Tips for thinking positive?

[SpiralOut]

I have this issue where I think too much about things that piss me off. When I try to distract myself, it just keeps coming back again and again, kinda like that stupid gopher game where you bash the heads down but they keep popping back up.

 

I'm getting so frustrated. I've tried so many things already, like writing in a journal, venting to people, praying. Or I'll cook, go for walks, go shopping, do yoga. When I distract myself it feels like pushing away something that needs to be addressed. Writing and talking about it, heck even researching things on the internet to try and understand things better seems to just intensify the negative feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I'm obsessed or even becoming hateful.

 

How can I think positive? I'm tired of these negative thoughts following me everywhere.

 

Oh yeah I'm looking into starting up some volunteer work, in the hopes that will somehow help.

[Onpoint]

Drive and view different sceneries, nice homes, lakes, etc.

Interact with possible people, develop goals and reward yourself for hitting them.

[Hawaii50]

My secret to being positive is knowing that being negative will do NOTHING but make the situation worse...

 

"Life IS 10% what happens and 90% what you make of it"

[River Rain]

For me, what works is daily positive affirmations. I wasn't always positive, I was very negative my entire life. But the daily affirmations, and I read them and say them out loud several times a day, have really helped change that ingrained inner dialogue.

 

Lots of time the negativity and hatred stems from past situations. I had lots of issues with people from my past. The only way I could move on from that anger was to forgive them. I had a hard time with the concept of forgiveness. The way I see it, it's not letting someone get away with something, it's seeing some kind of compassion for them. Like my father abusing me. I can't forgive or find compassion for him now, but I decided to think of him as a kid, being abused by his own mother and I felt compassion for that little boy. In this way I was able to release the anger. Anyway, that's just my method.

 

And this may sound silly, but I also wear a pendant with two hearts on it. If I'm starting to feel negative, I hold the two hearts and think of love. It actually works well to change my mind frame.

 

I think the volunteering is a really good idea too.

[eleanorrigby]

Music. Sometimes my mood goes down drastically and severely and it's hard to pull it back up if I let myself fall too far down.

 

Listening to 2 or 3 hours of music lifts me up.

 

ETA: it's gotta be music with a hot beat and pumping bass.

[TaraMaiden]

I have this issue where I think too much about things that piss me off. When I try to distract myself, it just keeps coming back again and again,

 

That's because you're actually inviting it. You're expecting it to come back again and again, because you've gotten into the habit of believing you cannot change your thoughts.

Here's how you go:

 

*bad thought arises*

"Oh no, another bad thought! Go away bad thought!"

Bad thought subsides, but almost simultaneously, you're thinking:

*I bet it will come back anyway, it always does!*

 

which means that then a -

 

*bad thought arises*

"Oh no, another bad thought! Go away bad thought!"

Bad thought subsides, but almost simultaneously, you're thinking:

*I bet it will come back anyway, it always does!*

 

which means that then a -

 

*bad thought arises*

"Oh no, another bad thought! Go away bad thought!"

Bad thought subsides, but almost simultaneously, you're thinking:

*I bet it will come back anyway, it always does!*

 

which means that then a -

 

*bad thought arises*

"Oh no, another bad thought! Go away bad thought!"

Bad thought subsides, but almost simultaneously, you're thinking:

*I bet it will come back anyway, it always does!*

 

which means that then a -

 

*bad thought arises*

"Oh no, another bad thought! Go away bad thought!"

Bad thought subsides, but almost simultaneously, you're thinking:

*I bet it will come back anyway, it always does!*

 

which means that then...

 

And so on, and so on, and so on.

 

this is the bit you have to prevent thinking:

 

*I bet it will come back anyway, it always does!*

 

It's not the bad thoughts that get you.

It's the self-sabotaging follow-up that gets you.

Edited October 2, 2012 by TaraMaiden

[xxoo]

Schedule a "worry time". Set aside 20 minutes of the day when you will think about your worries.

