columbia1 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I got married last Saturday, and have just returned from my honeymoon. I guess my question is primarily based on my expectations of my honeymoon - my husband and I enjoying each others' company and spending some quality alone time together after our wedding. But my husband found times, a little each day, to go online and play games while we were away. I know it was only a little bit here and a little bit there, but at times it felt like his attention was elsewhere than on us. Is that the new normal with cell phones, etc.? Do honeymoons no longer mean spending quality alone time with your signifcant other, but staying in touch with all your regular things as well as enjoy a romantic week with your spouse? I did have fun, but would have loved it if he had given up this game for a week to enjoy spending some vacation time with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I got married last Saturday, and have just returned from my honeymoon. I guess my question is primarily based on my expectations of my honeymoon - my husband and I enjoying each others' company and spending some quality alone time together after our wedding. But my husband found times, a little each day, to go online and play games while we were away. I know it was only a little bit here and a little bit there, but at times it felt like his attention was elsewhere than on us. Is that the new normal with cell phones, etc.? Do honeymoons no longer mean spending quality alone time with your signifcant other, but staying in touch with all your regular things as well as enjoy a romantic week with your spouse? I did have fun, but would have loved it if he had given up this game for a week to enjoy spending some vacation time with me. When you explained this to him (seems perfectly reasonable to me either way) how did he react? Link to post Share on other sites
january2011 Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Yes and no. Yes, there's an element of people using "dead time" to play games on their smartphones. However, if you're on your honeymoon and your new wife is sitting there waiting for you, bored, and you'd rather play video games, then something might be up. Was he like this before? If so, you can't really fault him if you knew about his behaviur before marriage. It also sounds like you had certiain expectations for the honeymoon and perhaps you were hoping for a lot more than you actually experienced. As Silly_Girl suggested, why not explain to him that you're a bit miffed. To him, his bahaviour might be innocuous and he didn't realise that it was upsetting you. It could just be a little misunderstanding and being direct helps to clear things up. However, another possibility is that this really is him. That is, he likes to spend a lot of time on his phone playing games - to the expense of everything else that is going on his life. If you didn't see this before, he either hid it well or perhaps you dismissed it, thinking that things would change when you got married? Either way, at this stage, you don't know if this is a small issue or a big issue. But starting a dialogue with him, as Silly_Girl suggested, will be a step in the right direction. Link to post Share on other sites
AlexDP Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 I got married last Saturday, and have just returned from my honeymoon. I guess my question is primarily based on my expectations of my honeymoon - my husband and I enjoying each others' company and spending some quality alone time together after our wedding. But my husband found times, a little each day, to go online and play games while we were away. I know it was only a little bit here and a little bit there, but at times it felt like his attention was elsewhere than on us. Is that the new normal with cell phones, etc.? Do honeymoons no longer mean spending quality alone time with your signifcant other, but staying in touch with all your regular things as well as enjoy a romantic week with your spouse? I did have fun, but would have loved it if he had given up this game for a week to enjoy spending some vacation time with me. I can only speak for myself, but I would be pretty damn annoyed. I've been on two long trips with my girlfriend and neither of us used phones during the day. We just checked our messages in the evening (there were few, because we were on a different continent), but that was it. But hey, she just bought the new iPhone, so maybe that's about to change . Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 Honeymoons were originally the time when a couple was having sex the first times. So being completely into each other would be pretty typical in those situations. I think, like others have said, would be a point to discuss. I like to decompress differently than my significant other so I like to read. He likes to be engaged with people so he, like you, would be upset by this solo act. For me the constant togetherness and interaction with people decreases my batteries, where for him, the opposite. I also think it is the difference between extroverts and introverts. I would discuss and find a happy medium. For my honeymoon with my ex I spent two days doing the sport that I do. One of the reason we went to the country we did. It was a fantastic opportunity and he was always very supportive of it. Even though it was our honeymoon we did not expect 100% attention at all times. Link to post Share on other sites
Author columbia1 Posted October 7, 2012 Author Share Posted October 7, 2012 I guess the reason I am annoyed is that when he went on all his "all guys" bachelor party getaway he didn't log into this site at all (he has no games recorded for the time he away then)...so why didn't he with the guys but he did with me? That's why I am frustrated. Similar situation - away from most people, etc. - activities, waiting for people to get ready, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 I'm older and I've learned over the years that being connected at the hip 24/7 - even if it IS only for a few days or on your honeymoon, is just way over the top. Good lord, the man doesn't have to be welded to your hip for 4 straight days. As you get older and more mature, you're going to learn one of the first lessons of marriage - pick your "battles" WISELY. I'm not talking about real battles, I'm talking about issues, etc. So true. I remember when I went on my honeymoon with my ex husband to Hawaii. All he wanted to do was stay in the hotel room and have sex all week. I was so pissed because I wanted to do other things. We had the biggest fight. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 The most interesting info I've picked up in this discussion is that honeymoon length is apparently a week, the posting couples seem to not have traveled together prior to their honeymoon. OP's comparison of Guys Night versus Honeymoon tells me groom's gaming was, is, will be an issue to her. Every individual needs one time. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Columbia, do you generally feel that you are "competing" with these games, or his friends, for his attention? It seems like there must be something more going on here for you to even know that he didn't log on when he was on the guy's weekend. So true. I remember when I went on my honeymoon with my ex husband to Hawaii. All he wanted to do was stay in the hotel room and have sex all week. I was so pissed because I wanted to do other things. We had the biggest fight. lol, that's pretty funny. Link to post Share on other sites
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