Nothing important, just wanted 2 share

[Joe]

Halloween I went down to San Fran. for the bash on castro $ market. It was crazy, I've never seen so many people in one place and their was sooo many gorgeous women. I went with my good friend and his sister who is my ex's best friend and my friend. She visited my ex a couple days and of course I had to inquire how she was. I guess she wants to move back near where I live, not in same city but much closer. Anyway of course this stirred up emotions, I should've known better.

 

The next day at work I was talking with my female co worker about my night and what my friend had to say bout' my ex. Everybody at my work knows my story and want to beat me over the head when I talk bout my ex. Anyway she was how can u even care about her.

 

It was a slow day at work and I decided to write about what I was thinking. My therapist thinks it's a good idea since I have a problem with suppressing my feeling, it's kind of a realease in a way.

 

I wrote people don't understand why i am having problems completely letting go of my ex. Throughout my life people have always valued my friendship both men & women. I am caring, thoughful, honest (most of the time), giving, and open minded. Women have never viewed me as someone they wanted to have a relationship with. They get to know me and end up being my friend. Their thoughts were always he's cute, a good person, and a good friend. My ex was the only woman who found me sexy, attractive, and wanted to have a relationship with me, well at least at the start.

 

I just don't know how to make myself more appealing to women. I've got the friendship part down pat. I believe I've got good looks, good personality, morals, and values. Just don't know what's missing.

 

Joe

[Tony T]

You are appealing. Women don't become friends with guys who aren't.

 

Your big problem is you want romance, not friendship and that's what you have to put out. If you are going to start off being buddy buddy with a lady, she's not going to all of a sudden stop seeing you as a brother and start seeing you as a lover.

 

Yes, there are a lot of romantic relationships that start off as friendships but those have some chemicals. Yours could too if you had the right attitude.

 

Stop making buddies with the girls you meet. Be a man and ask them out on dates. When you are on a date, don't be a buddy, be a man who is interested in a relationship. That doesn't mean you have to have one with every lady you go out with...but if you start listening to their problems, talking about all their boyfriends or ex boyfriends, and taling about all the other stuff friends might discuss, they will automatically consider you a great friend and write your ass off as a potential romantic enterprise.

 

You also have to gain a lot more confidence. You will be just fine in time. You've got to get your ex off your mind.

[Deejette]

Also, no one wants to be out on a date with a guy or girl who constantly talks about their ex. In spite of the fact that for your own reasons you have found her fascinating, I can assure you, the rest of the world will not be in love with her. They will appreciate it if you focus on them and show an interest in the present and future, not the past.

You are appealing. Women don't become friends with guys who aren't. Your big problem is you want romance, not friendship and that's what you have to put out. If you are going to start off being buddy buddy with a lady, she's not going to all of a sudden stop seeing you as a brother and start seeing you as a lover. Yes, there are a lot of romantic relationships that start off as friendships but those have some chemicals. Yours could too if you had the right attitude. Stop making buddies with the girls you meet. Be a man and ask them out on dates. When you are on a date, don't be a buddy, be a man who is interested in a relationship. That doesn't mean you have to have one with every lady you go out with...but if you start listening to their problems, talking about all their boyfriends or ex boyfriends, and taling about all the other stuff friends might discuss, they will automatically consider you a great friend and write your ass off as a potential romantic enterprise. You also have to gain a lot more confidence. You will be just fine in time. You've got to get your ex off your mind.