Did my bestfriend really change her mind?

[ssslide]

Recently I have gotten myself into a very sticky situation with my bestfriend and am looking for some help.

 

I fell hard for my bestfriend (female), around six months ago but never had the courage to tell her. We talk about anything and everything during our phone conversations everyday. Last month i finally built up the courage to tell her and her response was that she liked me, but has had bad experiences with keeping relationships after breakups and that our friendship meant too much to her to lose. My initial reaction was that i needed time, and she said that it wasnt fair to her if we took time, so i played ball and sucked it up.

 

However, I couldnt contain my emotions any longer. I brought it up again, trying to assure her that i wouldnt let anything happen to the friendship. She didnt budge with her response so I left it alone for the time being. However she still called me everyday, wanted to do everything with me, and even continued to cuddle. And by cuddling i mean laying there all over each other, legs and arms wrapped around each other. One night when we were cuddling like that, i was going to kiss her, and she knew so she smiled and said that if i kissed her then we would have to become BF/GF. I didnt want to push the issue because she said thats not what she wanted so I didnt kiss her. The moment was ruined when a friend of hers showed up so even if i would have kissed her we would have been walked in on.

 

Following that evening i decided to hold off talks about what happened and just have the same situation act out again. However she claimed to be busy three days in a row when i asked her to do something, which she had never done before. She used to always alter plans to be with me. I didnt want to make an issue but i brought it up again. She replied nothing, so I told her I couldnt deal with anymore mixed signals. She said she wouldnt give me more mixed signals and that she didnt know if she liked me anymore and just liked me as a "bestfriend". She then went away for a couple of days which gave me time to think about it.

 

When she got back home, I called her and told her I couldnt just be bestfriends with her. She said that she doesnt understand why and that we are just friends, that she doesnt like me and that she loves me only as a bestfriend. I then didnt talk to her for a week and didnt answer her calls. She came over and confronted me about it, saying that this relationship means more than anything to her and that she loves me. (I assume she means love as a friend but who knows). That night she slept over and we cuddled the entire night untill she left in the morning.

 

I do not know what to do. I love her and it would break my heart to lose her as she has also been a truely great friend. However the situation is affecting my life and seriously depressing me. Should I just kiss her? Im scared that would make her mad though as she told me she doesnt like me anymore. But I just cant help but think she is full of it when she said it. Maybe Im just stupid and full of myself but I don't believe her. I also feel that I blew any chance I had with her by continually bringing it up instead of just kissing her. What should I do?

 

Any help would be appreciated.

[Olivia_19742004]

Well she's told you several times that she only wants to be friends with you. It's starting to sound like you're smothering her and maybe you should back off a bit.

[Ali G]

Yo, dude...yes its already ruined for a BF/GF type relationship. Chances of recovery are slim to none. You shouldn't have gotten so close to her in that "friendly" way. Your satisfying her emotional needs already. Girls needs are love (your giving that to her already), guys needs are sex (something she didn't have to give to you for her love). It's out of balance now and you wont get anywhere in this situation.

 

Next time keep your distance incase it develops into something more, you'll have leverage. Sad but true.

[lustmonkey]

ssslide,

 

Let me help you out a bit. I will be the commentator of this post.

 

"I fell hard for my bestfriend (female), around six months ago but never had the courage to tell her.

loser grow some testes and make your move."

 

"We talk about anything and everything during our phone conversations everyday."

So you are throughly friendsed and an emotional tampon.

 

"Last month i finally built up the courage to tell her..."

take control of your fear thats what I like

 

"and her response was that she liked me, "

I will break this down into womanese for you.

chick: I like you ssslide but I don't like you in that way but you can stay my girlie friend forever. You can be my emotional tampon.

 

She now will try to justify herself to you by saying but has had bad experiences with keeping relationships after breakups and that our friendship meant too much to her to lose.

 

"My initial reaction was that i needed time, and she said that it wasnt fair to her if we took time, so i played ball and sucked it up. "

no problems there but you have no chance of getting together with her. but there is more

 

"However, I couldnt contain my emotions any longer. I brought it up again, trying to assure her that i wouldnt let anything happen to the friendship. "

you are just driving her away from you but maybe that is a good thing you clingly girly boy.

