t866 Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 I have made a huge mistake, by calling my mother everytime my boyfriend and I get into arguments. I make him look sooooo bad to get sympathy from my Mother and to justify why we are arguing and that I'm right. But that has back-fired now my Mom hates my bf so much and I don't think will ever accept him in my life. We have been together 3 1/2 years. And yes we have had our up's and down's but we always work through our problems and it definatley makes us stronger and more in love. I'm so close to my mother and always need her to pass judgment on the things that I do. I can't live my life knowing my Mother does not like, even hates my bf. He has done things in the past that no Mother would like, but has changed for the better. I'm a very headstrong woman and would ever be with someone that hurt me over and over without change. Him and I are now talking about him moving back in and getting on with our lives. But I can't seem to do that while hiding things from my Mother and her hating him. Everytime time we argue I call her and make him look so bad, not to mention I'm balling my eyes out. He is such a great guy and I want my Mother to see what I see. My Mother is the type of woman that if she does not like someone she will never like them regardless of how much they change and prove them self. I can't go through my life knowing that my Mom hates my bf, I have always pictured my bf coming over for family dinners, and holiday's. But I fear it will never be that way again. How can I make her see that he is not that bad of a person and yes we all make mistakes and some people learn from them and some people don't. He has learned from his mistakes. He never did anything directly towards me it was always wanting to go out and get drunk with his friends and I'm very much against alcohol. But I trust him very much! So to some people that maybe petty but to me it's a big deal. Now my mother thinks he is this alcoholic loser that will never change. It kills me that I can't tell my Mother we are getting back together and that he's moving back in. It seems like nothing I say will change her mind. Any advice would be great??? Please I don't know what to do and I don't want to hide him from my Mom!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Olivia_19742004 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Tell your mom that you know she is concerned for your welfare but that you are an adult and need to make your own decisions and it is important that she respect that. It is important that you have mutual respect for each other so that you will continue to feel comfortable talking to her about things in your life. You are making an attempt at a relationship with your current boyfriend and she needs to accept that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author t866 Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 Thank-you so much Olivia. I just hate when things are all torn apart and the people I love most in my life don't get a long(well my Mom doesn't like him, he totally respects my Mom) and I'm stuck in the middle!!!! Have a great day!!! If you think of anything else please let me know... Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I think the issue is the fact that you need to keep your mouth shut. Of course after hearing all the bad things your mom is not going to like your boyfriend. Stop telling her the bad. Tell her the good. Let him show her that he is worthy (if he is). Link to post Share on other sites
Author t866 Posted July 27, 2004 Author Share Posted July 27, 2004 I know! I know! It all has back-fired against me. Yes, he has done some bad things in the past. But they are things that can all be worked out nothing major. I'm so glad that I have found this web-site and able to talk to people instead of my Mom. I just don't know how to approach her? I feel like anything I say to her, she isn't going to listen. I don't think that he would ever "dis-own" me but I think she would be very disappointed and that's the worst feeling. It's time for him to prove to my family that he is worthy to be with me, instead of them just thinking about all the bad things. I need to work through our own problems and not run to people and talk about it. Cause I found out they use it against you. People make mistakes and if they learn from their mistakes then sometimes it's okay. I wouldn't be with someone who keeps on hurting me, and I know that there is a lot of things my b/f and I need to work on. Not just him but me as well. Is there anything I can say to my Mom to ease her mind??? Link to post Share on other sites
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