mandyo550 Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) Hi new here not sure where to begin , but here goes. I think i need to start with things from my past so you have an understanding of things that have happened in my life . Well i was 14 years old when i lost my mum in an accident i have one older sister and a younger brother who was 8 at the time of my mums death. It was a very difficult time but somehow we got through it. I met my husband to be when i was almost 16 and we were together for almost 30 years , married for 18 years. I have two lovely daughters , but our family fell apart when my husband became distant and things changed . He started taking more pride in his appearance , got contact lenses things i noticed when you have been with someone for almost 30 years you know somethings not right.I thought he was going through a midlife crisis , then i started to think he was having an affair he turned his mobile off when he got home and if we were out and he got a call he would say sorry i cant hear you and go outside to speak to whoever saying it was someone at work. He worked shifts so when i was at work he had time off during the day , then worked evenings . Most of the time i never knew where he was . We used to go out sometimes a group of us all couples. There was one friend[so called friend ] that was very flirty with everyone. One weekend we had a party at their house and she was putting ice down my husbands shorts and just generally flirting with him . I didnt think anything of it as she was like that with everyone. But as time went on i became very worried i didnt think she was his type i asked him if he was seeing someone else but he always said no. To cut a long story short he moved out and got a flat saying he needed time alone. I kept asking if he was coming home but all i got was i dont know. Anyway as it ended we had to sell the house i was deverstated and fell to pieces . I coulnt eat , sleep and was off work and on antidepressants. The reason i have decided to come on here is i need advice and opions I have been in a new relationship for almost 7 years now and have always trusted my new partner until recently. He started staying up late at night and i knew he was on the computer . When i looked at the history i could see he had been on a sex site , this didnt bother me i know a lot of men look at these sites. What bothers me is he has put a photo on there [ not of his face i may add] and his profile says he is single . He is very distant and sex is almost non exsistent , he also does the odd night at work and evenings i now have a feeling of things happening again . He knows i have been checking the computer so all his textes go to his new i phone , he has also spent a lot of money on this site and i know he is in debt . He also chatted to an old friend who sent photos of him with another women and the other couple on holiday which i never knew about it was 2005 and he had lost his wife a year and a half before , but his friends email said a few select photos here , which i wasnt able to see he must of deleted them. Should i be worried i cant talk to him i am just living day to day to and from work , i dread coming home sometimes , just need advice im not the type of person to give up easily i really love him and dont know what i will do if this relationship dosnt work out ! Edited September 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandyo550 Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 Hi new here i put a post on then edited it but i think i have taken it off altogether can anyone tell me if they can see my original post . Sorry im useless on computers just came on here to get some advice ! Link to post Share on other sites
standtall Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Hi Mandy and welcome to Loveshack. We are all sorry to hear about your relationship troubles. Even though giving advice to female posters is not my specialty, I will give it a try to get things going. Yes, you should be concerned about your current lover. There are several things that are giant red flags that you have noticed. for example, his porn use. It is one thing for men to look at porn, but an entirely different thing to interact with it. Hiding texts, reconnecting with old flames, and being distant with no sex all complete the picture here...he is clearly checking out of this relationship. Have you discussed a future together at all, or are you two just winging it and cohabiting? If he has made no formal commitment other than living together, then he is not really tied to you. You need to confront him with all of this and ask him what he wants to do...you will not be able to beg, coerce, or guilt trip him into staying for more than a few weeks..the choice will be up to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii50 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Oi! Put an end to the computer or let him go. i did this same thing when I was 22 to my girlfriend. I was over the relationship and seeking other excitement. I hurt her very much Link to post Share on other sites
Sauron Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I thought I would jump on here. I am so sorry that you are facing these challenges in your relationship, Mandy. It is good that you have come here to receive advice and support! It is obvious that you love your partner very much and you aren't sure what to do. I know how it feels when you start questioning everything in your relationship because of past experiences. Do you have someone you trust that you can talk to in person about this? I know from having worked with Focus on the Family, they have counselors who will talk with you over the phone for free. They're very kind and understanding and really do want to help. You can call 1-855-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 a.m. and 8 p.m. (MT). Just some thoughts...praying for you... Is this Dr. Dobson's Christian organization? If so I would run as far away from these folks as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
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