Can a 27 year old compete with a 21 year old girl?

[123321]

That's what I think. And if you are buying into the pathetic notion that the ONLY thing you bring to the table of a relationship is your youth and physical attributes, you are doomed to lose no matter what age you are.

 

I agree, what I also believe is that youth and beauty are the strong initial draws that women have on men. Once the guy is hooked he starts (or may start) to appreciate other qualities; this is what makes a guy stick around for 50 years.

 

But no guy is gonna see her across a room and say "wow, she's got a really strong work ethic" or whatever. The world works better for women if they snag a quality guy while they are young and hot, and hang onto him.

 

A lot of women in the recent past have lost focus of that and find their fine invisible qualities are not dragging men across the room now the way their hotness did 15 years ago.

[VodkaShots]

There's physically very little difference between most 21 year old and 27 year old women. The differences are in maturity & attitude.

 

Nonsense, just because a few parts are starting to squeak and the body has a few patches of rust doesn't mean some poor slob won't want to drive you to work.

 

Sure when he gets a promotion he'll get a better model but by no means are you ready for the junkyard at 34.

 

Aw bless. Another bitter man. What's your story then? Are you that "nice guy" who got turned down by that hot girl at work because she preferred the hot gymrat?

[Emilia]

is it possible for me to pass for 21? I feel very insecure around younger girls. Especially the ones in their late teens

 

The ones in their late teens are kids! They are not women, not even adults. How can you feel threatened by an 18 year-old as a 27 year-old woman?

 

If you feel you only have your looks to offer than develop a more pronounced and interesting personality.

[boaaaar]

That's what I think. And if you are buying into the pathetic notion that the ONLY thing you bring to the table of a relationship is your youth and physical attributes, you are doomed to lose no matter what age you are.

Yea but the problem is that women don't have much time to spend before marriage and kids after a certain age. And when marriage occurs, wives can afford to bring NOTHING to the table without any serious penalty (and they often do, thank you marriage laws). So obviously, youth sadly correlates with what the average woman can be expected to bring to the table, but not really for the physical beauty as many people make it sound like being a supermodel is what matters. Edited October 8, 2012 by boaaaar

[youdunsay]

my case: the woman who snatched the ex is at least 5 years older than me (23) even when I look younger. so you're good.

 

but then if he leaves you for another woman (young/old), he's not worth it.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

The ones in their late teens are kids! They are not women, not even adults. How can you feel threatened by an 18 year-old as a 27 year-old woman?

 

If you feel you only have your looks to offer than develop a more pronounced and interesting personality.

 

That's how I feel about it too. I ususally want to mother 18 year old girls and boys. I don't really get people that can be attracted to people in that age group if your are 25+. I certainly wouldn't want to be with the type of man that was. I don't really think he would be A) A very mature person emotionall or mentally. B) A good partner worth keeping around.

[123321]

Well really 27 it pretty young still and if a woman was hot at 20 and took care of herself she will be hot at 27, 30, whatever.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

This is a misconception on your part in my opinion. Men are attracted to women they find attractive, and I don't just mean physically. I'm 32 and what I find attractive has changed as I've gotten older. If I see a woman that appears younger than 24 or 25, I usually pay her no mind. I have nothing in common with the vast majority of women younger than that. I don't care how pretty you are, if I can't relate to you nothing is going to happen.

 

For me confidence, strength of will, outgoingness, Joyfulness, & life experiences are just as important as physical appearance.

 

 

In my opinion, you need to be able to say, this is who I am if you don't like it, move along. If you are constantly worried about being replace, you will never be happy and neither will your partner.

 

It's not that what you are saying is bad Ronin, but to me, I read it as saying, "well older women are less physically attractive but because of these other qualities I will go for them anyway." I mean, Maybe I am reading that the most negatively I can but I don't think it really makes women feel that great to hear about how great younger women are but how her kind heart is what makes her attractive. It doesn't help that men say that it's other qualties that they like in women yet most men are going to be masturbating to younger visuals of other women even as these men age themselves. So they get the qualities they want in a woman, settle on her looks, but then seek out the kind of looks they really want through other visuals. And women are expected to wear this sheet of armor where she remains unaffected while he is completely affected by the same media she is told to be unaffected by. It's not right.

 

No matter your age as a woman, from 5-105, most women are still going to want to be seen as physically attractive/ beautiful. That's not to say that other qualities aren't important but most women don't want to be with a guy that only likes her keen intelligence but doesn't lust after her. And I don't think that makes a woman immature or unrealistic.

 

Unfortunetly, society often defines female beauty in a very regimented way. And a lot of women see that and experience it everyday and spend their whole lives trying to contend with who they want to be vs the worth society attaches to her through the way she looks.

 

In a perfect world women would be these extremely self confident, perfect creatures that no amount of social shaming could affect them. But we seem to forget that women are human and especially sensitive about their looks and bodies because of how closely tied femininity and womanly-ness from the day they are born. Little girls are told so much "aren't you cute", that they learn very quickly what society values them for. And these messages slip through in big and small ways.

