batitm Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 My boyfriend is great. He lives with me, helps me financially, and takes care of me more than any girl could ask for. We rarely fight and when we do it never lasts long. It is by far the best relationship I've ever been in, I've never been happier. . . or so I thought. Recently I confessed that I was thinking about marriage and would like to get engaged, soon. He said that he was not even close to thinking about it and pretty much called me crazy, or stupid for rushing into things. (We've been dating 1 year and are 24). Now I find myself looking to other guys for attention. There is one in particular that has always been flirting with me and trying to get into my pants. I let him go too far, not sex but I believe anything is cheating. Why am I doing this? I'm afraid I cannot stop. Is it because he won't commit that I'm feeling uncommited? Or am I just a cheat? I never ever took risks like this before. I had the opportunities but I never even considered it. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Hello, This is just a thought but how would you feel if your boyfriend was doing to you what you are doing to him? It sounds like you are very angry that he did not want to get engaged to you at this time. What you are doing will forever change your relationship with him if and when he finds out. You are being very foolish. Maybe in a year or two he will be ready. What you are doing is self-destructing your relationship. When he finds out if you do cheat on him - do you really think he would ever want to marry you? Just because you did not get a committment at this time from him you therefore feel you are justified to cheat on him? Close your eyes and imagine him finding out and then kicking you out. A year later imagine finding out he married someone else. Is this what you want? Continue what you are doing and you will lose everything. This is a guy who is great to you and treats you with respect and love. Because you did not get your way on this question of engagement you are now thinking of cheating on him. It sounds to me that your boyfriend made the correct decision. How immature, mean and hurtful you are to your boyfriend. Why don't you be honest and tell him what is going on and then let him decide what he wants to do. Better yet why don't you leave and allow him to find someone else who can respect him and not wish to humiliate and betray him. Again can you imagine your boyfriend saying he let another woman go too far with him sexually because he was mad at you? It sounds like you do not deserve your boyfriend at all. It also indicates your love for your boyfriend is purely conditional. If you love your boyfriend you would not be doing what you are doing. Why don't you try being honest and truthful to your boyfriend about this other relationship of yours or do you enjoy being dishonest and deceitful to him and to yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
batitm Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 I do not feel that I am justified. In fact I feel horrible about it. I stopped the other guy because I knew and realized this. I would rather wait 100 years for my bf than lose him for a cheap fling. I'm staying away from the other guy but I guess I don't understand why I did it in the first place. How did I let it go that far? Does it mean that I don't really love him, because I swear I do more than anything. Am I just not ready to commit to anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
a friend Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 I have to say this, although I am not currently in your situation, I have been in the past. I think this is a common thing that happens when a woman is not completely fulfilled. Not just in a sexual way but in a total relationship. It seems that not many men out there are able to give us what we need to be mantally stimulated. I urge you to talk to him, maybe it can be fixed before a diaster occurs. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 About the marriage thing...yeah I think you're rushing it. Only one year in is a little soon. Ok, a lotta soon lol. Link to post Share on other sites
young&idealistic Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 All I know is that you can't possibly think about marrying a guy if you haven't come clean about EVERYTHING. I'm sorry, but it's true. Would you want this guy to lie to you about the same kind of thing? I think you might be rushing the marriage issue. That's possibly because I'm jaded and scared of marriage, but, as a girl I'm worried sick about agreeing to marriage with a guy that's hiding something. I'd rather never marry than be stuck with some jerk who doesn't tell me the truth. Let me tell you something--if you were honest with this guy, it would cause you a lot of emotional angst. But if you do it, at least you will finally be being honest with yourself, and you won't feel like a liar your whole life. And you will find someone that you want to be honest with. You deserve it and so will he. Link to post Share on other sites
moodyblues Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 You know when I was 24, there was this statistic that kept flying around me: Women who do not marry before the age of 25 have a HUGE probability of not marrying. This was incredibly scary to me. I wanted my Then BF to marry me and kind of pushed the issue. He wasn't ready and I knew it, but I figured that I could out-wait him. Didn't happen. Never cheated on him though. Not trying to make you feel bad. You said that you were looking for a reason. Are you freaked out about the possibility of never getting married? Link to post Share on other sites
batitm Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I'm confident that I will get married and I'm not in a hurry to marry just anyone, but I felt something with him and I'll admit that when he said he did not feel the same way I was crushed. There is no excuse for my making out with another man but maybe I was just being selfish and trying to make myself feel better or more desirable. I'm not that girl that has to be married by 25 with 2.5 kids by age 30 but I am worried that I maybe living with a commitmentphobe. Link to post Share on other sites
moodyblues Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Commitment Phobe. Do phrases like "emotionally retarded" or "emotionally unavailable" come to mind when you think of your boyfriend? Does he talk about past relationships in a way that sounds like a commitment phobe? Sorry to laugh, but I am a commitment phobe who dates other commitment phobes. Link to post Share on other sites
batitm Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 His favorite phrase is "nothing is ever good enough, the more you give them, the more they want" He didn't get this from me. I believe it is from a previous relationship and just his general outlook. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts