moimeme Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Vouyouyou, oops, I mean Moimeme It's moi-même - myself Link to post Share on other sites
lost_in_chgo Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 OK OK vou-yôuyou then Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Silly! It would translate, if you insist, to 'me - the same' ! As in the same me = myself LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Listen to Moimeme's post. She is right on. The cycle of abuse is HARD to break. I was in an abusive (mentally and emotionally) relationship for 8 years. I kept on going back because I kept telling myself he was going to change. I was quite isolated from friends myself and a two week vacation to Hawaii with my Mom opened my eyes to the fact that there's life out there besides my ex. It was an exhilarating experience. Life existed and was GREAT outside of the dark world I lived in with my ex. Two months after my vacation, I finally broke it off with my ex for good. I finally realized that he wasn't going to change. Being abused when your little becomes something engrained inside of you and is VERY hard to break free from. It's great that your boyfriend is trying to break the cycle, but the odds of him never reverting back to his old behavior is VERY SLIM. After going through what I did with my ex, I WILL NEVER TOLERATE SOMETHING LIKE THAT AGAIN. It's ashame you didn't learn that from your previous marriage. Mental abuse is the worst kind and that's the kind your boyfriend is imposing on you. Giving him another chance is your perrogative. Most people are opposed to it because WE KNOW that the odds of him never reverting back is slim to none. We know firsthand. Eventually, you'll know too. Link to post Share on other sites
Dulce_Angel_Whispers Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I think you all are judging this too harshly. Personally I've never been with an abusive man nor have I been abused in any form but I think if your BF started going to counseling already then you should give it some time. I do agree that you shouldn't live alone with him, you should watch his behavior closely and at the first sign of him being any way like he was before then you should bolt and not come back. Not every single situation is the same, I agree that I don't his all of his actions as abusive, she made him mad and pushed him, what right did she have to do that? A woman does not have the right to put her hands on a man in anger any more than a man does a woman. miz_barby I say if you love him stick it out but watch out and don't be suprised if he goes back to his old behavior but since you know there is a chance that can happen you are pre-warned and can't be suprised and pretend you were totally not expecting this. I hope it works out for you and I am a believer in working things out but not enabling people. Link to post Share on other sites
Pained Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 It's sort of hard NOT to harshly judge someone who makes death threats. No amount of counseling could EVER get me to go back to somene like that. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 This is not just about the pushes. It's about his controlling and jealous behaviour over a long period of time. Those plus other things he's done - including threatening to kill her - spell much more than a simple anger problem that will respond to counselling easily. Link to post Share on other sites
sportsloving Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I sincerely hope you are reading the answers you are getting on this board. It is quite easy to explain away some of his behavior (at least to yourself) and to make it not seem "really so bad" but the reality is : he has shown a great deal of anger and inability to deal with it in a rational way, has threatened your life, he is jealous and controlling. He is going to need therapy, but not because he wants to be with you ... but because he really and truly wants to stop this behavior. I think it is great that you want to stick by him, show him support. All I am asking is that you are not part of the problem during this time for him. If he wants to go to therapy, great ... but that does not include you. He needs to face and deal with his issues, if he is doing it only because he thinks it will get you back, it won't do anyone any good (except the therapist who will make money no matters). I also think that you should seek counseling on your own. You have stated that you pushed him, then he pushed you. You also said that this to you is the same as hitting. You should find other outlets for your anger and find less destructive ways of dealing. I understand that you wanted to "walk away and cool down" but your way of getting there was not helping the situation between you. And yeah, you pushed so he pushed ... if you punched him, would he have punched you back? If you want to be together, I would suggest that you both use this time of break up to deal and face your own issues. He will need to concentrate on the kind of person he really wants to be, and you will need to concentrate on the kind of person you want to share your life with. There are a great many guys who have to same wonderful qualities as your boyfriend, but a lot of them don't respond to anger with violence. Best wishes for you, I hope everything works out. Link to post Share on other sites
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