 

I guess also if we lived in a perfect world, men also wouldn't be affected by social images of ideal womanhood and wouldn't buy into it in their own way either. But it's not a perfect world. And it's not fair to expect women to not make comparisons about themselves in a world that highlights the judgement of our bodies 24/7. Sometimes even from the very men in our own lives that care about us that are part of enjoying and exploiting the messages of women's bodies for their own pleasure.

[Lonely Ronin]

It's not that what you are saying is bad Ronin, but to me, I read it as saying, "well older women are less physically attractive but because of these other qualities I will go for them anyway." I mean, Maybe I am reading that the most negatively I can but I don't think it really makes women feel that great to hear about how great younger women are but how her kind heart is what makes her attractive.

 

Yes you are reading it in a very negative way. Youth does not equate to attractive, and physical attraction is not mutually exclusive of 'other forms of attraction' or age.

[irin]

youth is over-rated im 21 and dont really have much to offer, when it come life experiences. i still have a long way to go to even consider myself a grown women.

[123321]

youth is over-rated im 21 and dont really have much to offer, when it come life experiences. i still have a long way to go to even consider myself a grown women.

 

Guys don't look across a room and see how attractive your life experience is. Trust me on this one.

[Quiet Storm]

No matter your age as a woman, from 5-105, most women are still going to want to be seen as physically attractive/ beautiful. That's not to say that other qualities aren't important but most women don't want to be with a guy that only likes her keen intelligence but doesn't lust after her. And I don't think that makes a woman immature or unrealistic.

 

 

 

It's true that we want to lusted after and I think that's a natural feeling to have. I also think it's natural to not be as sexually attracted to aging bodies.

 

I just think that any old & wrinkly body, male or female, is less likely to be lusted after than a young and fit person. Not because of porn or the media, but because of the way our bodies physically change as we age.

 

Do you seriously think that before porn & media influence, say in 1850, that men genuinely lusted after their elderly wives? Doubtful. But that doesn't mean their relationship was diminished. Men can love, respect, nurture and protect their wives, even if the lust component of the relationship has faded away.

 

When my husband is 80 and is wrinkly and weak and old, I doubt I will lust after him. That doesn't mean that we won't mutually satisfy each other's sexual needs. It doesn't mean that his other attributes won't attract me to him. It wouldn't diminish the love or respect I have for him. It just means that his body isn't sexy anymore.

 

We have made home movies of us to watch when we are old, so that we can see how hot we were "way back then". Aging and not being seen as "hot" anymore is a part of life, IMO.

 

I think it is realistic to expect that both partners should work to meet each others sexual needs, but it is not realistic to expect that both partners will be physically lusting after each other's bodies until death.

 

The emotional connectedness of the couple can transcend the loss of purely sexual animalistic attraction, and the dynamics of the relationship can create sexual tension and excitement, but IMO actually physically lusting, the urgent "I have to have him right now!" feeling as you rub his broad shoulders and kiss his sexy chest, will fade. And it's okay. It shouldn't be taken personally.

 

Should people fake sexual attraction for their spouses as they age? Or should they be honest with each other, and view aging as another phase of their evolving relationship?

[123321]

Do you seriously think that before porn & media influence, say in 1850, that men genuinely lusted after their elderly wives? Doubtful. But that doesn't mean their relationship was diminished. Men can love, respect, nurture and protect their wives, even if the lust component of the relationship has faded away.

 

Familiarity makes the animal lust lessen without respect for age. It's part of the natural evolution of a relationship and it's OK. People need to learn that life is OK (better really) without constant drama and excitement, I blame media programming to a large degree, more than porn specifically.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Yes you are reading it in a very negative way. Youth does not equate to attractive, and physical attraction is not mutually exclusive of 'other forms of attraction' or age.

 

It appears to be for plenty of men. It seems that a lot of men expect women to be all smiles and happiness and think he is a wonderful man even if men are basically saying "yeah you are old and not that hot but I'm with you because you tell funny jokes!"...Or whatever..Wow that's so fun.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Quiet Storm, I think that society in general has placed way too much emphasis on youth that it’s turned youth into an unhealthy obsession. It’s out of balance. I think that on some level, yes, people would still be attracted to youth. Vocalizing a , “Oh what a handsome young man/woman”, but it tends to go beyond that and I think within our culture, it’s unhealthy obsessed over in both men and women. Usually with women it’s the desire to still be young so that they aren’t cast off (because that’s truthfully what a lot of men do, even to their own partners on some visceral level.) For men, it’s the sexual over titillation of all things youthful that blind them to developing deeper parts of their sexuality so that they stay entrapped.

 

We somehow expect women to be above such cultural messages of their worth even as men are given justification for lamenting in it. You often bring a lot of arguments into your discussion about what is natural for men. Rarely do you leave room to consider the other side of it and the conflict that can arise.

 

It’s my personal belief that sexuality should grow and change with the rest of a person. But usually people don’t develop that because of a youth obsessed society...a society that dreams of Never Never Land with eternal Peter Pans and Pams. And I personally think that limits exploring other wonderful things and developing them as well as learning what one is capable of.

