Sauron Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) i know skywriter, i feel so much better for getting away, and i thank everyone for all the help and support it has helped me dearly. i realise now he has to sort himself out and me being there is not good as he wont sort himself out. he has his cake and eating it. i wont be seeing him when im back. but he doesnt want sex now well say's he doesnt as he doesnt want me to feel used, does make me feel a bit rejected though i know it sounds silly, why the chase then backs off? Maybe he just means what he says. Maybe he doesn't want to use you for sex and feels conflicted about it. Perhaps he is conflicted about the whole realtionship. Many BS automatically make the leap that all MM are selfish slimeballs that will tell you anything to get in your pants . In reality we are just human and men, and nature makes us desire multiple female partners, marriage and soceity create the intial conflict. He is probably calculating what it means to stay involved with you and whether it is is good for you, good for him. I do not think it is anymore complicated than that. Good luck to you. Edited October 19, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1 Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted October 19, 2012 Share Posted October 19, 2012 Maybe he just means what he says. Maybe he doesn't want to use you for sex and feels conflicted about it. Perhaps he is conflicted about the whole realtionship. Many bitter and vindicative BS automatically make the leap that all MM are selfish slimeballs that will tell you anything to get in your pants . In reality we are just human and men, and nature makes us desire multiple female partners, marriage and soceity create the intial conflict. He is probably calculating what it means to stay involved with you and whether it is is good for you, good for him. I do not think it is anymore complicated than that. Good luck to you. Not in my case, I'm not a bitter, BS, I'm a 48 year old, single OW, that had an A for 5 yrs and 10 months. If I hadn't broke it off with him, I'd still be in the A. Yes, we are all just humans, we all make our choices, and we all have different perspectives, morally and so on. I won't speculate on what her guy is thinking, calculating on what it means to stay involved or otherwise. This decision should be about ozzie and not about what her guy thinks. If she ain't happy, if she doesn't want to be involved with a man that she may feel doesn't have her same perspective on life and how to treat other humans, then that's her option. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Share Posted October 19, 2012 i do agree with this post, i think he is conflicted. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 20, 2012 Author Share Posted October 20, 2012 Hockey I have not displayed any signs of neediness I don't call or txt him I haven't called him on my whole holiday all I have said many weeks ago was I miss him sometimes & his txting has got less it has from 20 per day to 2 per week I had a right to ask I think Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 Starting to feel crap again was feeling good now I feel awful and getting down Why is that? Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Ozzie: Have you considered any of the tons of Other responses on here to your situation? Or just the posts from the few or one who is all for your continued A? What needs to happen for you Not to be sad? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 21, 2012 Author Share Posted October 21, 2012 for me to not have met him. i havent contacted him im still away, started to feel great and seeing how it was. now im feeling down again, thinking and analysing everything wondering if i put too much pressure on. if i hadnt this may not have happened. he hasnt contacted me since thursday and im kinda angry now cos nothing was discussed before i left he said he would text and nothing. if he had of ended it before i left yeah i get it but no nothing was said. dont know how to get out of this. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 Well unfortunately you can't change the past. Fortunately you Can change the future and how you are going to feel. Feelings are finicky and change on a whim, which you well know just from your thread* Give yourself a moment of each day (for now) and swim in your feelings. Set an alarm & when the buzzer rings, Frisk those thoughts and feelings knowing that later you Will come back to them but for the rest of the day indukge yourself in only positives. Name off the people who Do love you. Name off the things that lift you up ie; a pet an activity a book. Give help to someone who needs it and take note that you are grateful to Not be in their position. Give your own self a hug but do Not accept the breadcrumb of just a hug or a text from Captain Poopy Pants... . Then giggle because I just called him Captain Poopy Pants! Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Sauron Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 If he makes you unhappy bail out. He should be trying to meet your needs as his lover and if he can't do that then he can't. Some men are not cut out for having a lover and need to just stay married and focus on their family. I will say though that if it is early on it takes a while for these realtionships to mature. So if it's been a year or so thats one thing but if its only been a few months that is another thing. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Leegh Posted October 21, 2012 Share Posted October 21, 2012 I think at this point, he does not even know what he wants. He probably has "divided emotions". As an analogy, earlier this year, I was desperate to move out of my apartment, (I didn't like it), and went looking at other apartments in my area. When I decided on one, I got "cold feet" and started thinking about what a hassle it would be to pack up and move, and notify the post office, etc. In other words, it seemed great to move, but then when it came to be a reality, I decided against it. I'm not saying that your guy has decided against it, but I would give him a reasonable amount of time to make a decision, (a couple of months) and see if he decides to stay with his wife and child, or move out and be with you. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 so what do i do now just step back and wait? Link to post Share on other sites