 

When a bad thought arises at other times, tell yourself, "I'll think about that at worry time" and change your thought. Make a mental worry box, and shove it in there. Replace the thought with something more enjoyable. It's ok, because you've scheduled a time to think about that.

 

If you need to, have an actual box and jot notes on slips of paper. Shove them in the box until worry time, and move on.

 

Maybe name it "planning time"---a time to make plans. That sounds more positive than worry time

[TaraMaiden]

This is odd.... I have seen this bit of advice come up in the different forums today... I posted something similar myself earlier on (you may not have seen it) and it came up elsewhere.

it's a brilliant strategy though.....

[BetheButterfly]

I have this issue where I think too much about things that piss me off. When I try to distract myself, it just keeps coming back again and again, kinda like that stupid gopher game where you bash the heads down but they keep popping back up.

 

I'm getting so frustrated. I've tried so many things already, like writing in a journal, venting to people, praying. Or I'll cook, go for walks, go shopping, do yoga. When I distract myself it feels like pushing away something that needs to be addressed. Writing and talking about it, heck even researching things on the internet to try and understand things better seems to just intensify the negative feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I'm obsessed or even becoming hateful.

 

How can I think positive? I'm tired of these negative thoughts following me everywhere.

 

Oh yeah I'm looking into starting up some volunteer work, in the hopes that will somehow help.

 

Volunteer work would be good.

 

Also, what do you consider to be beautiful? Have you ever gotten "lost" in enjoying the beauty of the ocean? Or in marveling at the beauty of a rainbow?

 

Focusing on natural beauty on this amazing planet is a way to think positive, in my opinion. If one focuses on the sad and horrible aspects, that would understandably make a person more negative. However, there is beauty and goodness and love in the world too... if you look for those qualities, you'll find them!

 

Also, see about reading autobiographies or biographies of people who have made it a point to see and do positive things in life, that bless other people or animals.

[xxoo]

This is odd.... I have seen this bit of advice come up in the different forums today... I posted something similar myself earlier on (you may not have seen it) and it came up elsewhere.

it's a brilliant strategy though.....

 

Not sure if you were talking about my post, but I learned that strategy from a therapist It works! Just the act of writing something down "for later" helps me let things go....and often I realize later that it isn't even worth worrying about.

[MilitantPacifist]

Music. Sometimes my mood goes down drastically and severely and it's hard to pull it back up if I let myself fall too far down.

 

Listening to 2 or 3 hours of music lifts me up.

 

ETA: it's gotta be music with a hot beat and pumping bass.

 

Finally something we agree on.

 

Music is essential, and most people don't realize it.

 

It has a drastic effect on mood. The only times in my life where I've had depressions have been times when I was too busy to listen to music.

[MilitantPacifist]

Other than music the other bit of advise I'd offer is: learn to love yourself.

 

If you can see the positive in yourself (even in your faults, because even weakness can be turned into strength of a sort) you'll have no trouble seeing the positive in the world.

 

There will always be negative things in the world and in the people in your life. But, if you have learned to like everything about yourself, and love yourself completely, you'll be able to like and love everything about others and the world.

 

When a dark cloud passes you can just smile and wonder if it's going to be a warm rain that'll be fun to dance in.

[eleanorrigby]

Finally something we agree on.

 

Music is essential, and most people don't realize it.

 

It has a drastic effect on mood. The only times in my life where I've had depressions have been times when I was too busy to listen to music.

 

Yes, it's something I've been researching and I find it fascinating how majorly sounds and frequencies affect us.

 

I've been experimenting with frequency healing for a year or so now...

[mercy]

I have this issue where I think too much about things that piss me off. When I try to distract myself, it just keeps coming back again and again, kinda like that stupid gopher game where you bash the heads down but they keep popping back up.

