tipsyleprachauns Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 So it's been ten months since my relatively messy breakup. Haven't been here in a while. I've dated two girls since. Both quite casually. Both ended by me when I felt no real spark. I haven't seen the ex in months and its unlikely I will for some time still. She's still happily living the partying lifestyle and still dating the guy she hooked up with 2 months after me. It's weird though. On the outside they don't seem anywhere near as developed a relationship as we had 8 months in. Anyhow, I'm generally a lot happier now and have changed immeasurably. I'm not goin to lie though I still want her back and she still gets in my head. I guess the biggest thing screwing with me is that last time we exchanged a few texts in July she was all friendly and chatty, and that last time we saw each other a few months before that she wanted to be friends still (I don't) yet apparently she occasionally bitches about me to friends saying she's glad she hasn't seen me in ages and just generally bad mouthing me. How does that make any sense at all and more to the point why do I still care?! I still can't figure out what's going on with her. She graduates medical school in 8 months. I have a feeling I might find out what's going on with her when the reality of not being a student hits. But I do wish I didn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
River Rain Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 It's hard not to care. I have every reason to despise my ex for how he treated me and strung me along, but I still care a little bit because of the good memories. I've said it before, I really don't see why ex's need to be friends at all. I really don't get why she wants to be friends with you? Plus the fact that she badmouths you. I think you're doing right by not wanting to be friends, it's confusing. But sometimes you can't ever figure out why a person behaves the way they do. I racked my brain for weeks trying to figure out why my ex was doing the things he was and I never had any kind of resolution and it bothers me. It's good that you started to date, even if there were no sparks. I think you should keep doing what you're doing, moving on, and cut her completely out of your life. Just my opinion, because that's what I'm doing. Link to post Share on other sites
ryandxtreme Posted October 2, 2012 Share Posted October 2, 2012 tipsyleprachauns : Bro I have been in NC for around 1 year 5 months and still haven't gotten over her entirely(Beat that ..LOL).. What I can tell u is down the roads it's most likely that she will contact you..How you react then is probably gonna shape ur future?If the relationship was really good and you didn't abuse her she is never gonna forget you ..And it's most likely she won't find herself another bf like you as she is always gonna compare him with you..It's just the way we humans think ! I am going through the same thing as you...I faltered yesterday and contacted her..Her response was lukewarm.. We need to hang in there and be strong like we have been ..Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Author tipsyleprachauns Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 Thanks guys. I think it unlikely she will contact me so I won't have to deal with that. I mean short of us bumping in to each other a couple times she hasn't initiated any contact in 10 months and last I heard she was properly bad mouthing me. I mean I know her behaviour has been screwed up and strange at best but I don't see that converting into contacting me thankfully. That would mess me up. Guess its just been such a changeable and roller coaster year of actions tht make no sense and I wanted to vent a little. Link to post Share on other sites
Exit Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 As you said, the main thing you need to focus on is getting to the point that you don't care so much. It shouldn't matter to you how developed her relationship with her new bf seems. I don't even know how you're going about getting that information, but you should stop and ignore it. It doesn't matter if she's talking about you to people. It doesn't matter when she graduates or how she will handle life when she's no longer a student. I know it's hard but you have to try to stop thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tipsyleprachauns Posted October 3, 2012 Author Share Posted October 3, 2012 A lot of people at our church don't know we were ever together as we both started there just before breakup so I don't like to tel, them. I inevitably hear the odd bit through there and mutual friends but cut off all avenues of information as and when they appear. Unfortunately not caring about all that is easier said than done as I'm sure you know. But it's definitely what I'm working towards! I just keep working on me and that sure as hell is going well and a lot of fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Steelrain322 Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 tipsyleprachauns : Bro I have been in NC for around 1 year 5 months and still haven't gotten over her entirely(Beat that ..LOL).. What I can tell u is down the roads it's most likely that she will contact you..How you react then is probably gonna shape ur future?If the relationship was really good and you didn't abuse her she is never gonna forget you ..And it's most likely she won't find herself another bf like you as she is always gonna compare him with you..It's just the way we humans think ! I am going through the same thing as you...I faltered yesterday and contacted her..Her response was lukewarm.. We need to hang in there and be strong like we have been ..Cheers You went 17 months NC and you contacted her! What did you say? What'd she say? Why'd you do it? I'm 16 months NC and have seen her a few times from afar and she has seen me but I have not talked to her at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ryandxtreme Posted October 3, 2012 Share Posted October 3, 2012 (edited) This was the 1st time I initiated contact after we went NC..She turned 21 2 months back..so i sent her a text which was like this "Sara,How does it feel to be 21?"...She replied next day morning "Sorry i slept off last night..Saw your text today morning..Why such a weird question? Everyday I get up from bed ,I think life was so good as a child..I didn't have any deep pain"...then we exchanged 3-4 texts...normal stuff...she didn't get into it too much... She had however contacted me in March this year though,...At that time,she said she was full of regrets and still loved me a lot and that no-one could ever match me...She gave subtle hints of wishing to patchup and would always talk about how much she still loved me...but she didn't really barge in... I took a chance and asked her what is it she was thinking..She said she was confused,she feared though she loved me a lot we might again end up hurting each other and she was afraid to risk getting hurt again ...2 weeks later she texts me to move on...says she doesn't want to be with me again.. She again contacted me 2 days prior to her b'day and it was just like catching up..I sent her a happy b'day text .. Do I miss her?? yeah ...Do I still love her??Again Yes...But now I have come to realize that I can live without her(which at one point was unthinkable).. And I'm sure she still regrets breaking-up,I was too loving & caring a bf to dump to be honest(I don't wanna be cocky,but that's how it really was).. Edited October 3, 2012 by ryandxtreme Link to post Share on other sites
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