so_difficult Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 I left my husband last week. At first he was terrible, begging, pleading, saying he had no reason to live, etc. Then he got a little better and things looked ok and he said he'd be strong for himself and our kids. Now he's just taken a nosedive and I really think he might be a danger to himself. He's been drinking. What do I do????? Link to post Share on other sites
petterr Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Contact his family! Then stay away! Link to post Share on other sites
Author so_difficult Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 he has no family here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so_difficult Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 I think he's a danger to himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Does he have a gun? Absent that most drunk men don't hang themselves and most don't die of blood alcohol poisoning. You have the option of requesting law enforcement to stop by and do a welfare check. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so_difficult Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 no he does not have a gun, thank god. he does have a car and I worry that he's going to consciously crash it. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Ya know, sad as you may find this, he's an adult free agent. If he drives drunk, he faces logical consequences, often that means NO consequence. Call a buddy of his or accept that he rules his own life. While I understand your concern. drama surrounding divorce is common. Step back and focus on yourself. There's a reason you left. Call ALANON. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 If you return to him, then he will have gotten what he wants. AND you will not dare leave again. Why did you leave him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so_difficult Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 Balzac I know that's true. I'm worried about my kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 You have the option of requesting law enforcement to stop by and do a welfare check. Balzac has given you the only alternative. If your husband drives - he could also kill someone else. If you believe him to be honest in his threats, or even if you suspect, or if you are not sure, let an law enforcement person and EMS handle this situation. That is what they are trained to do. Y Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Answered my own question: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/335577-if-he-changes-still-fair-leave Link to post Share on other sites
Author so_difficult Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 And this behaviour is really cementing for me the fact that I made the right choice. Don't worry I'm not going back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 Balzac I know that's true. I'm worried about my kids. I am guessing but you did not say that these children are of this man? Not sure if your concern is him driving your children or your children facing the logical consequence of drunken decision making. You cannot protect your children from most of the bad decisions, behavior of irresponsible other parent. You need to disengage from his drama. Call ALANON. Get emotional support for yourself and your age unknown children. Learn what codependency is. Does the man have no buddies or work friendlies? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted October 1, 2012 Share Posted October 1, 2012 In all honesty the primary Q seems to be how do you know? If he has asserted threats you need to call law enforcement. In my experience you also need to withhold his immediate access to your shared children and limit or extinguish communication with him. Communicate through your lawyer or other professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so_difficult Posted October 1, 2012 Author Share Posted October 1, 2012 @Balzac yes he is the father. We've been together almost 24 years. I worry about the kids if he does something to himself and yes the consequences of drunken decision making. And no, he has no buddies at all. And no family here. He has people he's friendly with as acquaintances but no one to hang out with or confide in. For years I've tried to get him to go out with the guys and such but he has made me and our kids his entire life. I looked into alanon before for the kids but there was no age-appropriate group. I guess I should have gone myself too. Lately his drinking has not been bad but I will def. look into it again. He didn't really threaten; he insinuated. I hate that the kids have to be in the middle of this. Link to post Share on other sites
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