 

I'm getting so frustrated. I've tried so many things already, like writing in a journal, venting to people, praying. Or I'll cook, go for walks, go shopping, do yoga. When I distract myself it feels like pushing away something that needs to be addressed. Writing and talking about it, heck even researching things on the internet to try and understand things better seems to just intensify the negative feelings. Sometimes I wonder if I'm obsessed or even becoming hateful.

 

How can I think positive? I'm tired of these negative thoughts following me everywhere.

 

Oh yeah I'm looking into starting up some volunteer work, in the hopes that will somehow help.

 

Have you ever noticed the more you try to not think of things, you think of them.

 

Allow those thoughts to wash over you, then release them.

 

The more positive we bring into our lives the less we think on negative thoughts.

 

Volunteer work is a great way to take the focus off of ourselves and place it on others. It seems the more we give the more blessings we receive.

 

Your desire to change things is the first step to change.

[Minka333]

Try to make a list of all your blessings. Make a happy notebook. If a cute kitten made you smile..add it. A free lunch..a discount..a yummy coffee..a kind stranger..a beautiful flower..add anything that evoked positive emotions. Count even the smallest things. In no time you will look forward to more positive events that you can add to your list.

 

At the end of the day, when you scan through your notes-you will find yourself smiling in no time.

[SpiralOut]

For me, what works is daily positive affirmations. I wasn't always positive, I was very negative my entire life. But the daily affirmations, and I read them and say them out loud several times a day, have really helped change that ingrained inner dialogue.

 

Lots of time the negativity and hatred stems from past situations. I had lots of issues with people from my past. The only way I could move on from that anger was to forgive them. I had a hard time with the concept of forgiveness. The way I see it, it's not letting someone get away with something, it's seeing some kind of compassion for them. Like my father abusing me. I can't forgive or find compassion for him now, but I decided to think of him as a kid, being abused by his own mother and I felt compassion for that little boy. In this way I was able to release the anger. Anyway, that's just my method.

 

And this may sound silly, but I also wear a pendant with two hearts on it. If I'm starting to feel negative, I hold the two hearts and think of love. It actually works well to change my mind frame.

 

I think the volunteering is a really good idea too.

 

I don't think that's silly. I have a rose quartz pendant that I wear around my neck. It's supposed to promote emotional healing. Eventually I'd like to get a citrine pendant, as that's supposed to attract positive energy and uplift self confidence. Similar idea, really. A talisman to help remember.

 

Some of my anger comes from not forgiving certain people. Still figuring out how to do that, since each time I forgive, that person does something else to piss me off again.

 

Schedule a "worry time". Set aside 20 minutes of the day when you will think about your worries.

 

When a bad thought arises at other times, tell yourself, "I'll think about that at worry time" and change your thought. Make a mental worry box, and shove it in there. Replace the thought with something more enjoyable. It's ok, because you've scheduled a time to think about that.

 

If you need to, have an actual box and jot notes on slips of paper. Shove them in the box until worry time, and move on.

 

Maybe name it "planning time"---a time to make plans. That sounds more positive than worry time

 

That's a really good idea. I like that. I think I know a way to work that into my schedule.

 

Volunteer work would be good.

 

Also, what do you consider to be beautiful? Have you ever gotten "lost" in enjoying the beauty of the ocean? Or in marveling at the beauty of a rainbow?

 

Focusing on natural beauty on this amazing planet is a way to think positive, in my opinion. If one focuses on the sad and horrible aspects, that would understandably make a person more negative. However, there is beauty and goodness and love in the world too... if you look for those qualities, you'll find them!

 

Also, see about reading autobiographies or biographies of people who have made it a point to see and do positive things in life, that bless other people or animals.

What do I find beautiful... well I love the ocean, but don't live anywhere near it unforunately. I always feel so peaceful when I'm near it. Trees help. Sometimes on my lunchbreaks I'll go to the park and sit under a tree. Or I'll photograph flowers and plants.

