Saw my ex-gf...first time in 3 months

[Sailynn]

I went into my health club to work and there was my ex-gf who broke up with me, at the front counter. I walked in, she turned around, met my eye and immediately spun back around to not look at me. Ordinary humans would have suffered whiplash completing such a fast spin around as she did.

 

Anyway, I went to the weight lifting section and in a moment she was right behind me. For the next hour, we seemed to do what I've coined, the "Avoidance Dance".

 

I never looked her way, never made eye contact and never engaged her in any way. I just went about my routine and was completely indifferent to her presence. Basically, she was the same, however, by viewing a mirror, I did catch her looking at me a couple of times when she thought I wouldn't notice.

 

Later she went on a treadmill and watched the badmidton match and was just smiling at all the guys playing. This was in plain view so I could see. I paid no attention and I'm happy to say, I suffered no anxiety or nervousness. I guess I'm getting over it all.

 

Anyway, the one puzzling thing is - suddenly, she ran to the locker room, grabbed her gym bag and high tailed it outta there without changing back into her street clothes. She almost ran out of the club. That was puzzling.

 

I've already decided to have absolutely no contact with her whatsoever. It's still a sad situation, but the course has been set.

[therresa kennedy]

Yes, I am just going to reiderate that it sounds like you have done the right thing. Whatever the circumstances of the breakup, you should move on and if she was so studious about ignoring you, then obviously it is over. As to why she ran out of the club without changing back into her street clothes, who knows, maybe she remembered she had a turkey cooking in the oven, (I'm only kidding).

 

Break ups are always sad and depressing, but sounds like you have done the right thing in avoiding her, although things also change very quickly, it doesn't sound like she is the kind of girl you would want to be with, who needs a game player? Good luck to you.

[Sailynn]

It is all so sad. Not only did I lose someone I love, I lost what I thought was a dear friend. I was convinced that we would know each other for a lifetime, at least in some capacity.

 

My intuition tells me that she has found someone new. I don't know for sure, but somehow, you just know. When she broke up with me, I removed myself from her path, completely.

 

I've met some new friends and have been out on the town, but I'm just having a hard time believing that I can ever replace her or even find someone like her or someone completely different. I've had friends tell me that God often times brings someone better. I know I have to focus on my own life now - live it, love it and good things come.

 

Thank you so much for your support and encouragement. I really think my "no contact" has made her mad and it has thrown her.

[tom_gbr]

i saw my ex girlfriend for the first time in five months last friday in a nightclub...worst possible place and time...i was on holiday with a bunch of mates and so was she...this is also the place where we first met a year ago.

 

her mates bumped into me first and i asked them if she was in the club...they said she was so i prepared myself just incase i bumped into her....which was likely...i thought i would try and say hello and talk to her...after all she did send me a text message saying happy birthday to me three days before.

 

the first time she saw me she pretended she didnt see me and walked off to the bar....as my mates where there i went over to get a drink and say hello.....i went over to her and said her name.....the mate that was standing with her tried to stop me which i thought was strange..i said her name again.....then she walked off without even a look!

 

at this point i was quite angry at the fact she did this...and i bit drunk...i couldnt understand why she would avoid me...when we broke up it wasnt under bad terms or anything and she wanted us to be friends.

 

one of her mates came up to me later and told me that she would find it to awkward and she still feels bad for finishing it with me...i told her that all i wanted to do was say hello and see how her holiday was.

 

my ex later left the club with some of her mates....apparantly she looked over and smiled and said goodbye but i didnt see her do it as i was looking the other way.....quite pissed off by this point.

 

i texted her a little bit later saying " i can understand if u found it awkward as so did I but all i wanted to do was say hello and see how your holiday was"

 

she didnt reply that night but sent me a text message late saturday night saying " hey, im sorry about last nite, it was 2 hard. i know i was a bitch, but i knew it would ruin a really good nite, a really good memory. im sorry x "

 

i was pretty drunk when i recieved this and i think i said somethign in my reply like that it was ok and that i hope she had a good holiday amd that mine was good but will never be as good as last summer as it was one i would never forget...something like that anyway.