Imma Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 It sounds like he is either feeling guilty and trying to distance himself from the relationship or make you distance yourself from the relationship. Or he might honestly like you but not know if you are serious about him seeing as he made the majority of the contact thus far. He might be giving you the opportunity to make contact and see how much you want to pursue this relationship before he makes the next step whatever it may be. Figure out how you feel and why you feel that way and if you want something serious with him then tell him. Without honest communication the relationship will never make it out of the affair stage if that is where you want it to go. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 (edited) so what do i do now just step back and wait? No, you step back and stay back. Edited October 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited out demeaning words Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 22, 2012 Author Share Posted October 22, 2012 Still in hols I don't want to go back home as I know I will be down but I have to face it. I'm getting sunshine up here and good friends. I was a bad girl yest and txt he replied straight away. Actually he txt quite a bit but I can't hold on to just txts but I keep thinking he was back to normal. I really feel when I get back that I need to tell him by phone that he has treated me badly and not been honest ie when I asked y he has backed off he said he hasn't but it's obvious. What did he hope I just go away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 24, 2012 Author Share Posted October 24, 2012 i have told him how i feel, firstly he said he would leave and had all these plans then a month later he said he doesnt know when he will leave. the last time we saw each he said everything was fine when i queried the lack of contact from full on to not much he said nothing is wrong. he said he would make an effort so i received 2 lots of contact since i have been away. last night i cried im so hurt. i think when i get back on the weekend i will call next week and let him know how he has used me and his actions have made me feel that way i.e. with the not telling me his feelings and whats really going on its not fair to leave me in the dark i have had no closure. he has a boys weekend away this weekend hmmm Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 25, 2012 Share Posted October 25, 2012 with the not telling me his feelings and whats really going on its not fair to leave me in the dark i have had no closure. He needs to suffer the consequences at home, so don't think I feel he gets a pass. But you knew he was married, the only person this isn't fair to is his wife and kids. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 26, 2012 Author Share Posted October 26, 2012 do i tell the wife? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 Sure, tell his wife, then block him and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
InThePinc Posted October 27, 2012 Share Posted October 27, 2012 The reason he hasn't contacted you is because he is with his wife! Its one thing for him to be unfaithful if he doesn't respect his wife, that's his business but why do you have to do it? Think of how you would feel if it was your husband a girl was sleeping with!! How would you feel? Have some self respect and find someone who is actually available and isn't going to **** a little boys life by screwing around with a girl behind his mothers back! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 ok so im back from hols, did a test yesterday, i text just saying i brought the weather back this was yesterday, he didnt reply this is unusual. he would have returned yesterday from big boys weekend. he has not replied today either. i am so angry, i have written down my thoughts i was either going to call today or tmw bearing in mind i cant call at night, hmmm. and say, you have used me, played me, and mislead me, and you need to be honest with your wife. what does everyone think? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 You're right, he has used you and you've allowed it. Instead of focusing on what he should tell his wife, focus on you getting strong enough to end this once and for all. You have no control over what he tells his wife and at the end of the day it's not your business what goes on in their marriage. Sorry to be blunt but trying to control him and how he 'should' be at home or tell his wife will only make you more involved in his life. Shift the focus to you and letting go. Focus on your friends and family, keep as busy as you can so you don't sit and wait for him to contact you with crumbs. He has chosen not to text you back. It takes no effort at all, fact that he hasn't just shows you he doesn't want to. Not saying that to hurt you, I am sorry - I am telling you this so you will get pissed off with him and your A with him and end it!! Tell him the big ol' F-U!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 i am so upset what could have happened in the past week for him not to reply? but im angry. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 i am so upset what could have happened in the past week for him not to reply? but im angry. You're not his wife. He will call you or text you when he feels like it. DO get pissed off!! You should be mad.. At yourself. For allowing this to happen, to stay and eat his crumbs. I hope you are mad enough to detach and get stronger so you CAN end this affair once and for all. You deserve to be first, not last. You deserve to be happy with a man who will adore you, and love JUST you. If you stay with him, you'll never have this, you'll be second fiddle in his life and when he feels like it, he'll call or come see you. You aren't his priority. Again, GET MAD and end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 29, 2012 Author Share Posted October 29, 2012 ok so i should call today and end it? and be angry. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 ok so i should call today and end it? and be angry. Nope. Don't call. You end it now. RIGHT NOW. Make a promise to yourself and hold yourself accountable too. When he calls you, then tell him it's over and not to ever call you again. You owe him NOTHING. No long explanation..Just that you're sick of being the OW and you deserve more. Click and goodbye. Can you do that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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