Ladydrib Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 ...I'm writing in here. I all of a sudden feel a desire to talk to him. I know this moment will pass, but it does hurt that he let me walk away. Not sure if he's strong (resisting the urge to contact me), or if he's hoping that if he's quiet long enough I'll come back (not going to happen), or if me being gone is just no big deal (contradicts everything leading up to this - but everything could have been a lie), or if he's suffering and hoping I'll contact him. I have not thought in this detail for a while, and I'm proud that I haven't and it has felt good to stop worrying. I know this moment will pass, but it is uncomfortable right now. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 ...I'm writing in here. I all of a sudden feel a desire to talk to him. I know this moment will pass, but it does hurt that he let me walk away. Not sure if he's strong (resisting the urge to contact me), or if he's hoping that if he's quiet long enough I'll come back (not going to happen), or if me being gone is just no big deal (contradicts everything leading up to this - but everything could have been a lie), or if he's suffering and hoping I'll contact him. I have not thought in this detail for a while, and I'm proud that I haven't and it has felt good to stop worrying. I know this moment will pass, but it is uncomfortable right now. Start imagining the worst case scenario if you did contact him. The most humiliating set back you can envision. That might make this feeling go away. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 God I miss him. I love that man. Did you mean this for another thread? Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 er's advice sounds good and you might couple that worst case scenario if you call with something positive for yourself, whether that is an activity, hobby, friend, family. Link to post Share on other sites
veryhappy Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Read your story. You are close to 4 months NC and he never planned to be with you. His silence means that nothing changed - he has no plans to be with you. At least he has the decency of leaving you alone. What would you talk to him about if you broke NC? Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 No, we are in LC so I too am fighting the urge to call him. Sorry, trinity, I had no idea you were trying to end your A (or wind it down?), too. Perhaps whatever tips Ladydrib gets will help you too. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 No, we are in LC so I too am fighting the urge to call him. Why not create your own thread and get support for yourself on your own thread, as to not take away the focus from LD. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Read your story. You are close to 4 months NC and he never planned to be with you. His silence means that nothing changed - he has no plans to be with you. At least he has the decency of leaving you alone. What would you talk to him about if you broke NC? I agree. Opening that door will cause you more pain. Your A is over and as much as you miss him, any contact will do more harm than good. Please whatever you do..DO NOT reach out to him. You can do this! Ride out the pain storm and you'll be so proud of yourself for not caving. It's okay to miss him and what you two shared, what you felt for him etc...Remember why you're in NC mode. Before this, I'm sure you've had some good days? focus on those better and more positive feelings. Call a friend, go see a movie. Don't isolate yourself either, that gives you too much time alone to think and reminise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladydrib Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 ...I'm writing in here. I all of a sudden feel a desire to talk to him. I know this moment will pass, but it does hurt that he let me walk away. Not sure if he's strong (resisting the urge to contact me), or if he's hoping that if he's quiet long enough I'll come back (not going to happen), or if me being gone is just no big deal (contradicts everything leading up to this - but everything could have been a lie), or if he's suffering and hoping I'll contact him. I have not thought in this detail for a while, and I'm proud that I haven't and it has felt good to stop worrying. I know this moment will pass, but it is uncomfortable right now. Thanks for reading. I'm actually not 4 months no contact. Wish I was, I'd be over it by now. :-). He got in contact with me 3 weeks after the first and only other 'nc' and said he was going to leave. Had never said that in over a year, not once. But once he said that, I expected to see things differently. He made some changes, but nothing big. I acted up, by showing him we had no commitment. He didn't like that and we both distanced. He started to warm back up but for the first time since he made that decision, he acted ambivalent about it. That's when I said, enough. You either are leaving or you're not. And he whined about how hard it was and said that if I had not distanced, we would have been further along. I said BS. That is when I disappeared, which was a week ago. So we only went NC once before and it was only for 3 weeks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladydrib Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 I agree. Opening that door will cause you more pain. Your A is over and as much as you miss him, any contact will do more harm than good. Please whatever you do..DO NOT reach out to him. You can do this! Ride out the pain storm and you'll be so proud of yourself for not caving. It's okay to miss him and what you two shared, what you felt for him etc...Remember why you're in NC mode. Before this, I'm sure you've had some good days? focus on those better and more positive feelings. Call a friend, go see a movie. Don't isolate yourself either, that gives you too much time alone to think and reminise. I do have plans tonigh and thank god the A is over! Never wanted it in the first place. But we are only 1 week NC. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 (edited) I think it is closer to 2 months NC, since there was communication in July that Ladydrib posted here about. In any case, 2+ months is a good start on the healing path and you definitely do not want to compromise that by stepping off the healing path into more pain, Ladydrib. As you said, this shall pass and you can ride it out. ETA; just saw your more recent updates on the timeframe - whatever time you have spent, even if only a week, you know you are making the right choice for yourself and can be strong. Edited September 30, 2012 by woinlove 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladydrib Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 My god, if it had been 4 months since I had heard from him, I wouldn't give him a second thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ladydrib Posted September 30, 2012 Author Share Posted September 30, 2012 He's not getting a word from me. Thanks for the support, all of you Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 I do have plans tonigh and thank god the A is over! Never wanted it in the first place. But we are only 1 week NC. Okay. Go from another angle..Ego and pride. Imagine caving and reaching out to him. Then imagine him getting a HUGE EGO feed. Or him contacting you and even though it's over, he could set you back one week. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AnotherRound Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 ...I'm writing in here. I all of a sudden feel a desire to talk to him. I know this moment will pass, but it does hurt that he let me walk away. Not sure if he's strong (resisting the urge to contact me), or if he's hoping that if he's quiet long enough I'll come back (not going to happen), or if me being gone is just no big deal (contradicts everything leading up to this - but everything could have been a lie), or if he's suffering and hoping I'll contact him. I have not thought in this detail for a while, and I'm proud that I haven't and it has felt good to stop worrying. I know this moment will pass, but it is uncomfortable right now. One week of NC means that it's still really fresh and really raw. And, he has left you with unanswered questions, which seems like it would compound that grief too. Totally understand why you are feeling like reaching out to him, and totally understand why you don't want to. I don't really have any advice, just wanted you to know that I get it. And, my only suggestion would be to think about why you want to contact him? And like other posters said, what would you say? Do you have in your mind the responses or statements you want to hear from him? If so, how hurt would you be when he doesn't provide what you want to hear (if he doesn't)? And then, answer the questions yourself that you would ask him. Thing is, I don't believe that anyone enters any relationship and has absolutely zero feelings for the other person. I think that is nearly impossible, unless you are dealing with a true sociopath, and that's pretty unlikely. I'm sure he does have feelings for you - but what does that change? Does it change anything for you at this point? Again, no advice really - but hopeful that you got through the day well enough, and that today is better for you. Hang in there, and keep us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
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