doublediddy Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 She is insisting on inviting some ex's of hers to the wedding. She says it was a long time ago (about 10 yrs ) and she has no feelings for them, in fact, they are only casual friends. I believe her and her running off with one of them or cheating on me is not a concern at all. She only sees them at mutual friends's parties. I told her it makes me uncomfortable and I find it awkward and inappropriate to have them to something sacred like our wedding. She says she understands, but I need to get over it as she insists they be invited. It now bothers me that having these people at our wedding seems more important to her than me being comfortable on what should be a very happy occasion for us both. I am definitely having second thoughts. Any advice on what do here? Link to post Share on other sites
shortbus74 Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 ...note to self..... invite ex husband to upcoming wedding.................... Need I say more Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted July 26, 2004 Share Posted July 26, 2004 and she has no feelings for them, in fact, they are only casual friends. If this is true, why the hell do they have to come to the wedding? I think she is being disrespectful to you. She should value your comfort more than inviting some exes to the wedding. She seems really selfish. Too bad you are marrying her... Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 If they are only casual friends, and if she understands your feelings, then why on earth is she insisting on inviting them???? Surely your feelings are more important than casual friends? Or is this a power play? A way of saying to you "I'll still get to do what I want...you can't control me" or something like that. She should be secure enough to not have to do that, and do respect your feelings on this. If my fiance insisted on inviting his ex-wife to our wedding, I would be appalled! And I can tell you, that if I asked my exes to our wedding, he would not be happy either. It's YOUR day. I think maybe she needs to reflect on why she is insisting. What does it mean to her...is it indeed, a control thing or something? Because it surely isn't because they are such good friends, from what you've said. Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 I certainly understand your feelings. Who could blame you? Certain situations, ex's at weddings really don't matter. However, why is it that important to her? Perhaps she wants them to see her get married so she feels they are "losing out". In other words, maybe she was deeply hurt by them when she was with them and wants to show off that she found someone else. You should ask her why it's so important for them to be present on your wedding day. Dig. don't be afraid to grill the real reason out of her. Why is she making like your not inviting her parents to the wedding? Also, weddings are expensive. Thats just another "head" to pay for. That could be another $200 you don't have to spare. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 27, 2004 Share Posted July 27, 2004 Yep, that's BS. They have no right to be at YOUR wedding. If you told her it makes you uncomfortable and she still insists on inviting them, well tell her fine.. But that you won't be there. Does she still talk to these guys? It just seems weird that she would still have contact with these ex boyfriends like this. They are an 'ex' for a reason. She's not respecting you, and if you think after marrying her, she will start, then you are in for a rude surprise. It's time to put your foot down. Link to post Share on other sites
Love2BLoved Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I also agree with the other posts, If they are just casual friends there is no need to invite any of them. It seems as if she is not taking your feelings into consideration. One of my cousins got married a few years ago and his wife made sure to invite all of her ex bf just so they can see that SHE DID get married!!! That to me, was selfish and only showed that she cared more about the wedding and making her ex boyfriends jealous than to be getting married with my cousin. I am very close to one of my ex bf, but when I got married I did not invite him because I knew people that knew both us would talk and that would make my husband feel uncomfortable!! I would never put him in that position!!! That looks real bad in her part. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 At least One of my exes will be at my wedding -prob more. Perhaps by casual your fiancee Meant to say platonic. A lot of my exes are just important to me as my girl friends and I wouldn't want them left out b/c we once dated. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Yeah, but if your fiance was against it, did you really HAVE to invite them?? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Originally posted by doublediddy It now bothers me that having these people at our wedding seems more important to her than me being comfortable on what should be a very happy occasion for us both. I am definitely having second thoughts. Any advice on what do here? Have you expressed exactly this to her? She might not realize how serious this is to you. If they are casual friends that she only sees when she runs into them somewhere else, then I don't see what the big deal is about not inviting them. If they were good friends that she made an effort to get together with, that would be different. (in many ways ) Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Originally posted by HoldOn Yeah, but if your fiance was against it, did you really HAVE to invite them?? One of my exes is one of the best friends I have- BUT b/c of this he and my BF already have contact so I know he would be OK w/the ex at our wedding. My BF and I are pretty good at communicating so this is something we've already discussed. If we had not discussed it before the actual planning than I guess the ex wasn't THAT important so -no I wouldn't HAVE to invite them if it upset him. Link to post Share on other sites
Love2BLoved Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 Originally posted by Fayebelle One of my exes is one of the best friends I have- BUT b/c of this he and my BF already have contact so I know he would be OK w/the ex at our wedding. My BF and I are pretty good at communicating so this is something we've already discussed. If we had not discussed it before the actual planning than I guess the ex wasn't THAT important so -no I wouldn't HAVE to invite them if it upset him. The problem here is that it does bother him Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted July 28, 2004 Share Posted July 28, 2004 I agree. And the fiance should come before the exes. No question. Link to post Share on other sites
Naive Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 Your fiance is being very selfish!!! Are you sure that's the type of woman you want to marry? Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted July 29, 2004 Share Posted July 29, 2004 If my fiancee wanted to invite some ex's to our wedding it wouldn't bother me. But it bothers you and that is what counts. Your fiancee should respect you enough to put your very reasonable wishes ahead of having her ex's at your wedding. Is this the first red flag? If her ex's care about her as much as she leads you to believe then they would not be offended if they were not invited to your wedding. I mean it's really simple isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
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