Author ozziegal8 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 yes but he may never call and i will never get my say in...i need to say it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 goner??? what do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 ok so i should call today and end it? and be angry. Yes, do it already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Share Posted October 30, 2012 ok i wrote all my notes got ready to call was fired up, rang he answered being all friendly and chirpy like he has never had any stress in his life. he was happy to hear from me. he said i got your text yesterday but was getting on a flight hmmm he could have text when getting off. then telling me how busy he is with work. anyway he was asking all about my hols i just couldnt do it. i told him im going to the races on sat he is going as well but in another area he then say's he will call me about arranging something for the races that would mean catching up for drinks in a group after probably with wife's friends not her though. i couldnt even ask why didnt you text back or call much whilst i was away as i didnt want to sound needy. i just said have a good week and he say's call you during the week. maybe he is hoping i just disappear and dont say anything cos he is weak? i have to have closure. Link to post Share on other sites
Survivor12 Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 The only way you are going to have closure is to give it to yourself. Face the fact that you won't get it from him. How to go about it?...Make the decision to end things permanently. Do not contact him. Block him from contacting you. Face the pain of accepting that you will never get what you need from him or a relationship with him....that it is OVER. Stop trying to make him apologize, feel remorse or understand how bad you're feeling. He can't & he won't. Continuing to do so will achieve nothing but more frustration and pain for YOU. Forget about revenge...even if you were to succeed in destroying his life, it would not heal the pain you are feeling. On the contrary, you will only increase the frustration you are feeling. Frankly, you need to accept that you will never have the kind of closure you want. A more realistic goal is to strive for eventual indifference--and peace. The only way to get there is to stop feeding your attachment to him with MORE interaction, MORE emotional investment, MORE false hope. It's up to YOU to make life better for yourself and the sooner you make the decision to put this behind you, the sooner you will heal. I wish you the best. It's not easy, but I can tell you that the pain you feel after making the decision to exorcize him from your life, isn't nearly as bad as the pain in making it. In this situation, the grass really IS greener on the other side. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 I still have sex with my wife, i's not near the same expierence I have with OW however. Of course one must ask what does sex really mean and I think it means something different to each individual. Good luck. I'm curious WHY do you have sex with your wife? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 30, 2012 Share Posted October 30, 2012 i dont get how someone could stay in a marriage when they are not in love anymore? You can't believe that. They may have been angry with each other when he got involved with you and said that he is not in love with her anymore. As time went on they made up, had sex, are still having sex, everything is nicey nicey around the house and he doesn't need you anymore. They always say they can't leave because of the kids and in your case he has to take care of his son:rolleyes:. I guess his wife never takes care of the kid, right? He now feels guilty having an affair on his wife, making you fall for him, and is now going to stay. He is being careful with your feelings right now because he doesn't want you to get angry and expose the affair to his wife. I've heard so many people say they aren't in love with their spouse anymore, explain how horrible they are, blah, blah, blah. Yet the minute someone agrees with them that their spouse is a piece of ----, all of a sudden they JUMP to their spouses defense like a rabid dog. I've seen it even here on LS time and time again. I can always tell if the person really hates their spouse by their reaction to others criticism of them. I think you would be wise to move on and find someone who can give you the time you want. The road you're on now is a dead end. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 no i think i need to say how i feel, i know in my past the way i have moved on is by saying how i feel or the final call. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 1, 2012 Author Share Posted November 1, 2012 i think everything is starting to hit me, im angry at him for his silence and just thinking im ok with him going from full on contact to nothing with no explanation does he think i have no feelings. i keep running to the loo at work and crying i know this sounds silly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 i text he rang me, i told him im really pissed off, hurt and feel really used. I explained why i felt used due to his non contact and distance its not about the sex. He said he would be very angry with him too i he were me. I asked for honesty and respect. He doesnt know why is acting like this but then he comes out with he feels guilty for not being able to spend time with me or give me time due to his workload and commitments.(All our catchups have been during work time not after work). I said ive never pressured you for more time he agreed. Just kept going on about the guilt he feels for not being able to spend time with me. He said he loves having lunch and coffee with me and would be out every night if he could. He made some weird comment how he feels he has to compete with my social life? I did ask why he didnt tell me this earlier as i blame me he said not you at all. I think work is full on for him especialy since ive been away he has his own business. I asked he still wanted to do this he umm and ahed and said he worried about how much time can give me wtf im not asking for more time i never have. When i asked about the text dropoff he said he didnt know why? Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 i text he rang me, i told him im really pissed off, hurt and feel really used. I explained why i felt used due to his non contact and distance its not about the sex. He said he would be very angry with him too i he were me. I asked for honesty and respect. He doesnt know why is acting like this but then he comes out with he feels guilty for not being able to spend time with me or give me time due to his workload and commitments.