avon20 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Most people are not fortunate enough to know when they will die. I myself have a pretty good idea that I will die in about 1 year due to my diagnosis with hodgkins lymphoma cancer. I am in stage 2. Docs say it is very treatable but I made a decision this week to stop the treatments and let the cancer take its course. I have my reasons for doing this. I am 32 years old and I am not married. I do not have kids. If I had those responsibilities then the argument that I am being selfish would have merit to it. But anyone who is single has more freedom to make decisions about their lives without being selfish in the process. I do not owe anyone anything at this point. There is one advantage to knowing when I will die and that is I no longer have to worry about self improvement. I feel liberated knowing that I do not have to floss my teeth anymore. I do not have to go to the dentist. I can stop saving money for retirement and just take a vacation to Alaska right now and enjoy myself. Eat all the high fat and high cholesterol food that I want since I will be dead long before I reap complications from it. The cancer will get me before tooth decay and heart disease will. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 So you are basically committing suicide.... Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 There is one advantage to knowing when I will die and that is I no longer have to worry about self improvement. I feel liberated knowing that I do not have to floss my teeth anymore. I do not have to go to the dentist. I can stop saving money for retirement and just take a vacation to Alaska right now and enjoy myself. Eat all the high fat and high cholesterol food that I want since I will be dead long before I reap complications from it. The cancer will get me before tooth decay and heart disease will. First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your condition. The physical discomfort that results from unhealthy lifestyle choices and self neglect sets in very quickly, so I'm not convinced that you would be free of complications from those choices during the remainder of your time here. Have you had counselling regarding this decision not to proceed with treatment for a treatable condition? I don't want to criticise you for it, as I haven't walked in your shoes....but you're only 32. It's hard for me to understand why you wouldn't put up more of a fight for your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 I understand what you mean. Since I am a drinker and eater of all foods bad for me, i'd love to know when I'm going out so I don't have to worry about cholesterol, liver disease, heart disease. But I'd rather give up years of decadence to fight for 30 more years of life! I'm 38 and feel like my life is just beginning. i can not imagine what it would feel like to be ready to give up at 32. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted September 29, 2012 Share Posted September 29, 2012 Most people are not fortunate enough to know when they will die. I myself have a pretty good idea that I will die in about 1 year due to my diagnosis with hodgkins lymphoma cancer. I am in stage 2. Docs say it is very treatable but I made a decision this week to stop the treatments and let the cancer take its course. I have my reasons for doing this. I am 32 years old and I am not married. I do not have kids. If I had those responsibilities then the argument that I am being selfish would have merit to it. But anyone who is single has more freedom to make decisions about their lives without being selfish in the process. I do not owe anyone anything at this point. There is one advantage to knowing when I will die and that is I no longer have to worry about self improvement. I feel liberated knowing that I do not have to floss my teeth anymore. I do not have to go to the dentist. I can stop saving money for retirement and just take a vacation to Alaska right now and enjoy myself. Eat all the high fat and high cholesterol food that I want since I will be dead long before I reap complications from it. The cancer will get me before tooth decay and heart disease will. What are your reasons for giving up on this life. May I ask a very personal question? Do you believe in a higher power? It matters not to me when I die. I will see my loved ones again in paradise. So whenever God calls me home is just fine with me. Are you at peace with your decision or have you just resigned yourself to death? I have to be honest and say I'm not sure I'd fight cancer either. Depending on the stage, I guess. I would consider my family and respect their wishes. What about your mom and dad. I believe life is a gift but you don't have to treat it that way. I can't say why but I am really bothered by your post. Maybe it's that I sense a sadness in you. My heart does go out to you and I wish you peace. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted September 29, 2012 Author Share Posted September 29, 2012 Yes I believe in a higher power. I am a Chistian universalisyuniversalist. I believe that everybody goes to heaven because Christ died for our sins and rose again. As far as my reasons for letting the cancer take its course. I lost the love of my life 8 months ago in a breakup. We were together for 3 years. She asked me to marry her or at least move in with her and I said no. About 2 months later in January this year she broke it off and moved back home. She moved out here 3 years ago to be with me. We were long distance in the beginning of our relationship. When she moved back home I had a sudden epiphany that she was the one for me but she got away. It is too late now and I have lost everything that has given my life any meaning. In July of this year I get diagnosed with stage 2 hodgkins lymphoma cancer. I have been through 3 treatments but I do not see the point of doing them anymore. I don't want to be cured. I miss the love of my life and I will never be happy without her. Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Yes I believe in a higher power. I am a Chistian universalisyuniversalist. I believe that everybody goes to heaven because Christ died for our sins and rose again. As far as my reasons for letting the cancer take its course. I lost the love of my life 8 months ago in a breakup. We were together for 3 years. She asked me to marry her or at least move in with her and I said no. About 2 months later in January this year she broke it off and moved back home. She moved out here 3 years ago to be with me. We were long distance in the beginning of our relationship. When she moved back home I had a sudden epiphany that she was the one for me but she got away. It is too late now and I have lost everything that has given my life any meaning. In July of this year I get diagnosed with stage 2 hodgkins lymphoma cancer. I have been through 3 treatments but I do not see the point of doing them anymore. I don't want to be cured. I miss the love of my life and I will never be happy without her. You believe in God, then you know He has a plan for you. When painful things happen in our life we feel lost and a strong desire to give up can over take us. It happened to me. In one year. I thought the pain was too much, too hard, I was overwhelmed. But as long as I am living there is hope. No matter how small. And God reminded me of that daily, though most of the time I wanted to disagree with him. I am in no way discounting your love for her. I understand love. I also understand that God loves you and wants the best for you. Meet this challenge head on, see this through. The rewards of coming out the other side are amazing. There is joy to be had on the other side of this. Trust God. He has great plans for you. Lean on Him. Find joy in the small moments, think about today, stay in the moment. Don't look to far into the future. All we have is now, now is all that matters. You can do this. I believe in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Look at posting History, is all I will say.... Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Look at posting History, is all I will say.... Yes, this post of the OP's in the dating section is particularly interesting >I am a 32 year old man and my dating options to women are pretty much limited right now at least if I date someone within my age vicinity. The reasons for that is because I don't want to get married or have kids and most women in my age group want to settle down and start a family. If it was up to me I would just find a girlfriend that I could date for the rest of my life without having to live with her. Just a girlfriend that I can see 3 times a week at the most for the rest of my life. My best chance is to seek out women 10 years older than me who have already been married and then divorced and already raised their kids. My question is is it a good idea to put in my dating profile upfront that I have no intentions of getting married but that I would like to have a girlfriend that I can see no more than 3 times a week for the rest of my life? This way I'm being honest and upfront. How many years do I have to wait before I'm an eligible dating candidate? < Look at posting History, is all I will say.... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) One of the many side effects of cancer treatments is depression. Please tell your Doctor your feelings and let him/her prescribe something to help you thru this tough time. Edited September 30, 2012 by Art_Critic 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Yes I believe in a higher power. I am a Chistian universalisyuniversalist. I believe that everybody goes to heaven because Christ died for our sins and rose again. As far as my reasons for letting the cancer take its course. I lost the love of my life 8 months ago in a breakup. We were together for 3 years. She asked me to marry her or at least move in with her and I said no. About 2 months later in January this year she broke it off and moved back home. She moved out here 3 years ago to be with me. We were long distance in the beginning of our relationship. When she moved back home I had a sudden epiphany that she was the one for me but she got away. It is too late now and I have lost everything that has given my life any meaning. In July of this year I get diagnosed with stage 2 hodgkins lymphoma cancer. I have been through 3 treatments but I do not see the point of doing them anymore. I don't want to be cured. I miss the love of my life and I will never be happy without her. Friend, I am so sorry to hear about your health news and even more sad to hear about your heart break. Two big burdens to bear, broken health and a broken heart. It's quite a lot to carry. I am most sad to hear that you do not want to live anymore. Heart break is one of the most painful experiences in existence. It hurts nearly as much as a loved one dying in many cases. It can get depressing for sure. But your life has meaning. You don't have a wife and kids, but what about others around you? Do you have a family? Friends? I bet they would miss you. Plus, just think of what a powerful testimony you will be able to share with others going through cancer. I bet a lot of kids would love to be able to look up to an man as a solid example of conquering a devastating disease like cancer. Mercy is right on, I know you are going through so much right now, but good can come from this. With your ex, people come and go from our lives. I know it is hard, but often when we break up with someone we've been with a long time it is normal to wonder if we made a mistake. You didn't. For whatever reason, deep down you knew that she wasn't the one for you. Now you feel you've made a bad decision and wonder what if? Wife, kids, family...But I don't think you made a mistake. Let me ask, do you have a local cancer organization like American Cancer Society in your area? It sounds to me like you are going through a lot of depression. Those organizations can really help out by connecting you to people. Will you at least call them for us? If not them, will you please tell a family member? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 He's not dying, see my previous post. Hope you're proud of yourself OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mercy Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Why do you say that? Reading through his other posts a number of them talk about it.. what am I missing? Yeah, what are we missing? I took this post to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Why do you say that? Reading through his other posts a number of them talk about it.. what am I missing? Yeah, what are we missing? I took this post to heart. Read his threads. This guy in some guise or another, has been here many times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I've looked at his posting history as well... Here is the thread where he mentions he was diagnosed with stage 2 cancer... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/345637-should-i-date-while-i-have-cancer I would hope that any person who posts here would be given the respect of believability when they post about such a subject. Who are we/you to decide if he is dying or not ? Isn't that something between him and his Doctors ? Just my opinion.. YMMV 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I don't know anything about the OP's posting history, and I'm not going to look it up since I'm doing this instead of tackling the mountain of work on my desk. So I'm just going to take things at face value. I had an ethics course in college, during which we were shown a film of a man who was caught in a natural gas explosion. He was severely burned over most if not all of his body, and the film recounted the horror he face every day as dressings were changed and so forth. I'm surprised he had any voice left after screaming so much. He was disfigured, would never walk again, and begged every day for the chance to die. The guy was a posterchild for assisted suicide. Who after watching such horror would disagree with his right to take his own life? The kicker came when we watched a film showing this same young man two years later. He was still disfigured, still in a wheelchair, but was back in school, had plans for his life, and even had a love interest. He said he was very glad he hung on. Lost love is a fleeting pain, in the grand scheme of things. Who's to say what your life may be like in two years, should you likewise hang on and continue your medical treatment? Give yourself the chance to find out. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Be gullible if you want, I just find it sick someone would lie about this. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) I don't know anything about the OP's posting history, and I'm not going to look it up since I'm doing this instead of tackling the mountain of work on my desk. So I'm just going to take things at face value. I had an ethics course in college, during which we were shown a film of a man who was caught in a natural gas explosion. He was severely burned over most if not all of his body, and the film recounted the horror he face every day as dressings were changed and so forth. I'm surprised he had any voice left after screaming so much. He was disfigured, would never walk again, and begged every day for the chance to die. The guy was a posterchild for assisted suicide. Who after watching such horror would disagree with his right to take his own life? The kicker came when we watched a film showing this same young man two years later. He was still disfigured, still in a wheelchair, but was back in school, had plans for his life, and even had a love interest. He said he was very glad he hung on. Lost love is a fleeting pain, in the grand scheme of things. Who's to say what your life may be like in two years, should you likewise hang on and continue your medical treatment? Give yourself the chance to find out. I agree with this. in my church, one of the pastors was burnt but didn't give up on life. Later on, he married a gorgeous lady who loves him and they have a family together. He helps people with special needs and is a vital member of the community. OP, don't give up on life. Life is a precious gift! Take care of your body please because time on earth is limited even when a person doesn't have cancer. As for if you have cancer, my Mamaw (Mom's Mom) died of cancer, but she fought hard against it till it got too bad. Her trust in God and her personal strength in doing what she could to help herself did lengthen her life, whereas giving up just ends it much quicker, obviously. Cancer feeds off of fat many times. Having a sizable amount of fat around one's vital organs does not help one's quality of life. When my darling Mamaw realized this, she strived to eat healthy. She didn't realize at first the negative impact a heavy quantity amount of fat pressed against one's vital organs has on the body. The body does need a little bit of fat, but it is important to the quality of life a person has to regulate how much, since too much hurts the vital organs, as well as the skeleton. Having unbrushed teeth also does not help one's quality of life. Life on earth (the quantity as in time) is limited, but the quality of life depends on how we take care of our bodies, the decisions we make, and other things not in our control. Please make decisions that will help you do your part in fulfilling the plan God has for you. Even though for Christians, we do not consider life on earth to be the all-in-all, we are supposed to use each moment for God's glory. That includes taking care of the body God has given.. If you are depressed, please seek counseling. Please don't give up just because you have cancer. People with cancer can indeed make decisions to take care of the body and live for a higher calling than mere temporal pleasures. Also, miracles happen. Even though my Mamaw did not heal, I have personally seen other people being healed of cancer, which is awesome!!! Don't give up. Life is worth fighting for because it is a wonderful gift!!! Edited October 3, 2012 by BetheButterfly Link to post Share on other sites