 

"She didnt budge with her response so I left it alone for the time being. "

Of coarse she doesn't budge she doesn't like you that way but stick around because you can give me an ego boost and tell me that I am still wanted

 

"However she still called me everyday, wanted to do everything with me, and even continued to cuddle. And by cuddling i mean laying there all over each other, legs and arms wrapped around each other."

can anyone say ego boost

 

"One night when we were cuddling like that, i was going to kiss her, and she knew so she smiled and said that if i kissed her then we would have to become BF/GF. "

this is when you should have done it because then you would have known her true feelings.

 

"I didnt want to push the issue because she said thats not what she wanted so I didnt kiss her. "

you idiot

 

"The moment was ruined when a friend of hers showed up so even if i would have kissed her we would have been walked in on."

so what. be a man.

 

"Following that evening i decided to hold off talks about what happened and just have the same situation act out again. "

Don't count on it. You lost your chance buddy

 

"However she claimed to be busy three days in a row when i asked her to do something, which she had never done before. "

she is now pushing you away. Red flag.

 

"She used to always alter plans to be with me. I didnt want to make an issue but i brought it up again. She replied nothing, so I told her I couldnt deal with anymore mixed signals. "

good cut through the bullshat games

 

"She said she wouldnt give me more mixed signals and that she didnt know if she liked me anymore and just liked me as a "bestfriend". "

You have been throughly friendsed. You will never get a chance again. welcome to hell... um... I mean the friendszone.

 

"She then went away for a couple of days which gave me time to think about it. "

Whats there to think of? It is over. Just friends game over

 

"When she got back home, I called her and told her I couldnt just be bestfriends with her. "

Thats it be a man. Leave her an ultimatium and than do not contact her at all. Make her make the next to move. And date around. Date different women that will help you out. Lose the clinginess it is starting to get annoying. You have her on a pedestal the size of the empire state building. You probably worshiped her as a goddess too while you were at it.

 

"She said that she doesnt understand why and that we are just friends, that she doesnt like me and that she loves me only as a bestfriend. "

She is trying to tell you to give it up. I agree. do advice from above.

 

"I then didnt talk to her for a week and didnt answer her calls. "

good keep it up

 

"She came over and confronted me about it, saying that this relationship means more than anything to her and that she loves me. (I assume she means love as a friend but who knows). "

Ding ding ding! you are finally getting it. Call her on her BS. Tell her that until she thinks about it the way you want that it won't happen cause either way that you put it I destroy it (by being depressed and having oneitis)or you do. Bye-bye

 

"That night she slept over and we cuddled the entire night until she left in the morning."

you idiot! you should have showed her the door or done something. now you lost the upper hand and you are the emotional tampon.

 

"I do not know what to do. "

Of coarse you don't. Here's what you do. Go outside and get other girls to go out with. I know that it will hurt but would you rather get nothing or a relationship with a bunch of girls. You decide.

 

"I love her and it would break my heart to lose her as she has also been a truely great friend. "

If you want to go out with her it will ruin the friendship. No one ever plans on becoming friends it just happens

 

"However the situation is affecting my life and seriously depressing me. "

serious case of oneitis. Don't worry I have dealt with it. Just liek yours. I hate to see you like this. Email or PM me and I will help you out further

 

"Should I just kiss her? "

no go out and get more girls. Become a sex god and other women will wonder about you and you will get more women and maybe even eventaully her.

 

"Im scared that would make her mad though as she told me she doesnt like me anymore. But I just cant help but think she is full of it when she said it. Maybe Im just stupid and full of myself but I don't believe her. "

Don't worry. Your in denial. I was the same way

 

"I also feel that I blew any chance I had with her by continually bringing it up instead of just kissing her. What should I do? "

you blew your chances. Get out before it destroys you. and I mean quick

[ssslide]

Lustmonkey, that was not only very entertaining but helped me a lot. I appreciate it. I understand what i have to do, I am just still going through denial. I guess part of it is that I dont understand how the situation disappeared so fast. It also is really weird because we were best friends before I liked her, and I do enjoy her company in a platonic way and now I don't know what to do with that situation. I guess the easiest and best thing for me to do would just be to tell her to take a hike.