 

While you agree it’s natural to want to be lusted after no matter your age..to be found beautiful and attractive, you seem to think that other “natural desires” should out weigh this since you appear to give more credence to other natural desires over it.

 

Now if you are really talking about what sexuality is like at 80, fair enough. But are we talking about sexuality at 80 or sexuality at 30,40,50...those are vastly different things if you ask me. I don’t think we are really talking about what we would be like at 80. I know I am not. I am talking about pressure on women that seems to come to pass as soon as they hit 25 and age beyond that.

[mtnbiker]

I didn't read every post, but I would say it depends on what age guys you are talking about. Everything else being equal I think many guys your age or older would prefer 27 over 21. At least guys 30 or over would-jmo.

It also depends if you are talking about "hooking up" or something more.

A 27 year old has many things to offer over a 21 year old.

[Quiet Storm]

While you agree it’s natural to want to be lusted after no matter your age..to be found beautiful and attractive, you seem to think that other “natural desires” should out weigh this since you appear to give more credence to other natural desires over it

 

 

No. I think it's natural for a woman to want to be lusted after, and natural for a man to be attracted to youth. Neither outweighs the other. Both are natural inclinations.

 

If we as women can't change our desire to be lusted after, I don't understand why it's so difficult to accept that male attraction is what it is.

 

I don't like knowing that at some point in my life, I will no longer be lusted after. But it's reality, like it or not. I am confident enough in my relationship to know that my husband will meet my sexual needs, even if I'm not as hot as I was when I was younger. I know I will do that for him.

[yongyong]

I saw your picture and read your post. it totally make sense.

 

The women who complains about men's natural desire are the ones who doesn't get attention from men (because they are simply ugly) or have insecurity issues.

 

 

No. I think it's natural for a woman to want to be lusted after, and natural for a man to be attracted to youth. Neither outweighs the other. Both are natural inclinations.

 

If we as women can't change our desire to be lusted after, I don't understand why it's so difficult to accept that male attraction is what it is.

 

I don't like knowing that at some point in my life, I will no longer be lusted after. But it's reality, like it or not. I am confident enough in my relationship to know that my husband will meet my sexual needs, even if I'm not as hot as I was when I was younger. I know I will do that for him.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

No. I think it's natural for a woman to want to be lusted after, and natural for a man to be attracted to youth. Neither outweighs the other. Both are natural inclinations.

 

If we as women can't change our desire to be lusted after, I don't understand why it's so difficult to accept that male attraction is what it is.

 

I don't like knowing that at some point in my life, I will no longer be lusted after. But it's reality, like it or not. I am confident enough in my relationship to know that my husband will meet my sexual needs, even if I'm not as hot as I was when I was younger. I know I will do that for him.

 

I understand this is what you believe. I've already let you know what I believe.

 

You say you don't think one outweights the other but your argument says otherwise Quiet Storm.

[Lonely Ronin]

It appears to be for plenty of men. It seems that a lot of men expect women to be all smiles and happiness and think he is a wonderful man even if men are basically saying "yeah you are old and not that hot but I'm with you because you tell funny jokes!"...Or whatever..Wow that's so fun.

 

Well, them maybe I just run in a different social circle than you, Because I literally don't know any men that think like this.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Well, them maybe I just run in a different social circle than you, Because I literally don't know any men that think like this.

 

This is basically what people are saying on this very board Ronin.

[123321]

Well, them maybe I just run in a different social circle than you, Because I literally don't know any men that think like this.

 

DY "knows" lots of men she imagines think this way, however.

[Lonely Ronin]

This is basically what people are saying on this very board Ronin.

 

What are you trying to debate with me at this point?

 

Seriously, from what I have read from you today on this thread and what you have posted on other threads tonight, it seems like you got a bur up your back side about something and just want to be combative and argue for the sake of arguing.

[Oxy Moronovich]

Eh, my ex met me (32 then) and a 21yo girl on the same night and got our numbers. He pursued me and not her. He was 30 at the time.

 

He said that he felt that she was too immature and they had little in common. He also said that he pretty much would not date under 25 girl seriously.

But I bet he would seriously bang them.

 

Age is just a number when it comes to attraction.

LMAO! Sure it is, sweetheart.

 

What are you trying to debate with me at this point?

 

Seriously, from what I have read from you today on this thread and what you have posted on other threads tonight, it seems like you got a bur up your back side about something and just want to be combative and argue for the sake of arguing.

Jersey Shortie doesn't have any real point on this board aside from arguing with men about all our failures. She's been up for hours, past midnight, arguing with men about anything. I fail to see how this is something a healthy individual would do.

[LittlePrince]

can a 27 year old still be attractive enough to compete for the same men as a 21 year old?

It depends. If we are talking purely physical she can if she looks young and is at least as attractive. If we are talking about a relationship then it will depend on who he feels closer to and makes him feel better about himself but that requires him to actually know you. This of course goes out the window if one girl looks like a 2 and the other looks like a 9.