I lust for him so bad attention that i don't have with my current boyfriend

[memphisgirl]

I can so relate to this topic. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for 2 years. I have been married before and divorced for the sames reasons now. I love him so much, but there is this new guy that I met, and we seem to have so much in common. I lust for him so bad attention that i don't have with my current boyfrinnd. I dont know if it is the newness of this new guy. Or what, I really need some quick advice,please. I want to call and be with this new guy so bad. But I love my boyfriend. I am so confused!

 

 

 

Sincerly,

 

Needing Advice in Memphis

[batitm]

Girl I hear you!

I'm going to say resist. Stay away from the new guy. But I know its sooooo hard. I have posted a similar thread. I know its wrong and I will feel horrible afterward but when I'm feeling ignored or underappreciated by my bf I go to "the other guy" for the attention.

What we need is something to fulfill us when we get into these situations. I deleted the guys # from my phone so I can't call him but I always run into him. Have you told your bf how you feel? or that you miss some of the affection he used to show? Maybe that would work.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

You say you love your boyfriend. Just a quick question. How would you

feel if your boyfriend wrote this same letter that you wrote about on how he is

lusting and wanting be with another woman? Why don't you do your boyfriend a favor and tell him the truth and allow him to move on and find someone who can truly love and respect him. This will allow you to be with this new guy and will allow your boyfriend to find another girlfriend. It is not fair to have a boyfriend when you are lusting after another guy.

[faux]

I think that if you loved your boyfriend, you would not be giving this new guy second thoughts, or first thoughts to such an extent as to consider leaving your present relationship for him. Your attraction could very well be due to the fact that this is a new person to talk to. Perhaps it would be better to talk to your present boyfriend about what important things you feel are missing from the relationship, before leaving for this other man.

[simplybrill]

Ive definitely been there. And guys cant possibly relate to being the ignored girl in the relationship, while the guy goes out and does whatever. It can really break you down emotionally, because you wonder, why doesnt he want to be with me, what am I doing wrong?

 

As far as that whole "if you loved your boyfriend..." comment goes...if he loved her, he would show her the attention she needs, and be IN TUNE to her feelings, and not leave her alone like this!

 

I too was in this situation, and an amazing refreshing guy came into my life, who just made the world go away, and all my problems with my boyfriend- who didnt care enough about me anyways- those issues melted away when I was with this new guy. I took a route that not many would approve of: I hung out with this guy and even ended up kissing him, but I cant tell you how happy I was in that month that I spent with him, in comparison to the time my boyfriend left me alone, feeling neglected. I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat. I loved my boyfriend, more than he could possibly imagine, but he took me for granted...you only live once, why spend time crying, and having your insides feel like they're at war, when you can be happy!

 

Dump the boyfriend, and be with someone who doesnt make you cry, chica.

[Grinning Maniac]

Originally posted by simplybrill

As far as that whole "if you loved your boyfriend..." comment goes...if he loved her, he would show her the attention she needs, and be IN TUNE to her feelings, and not leave her alone like this!

 

I too was in this situation, and an amazing refreshing guy came into my life, who just made the world go away, and all my problems with my boyfriend- who didnt care enough about me anyways- those issues melted away when I was with this new guy. I took a route that not many would approve of: I hung out with this guy and even ended up kissing him, but I cant tell you how happy I was in that month that I spent with him, in comparison to the time my boyfriend left me alone, feeling neglected. I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat. I loved my boyfriend, more than he could possibly imagine, but he took me for granted...you only live once, why spend time crying, and having your insides feel like they're at war, when you can be happy!

 

Dump the boyfriend, and be with someone who doesnt make you cry, chica.

 

Oh shut up. Be "in tune" with her feelings. Please... You girls need to stop with that b.s. If there's a problem, she needs to TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT, not expect for him to read her mind and make everything alllll better. If she talks to him and nothing improves, sure, dump him and go find someone else. Why sit around and be unhappy? But don't just sit on your ass and expect for something to magically change and just cheat on him if it doesn't. That's just being stupid and immature.

 

Memphis, if you HAVE already talked to your bf about this and you're still feeling neglected, then maybe you do need to end things. But don't go trying have your cake and eat it too, mmkay?

[Mr Spock]

AHAHAHAHHAAHHA that's funny, grinningmaniac. You get my vote on this one. Tell him you're feeling neglected, and you have feelings for someone else. If it doesn't kick start your relationship, break things off and move on.

[honey2005]

I agree, you definitely need to tell him how you feel before you do something that you'll regret. Cheating on him is not going to make your relationship better, it will just tear it apart. If you really do love him, sit down with him and tell him you feel neglected and you're starting to fall for another guy. If he doesn't listen, break up with him.

[KayleyGal]

Im in the same boat and so confused as well.

 

My boyfriend is great and I don't want to mess it up but I am getting depressed more and more by the day. In the past three and a half years, he has wanted to have sex with me 3 times - all he seems to care about is his money and himself now.