 

I agree that I should find more inspirational people. I've started a list, actually, but it's very short. I'll look for more...

 

 

Other than music the other bit of advise I'd offer is: learn to love yourself.

 

If you can see the positive in yourself (even in your faults, because even weakness can be turned into strength of a sort) you'll have no trouble seeing the positive in the world.

This is true. And something that I'm working on.

 

Try to make a list of all your blessings. Make a happy notebook. If a cute kitten made you smile..add it. A free lunch..a discount..a yummy coffee..a kind stranger..a beautiful flower..add anything that evoked positive emotions. Count even the smallest things. In no time you will look forward to more positive events that you can add to your list.

 

At the end of the day, when you scan through your notes-you will find yourself smiling in no time.

Haha. I tried this one time and it didn't last long. But maybe I should get myself a pretty notebook and try it again.

[River Rain]

Some of my anger comes from not forgiving certain people. Still figuring out how to do that, since each time I forgive, that person does something else to piss me off again.

 

The only way I was able to deal with that was to disown those people in my life. My way is radical, but it worked. I haven't been in touch with the family in nine years now and it was the best decision I've ever made to be honest. They would do the same, as soon as I got to a place of forgiveness, they would do something else to make me feel like dirt again. The constant cycle didn't allow me to properly deal with the hurt and therefore anger. But like I said, my solution was extreme, needed to be, and may not be a viable solution for everyone.

[Mer-Maid]

I became very ill when I was 14-years-old and for 24 years have been severely disabled (10 years of that I've been homebound). Over the years I've been bedfast several times and nearly died more than once. It has been a very long road of suffering, but whenever things are really difficult, I look for the good in each situation; no matter how tiny.

 

That may sound canned or silly, but I am living proof that it can get you through the unendurable. It keeps me from feeling as though 100% of my existence is painful and helps me remember not to give up!

 

I call it "The Glad Game" (like in the Hayley Mills movie "Pollyanna" who always looks for the good in others) and I can manage to find something good in everything - though you have to look really hard sometimes and get very creative!

 

It can be as simple as being glad I don't have a cold or flu on top of my usual health problems (just glad that I'm not sicker). Or when I'm in pain, being thankful to have a warm house and comfortable chair or bed (when I could be homeless, sitting in a cold alley, hurting even more) - there have been many times when that was as good as I could do, but a healthy person has so many things to be thankful for!

 

-Be glad for a sunny day (or rainy/snowy - which I love:)), a full moon, a cool night, etc.

-Be glad that you have plenty food and that it tastes good [food allergies have been something I've suffered for years and nothing tastes good]

-Be happy when things work out well, or don't turn out as badly as sometimes

-Enjoy the little things (simple pleasures): breeze ruffling the leaves, a child's giggle, the smell of coffee brewing, the tap of rain on your roof, the silence of snowfall, an amazing sunset, birds singing; soft things, smooth things, cool things, warm things, etc.

 

 

You get the idea!

[Mer-Maid]

So the essence in life is to live in pain and be downtrodden? Yes, life can be difficult, but if you wish to live in pain, that's your prerogative.

 

So according to you, forgiveness is about accepting that aggressors are more virtuous than victims? Does society actually work like that? Why say then that it's wrong to hurt others, and then say aggressors are better?

 

Minka333 was making excellent suggestions on how to save happy little moments in a day and enjoy them later (with the notebook). NOT that they wish to live in pain!

 

River Rain honestly admitted a struggle to be positive and shared their method of dealing with unhappy thoughts - and their determination to not allow past pain to forever mar their life. NOT that aggressors are better!

 

 

Minka and Rain - great posts!

[River Rain]

Minka333 was making excellent suggestions on how to save happy little moments in a day and enjoy them later (with the notebook). NOT that they wish to live in pain!

 

River Rain honestly admitted a struggle to be positive and shared their method of dealing with unhappy thoughts - and their determination to not allow past pain to forever mar their life. NOT that aggressors are better!

