24 hours ago I was happy, now I am sad

[Scorch]

I am a 29 year old single female that currently shares an apartment with her older sister to help each other out as far as expenses go. I really desperately want to live out on my own but with the job that I have and the pay that I make from it, it makes it hard to get a halfway decent place in town. (The only places I can afford at the moment are places where drug deals are commonplace, sigh)

 

The issue that I have though has to do with my parents. While a part of me does love and care about them, another part of me has grown to harbor some resentment towards them over the years as well. Usually I keep that to myself and pretend things are OK, but lately it has been a bit harder to do so. They seriously piss me off - growing up the choices that they made which affected me both emotionally and physically. Then even during my 20's, the very controlling and manipulative behavior. It is more my mom than my dad, but he isn't guilty of some things either.

 

I have lived in Florida for the past 10 years and they keep coming down here from Ohio, sometimes they will stay a year, sometimes only 3 months, but SOMETHING will always bring them back up to Ohio. (Florida is too hot/it is ugly here/the family is up there (a family of deadbeat losers that is)/the grass is greener up in Ohio/Ohio is home/etc. etc.) The first couple of times they have done this I have ignored it as them being indecisive, but now it just grows old. I want to be able to live my own life but feel like I can't.

 

The last time they lived down here for around 4 months or so and it was a disaster. Arguments broke out every single day between my mom and dad, I gave up my bedroom to sleep on an air mattress out in the living room only to get told that I am being too loud because I also happen to snore while they are trying to watch TV, there is ZERO privacy, my parents have to know where I am going, what I am doing, etc. around the clock. I was SO happy when they decided - yet again - to move back to Ohio. It really is best that we keep our distance, only visit once a year maybe.

 

Well now out of the blue yesterday I get surprised with news that my parents put in their notice at the apartment complex they are living in right now and are moving back to Florida AGAIN - and this time they claim it is for good. (This is like the 10th time they have done this) Worse they are moving back into the apartment I live in with my sister - apparently her and parents have been talking and she gave the approval for them to do this.

 

I SERIOUSLY WANT TO SCREAM.

 

Obviously I don't want them out on the street, but this is ridiculous. Just last week they were asking to borrow money from me to use as a down payment on a house up there in Ohio. I don't want them down here living. I know it is mean to say but I am sick of not being able to live my own life. If I don't call them every day then "something is wrong". And when we do talk, well, it is about stupid stuff like the weather. I can't open up with them because when I do I get criticized for something. They also keep pressuring me to buy a house with them so we can all live together and I don't want to do that, I've told them many times. I am going to be 30 next year and want my own life dammit.

 

The reason they claim they want to move down here is because they want to be closer to me and my sister. Well my sister has a boyfriend who might someday want to leave Florida (you never know) and I am certainly looking at the option of leaving the state potentially in the next 5 years if a certain something pans out. Since finding out the news of them moving back down here I have seriously looked at jobs in other cities in the state just so I can have some breathing room between us.

 

Both my parents and my sister are sneaky, like me catching them one time looking through files in my computer as well as my emails to find out if I was going out of town to the same place I told them I would be heading and for the reason that I gave. The manipulation... the arguing.... the lack of privacy is seriously pissing me off and I don't know what to do. 24 hours ago I was in a great mood, but now I am all sad and depressed at them coming back down here. And I can't talk with them either about it because they will not listen.

 

So does anyone have any insight to offer? Should I be packing my bags now and move out of the city/out of the state earlier than I had planned or should I try and just tough it out for now?

[HokeyReligions]

At 29 if I were you I would be seriously aggressive about finding a job that pays enough for me to live on my own. Even in today's economy, it is possible if you manage your money and your lifestyle - set your goals, decide what you are really able to sacrifice to meet those goals then do it.

 

Look in other states - N. Carolina, Utah, and Texas have the lowest unemployment and Texas has one of the lowest cost of of living.

 

Save enough to make a move and afford a temporary place to live until you know the area well enough to decide on long-term residency. There are always good/bad sides of every town.

 

Keep those goals in your mind and work hard toward them. Don't give your family the opportunity to push your buttons or make you second-guess yourself by not telling them anything. Come here to LS to vent when you need!

 

You can let your family know you need some distance AFTER you move. Let them know you are OK, but I wouldn't give them my address after I move. I would stay in touch on MY terms not theirs - until I was comfortable and confident that I could handle them.

 

I have a very manipulative sister - I loved her once, but I had to say goodbye to her around 35 years ago. I hear how she is thru another relative who decided to be completely neutral - neither on her side or mine - and I'm sure she hears about how I'm doing too. I contacted her one time when our mother died in 2006 (mom lived with me - my choice as mom & I were very close and she & my husband got along) but since then no contact.

 

It doesn't have to be tragic or sad to disown one's birth family - or be disowned by them. After all - we didn't chose each other, biology thrust us together. My husband disowned his abusive and manipulative mother years before I even met him. He attempted to know her and include her in our lives somewhere around our 10th or 12th wedding anniversary, only to disown her again some years later because neither of them had changed and hubby didn't want or need to be treated so poorly again. That was not a sad thing.

 

You need to get YOUR life together on your terms.

[Lucky_One]

You must have some savings or they wouldn't be wanting to borrow money for a down payment. Use that for living expenses until you can find a higher paying job, or a job in an area that fits your needs better.

 

And password protect your computer for starter's! No one in my family could access my computer home screen, much less my email account!