pixy25 Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 Where to start. Well, I have been with my partner for 6 years total, engaged for 1.5. We started off great, so in love, and truly what I always thought was the one and only guy for me. After four years or so I put the pressure on a bit to get engaged because I thought it was due time. Well, you know that saying “Be careful what you wish for b/c it may come true”. Sometimes I feel this way. We were having a lot of issues with communication (or lack of) and constant disagreements before we were engaged and getting engaged certainly didn’t fix everything. We moved in together shortly after the engagement. Things were fine until that summer (we moved in in April of last year). I started to get fed up with things and the way he treated me (what I believe was a lack of respect and patience). A noticeable distance grew between us. We held off on setting a date and tried counseling but that didn’t last too long. Then things smoothed out and the wedding planning started up again. To complicate matters even more, my co-worker and I started getting closer emotionally and there is a noticeable chemistry between the two of us. This has been going on for about a year now. Recently he told me how he feels about me and that he wants to be with me and now I am torn and confused. I love my fiancé but there are so many things that we have issues with. I sometimes think our relationship may be a little abusive, mostly emotionally although I get so angry that I hit him sometimes. We are both stubborn and don’t communication well. This all sounds awful as I write it, however, somehow we keep going. I am at a loss as to what to do and how to proceed with things. It’s almost as though I have to choose between two great men. How can I even begin? Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 You need to make a choice. If you really wanna be with the person you're with maybe try counseling again. The thing about counseling is, they offer great advice however, sometimes people fail to stick with what the counselor has suggested etc. Then things start back in the pattern it was before ever going. If you truely want to work things out with the perosn you're involved with though, you need to cut all ties with the person whom you have gotten emotionally attatched too. This is not uncommon to happen when couples are having problems, they usually find an emotional outlet through someone else. However, staying involved with this person will not help your current situation with you b/f. Even if you all want to be friends, there is already some attraction going on for the both of you and unless you want that to progress and it turn into something physical, you need to cut all ties. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Annongirl Posted August 5, 2004 Share Posted August 5, 2004 I Married a man who was my super-hero. Strong, maybe a little abusive, verbally. It's now 2 years later and I want OUT! If you can't communicate now after counseling the don't think marriage will make it better. It will just make it harder to get out later. I strongly believe that I ignored some small signs before I got married and am now wishing I didn't. I think you have to look inside to see if you have chemistry with another man because he is giving you what your future husband is not. If that is the case then decide if your future husband can give you what you want. If not then RUN RUN RUN. Counseling is usually helpfull when you are in the Dr's office but doesn't often extend to home. Just some things to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
heidi Posted August 6, 2004 Share Posted August 6, 2004 I'd say to evaluate the relationship with the guy from work and make sure that he doesn't just seem good because your fiance seems so bad. What I mean is, make sure it's not just a "the grass is greener" situation. If you let go of your fiance for this guy and it turns out that he's not as great when you don't have your fiance to compare him to then you may end up resenting him. If it were me, I would call off the engagement and back off from the guy at work. It sounds to me like you definately don't need to get married to this guy until you get lots of feelings straightened out. The guy at work may be great, but right now he's just confusing you when you already have too much to figure out. If he really does care about you, he'll still care after you figure out whether or not to dump the fiance. Good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
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