wmrjw82 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I'm sensing insecurity within myself lately in regards to my 2 year old son's mother referring to her husband as "daddy" to our son. We broke up when he was just a month old after being engaged and dating for about a year. After the breakup we went thru a 16 month custody battle where I fought and won joint custody over my son. We've had a tense relationship since my child's birth and I feel as though she is trying to replace me as a father. An incident that pops out in my mind is when I was taking my son to an ear doctor's appointment (for getting tubes in) and she pulls out pics of her husband and shows them to my son and right in front of me says, "Who is that?....That's Daddy!" I know this is my insecurity but the whole situation is fd up for me. I dont want to be insecure about it and I try to overcome it but I can't. I hate this guy's guts. I just want to go about this the most mature way possible without it having any negative effects on my son. I dont want him to see insecurity as he gets older. I just have a fear of being replaced. I know his mother detests me and could care less if i'm in my son's life or not. At times it feels like i'm dealing with pure evil. Sorry for the down post but I just need some advice... what would you do? Just ride it out and keep telling my son that's (bf's name" or that's step dad... etc. I feel it should be my son's choice as to what he calls him but right now he's too young to make that decision and I feel his mother his unfairly pushing the term "daddy" on him. Plus, being my son's dad is the greatest honor of my life and I truly dont appreciate that title being passed to more than just me. (call it selfish but he's my only son and i'm a damn good father). Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 You can obtain a court order to have YOU referred to as "daddy" and I would encourage you to do so. Smarmy of her to foist the game onto your son. You can choose to be called "daddy" and "papa" as you are your son's only father. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmrjw82 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 You can obtain a court order to have YOU referred to as "daddy" and I would encourage you to do so. Smarmy of her to foist the game onto your son. You can choose to be called "daddy" and "papa" as you are your son's only father. Not sure if this would be a feasible option. She's already taught it to him and when it comes down to it, this will be my son's choice. Even I somehow got the courts to do this, she wouldn't follow the order. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 All excellent points. Is there any name you feel you could adopt for your son to call you? "Pappa" is but one alternative. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I know someone who grew up with Daddy Frank and Daddy Bill. Her mother remarried when she was young and she considered both men her father. Otherwise, the Papa and Daddy option would be good. For some reason I hear a lot of kids calling their fathers papa these days. Is it some new trend for cool parents or something? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Your son only has one dad and that's you. You don't have to share the title with anyone, especially involuntarily. Are you close to your mom? If you are, tell your ex that she either stops making your son call her husband "dad" or you will start making your son call your mother "mommy". Fight fire with fire. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmrjw82 Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Your son only has one dad and that's you. You don't have to share the title with anyone, especially involuntarily. Are you close to your mom? If you are, tell your ex that she either stops making your son call her husband "dad" or you will start making your son call your mother "mommy". Fight fire with fire. I really, really like this option. Thank you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
planetpower Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 Most of my friends who are within step-families are on a first name basis if their bio mom or dad is in the picture. Unless one of the parents isn't really involved...like my aunt has hardly raised my cousin due to her mental illness issues. His father's girlfriend who is the mother of his half sister has been more of a mother figure to him...so in that sense I can understand why he calls her mom also. But you have joint legal custody...so that is really inappropriate. Your ex really should not be doing that. Wonder how she would like it if you brought home a woman and started having him call her "mommy"? lol Link to post Share on other sites
The_Face Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 I worry about this sort of thing happening to me, down the road.. But anyway, to the point- Your baby's mother sounds like a real headcase. I wish I had some good advice. I would just keep being the best dad you can be, and try as hard as you possibly can to not let your insecurites take over. If it helps, just keep telling yourself that once your little one is older they will be able to think more for themselves, and all the years you spend being a great dad will speak for itself. While your current situation must definitely be a major headache, it is only temporary. Personally, I wouldn't do what another posted recommended by threatening to have your son call his grandma "Mommy". Maybe I'd throw it out there, but if she calls your bluff I wouldn't go through with actually doing it. Don't let your son get anymore involved in the drama with you and your ex, if at all possible. Again, what a headcase, that ex of yours. Sorry for that, I know how you feel, to a point Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted October 4, 2012 Share Posted October 4, 2012 .... In the end, when the baby becomes a man, he WILL know who is Daddy/Father is. Just have to do the things inherent in that. You can tell and tricks kids all day long, but they too grow up and think/feel for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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