 

 

Minka and Rain - great posts!

 

Thank you I just ignore people trying to start arguments and pick apart my words, it's not worth my time.

[Robert Z]

The only way I was able to deal with that was to disown those people in my life. My way is radical, but it worked. I haven't been in touch with the family in nine years now and it was the best decision I've ever made to be honest. They would do the same, as soon as I got to a place of forgiveness, they would do something else to make me feel like dirt again. The constant cycle didn't allow me to properly deal with the hurt and therefore anger. But like I said, my solution was extreme, needed to be, and may not be a viable solution for everyone.

 

I've been through much the same. Not with all family but a few family members. And I've dumped several long-time "friends". Beyond my ex I had too many negative influences in my life. And you can't fly like an eagle if you stay with the turkeys.

 

The great thing about hitting rock bottom emotionally is that the important things come clearly into focus.

[Robert Z]

To the op, I once had much the same problem. For me, the key was to simply let go. Imho, at least, if you are like me, you don't need distraction, you need to change your mindset... your perspective. The reason these things run through your mind is that you still fundamentally give them priority. They are important to you. Perhaps deep down you think by obsessing on these things you can change them. Or maybe you can't accept the things you can't change so you are obsessing as a form of denial. Or, you worry about what other people think - something beyond your control. Whatever the reason, for me it was all a matter of simply letting go. I would actually say that to myself sometimes when I couldn't get a thought - a worry - to quit cycling. It was a matter of recognizing that 95-99% of what I was worrying about was either beyond my control or not worth worrying about. You have a finite number of days left in your life. What is really important to you, and what is really worth worrying about?

[SpiralOut]

I've been through much the same. Not with all family but a few family members. And I've dumped several long-time "friends". Beyond my ex I had too many negative influences in my life. And you can't fly like an eagle if you stay with the turkeys.

 

The great thing about hitting rock bottom emotionally is that the important things come clearly into focus.

 

This is true. Sometimes I wonder if this is what is happening to me. Hitting rock bottom emotionally.

 

To the op, I once had much the same problem. For me, the key was to simply let go. Imho, at least, if you are like me, you don't need distraction, you need to change your mindset... your perspective. The reason these things run through your mind is that you still fundamentally give them priority. They are important to you. Perhaps deep down you think by obsessing on these things you can change them. Or maybe you can't accept the things you can't change so you are obsessing as a form of denial. Or, you worry about what other people think - something beyond your control. Whatever the reason, for me it was all a matter of simply letting go. I would actually say that to myself sometimes when I couldn't get a thought - a worry - to quit cycling. It was a matter of recognizing that 95-99% of what I was worrying about was either beyond my control or not worth worrying about. You have a finite number of days left in your life. What is really important to you, and what is really worth worrying about?

 

Yes. I am giving these thoughts importance. Mostly I think of what I should have said, how I could have done things differently. I am trying very hard to stand up for myself more, so whenever I fail, I beat myself up. I also get angry at the people who put me into a difficult situation in the first place. Why can't they leave me alone. Why do I have to endlessly fight for my right to be treated with respect. It's exhausting.

 

There are more important things to worry about. I'm letting these thoughts get in the way, control how I feel, waste time that I could spend focusing on other stuff. I have something coming up soon that will take a lot of my time, so maybe that will make the thoughts go away.

[SpiralOut]

The positive affirmations are working, I think. There are a few that I think to myself each day. Also, instead of imagining scenerios where bad things happen I try to think about positive conversations or events that could happen. Sometimes I still get mad, but I just realized that I spent almost all day today NOT thinking about someone I dislike.

[River Rain]

The positive affirmations are working, I think. There are a few that I think to myself each day. Also, instead of imagining scenerios where bad things happen I try to think about positive conversations or events that could happen. Sometimes I still get mad, but I just realized that I spent almost all day today NOT thinking about someone I dislike.

 

That's great to hear