mario_C Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Maybe he doesn't want to spend his last days in a hospital room alone, with doctors and HMOs sucking every last cent out of his family? Maybe he'd rather die on a Alaskan cruise in a state of happy self-actualization? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skydiveaddict Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Maybe he doesn't want to spend his last days in a hospital room alone, with doctors and HMOs sucking every last cent out of his family? Maybe he'd rather die on a Alaskan cruise in a state of happy self-actualization? I see your point, but I have a friend who was in much the same position; same age, same disease, lonely etc. But he got treatment and beat it. Now he is happily married and successful. I can't see throwing your life away like that. Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted October 14, 2012 Share Posted October 14, 2012 Most people are not fortunate enough to know when they will die. I myself have a pretty good idea that I will die in about 1 year due to my diagnosis with hodgkins lymphoma cancer. I am in stage 2. Docs say it is very treatable but I made a decision this week to stop the treatments and let the cancer take its course. I have my reasons for doing this. I am 32 years old and I am not married. I do not have kids. If I had those responsibilities then the argument that I am being selfish would have merit to it. But anyone who is single has more freedom to make decisions about their lives without being selfish in the process. I do not owe anyone anything at this point. There is one advantage to knowing when I will die and that is I no longer have to worry about self improvement. I feel liberated knowing that I do not have to floss my teeth anymore. I do not have to go to the dentist. I can stop saving money for retirement and just take a vacation to Alaska right now and enjoy myself. Eat all the high fat and high cholesterol food that I want since I will be dead long before I reap complications from it. The cancer will get me before tooth decay and heart disease will. I would fight not for myself but for those that love me....my grandfather fought and fought and then fought again.......wen tthrough agony i believe......i have had two grandfathers die pretty horribly....one coughing his lungs up with enphysema in a coma(he lay on the back ramp of his house over night in a coma until a neighbour found him) he held on ..he held on until they found my mum she was travelling at the time.the other from a brain tumor or cancer when i was a girl.......they all fought...a family of fighters...i am one.......i have genetic make up to fight and i have a belief god wants me to fight.....until it is my time to go.......my family definitely wants me to fight the blues and my mental illness so when it gets hard i remember that and i ask god fro strength to show me the way to fight....i am sorry that you have had that news......i cant begin to understand how you feel.....it made me sad reading it...DONT GIVE UP ....fight on soldier fight for the ones that love you if you can.......let god touch yoru heart and hold your hand while you do...if i could give you my strength i have ...right now......i would pass it to you....what i can do ....is send you a hug by proxy internet.......hugs to ya....deb Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 (edited) There really is no point in fighting anymore just for the sake of survival. I already know I am never going to be happy again. I am never going to get my ex back. I couldn't get her back even if I wanted to. I honestly feel that having cancer is God's gift to me and I am taking advantage of it as my ticket out of this world. My life here has run its course and I would be more suitable in heaven right now. I am ready to move on to the next world whether my cancer is curable or not. The Lord gave me this cancer as an opportunity to get out of this world without having to kill myself. I am letting it run its course. I am already terminally ill emotionally. Since I am not married and I do not have kids I have no moral obligation to fight for survival. I have the luxury of being selfish. Edited October 24, 2012 by avon20 Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 OP, you're committing suicide by not being treated for something that is " very treatable". Your God does not let such people in to Heaven. Link to post Share on other sites
Author avon20 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 The christian universalist God saves everyone so yes in my belief system everyone goes to heaven. I am willing to take my chances if I am wrong about that because I know that my emotional side of this is terminal. I already know what it is going to take for me to be happy in this life and it will never happen. My situation of never being with my ex again is terminal. I rejected a golden opportunity to marry her and that door has been closed forever. There's no logical reason to fight so hard to hang on to this life if my dreams won't come true. The timing of her dumping me and moving back to her home state and then me getting cancer months after that is to me a sign of the universe or God asking me "Do you want to come home now?" I do not believe in coincidences. Being emotionally terminal is no better than being physically terminal. Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 There really is no point in fighting anymore just for the sake of survival. I already know I am never going to be happy again. I am never going to get my ex back. I couldn't get her back even if I wanted to. Why would you want someone back who doesn't want you? You can do better for yourself. I know that right now, you feel lost without her. But do a little visualization. Imagine yourself 10 years from now. Imagine that you are married, with a 2 year old little boy who runs into your room and jumps on you every morning. Imagine your wife as a happy woman who just loves to be with you. Imagine going on family vacations and watching your boy go off to Kindergarten, then on his first date, then on to high school graduation. Then you retire and you travel around the country in your RV. Then your son marries and brings you several grandchildren, who you spoil and laugh with. You go out sitting on rocking chairs with your wife, knowing you had a good and happy life together. Sure, it's a fantasy. But WHO KNOWS. It could be reality. The day you die from not going through treatment could be the day you would have met the REAL love of your life. Never give up. Life is an adventure, and you never know what is going to happen next. Your ex is an ex for a reason. She wasn't the one for you, no matter how much it hurts now. Fight. Then go out and make your life what you want it to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts