantly makes statements such as, "Why would I date a lesser man when I can get those men? Men who don't make 200k a year are lazy and incompetent. It's like the difference between dating a baboon and dating Adonis himself. Women are biologically programmed to want a mate who can provide for them." (and these are all analogous to some quotes that I have seen on LS from both male and female posters)

 

Now, what would you think of such a woman? She is technically correct - the female of a species is, in many cases, biologically programmed to seek the male who can provide sustenance and security to her and her offspring. But does that mean that anyone who expresses disgust or denounces her attitude would be wrong to do so? Wouldn't you advise your male friends to stay away from her like the plague?

 

We are more than mere animals, and many of us want a mate who is, himself or herself, able to be more than that. We are capable of so much more than just survival and reproductory instincts, which are what drives other biological beings to mate. Some degree of understanding is in order, but some people take the 'biological' excuse to such extremes that a rational person cannot help but be repulsed by them.

It's also abusive of science to suggest that humankind can change in every way EXCEPT for sexuality. Say we compare the daily lives of grunting cave people to the daily lives of modern human kind. Are they identical? Are even our lifespans comparable? In either proposal, there's a big, resounding "NO". So why are excuses of evo-psych used for sexuality, since everyone knows that sexuality remains trapped in primordial times but every_single_other aspect of humanity has....ummm...evolved and civilized?

 

Are some men desperately chasing youth...like TOTALLY! Are there men who aren't...like TOTALLY!