 

i still feel hurt for how she acted that night....we live two hour away so its not like she will ever see me again...it meant a lot to me just to be able to stay hello.....is she just a coward?...or does she really o feel bad about finishing with me?

 

what did she mean in her text message when she said " it would ruin a really good night, a really good memory " does she mean the memory of me or of her holiday?

 

i really wish i never saw her that night....what do u guys think?

[therresa kennedy]

Yes, as a woman I can say, when she said, "it would ruin a good night, ruin a good MEMORY" she was probably referring directly to you. What else could it have meant, honestly?

 

Are you an aussie? You have some interesting speech patterns, it is always interesting to listen to someone elses speech mannerisms and how they differ, that aside, separation is always difficult, and I realize she text messages you and such, but I would give her the cold shoulder until and if she is willing to be respectful, it is cowardly and stupid to continue to have contact with an ex-boyfriend through text messages and then give him the cold shoulder in a bar when all you were attempting to do was be cordial and say hello. If on the other hand you want to just smooth things over with her, perhaps that IS the best idea.

 

I would not respond to her messages anymore, though, I mean what is in if for you, except her maybe leaving the flame flickering far too long. What's done is done, and if it is over for her, then it should be over for you too, leave it alone, look for a new woman. Good luck to you and keep the chin up.

[tom_gbr]

no im actually from the UK...thanks for your advice...we have no contact at all for around 4 months.....the last time i sent her a text message was for her birthday on july the 10th and she sent me one for my birthday.

 

i know thats its over and i know i will never hear from her again...i have to be realistic. i have to keep saying to myself that i can do better and i know i can.....she was really beautiful but looks arnt everything.

 

i really just thought we would atleast have a little chat....after all it was the first time in 5 months and it was the place where we first met....i thought she would want to say hello...but i guess not...i hope it was the truth when her mates said that she still feels bad for what she did to me.

 

i really need to get myself a new girlfriend....she is still on my mind most of the time...thinking back to all the memories we had together and how we were together...so far all ive been doing is snogging girls in nightclubs.

 

i really have to try and forget her....as hard as it is

[therresa kennedy]

I have a pretty good idea what snog means, but I am not trying to sound flip, but you are right, you can do better, and she will come around the corner one day.

 

It's hard though, when we were with someone who represented our physical ideal and the sex was good to not have that in our life anymore, it can be hard. But just hang in there, I am sure you will find a nice girl, though perhaps not in a night club. Good luck, and take care.

[tom_gbr]

yeah im sure i will.....in a way i thought i was going to find someone on my holiday this year...like i did last year when i ended up with my ex - girlfriend...but no luck there.

 

i know i can get a great girl....its just a case of waiting i think and trying to forget about my ex...its hard to though when my best mate is seeing my ex's best friend...they met the same time we did : (

[Sailynn]

Therresa: YOUR QUOTE:

"It is cowardly and stupid to continue to have contact with an ex-boyfriend through text messages and then give him the cold shoulder..."

 

...is right on target.

 

When I was sharing my heartbreak with some friends, they ask me if I thought I would ever hear from her. I made the statement quite often that I thought she had no courage and would never engage me. In fact, I received group addressed e-mails from her with inspirational messages.

 

I resigned from the civic club where we were members together and the only directly addressed e-mail I received said, "I heard you resigned, I pray you're well and I wish you the best now and always." I responded by asking her to elaborate on what she was saying, but now, I wish I had never responded to it. I guess that was a good-bye, for now and evermore. Later, she parceled a book that I had loaned to her back to me. So now, I hear absolutely nothing from her, so I guess she's erased my e-mail address from her address book. I've done the same, yet, I hated having to do that, but I can't hold on. Sometimes the temptation is just too great to want to hear her voice, or to express my regrets. I know I have to leave it alone.

 

I can say this. At one time in my life, I was the breaker of a relationship. The lady I dated immediately ceased all contact with me. I knew I had hurt her. Years passed and I was thinking about her and even making contact because of all the ladies I knew, she had my utmost respect. As a result of her NC, I held her in very high esteem.

 

I know that beyond the boundaries of all this hurt, lies a promised land. What it is or maybe, is in great part, up to me and destiny or providence. I am the carbon-based life form that has to put action to the words. It can only come from me and my trust in the higher power.