 

The part that really made me realize how much out of life I am missing was meeting a guy, my teacher in a class, recently who was so sweet, sexy, wonderful etc., that my world started looking really bad and really hard to ignore. My doctor just told me today that I really needed to look at doing stuff because he says I am ruining my own life.

 

I know I am going to have to break it off with my boyfriend - no talking is every going to fix it but I would do anything if there was a way to make it right.

 

I have given up my soul here.

[simplybrill]

Ok. here to clear some things up...Im not encouraging anyone to cheat on their boyfriend, I was just telling what happened with my situation.

 

I said that she should talk to him, and not be with someone who makes her feel bad. Thats all I meant.

 

And why is it BS for a guy to know whats going on enough with his girlfriend, to know if something's wrong with her? I doubt she goes around smiling and pretending everything's ok, if the dude's being a jerk. Maybe the reason he's not IN TUNE to begin with is because he's NEGLECTING her and not really being a good boyfriend to begin with. Maybe if he was around enough, to get to know her better, he'd know if something was bugging her or not.

 

She can do better. Its up to her to step up and realize it.

 

Like many have said here, talk to him, and if things dont change, move on.

[johnnyl321]

hello brill, maybe you can look at my post and answer the same questions. i've been in "tune" as you say, with my girlfriend. i try to give her her space without asking her, i try to be attentive as i can, i try to be all a man needs and should be to the woman he loves. and what do i get in return?...ignored, that's what.

 

how would you feel if your guy started ignoring you? woulnd't initiate any intimate contact, doesn't say "I love you", doesn't bother calling you anymore just to see how your day is. maybe i'm asking too much, but christ, i do it for her. i'll call just to hear her voice, and she makes it seem like i'm bothering her. i just went home to get a snack (i live close to where i work) and what do i get "what are you doing home?", no kiss, no hug, not even a smile anymore. if she's done with me, i wish to god she would just have the balls to say it. maybe she wants to have her cake and eat it too. but, that's not what i want.

are there any sweet girls left out there at all? will anyone take a fat, funloving carsalesman and find true love. maybe it's not meant to be for me at all. i guess some people should get used to the idea of living alone. every woman who ever meant something to me, left me. maybe it's me. i've only had 3 relationships and i'm forty years old. i don't know, and i guess i never will.

bye.

[unclejo23]

but it is unclear whether it applies here...?

 

I say that because my fiance just left me recently... because she misses the spark... well the LUST of when we first started dating 2.5yrs ago...

 

Is it someone else... she says no and I believe her... and I don't think she would EVER cheat on me. Do i think she got "attention" from someone(while going out with a known adultress)... yes i do, she's a beautiful woman and a great person... she had to be reminded of that attention(lust) at some point to question ours...

 

Woman and men think so differently in general that its hard to get "in tune" with the opposite sex. Guys think Logic... girls thing emotion(thats a generalization)

 

But if Memphisgirls b/f HAS been neglecting her... sure ... Brill is right

 

I also agree that you should break off the relationship well before you pursue one with someone else. and i don't mean break up with BF on monday to date new guy on tuesday... just to avoid the "cheating" label... I have been a CHEATER many times in the past(not proud)... and I can tell you in the 2.5yrs with my ex... I NEVER once had any thoughts of being with another woman! Even now(3 weeks after breakup). And I was certainly put in alot of situations where it could have easily taken place.

 

Good luck...

[savethedrama4allama]

Grinning maniac, where do you get off telling someone to shut up? This is a public forum. In your own words, "That's just being stupid and immature."

[Jai]

The way I see it is if one is neglecting the other and the other gets feelings for someone else then maybe it is better that they break it off instead of going through the pain and BS. If they were meant to be 1) they wouldn't be ignoring their SO and 2) It wouldnt matter if another guy came by because if you love someone that much you wouldn't have the urge.

 

Just my 2 cents but I had recently just gone through this and after sometime of being broken up I realized that my ex....even though we were together for 6 years wouldn't have gone that route and cheated if she really wanted to be with me and if I really wanted to be with her I wouldn't have put my life first all the time.

 

These are signs of a bad relationship......its best to get out of it before something disrespectful happens.

 

Jai

[simplybrill]

Hey there Johnny, here's my spin on your situation:

 

You are making a very sufficient effort to build good communication with your girlfriend-but for some reason she's still playing hard to get. This, I dont understand.

 

Maybe (like my ex did ) she's reached that "comfortable" stage in the relationship before you did, and has in fact gotten way too comfortable, and is taking your feelings, and your avaliability for granted. Sounds like you two need to do some talking and figure out if in fact, "something's up." Maybe a good question to her would be "are we okay, is there something wrong/ are you mad at me about something?"

On the other hand, she shouldnt be ignoring you and expecting you to read her mind.

 

I'm not saying she's doing this, but I just came to the realization the other day about my ex...I think, after we'd broken up the first time, major trust was broken, and it doomed everything after that, so this time around, he really didnt want to get back together but was too chicken sh___ too say it, so he continued seriously slacking in the boyfriend department, to make me break up with him again, so that he wouldnt be the bad guy.