(All our catchups have been during work time not after work). I said ive never pressured you for more time he agreed. Just kept going on about the guilt he feels for not being able to spend time with me. He said he loves having lunch and coffee with me and would be out every night if he could. He made some weird comment how he feels he has to compete with my social life? I did ask why he didnt tell me this earlier as i blame me he said not you at all. I think work is full on for him especialy since ive been away he has his own business. I asked he still wanted to do this he umm and ahed and said he worried about how much time can give me wtf im not asking for more time i never have. When i asked about the text dropoff he said he didnt know why? I'm sorry, ozziegal, but he doesn't want to continue the affair. It's better for you this way as he is the kind of MM who was always going to put his wife and family over you anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 how can you tell is it cos he doesnt have enough time for me? Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 how can you tell is it cos he doesnt have enough time for me? No, it's because he's already gotten the new sex, and now he doesn't want to further risk losing his family. He's a scumbag. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 sex from me you mean? i told him i feel very used. hmmm dont you think he will do it again when he gets sick of his boring life again? Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Look, I know it hurts. I had a friend, who was a MM and he wanted to use me for sex. I almost fell as I liked him in some ways and found him attractive, but his wife found out he was contacting me and made him go no contact. I didn't want to share him though, and I didn't want to commit adultery, so I didn't want to have sex with him anyway until he made a choice. The point is is that he tried to use me, just like your MM has done to you. You will get over this and be stronger for having gone through it. If you can't handle the break-up on your own, see a therapist. And if you push it and continue on with this cheater, you will just be used further. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 sex from me you mean? i told him i feel very used. hmmm dont you think he will do it again when he gets sick of his boring life again? Ok, what if he does? He's already shown you that you come last, after his wife and family committments, so why do you want to keep this up with him? If he's not giving you enough time now, what makes you think things will get any better in the future? You said his lack of contact bothered you, why do you want to continue this affair with him? And, like I said, his reply to you indicates he doesn't really want to see you that much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 he was supposed to call me last week about meeting up at races he never called i text on friday he said he had been very busy with work and felt guilty. he said he would see me tmw. go to races he messages me at lunch saying im here are you here yet? he was in a private area which i had no access too. i wanted to hang out with my mates for a bit so a few hours later i messaged saying where i was he said he was going to another area no mention of catching up i told him where i was and he said he at opposite end. i was so angry i messaged him and said thanks for making the effort. the phone coverage was bad. i went out later i called him he said he was still at track i then told him what a lying ******* he was full of crap and not only lying to me but lying to his wife and son he said he would me where i was in an hour i told him i didnt believe him and hung up. he then kept trying to call i didnt answer i had been drinking so my anger was worse. 2 hours later i called and guess what he was at another bar reckons he couldnt meet me as his mates were dragging him everywhere to a bar that had free booze. i then said the way you have treated me today you are lucky i dont tell your wife. i sent a message the following day say how hurt i was and i was going to tell his wife. he then text and asked to see me he says he a lot to explain to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Ozzie, you do understand that his sudden eagerness to see you is because he doesn't want you to tell his wife, right? How long are you going to try to hang on to a man that is done with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 i know why he wants to see me he is s.....ting his pants i will tell wifey. he told me he is struggling, with work, home life, owes a lot of money and is depressed and cannot sleep. Link to post Share on other sites
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Look, I know it hurts. I had a friend, who was a MM and he wanted to use me for sex. I almost fell as I liked him in some ways and found him attractive, but his wife found out he was contacting me and made him go no contact. I didn't want to share him though, and I didn't want to commit adultery, so I didn't want to have sex with him anyway until he made a choice. The point is is that he tried to use me, just like your MM has done to you. That is a total contradiction to your entire posting history here on LS. You wanted a married man. Remember? So, OP, I would probably take this with about a truckload of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 i know why he wants to see me he is s.....ting his pants i will tell wifey. he told me he is struggling, with work, home life, owes a lot of money and is depressed and cannot sleep. All excuses, of course. However, what are you getting out of continuing this? As I said before, he has had enough of you and doesn't want you anymore? Isn't that knowledge enough to make you want to move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 but what have i done wrong or done to turn him off? Link to post Share on other sites
Tara247 Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 but what have i done wrong or done to turn him off? You didn't do anything. He was out looking for sex, and maybe validation. Now that he has had you, the novelty has worn off. If he decided to get sex from you again, it will be on his terms, when he needs to satisfy his desire for sex with someone he knows is an easy target. Of course, now that you've threatend to tell his wife, he's scrambling to make you think otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 but what have i done wrong or done to turn him off? What does it matter? He is married. You shouldn't have been with him, and he shouldn't have cheated on his wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 he gave me his explanation for his behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
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